"I called last night and said I"d be there by ten-thirty."
"We"d better move then. How long a walk is it? Thirty minutes?"
"I take the subway."
"Subway? You hate the subway. All those people stuffed in that tiny car, getting jostled around by strangers, and the smell-"
"I"ve gotten used to it."
"Why bother? It"s an easy walk, over to Bloor and straight up."
"People don"t walk to work," I said. "They bicycle, they Rollerblade, they jog. I don"t own a bike or blades and I can"t jog in a skirt."
"You wear skirts to work? You hate skirts."
I shoved my plate aside and left the table.
I tried to convince Clay that he could walk to my office and let me take the subway alone. He wouldn"t have it. For the sake of my safety and in accordance with the express will of his leader, he would suffer through the torture of the underground train. I must admit I took a bit too much pleasure in watching him squirm throughout the excruciating seven-minute ride. Not that he literally squirmed. Anyone watching him would have seen a man standing in the crowded car, impatiently tracking our progress on the overhead map. But deep in his gaze, I could see the look of a caged animal, claustrophobia tinged with equal parts revulsion and impending panic. Every time someone brushed against him, he clenched the pole a bit tighter. He breathed through his mouth and kept his eyes on the map, looking away only to check the name of each station as the train slowed to a stop. Once he glanced at me. I smiled and made a show of relaxing in my seat. With a glare, he turned away and ignored me for the rest of the trip.
I had lunch with coworkers. As we were returning, I saw a familiar figure sitting on a bench outside my office building. I made some excuse for not going inside and circled back to Clay.
"What"s wrong?" I asked as I came up behind him.
He turned and smiled. "Hey, darling. Good lunch?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Guarding you, remember?"
I paused. "Please don"t tell me you"ve been sitting here all morning."
""Course. I didn"t figure I"d be welcome in your office."
"You can"t just sit here."
"Why not? Oh, let me guess. Normal people don"t sit on street benches. Don"t worry, darling. If I see any cops, I"ll switch to the bench across the road."
I glanced toward the building, making sure no one I knew was coming out. "I don"t work in my office all day, you know. I"m covering a rally at Queen"s Park this afternoon."
"So I"ll come along. At a safe distance, making sure you don"t have to endure the horror of publicly a.s.sociating with me."
"You mean you"ll stalk me."
Clay grinned. "A skill that can always use improvement."
"You can"t just sit here."
"Back around we go . . ."
"At least do do something. Read a book, a newspaper, a magazine." something. Read a book, a newspaper, a magazine."
"Sure, and let some mutt sneak past while I"m doing the daily crossword."
I threw up my hands and stalked into the building. Five minutes later, I returned to his bench.
"Miss me already?" he asked.
I dropped a magazine over his shoulder and onto his lap. He picked it up, glanced at the cover, and frowned.
"Rod World?"
"It"s about cars. A good guy kinda magazine. At least pretend to read it."
He flipped through the pages, stopping on a photo of a bikini-clad redhead sprawled over the hood of a Corvette Stingray. He scanned the text, then examined the picture.
"What"s the woman doing there?" he asked.
"Covering a scratch on the hood. She was cheaper than a new paint job."
He flipped through a few more pages of barely dressed women and cla.s.sic cars. "Nick used to have magazines like this when we were kids. But without the cars." He rotated a photo sideways. "Or the bathing suits."
"Just pretend you"re reading it, okay?" I said, turning back toward the doors. "You never know. Maybe I"ll get lucky and you"ll find something you like."
"I thought you liked my car."
I started walking away. "I wasn"t talking about the cars."
After dinner, Clay and I hung out at the apartment and played cards. By the time Philip got home, I was ahead thirty dollars and fifty cents. I"d just won my fourth game in a row and was most immaturely crowing over it when Philip walked in. As soon as Philip asked to join us, Clay decided it was shower time again. At this rate, he was going to be the cleanest guy in Toronto. Philip and I played a few rounds together, but it wasn"t the same. Philip didn"t play for money. Worse yet, he expected me to abide by the rules.
That night, Jeremy contacted me to see if we were okay. Although he"d forbidden phone calls, that didn"t mean we were out of touch. As I"ve said before, Jeremy had his own way of contacting us through a sort of nighttime psychic connection. All werewolves have some degree of psychic power. Most of them ignore it, finding it far too mystical for creatures accustomed to communicating with fists and fangs.
Clay and I shared a type of mental bond, maybe because he bit me. Not that we could read each other"s minds or anything so earth-shattering. It was more like the heightened awareness of each other that twins often claim to experience, little things like feeling a twinge when he was injured or knowing when he was nearby even if I couldn"t see, hear, or smell him. The whole thing made me uncomfortable, though, so it wasn"t a skill I cultivated or even admitted to.
Jeremy"s ability was different. He could communicate with us while we were sleeping. It wasn"t like hearing voices in my head or anything so dramatic. I"d be sleeping and I"d have a dream about talking to him, but I"d subconsciously sense it was more than a dream, and I could listen and respond rationally. Quite cool, actually, though I"d never say so to Jeremy.
I awoke to the smell of pancakes. This time, I knew exactly who was making breakfast and I didn"t mind. Food was food. For me, nothing beat a ready-made breakfast. I couldn"t cook in the morning. By the time I got up, I was too hungry to mess with stoves and frying pans-sometimes even the toaster took too long. Even better than having someone cook breakfast for me was being able to crawl out of bed and go straight to the table, skipping shower, clothes, hair and teeth brushing, all those things necessary to make me a suitable eating companion. With Clay, it didn"t matter. He"d seen worse. I buried myself under the covers. When breakfast was ready, Clay would bring me a coffee. All I had to do was wait.
"This is really great. We don"t get pancakes very often. Elena"s not much of a breakfast person. Cold cereal and toast usually. I"m not sure she"ll eat this, but I know I will."
I bolted upright. That was not Clay"s voice.
"What do they call these in the South?" Philip continued. "Flapjacks? Johnnycakes? I can never keep it straight. That is where you"re from, right? Originally, I mean. With that accent, I"m guessing Georgia, maybe Tennessee."
Clay grunted. I leapt out of bed and ran for the door. Then I caught a glimpse of my nightgown in the mirror. A housecoat. I needed a housecoat.
"Your brother Jeremy doesn"t have an accent," Philip said. "At least, I didn"t notice it when I spoke to him on the phone."
s.h.i.t! I rummaged through the closet. Where was that housecoat? Did I own a housecoat?
"My stepbrother," Clay said.
"Oh? Oh, I see. That makes sense."
I grabbed clothing and yanked it on, wheeling out of the bedroom and through the kitchen door. I skidded to a halt between Clay and Philip.
"Hungry?" Clay asked, still facing the stove.
Philip leaned over, kissed my cheek, and tried to smooth my tangled hair. "Make sure you call Mom this morning, hon. She didn"t want to go ahead with Betsy"s shower plans without you." He looked over at Clay. "My family is crazy about Elena. If I don"t marry her soon, they"re liable to adopt her."
His gaze lingered on Clay. Clay flipped three pancakes onto a growing stack, turned, and carried them to the table, face expressionless. A frown flickered across Philip"s lips. Probably tired of making small talk and not getting any response.
"The b.u.t.ter"s in the-" Philip started, but Clay already had the fridge open. "Oh, and the syrup is over the stove in the cup-"
Clay pulled from the refrigerator a fancy gla.s.s bottle of maple syrup, the kind sold in tourist shops for the price of liquid gold.
"That"s new," I said, smiling over at Philip. "When did you pick it up?"
"I-uh-didn"t.""
I glanced at Clay.
"Grabbed it yesterday," he said.
"Oh, I"m not sure Elena likes-" Philip stopped, eyes going from me to Clay and back again. "Yes, well, that was very nice."
The phone rang, rescuing me from a fruitless struggle for something to say.
"I"ll get it," Philip said, and vanished into the living room.
"Thank you," I hissed at Clay, keeping my voice low. "You just had to do that, didn"t you? First breakfast, then the syrup. Make a big deal out of knowing what I like and embarra.s.s him."
"Make a big deal? I didn"t say a word. You brought up the syrup."
"You wouldn"t have?"
""Course not. Why would I? I"m not competing here, Elena. I noticed when I made French toast yesterday that you didn"t have real syrup. I know how you complain about the fake stuff, so I figured you were out and bought you some."
"And breakfast? Tell me you weren"t saying something by making me breakfast."
"Sure, I was saying something. I was saying that I"m concerned you"re not eating right and wanted to make sure you got at least one decent meal. As your guest, I"m sure he only thinks I was trying to be helpful. I made enough for him."
"You made enough for the whole build-" I stopped, looking around and realizing there was only enough food out to feed three normal people.
"The rest is in the oven," Clay said. "I hid it when I heard him wake up. I"ll pack it for you to take to work. If anyone comments, you can say you missed breakfast."
I struggled for something to say and, again, was saved by an interruption, this time by Philip coming back into the kitchen.
"Work," he said, pulling a face. "What else? Plan to come in late one morning and they call looking for me. Don"t worry, hon. I said I"m having breakfast with you and I"ll be in afterward." He pulled out a chair, sat down, and turned to Clay. "So, how"s that job search going?"
I"d agreed to meet Clay for lunch. He bought a picnic box from a nearby deli and we went to the university grounds to eat. Going to the university wasn"t my choice. I didn"t even realize that was where we were headed until we got there. Although I worked only a few blocks away from the U of T, I hadn"t visited the campus in all the months I"d been at the magazine. Nor had I gone there in all the times I"d visited Toronto in the past ten years. The university was where I"d met Clay, where I"d fallen in love. It was also the place where I"d been deceived, lied to, and ultimately betrayed. When I realized where Clay was headed for lunch that day, I balked. I thought up a dozen excuses and a dozen alternate places to eat. But none of them reached my mouth. Remembering what he"d said about Stonehaven, I was too embarra.s.sed to admit I didn"t want to go to the university. It was only a place, a "pile of bricks and mortar." Maybe there was more to it than embarra.s.sment, though. Maybe I didn"t want to admit how much emotional resonance that particular brick and mortar pile held for me. Maybe I didn"t want him to know how much I remembered and how much I cared. So I said nothing.
We sat on benches beside UniversityCollege. Exams were finishing up and only a handful of students sauntered around King"s College Circle, the rush of cla.s.ses a fading memory. A group of young men played touch football inside the circle, spring jackets and knapsacks abandoned in a heap near the goalpost. As we ate, Clay talked about his paper on jaguar cults in South America and my mind floated backward, remembering past conversations under these trees, between these buildings. I could picture Clay all those years before, sitting at a picnic table across the road in Queen"s Park, eating lunch and talking, his focus so completely on the two of us that Frisbees could whiz over his head and he"d never notice. He always sat in the same pose, legs stretched out until his feet hooked behind mine beneath the table, hands moving constantly, flexing and emphasizing, as if some part of him always had to be moving. His voice sounded the same, now so familiar that I could follow the beat in my head, predicting each change of tone, each note of accentuation.
Even back then, he"d wanted to know my thoughts and opinions on everything. No flitting of my young mind was too trivial or boring for him. In time, I"d told him about my past, my aspirations, my fears, my hopes, and my insecurities, all the things I"d never imagined sharing with anyone. I"d always been afraid of opening up to anyone. I"d wanted to be a strong, independent woman, not some damaged waif with a background straight out of the worst d.i.c.kensian melodrama. I hid my background or, if someone found out, pretended it hadn"t made a difference, hadn"t affected me. With Clay, all that had changed. I"d wanted him to know everything about me, so I could be sure he knew what I was and that he loved me anyway. He"d listened and he"d stayed. More than that, he"d reciprocated. He"d told me about his childhood, losing his parents in some trauma he couldn"t remember, being adopted, not fitting in at school, being ridiculed and shunned, getting into trouble and being expelled so often he seemed to go through schools the way I"d gone through foster parents. He"d told me so much that I"d been sure I knew him completely. Then I"d found out how wrong I"d been. Sometimes that deception hurt worse than being bitten.
Turbulence
When Philip returned from work, it was past midnight. Clay and I were watching a late movie. I was stretched out on the couch. Clay was on the recliner, hogging the popcorn. Philip walked in, stood behind the sofa, and watched the screen for a few minutes.
"Horror?" he said. "You know, I haven"t seen a horror flick since I was in university." He walked around the couch and sat beside me. "What"s this one?"
"Evil Dead II." I said, reaching for the remote. "I"m sure there"s something else on." I said, reaching for the remote. "I"m sure there"s something else on."
"No, no. Leave it." He looked at Clay. "You like horror films?"
Clay was silent a moment, then grunted something noncommittal.
"Clay"s not keen on horror," I said. "Too much violence. He"s very squeamish. I have to switch channels if things get gory."
Clay snorted.
"This one"s pure camp," I said to Philip. "It"s a sequel. Horror sequels suck."
"Scream 2," Clay said. Clay said.
"That"s an exception only because the writers knew that sequels suck and played it up."
"Uh-uh," Clay said. "The idea-" He stopped, glanced at Philip who was following our conversation like a Ping-Pong tournament, and stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
"Pa.s.s it over," I said.