But if thou walk otherwise, know, thou walkest not charitably, and so not to edification, and so not to Christ"s honour, but dost sin against Christ, and wound thy weak brother, for whom Christ died (Rom 14:15; 1 Cor 8:12). But I say, all this while keep thy eye upon the word; take heed of going contrary to that under any pretence whatever; for without the word, there is nothing to G.o.d"s glory, nor thy brother"s edification. Wherefore, walk "wisely in a perfect way" (Psa 101:2, 3).
Having thus, in few words, showed you what are works rightly good, I beseech you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, that you put yourselves into a conscientious performance of them, that you may, while you live here, be vessels of honour, and fit for the master"s use, and prepared to every good work (1 Tim 6:18). Study to approve things that are excellent, "that you may be sincere, and without offence, until the day of Christ" (Phil 1:10). Covet communion with G.o.d: "covet earnestly the best gifts" (1 Cor 12:31). Ah! we that are redeemed from among men (Rev 14:4), and that rejoice in the hope of the glory of G.o.d (Rom 5:2), we that look, I say, for the blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great G.o.d and our Saviour Jesus Christ (t.i.tus 2:13), "what manner of persons ought we to be in all holy conversation and G.o.dliness" (2 Peter 3:11).
To conclude, for your farther edification, take a plain rehearsal of your several general duties and works, to which G.o.d engageth you in his word, according to your places, callings, and relations in this world;
DUTIES OF THE MASTER OF A FAMILY.
If thou have under thee a family, then thou art to consider the several relations thou standest under; and art to know, that thou in each of them hast a work to do for G.o.d, and that he expecteth thy faithful deportment under every one of them. As, in general;
DUTY TO THE FAMILY IN GENERAL.
He that is the master of a family, he hath, as under that relation, a work to do for G.o.d; to wit, the right governing of his own family.
And his work is twofold. First, Touching the spiritual state thereof. Second, Touching the outward state thereof.
First, As touching the spiritual state of his family; he ought to be very diligent and circ.u.mspect, doing his utmost endeavour both to increase faith where it is begun, and to begin it where it is not. Wherefore, to this end, he ought diligently and frequently to lay before his household such things of G.o.d, out of his word, as are suitable for each particular. And let no man question his rule in the word of G.o.d for such a practice; for if the thing itself were but of good report, and a thing tending to civil honesty, it is within the compa.s.s and bounds even of nature itself, and ought to be done; much more things of a higher nature; besides, the apostle exhorts us to "Whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, pure, lovely, and of good report, to think of them," that is, to be mindful to do them (Phil 4:8). But to be conversant in this G.o.dly exercise in our family, is very worthy of praise, and doth much become all Christians. This is one of the things for which G.o.d so highly commended his servant Abraham, and that with which his heart was so much affected. I know Abraham, saith G.o.d, "I know him" to be a good man in very deed, for "he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord" (Gen 18:19). This was a thing also which good Joshua designed should be his practice as long as he had a breathing time in this world. "As for me," saith he, I "and my household, we will serve the Lord" (Josh 24:15).
Further, we find also in the New Testament, that they are looked upon as Christians of an inferior rank that have not a due regard to this duty; yea, so inferior as not fit to be chosen to any office in the church of G.o.d. A [bishop or] pastor must be one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of G.o.d? "The deacon" also, saith he, must "be the husband of one wife, ruling their children, and their own house well" (1 Tim 3). Mark a little, the apostle seems to lay down thus much, that a man that governs his family well, hath one qualification belonging to a pastor or deacon in the house of G.o.d, for he that knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of G.o.d? which thing considered, it giveth us light into the work of the master of a family, touching the governing of his house.
1. A pastor must be sound and uncorrupt in his doctrine; and indeed so must the master of a family (t.i.tus 1:9; Eph 6:4).
2. A pastor should be apt to teach, to reprove, and to exhort; and so should the master of a family (1 Tim 3:2; Deut 6:7).
3. A pastor must himself be exemplary in faith and holiness; and so also should the master of a family (1 Tim 3:2-4; 4:12). "I,"
saith David, "will behave myself in a perfect way; I will walk in,"
or before, "my house with a perfect heart" (Psa 101:2).
4. The pastor is for getting the church together; and when they are so come together, then to pray among them, and to preach unto them. This is also commendable in Christian masters of families.
Object.
But my family is unG.o.dly and unruly, touching all that is good.
What shall I do?
Answer.
1. Though this be true, yet thou must rule them, and not they thee!
Thou are set over them of G.o.d, and thou art to use the authority which G.o.d hath given thee, both to rebuke their vice, and to show them the evil of their rebelling against the Lord. This did Eli, though not enough; and thus did David (1 Sam 2:24, 25; 1 Chron 28:9). Also, thou must tell them how sad thy state was when thou wast in their condition, and so labour to recover them out of the snare of the devil (Mark 5:19).
2. Thou oughtest also to labour to draw them forth to G.o.d"s public worship, if peradventure G.o.d may convert their souls. Saith Jacob to his household, and to all that were about him, "Let us arise and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto G.o.d, who answered me in the day of my distress" (Gen 35:3). Hannah would carry Samuel to Shiloh, that he might abide with G.o.d for ever (1 Sam 1:22). Indeed a soul rightly touched, will labour to draw, not only their families, but a whole city after Jesus Christ (John 4:28-30).
3. If they are obstinate, and will not go forth with thee, then do thou get G.o.dly and sound men to thy house, and there let the word of G.o.d be preached, when thou hast, as Cornelius, gathered thy family and friends together (Acts 10). You know that the jailor, Lydia, Crispus, Gaius, Stepha.n.u.s, and others, had not only themselves, but their families, made gracious by the word preached, and that some of them, if not all, by the word preached in their houses (Acts 16:14-34; 18:7, 8; 1 Cor 1:16). And this, for ought I know, might be one reason among many, why the apostles taught in their day, not only publicly, but from house to house; I say, that they might, if possible, bring in those in some family, which yet remained unconverted, and in their sins (Acts 10:24; 20:20, 21). For some, you know how usual it was in the day of Christ, to invite him to their houses, if they had any afflicted, that either would not or could not come unto him (Luke 7:2, 3; 8:41). If this be the way with those that have outward diseases in their families, how much more then, where there are souls that have need of Christ, to save them from death and eternal d.a.m.nation!
4. Take heed that thou do not neglect family duties among them thyself; as, reading the word and prayer; if thou hast one in thy family that is gracious, take encouragement; nay, if thou art alone, yet know that thou hast both liberty to go to G.o.d through Christ, and also art at that time in a capacity of having the universal church join with thee for the whole number of those that shall be saved.
5. Take heed that thou suffer not any unG.o.dly, profane, or heretical books, or discourse in thy house. "Evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor 15:33). I mean such profane or heretical books, &c., as either tend to provoke to looseness of life, or such as do oppose the fundamentals of the gospel. I know that Christians must be allowed their liberty as to things indifferent; but for those things that strike either at faith or holiness, they ought to be abandoned by all Christians, and especially by the pastors of churches, and masters of families; which practice was figured out by Jacob"s commanding his house, and all that was with him, to put away the strange G.o.ds from among them, and to change their garments (Gen 35:2). All those in the Acts set a good example for this, who took their curious books and burned them before all men, though they were worth fifty thousand pieces of silver (Acts 19:18, 19).
The neglect of this fourth particular hath occasioned ruin in many families, both among children and servants. It is easier for vain talkers, and their deceivable works, to subvert whole households, than many are aware of (t.i.tus 1:10, 11). Thus much touching the spiritual state of thy household. And now to its outward.
Second, Touching the outward state of thy family, thou art to consider these three things.
1. That it lieth upon thee to care for them that they have a convenient livelihood. "If any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Tim 5:8). But mark, when the Word saith, thou art to provide for thy house, it giveth thee no license to distracting carefulness; neither doth it allow thee to strive to grasp the world in thy heart, or coffers, nor to take care for years or days to come, but so to provide for them, that they may have food and raiment; and if either they or thou be not content with that, you launch out beyond the rule of G.o.d (1 Tim 6:8; Matt 6:34). This is to labour, that you may have wherewith "to maintain good works for necessary uses" (t.i.tus 3:14). And never object, that unless you reach farther, it will never do; for that is but unbelief. The word saith, "That G.o.d feedeth ravens, careth for sparrows, and clotheth the gra.s.s;" in which three, to feed, clothe, and care for, is as much as heart can wish (Luke 12:6-28).
2. Therefore though thou shouldest provide for thy family; yet let all thy labour be mixed with moderation; "Let your moderation be known unto all men" (Phil 4:5). Take heed of driving so hard after this world, as to hinder thyself and family from those duties towards G.o.d, which thou art by grace obliged to; as private prayer, reading the scriptures, and Christian conference. It is a base thing for men so to spend themselves and families after this world, as that they disengage their heart to G.o.d"s worship. Christians, "The time is short: it remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that use this world, as not abusing it; for the fashion of this world pa.s.seth away" (1 Cor 7:29-31). Many Christians live and do in this world, as if religion were but a by-business, and this world the one thing necessary; when indeed all the things of this world are but things by the by; and religion only the one thing needful (Luke 10:40-42).
3. If thou wouldst be such a master of a family as becomes thee, thou must see that there be that Christian harmony among those under thee, as becomes that house where one ruleth that feareth G.o.d.
(1.) Thou must look that thy children and servants be under subjection to the word of G.o.d; for though it is of G.o.d only to rule the heart, yet he expecteth that thou shouldest rule their outward man; which if thou dost not, he may in a short time cut off all they stock, [even every male] (1 Sam 3:11-14). See therefore that thou keep them temperate in all things, in apparel, in language, that they be not gluttons, nor drunkards; not suffering either thy children vainly to domineer over thy servants, nor they again to carry themselves foolishly towards each other.
(2.) Learn to distinguish between that injury that in thy family is done to thee, and that which is done to G.o.d; and though thou oughtest to be very zealous for the Lord, and to bear nothing that is open transgression to him; yet here will be thy wisdom, to pa.s.s by personal injuries, and to bury them in oblivion: "Love covereth a mult.i.tude of sins." Be not then like those that will rage and stare like madmen, when they are injured; and yet either laugh, or at least not soberly rebuke, and warn, when G.o.d is dishonoured.
"Rule thy own house well, having thy childrenwith others in thy familyin subjection, with all gravity" (1 Tim 3:4). Solomon was so excellent sometimes this way, that he made the eyes of his beholders to dazzle (2 Chron 9:3, 4). 7 But to break off from this general, and to come to particulars.
[DUTY IN RELATION TO THE WIFE.]
Hast thou a wife? Thou must consider how thou oughtest to behave thyself under that relation: and to do this aright, thou must consider the condition of thy wife, whether she be one that indeed believeth or not. First, If she believeth, then,
1. Thou art engaged to bless G.o.d for her: "For her price is far above rubies, and she is the gift of G.o.d unto thee, and is for thy adorning and glory" (Prov 12:4; 31:10; 1 Cor 11:7). "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised" (Prov 31:30).
2. Thou oughtest to love her, under a double consideration: (1.) As she is thy flesh and thy bone: "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh" (Eph 5:29). (2.) As she is together with thee an heir of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). This, I say, should engage thee to love her with Christian love; to love her, as believing you both are dearly beloved of G.o.d and the Lord Jesus Christ, and as those that must be together with him in eternal happiness. 3. Thou oughtest so to carry thyself to and before her, as doth Christ to and before his church; as saith the apostle: So ought men to love their wives, "even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph 5:25). When husbands behave themselves like husbands indeed, then will they be not only husbands, but such an ordinance of G.o.d to the wife, as will preach to her the carriage of Christ to his spouse. There is a sweet scent wrapped up in the relations of husbands and wives, that believe (Eph 4:32); the wife, I say, signifying the church, and the husband the head and saviour thereof, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church" (Eph 5:23). and he is the Saviour of the body.
This is one of G.o.d"s chief ends in inst.i.tuting marriage, that Christ and his church, under a figure, might be wherever there is a couple that believe through grace. Wherefore that husband that carrieth it undiscreetly towards his wife, he doth not only behave himself contrary to the rule, but also maketh his wife lose the benefit of such an ordinance, and crosseth the mystery of his relation.
Therefore, I say, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" (Eph 5: 8, 29). Christ laid out his life for his church, covereth her infirmities, communicates to her his wisdom, protecteth her, and helpeth her in her employments in this world; and so ought men to do for their wives. Solomon and Pharaoh"s daughter had the art of thus doing, as you may see in the book of Canticles. Wherefore bear with their weaknesses, help their infirmities, and honour them as the weaker vessels, and as being of a frailer const.i.tution (1 Peter 3:7).
In a word, be such a husband to thy believing wife, that she may say, G.o.d hath not only given me a husband, but such a husband as preacheth to me every day the carriage of Christ to his church.
Second, If thy wife be unbelieving or carnal, then thou hast also a duty lying before thee, which thou art engaged to perform under a double engagement: 1. For that she lieth liable every moment to eternal d.a.m.nation. 2. That she is thy wife that is in this evil case.
Oh! how little sense of the worth of souls is there in the heart of some husbands; as is manifest by their unchristian carriage to and before their wives! Now, to qualify thee for a carriage suitable,
1. Labour seriously after a sense of her miserable state, that thy bowels may yearn towards her soul.
2. Beware that she take no occasion from any unseemly carriage of thine, to proceed in evil. And here thou hast need to double thy diligence, for she lieth in thy bosom, and therefore is capable of espying the least miscarriage in thee.
3. If she behave herself unseemly and unruly, as she is subject to do, being Christless and graceless, then labour thou to overcome her evil with thy goodness, her forwardness with thy patience and meekness. It is a shame for thee, who hast another principle, to do as she.
4. Take fit opportunities to convince her. Observe her disposition, and when she is most likely to bear, then speak to her very heart.
5. When thou speakest, speak to purpose. It is no matter for many words, provided they be pertinent. Job in a few words answers his wife, and takes her off from her foolish talking: "Thou speakest,"
saith he, "as one of the foolish women. What? shall we receive good at the hand of G.o.d, and shall we not receive evil?" (Job 2:10).
6. Let all be done without rancour, or the least appearance of anger: "In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves, ifperadventure they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will" (2 Tim 2:25, 26).
"And how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife" (1 Cor 7:16).
DUTY OF PARENTS TO CHILDREN If thou are a parent, a father, or a mother, then thou art to consider thy calling under this relation.
Thy children have souls, and they must be begotten of G.o.d as well as of thee, or they perish. And know also, that unless thou be very circ.u.mspect in thy behavior to and before them, they may perish through thee: the thoughts of which should provoke thee, both to instruct, and also to correct them.
First, To instruct them as the scripture saith, and to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"; and to do this diligently, "when thou sittest in thine housewhen thou liest down, and when thou risest up" (Eph 6:4; Deu 6:7).
Now to do this to purpose: