IradeMarch 1, 1:25 pm, Beijing, China
Irade lingered in front of the teachers lounge, uncertain as to whether she could actually go in. She knew that all the teachers said that all students were fine to go in to ask a teacher for something, but the teachers" lounge always seemed like a forbidden place to Irade. Maybe it was always because the teachers always seemed to glare at her through the window when she walked past, or because none of the teachers ever seemed to want to deal with her.
She peered throught the window for the upteenth time, mapping out her course. The art teacher, Mrs. Song, sat all the way on the other side of the room, near the windows showing the field outside. All she needed to do was walk all the way past seven different desks and fourteen different teachers, and she would be able to talk with Mrs. Song.
No big deal. What was there to be nervous about?
Of course, Mrs. Song had a reputation for being as strict as she was stern. That is to say, there hadn"t gone one year where she hadn"t at least expelled three students for some sort of misdemeanor. Some students even said that she walked around the halls with a came hidden up the sleeve of her cardigan, and that she polished her gla.s.ses with disinfectant every hour on the hour, so that she could "see the flaws in her students and their artwork."
Okay. Irade was stalling.
"Come on, just get it over with," she thought. She took a deep breath, and walked through the door.
Immediately, all of the teachers" eyes were on her. At least, that was what it felt like. Irade smiled nervously at the teachers who looked confused at her presence.
"What is she doing here?" she heard one of them whisper.
"Probably trying to steal," the other whispered back.
Well. That was nice.
She quickly made her way past all the chattering teachers, up to Mrs. Song. At least Mrs. Song had the decency to at least pretend that Irade wasn"t there. Instead, she was focusing on some papers; something that looked like homework to Irade.
That wasn"t important. Focus. Irade took a deep breath.
"Um, Mrs. Song-" she began.
"What?" Mrs. Song snapped. Irade immediately took a step back, cowed.
"No, I have a right to be here," she reminded herself, and took another deep breath.
"I-is there a copy of last year"s yearbook?" she asked, almost biting her tongue.
Mrs. Song looked sharply at Irade, making her flinch. She turned to give her full attention to her, and crossed her arms, tutting loudly.
"What do you need something like that for?" she said.
"I just...I wanted..."
Irade withered under the teacher"s stern gaze.
"If you want something like that you"ll have to pay for it," Mrs. Song continued. "Can you pay for it?"
"...no," Irade whimpered.
"Then don"t ask useless questions!" Mrs. Song snapped, turning back to her papers.
The other teachers snickered.
Before she even knew what she was doing, Irade fled, tears in her eyes. She didn"t even know where she was going. She just ran as fast as she could, wherever she could.
What on earth had she been thinking? Stupid, stupid, why would they help her with something like that? Why couldn"t she just ask for it normally? Stupid, idiot girl, useless, no wonder no one ever cared about her. She should just jump off-
Irade stopped in the middle of the hallway. No one else was around; they were all hanging out with each other who-knows-where. Not that Irade cared. It was just here that the idea she had just thought had rooted itself in her head.
There was another way to test if the HUD was real. All she had to do was her original plan; scream Fan Mo"s name before jumping off the roof of the building. Sure, it was a little more extreme, but was it really? If it didn"t work, then she would just be dead, and he would have to deal the backlash anyway. She wouldn"t have to deal with her so-called parents anymore, and she wouldn"t have to deal with this school and it"s stupid student body anymore.
What did she have to lose?
She made her way to the roof in a daze, all these thoughts churning in her head. Every step she took convinced her more that this was the right choice; after all, it wasn"t like she had anything to lose. Her grades were average; she had no future. She had no friends. Her "parents" didn"t really care about her. And she barely remembered her old parents.
She pushed the door to the roof open. The wind whipped her hair a little, but otherwise it wasn"t too bad. The sun was actually up, and she could see it through the clouds, if she tried hard enough. A few people were talking, but Irade ignored them. She walked over to the edge slowly, breathing slowly.
As she approached the edge, which was covered by a wire fence, Irade felt as thought the wind was picking up. Once she reached the edge, she peered over it.
That was a long way down. Surely enough to do the what she needed. The fence was easily climbable, as long as she didn"t care about people seeing under her skirt. And why would she care? It wasn"t like it would matter in a few moments.
However, as she gripped the bar and looked down, she was suddenly a.s.saulted by doubts. She had been certain about it moments ago, but now...
That was a long way down, but was it long enough? They were six stories up, that should be fine, right? Would she die if she hit that, or just be horribly, horribly maimed for life? Would she be willing to risk it?
"Hey, what"cha doing there, girl?"
Well, it wasn"t like it would be any worse than how she already was. She climbed over the fence.
"Holy s.h.i.+t I think she"s gonna jump!"
On the top of the fence, she was a.s.saulted by another doubt. Her "parents" would be really mad if she were maimed. They didn"t care much about what she did, unless it made them look bad. Having an adopted daughter jump off a building would probably royally tick them off. They probably won"t even pay for the hospital bills or anything, which would mean she would probably die in agony.
The thought of pain was enough to really pause her plans. Death was fine, since it promised absolute nothingness. But pain? Irade had enough pain already. She didn"t need any more.
"She"s not even gonna do it," said a voice. "She"s just looking for attention."
Irade finally looked over at her spectators. She had been ignoring them, since she couldn"t care less about their thoughts. Until now.
"Go on then," said the boy. "Do a backflip while you"re at it."
The fact that the boy was actually kind of handsome ticked Irade off even more. In fact, it was just the little bit of motivation she needed.
She put up the finger, then yelled as loudly as she could:
"Fan Mo is the reason for this!"
And before she could think twice about it, kicked off the building.
It was absolutely terrifying. The ground was coming up too fast. And suddenly, she didn"t want to die, no she really didn"t why did she do that this was stupid so stupid just like she was-
I want to live.
Irade realized as the ground got closer that she was wrong, she didn"t want to die, she just wanted the pain to stop.
But it was too late.
The ground was too close.
She had to fly.
Fly, or die.
Fly, fly, fly, fly fly fly flyflyflyflyflyfly-
Oh.
Irade"s eyes widened as she felt herself stop moments before impact, causing the dust to billow out beneath her. She floated there, froze, unable to believe her eyes, right until her mana ran out and she fell to the floor.
Whump.
"Ouch," she muttered, sitting up and rubbing her nose. That hurt.
But not as much as she expected it to.
If she was honest, she had not expected to survive.
But she had.
It worked.
And with that, she realized...she didn"t want to die.
She wanted to live.
It was just when she was coming to terms with that realization when she had her second epiphany. She looked at her arm, like it was foreign to her. It didn"t look any different...but it was now.
"It"s real," she said to herself. "I have...a cheat."
She sat there for a moment, in the dirt in the school courtyard, hardly able to believe she was still alive. The sun seemed to be s.h.i.+ning just on her, warming her from the depths of her heart.
She was someone with a cheat. She was someone special.
It was only when she started to hear the shouts of other students approaching that Irade snapped back to her senses, and ran away from the scene.