"That"s what everybody prays for."
Valentine thought of what had happened in the days since Ela"s prayer. "I imagine that she"s rather disappointed at the answer G.o.d gave her."
"People usually are."
"But maybe this-- the mothertree opening so quickly-- maybe this is the beginning of her answer."
Miro looked at Valentine in puzzlement. "Are you a believer?"
"Let"s say I"m a suspecter. I suspect there may be someone who cares what happens to us. That"s one step better than merely wishing. And one step below hoping."
Miro smiled slightly, but Valentine wasn"t sure whether it meant he was pleased or amused. "So what will G.o.d do next, to answer Ela"s prayer?"
"Let"s wait and see," said Valentine. "Our job is to decide what we"ll we"ll do next. We have only the deepest mysteries of the universe to solve." do next. We have only the deepest mysteries of the universe to solve."
"Well, that should be right up G.o.d"s alley," said Miro.
Then Ouanda arrived; as xenologer, she had also been involved in the vigil, and though this wasn"t her shift, news of the opening of the mothertree had been taken to her at once. Her coming had usually meant Miro"s swift departure. But not this time. Valentine was pleased to see that Miro"s gaze didn"t seem either to linger on Ouanda or to avoid her; she was simply there, working with the pequeninos, and so was he. No doubt it was all an elaborate pretense at normality, but in Valentine"s experience, normality was always always a pretense, people acting out what they thought were their expected roles. Miro had simply reached a point where he was ready to act out something like a normal role in relation to Ouanda, no matter how false it might be to his true feelings. And maybe it wasn"t so false, after all. She was twice his age now. Not at all the girl he had loved. a pretense, people acting out what they thought were their expected roles. Miro had simply reached a point where he was ready to act out something like a normal role in relation to Ouanda, no matter how false it might be to his true feelings. And maybe it wasn"t so false, after all. She was twice his age now. Not at all the girl he had loved.
They had loved each other, but never slept together. Valentine had been pleased to hear it when Miro told her, though he said it with angry regret. Valentine had long ago observed that in a society that expected chast.i.ty and fidelity, like Lusitania, the adolescents who controlled and channeled their youthful pa.s.sions were the ones who grew up to be both strong and civilized. Adolescents in such a community who were either too weak to control themselves or too contemptuous of society"s norms to try usually ended up being either sheep or wolves-- either mindless members of the herd or predators who took what they could and gave nothing.
She had feared, when she first met Miro, that he was a self-pitying weakling or a self-centered predator resentful of his confinement. Neither was so. He might now regret his chast.i.ty in adolescence-- it was natural for him to wish he had coupled with Ouanda when he was still strong and they were both of an age-- but Valentine did not regret it. It showed that Miro had inner strength and a sense of responsibility to his community. To Valentine, it was predictable that Miro, by himself, had held back the mob for those crucial moments that saved Rooter and Human.
It was also predictable that Miro and Ouanda would now make the great effort to pretend that they were simply two people doing their jobs-- that all was normal between them. Inner strength and outward respect. These are the people who hold a community together, who lead. Unlike the sheep and the wolves, they perform a better role than the script given them by their inner fears and desires. They act out the script of decency, of self-sacrifice, of public honor-- of civilization. And in the pretense, it becomes reality. There really is is civilization in human history, thought Valentine, but only because of people like these. The shepherds. civilization in human history, thought Valentine, but only because of people like these. The shepherds.
Novinha met him in the doorway of the school. She leaned on the arm of Dona Crist, the fourth princ.i.p.al of the Children of the Mind of Christ since Ender had come to Lusitania.
"I have nothing to say to you," Novinha said. "We"re still married under the law, but that"s all."
"I didn"t kill your son," he said.
"You didn"t save him, either," she answered.
"I love you," Ender said.
"As much as you"re capable of love," she said. "And then only when you"ve got a little time left over from looking after everybody else. You think you"re some kind of guardian angel, with responsibility for the whole universe. All I asked you to do was take responsibility for my family. You"re good at loving people by the trillion, but not so good at dozens, and you"re a complete failure at loving one."
It was a harsh judgment, and he knew it wasn"t true, but he didn"t come to argue. "Please come home," he said. "You love me and need me as much as I need you."
"This is home now. I"ve stopped needing you or anybody. And if this is all you came to say, you"re wasting my time and yours."
"No, it"s not all."
She waited.
"The files in the laboratory. You"ve sealed them all. We have to find a solution to the descolada before it destroys us all."
She gave him a withering, bitter smile. "Why did you bother me with this? Jane can get past my pa.s.swords, can"t she?"
"She hasn"t tried," he said.
"No doubt to spare my sensibilities. But she can, ne ne?"
"Probably."
"Then have her do it. She"s all you need now. You never really needed me, not when you had her her."
"I"ve tried to be a good husband to you," said Ender. "I never said I could protect you from everything, but I did all I could."
"If you had had, my Estevo would be alive."
She turned away, and Dona Crist escorted her back inside the school. Ender watched her until she turned a corner. Then he turned away from the door and left the school. He wasn"t sure where he was going, only that he had to get there.
"I"m sorry," said Jane softly.
"Yes," he said.
"When I"m gone," she said, "maybe Novinha will come back to you."
"You won"t be gone if I can help it," he said.
"But you can"t. They"re going to shut me down in a couple of months."
"Shut up," he said.
"It"s only the truth."
"Shut up and let me think."
"What, are you going to save me me now? Your record isn"t very good at playing savior lately." now? Your record isn"t very good at playing savior lately."
He didn"t answer, and she didn"t speak again for the rest of the afternoon. He wandered out of the gate, but didn"t go up into the forest. Instead he spent the afternoon in the gra.s.sland, alone, under the hot sun.
Sometimes he was thinking, trying to struggle with the problems that still loomed over him: the fleet coming against them, Jane"s shut-off date, the descolada"s constant efforts to destroy the humans of Lusitania, Warmaker"s plan to spread the descolada throughout the galaxy, and the grim situation within the city now that the Hive Queen kept constant watch over the fence and their grim penance had them all tearing at the walls of their own houses.
And sometimes his mind was almost devoid of thought, as he stood or sat or lay in the gra.s.s, too numb to weep, her face pa.s.sing through his memory, his lips and tongue and teeth forming her name, pleading with her silently, knowing that even if he made a sound, even if he shouted, even if he could make her hear his voice, she wouldn"t answer him.
Novinha.
Chapter 13
Free Will
There are those among us who think that the humans should be stopped from the research into the descolada. The descolada is at the heart of our life cycle. We"re afraid that they"ll find a way to kill the descolada throughout the world, and that would destroy us in a generation. And if you managed to stop human research into the descolada, they would certainly be wiped out within a few years. Is the descolada that dangerous? Why can"t they keep on containing it as they have? Because the descolada is not just randomly mutating according to natural laws. It is intelligently adapting itself in order to destroy us. Us? You? You? We"ve been fighting the descoloda all along. Not in laboratories, like the humans, but inside ourself. Before I lay eggs, there is a phase where I prepare their bodies to manufacture all the antibodies they"ll need throughout their lives. When the descoloda changes itself, we know it because the workers start dying. Then an organ near my ovaries creates new antibodies, and we lay eggs for new workers who can withstand the revised descolada. So you, too, are trying to destroy it. No. Our process is entirely unconscious. It takes place in the body of the Hive Queen, without conscious intervention. We can"t go beyond meeting the present danger. Our organ of immunity is far more effective and adaptable than anything in the human body, but in the long run we"ll suffer the same fate as the humans, if the descolada is not destroyed. The difference is that if we we are wiped out by the descolada, there is no other Hive Queen in the universe to carry on our species. We are the last. are wiped out by the descolada, there is no other Hive Queen in the universe to carry on our species. We are the last. Your case is even more desperate than theirs. And we are even more helpless to affect it. We have no science of biology beyond simple husbandry. Our natural methods were so effective in fighting disease that we never had the same impetus that humans had, to understand life and control it. Is that the way it is, then? Either we are destroyed, or you and the humans are destroyed. If the descolada continues, it kills you. If it is stopped, we die. This is your world. The descolada is in your bodies. If it comes time to choose between you and us, it will be you that survives. You speak for yourself, my friend. But what will the humans do? If they have the power to destroy the descolada in a way that would also destroy you, we will forbid them to use it. Forbid them? When have humans ever obeyed? We never forbid where we do not also have the power to prevent. Ah. This is your your world. Ender knows this. And if other humans ever forget, we will remind them. world. Ender knows this. And if other humans ever forget, we will remind them. I have another question. Ask. What about those, like Warmaker, who want to spread the descolada throughout the universe? Will you also forbid them? They must not carry the descolada to worlds that already have multicellular life. But that"s exactly what they intend to do. They must not. But you"re building starships for us. Once they have control of a starship, they"ll go where they want to go. They must not. So you forbid them? We never forbid where we do not also have the power to prevent. Then why do you still build these ships? The human fleet is coming, with a weapon that can destroy this world. Ender is sure that they"ll use it. Should we conspire with them, and leave your entire genetic heritage here on this single planet, so you can be obliterated with a single weapon? So you build us starships, knowing that some of us may use it destructively. What you do with starflight will be your responsibility. If you act as the enemy of life, then life will become your enemy. We will provide starships to you as a species. Then you, as a species, will decide who leaves Lusitania and who doesn"t. There"s a fair chance that Warmaker"s party will have the majority then. That they will be making all those decisions. So-- should we we judge, and decide that the humans are right to try to destroy you? Maybe Warmaker is right. Maybe the humans are the ones who deserve to be destroyed. Who are we to judge between you? They with their Molecular Disruption Device. You with the descolada. Each has the power to destroy the other, each species is capable of such a monstrous crime, and yet each species has many members who would never knowingly cause such evil and who deserve to live. We will not choose. We will simply build the starships and let you and the humans work out your destiny between you. judge, and decide that the humans are right to try to destroy you? Maybe Warmaker is right. Maybe the humans are the ones who deserve to be destroyed. Who are we to judge between you? They with their Molecular Disruption Device. You with the descolada. Each has the power to destroy the other, each species is capable of such a monstrous crime, and yet each species has many members who would never knowingly cause such evil and who deserve to live. We will not choose. We will simply build the starships and let you and the humans work out your destiny between you. You could help us. You could keep the starships out of the hands of Warmaker"s party, and deal only with us. Then the domestic war between you would be terrible indeed. Would you destroy their their genetic heritage, simply because you disagree? Who then is the monster and the criminal? How do we judge between you, when both parties are willing to countenance the utter destruction of another people? genetic heritage, simply because you disagree? Who then is the monster and the criminal? How do we judge between you, when both parties are willing to countenance the utter destruction of another people? Then I have no hope. Someone will be destroyed. Unless the human scientists find a way to change the descolada, so that you can survive as a species, and yet the descolada loses the power to kill. How is that possible? We are not biologists. Only the humans can do this, if it can be done. Then we can"t stop them from researching the descolada. We have to help them. Even though they nearly destroyed our forest, we have no choice but to help them. We knew you would reach that conclusion. Did you? That"s why we"re building starships for the pequeninos. Because you"re capable of wisdom.
As word of the restoration of the Lusitania Fleet spread among the G.o.dspoken of Path, they began to visit the house of Han Fei-tzu to pay him honor.
"I will not see them," said Han Fei-tzu.
"You must, Father," said Han Qing-jao. "It is only proper for them to honor you for such a great accomplishment."
"Then I will go and tell them that it was entirely your doing, and I had nothing to do with it."
"No!" cried Qing-jao. "You must not do that."
"Furthermore, I will tell them that I think it was a great crime, which will cause the death of a n.o.ble spirit. I will tell them that the G.o.dspoken of Path are slaves to a cruel and vicious government, and that we must bend all our efforts to the destruction of Congress."
"Don"t make me hear this!" cried Qing-jao. "You could never say such a thing to anyone!"
And it was true. Si w.a.n.g-mu watched from the corner as the two of them, father and daughter, each began a ritual of purification, Han Fei-tzu for having spoken such rebellious words and Han Qing-jao for having heard them. Master Fei-tzu would never say these things to others, because even if he did, they would see how he immediately had to be purified, and they would see this as proof that the G.o.ds repudiated his words. They did their work well, those scientists that Congress employed to create the G.o.dspoken, thought w.a.n.g-mu. Even knowing the truth, Han Fei-tzu is helpless.
So it was that Qing-jao met all the visitors who came to the house, and graciously accepted their praise on behalf of her father. w.a.n.g-mu stayed with her for the first few visits, but she found it unbearable to listen as Qin-gjao described again and again how her father and she had discovered the existence of a computer program that dwelt amid the philotic network of the ansibles, and how it would be destroyed. It was one thing to know that in her heart, Qing-jao did not believe she was committing murder; it was quite another thing for w.a.n.g-mu to listen to her boasting about how the murder would be accomplished.
And boasting was what Qing-jao was doing, though only w.a.n.g-mu knew it. Always Qing-jao gave the credit to her father, but since w.a.n.g-mu knew that it was entirely Qing-jao"s doing, she knew that when Qing-jao described the accomplishment as worthy service to the G.o.ds, she was really praising herself.
"Please don"t make me stay and listen anymore," said w.a.n.g-mu.
Qing-jao studied her for a moment, judging her. Then, coldly, she answered. "Go if you must. I see that you are still a captive of our enemy. I have no need of you."
"Of course not," said w.a.n.g-mu. "You have the G.o.ds." But in saying this, she could not keep the bitter irony out of her voice.
"G.o.ds that you don"t believe in," said Qing-jao bitingly. "Of course, you you have never been spoken to by the G.o.ds-- why should you believe? I dismiss you as my secret maid, since that is your desire. Go back to your family." have never been spoken to by the G.o.ds-- why should you believe? I dismiss you as my secret maid, since that is your desire. Go back to your family."
"As the G.o.ds command," said w.a.n.g-mu. And this time she made no effort to conceal her bitterness at the mention of the G.o.ds.
She was already out of the house, walking down the road, when Mu-pao came after her. Since Mu-pao was old and fat, she had no hope of catching up with w.a.n.g-mu on foot. So she came riding a donkey, looking ridiculous as she kicked the animal to hasten it. Donkeys, sedan chairs, all these trappings of ancient China-- do the G.o.dspoken really think that such affectations make them somehow holier? Why don"t they simply ride on fliers and hovercars like honest people do on every other world? Then Mu-pao would not have to humiliate herself, bouncing and jouncing on an animal that is suffering under her weight. To spare her as much embarra.s.sment as possible, w.a.n.g-mu returned and met Mu-pao partway.
"Master Han Fei-tzu commands you to return," said Mu-pao.
"Tell Master Han that he is kind and good, but my mistress has dismissed me.
"Master Han says that Mistress Qing-jao has the authority to dismiss you as her secret maid, but not to dismiss you from his house. Your contract is with him, not with her."
This was true. w.a.n.g-mu hadn"t thought of that.
"He begs you to return," said Mu-pao. "He told me to say it that way, so that you might come out of kindness, if you would not come out of obedience."
"Tell him I will obey. He should not beg such a low person as myself."
"He will be glad," said Mu-pao.
w.a.n.g-mu walked beside Mu-pao"s donkey. They went very slowly, which was more comfortable for Mu-pao and the donkey as well.
"I have never seen him so upset," said Mu-pao. "Probably I shouldn"t tell you that. But when I said that you were gone, he was almost frantic."
"Were the G.o.ds speaking to him?" It was a bitter thing if Master Han called her back only because for some reason the slave driver within him had demanded it.
"No," said Mu-pao. "It wasn"t like that at all. Though of course I"ve never actually seen what it looks like when the G.o.ds speak to him."
"Of course."
"He simply didn"t want you to go," said Mu-pao.
"I will probably end up going, anyway," said w.a.n.g-mu. "But I"ll gladly explain to him why I am now useless in the House of Han."
"Oh, of course," said Mu-pao. "You have always been useless. But that doesn"t mean you aren"t necessary."
"What do you mean?"
"Happiness can depend as easily on useless things as on useful ones."
"Is that a saying of an old master?"
"It"s a saying of an old fat woman on a donkey," said Mu-pao. "And don"t you forget it."
When w.a.n.g-mu was alone with Master Han in his private chamber, he showed no sign of the agitation Mu-pac, had spoken of.
"I have spoken with Jane," he said. "She thinks that since you also know of her existence and believe her not to be the enemy of the G.o.ds, it will be better if you stay."
"So I will serve Jane now?" asked w.a.n.g-mu. "Am I to be her her secret maid?" secret maid?"
w.a.n.g-mu did not mean her words to sound ironic; the idea of being servant to a nonhuman ent.i.ty intrigued her. But Master Han reacted as if he were trying to smooth over an offense.
"No," he said. "You shouldn"t be anyone"s servant. You have acted bravely and worthily."
"And yet you called me back to fulfill my contract with you."
Master Han bowed his head. "I called you back because you are the only one who knows the truth. If you go, then I"m alone in this house."