Yandai Xie Jie No. 10

Chapter 5

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Act 05: The Idiot is Sick…

I"m Handsome: Hurry Hurry Hurry!

Love 123: …Are you giving me order?

I"m Handsome: Can you tell me quickly how to open this can?

Love 123: =.=

I"m Handsome: You don"t know either?

Love 123: I know!!

I"m Handsome: Then hurry and tell me!!

Love 123: How do I know you"re not messing with me?

I"m Handsome: Messing with you?

Love 123: How is it you can"t open a can?

I"m Handsome: I really can"t, *cry*, I can"t open this peach can! Ah ah ah ah ah!

Love 123: …Do you have a screwdriver?

I"m Handsome: Yes!

Love 123: Try to pry around the edge, let the air in and you"ll be able to uncan it.

[3 minutes later]

I"m Handsome: Shuaige! You"re not just handsome but also a genius!!

Love 123: Did you eat it?

I"m Handsome: Yes! It"s delicious!! Thank you!!

Love 123: Can I ask something?

I"m Handsome: What is it?

Love 123: Is this your first time eating canned food?

I"m Handsome: Nope!

Love 123: Then how did you open it before?

I"m Handsome: Before? I smashed the gla.s.s and then ate it! Of course, I picked the gla.s.s fragments out first. For the small pieces, I really had no choice.

Love 123: …

I"m Handsome: Thanks a lot!

Love 123: What you said, is it true?

I"m Handsome: True! But I didn"t have the strength to smash it today, I think I have a fever.

Love 123: What?

I"m Handsome: You go back to work, I"m going back to bed, 88 (bye bye)

Love 123: Hey, are you really ok?

I"m Handsome: Don"t worry, I"m ok, just a little cold, see you!

Hang Hang stared intently at the laptop screen, fingers tapping lightly on the desk. A fever?

These days it"s the end of autumn, he goes to gym every day, and his T-shirt is always covered in sweat. The late night breeze is quite cold lately. It"s inevitable that he will catch a cold.

No medicine at home? Can he even take care of himself?

Hang Hang thought that he was being strange; why did he care so much for that Idiot?
{Translator input: starting from now on, I"ll capitalize "Idiot" to prefer to Liang Ze ^^}

The warm afternoon sunlight lit up the place as the light traveled along the window sill and landed on Hang Hang"s body. It helped counteract the cold breeze and made the weather feel a little warmer. The old fan in the store made creaking sound as it was operating.

He was in his own world for a moment and did not notice the wind chime ringing, followed by the heavy breathing of a large dog along with a whistling sound. Then someone said, "What are you daydreaming about?"

Hang Hang looked up, smiled, and then closed the window. Qi Ji had mentioned the day before that he would bring Meng Nan over today for a bath.

"Nothing. I just didn"t get enough sleep last night."

"Oh?" Qi Ji smiled as if wanting to say something. Cui Ying Ying came out from the warehouse and said, "Ah, Ji Ji, how are you?"

"Oh, h.e.l.lo, are you busy?"

"Not busy, not busy." Cui Ying Ying walked over to pet Meng Nan and reminded, "Let"s wash Meng Nan up…"

"We"ve just opened so it"s a bit chaotic." Hang Hang came out from behind the counter.

"Let"s go in and give him a bath. Xiao Hang, watch the store a bit, I"ll be back soon!" Ying Ying took Meng Nan into the preparation room.

"It"s ok, I"ll look after it, just do your thing."

"If Meng Nan chews on your dress again…I"ll swat him." Qi Ji added.

"Want to get some sun in the backyard?" Hang Hang opened the store"s door.

"Sounds good. I can light up a cigarette." Qi Ji nodded.

Fresh wind blew gently in the backyard. There were lush trees along with thick and wide meadow gra.s.ses extending from the doorway into the courtyard. Even though it was short, it was enough for the imagination.

Hang Hang and Qi Ji sat down at the stone table in the yard, Qi Ji lit up a cigarette, tilting his head to look up through the branches of the trees to search for the bright sky above.

"You"ve been busy recently?" Hang Hang smiled.

"It"s all right, just slightly more than the normal workload."

"You were always a little unique."

"Ha ha ha ha…"

"Take it easy a bit, you don"t want to collapse at home again for three days with no one around."

"Ah, I won"t, hehe…"

"Think twice before you speak."

"Hey, not necessary, okay? My mom told you to look after me, and you did as instructed, okay?"

"I don"t think I"ve done a good enough job."

"Hey!"

"Really, you"ve got to pay attention to your health."

"Don"t just talk about me, what about you!" Qi Ji was never good at word duels with people, even when there was no communication barrier as was the case between him and his best friend from childhood, Hang Hang. That was how he was. Even during high school, people suspected that he was autistic when, in actual fact, he simply did not like socializing with others.

"Me? What about me?" Hang Hang quite did not understand.

"…I can"t help but…to think…"

"Think what?"

"…"

"Say it."

"Let me be nosy for a bit…"

"What?"

"You…you"re a top, right?"

"f.u.c.k!" Hang Hang almost fell to the gra.s.s.

"Tell me…do you mind?"

"There is nothing between us!"

"Oh? Why does it look to me like there is?"

"For real, he is just a customer. He wanted to breed his chinchillas, so he came here."

"Really? Why does he keep on coming here?" Qi Ji smiled knowingly.

"He can"t help it. He can"t be away from his chinchillas!"

"But…I"ve seen him hanging around the shop for over a month now…also…"

"This is not related to what you think!"

"Alright, fine, you"re just not admitting it yet."

"Hey! What you mean by not admitting it!"

"What does he do for a living? Coming here everyday, doesn"t that hinder his work?"

"He said he"s a writer…"

"Writer? What kind of writer?" Qi Ji was a bit surprised to find out that they shared the same profession — he is a historiographical translator.

"He said he writes literary novels," Hang Hang replied, not really knowing exactly what Liang Ze wrote. In words, he did not think of him as a writer since Liang Ze did not even look like one to begin with.

"Literary novels? What"s the name?"

"I"ve never read it, so I don"t know."

"I asked you what"s his name."

"Liang Ze."

"Who?"

"Liang Ze."

"Impossible?!" Qi Ji"s gla.s.ses almost fell off his face.

"…This…do you know this person?"

"Oh my G.o.d, I"m telling you, he is a downright genius, absolutely a keeper!"

"This is new…" Hang Hang congratulated himself on changing to contact lenses.

"Come on, let"s go inside and look him up on baidu."

***

At around 7:30pm, Hang Hang finished reading Liang Ze"s award-winning masterpiece— "MOE." The seven hundred and eighty thousand (780,000) character novel had completely changed the way he looked at Liang Ze. It was incredible that a book like this could have been written by that Idiot! The story, spanning a broad period of history from before the Cultural Revolution to the Reform and Opening Up, of an experienced man reflecting on human affairs…

Liang Ze did not come today, even missing out on his favorite dinner time, missing out on playtime with his beloved chinchillas, and missing out on his favorite braised ribs.

Hang Hang paced about his shop in thought, then decided to give Liang Ze a call.That Idiot lived by himself; he could not have Liang Ze following Qi Ji"s path to doom, when he had fallen ill for three days and nights before anyone came to look for him…

The phone rang for a long time before someone picked it up. The other end of the line answered weakly, "Shuaige ah…Sorry, the fever confused me…I forgot to tell you that I can"t come over today…I can"t come…but…"

The fever definitely must have burned him to the point of confusion. "Did you take any medicine yet?"

"Not yet…there"s none in the house…"

"Why didn"t you go the hospital?"

"So troublesome, it"ll be gone soon…"

"…Where do you live?"

"Hm?"

"I asked where you live!"

"Ah! Just let me be, you"re busy…"

"I"ll close the shop and come look after you. You have to take your medicine or else your fever will fry up all your brain cells and turn you into a r.e.t.a.r.d."

"Ah? No…a r.e.t.a.r.d is very miserable."

What Hang Hang really wanted to say was — You"re really stupid, hopelessly stupid — still not telling him where he lived. Just the same, it was not kind to humiliate a sick person. "No, we can"t have you turning into a r.e.t.a.r.d."

"Ah…I live at Imperial College, building number 30, third floor, first door, room 301."

Hang Hang hung up and looked at his watch. Remaining for another forty minutes was indeed a long time. He was a bit anxious, even though he told himself not to be. Maybe he was so used to taking care of animals that he had started to care for people as well, Qi Ji, for example, the child of an unfortunate relationship, plus taking care of animals was his profession. In short, at this moment in time, he was having difficulty staying calm.

"Hai Hong." Hang Hang stood up and grabbed a light jacket. "I have something to take care of. Look after the shop for me. If there are no more customers, you can close early."

"Ah, Okay." Hai Hong was playing with a cat as she smiled and nodded, replying, "You must be busy."

Hang Hang did not drive but walked because, one, there was no parking at the pharmacy, and two, he wanted to get some peace and a quiet moment to think to himself.

There were no other customers at the pharmacy, so Hang Hang quickly bought the medication and then came out.

Chinese scholar trees lined both sides of Guozijian Street, and set in the walls at the east and west ends were decorated, painted archways. Beijing only has four streets with ancient arches left. In the early years, Imperial College was the highest administrative organ of state-supervised education in the country. Therefore, it had total control of the country"s educational system.Guozijian Street

Hang Hang was very familiar with the roads around here. He had often come here with Qi Ji, mainly for the purpose of burning some incense at the Lama Temple. It was not that hard for him to find that Idiot"s lair. One would not think that it was right for that Idiot to stay here as if he were a cultured man. Although Hang Hang was very reluctant to admit this point (of Liang Ze being an intellectual), there are also categories among intellectuals. He was not sure but that Liang Ze had put all of his sense and intelligence into literary work and thus ended up an incompetent idiot in other parts of his life.Beijing Lama Temple

Hang Hang knocked on the door, but no one answered. He used some strength to knock on the door again and wondered whether that Idiot was really sleeping to his death.

After five minutes, the door opened. As the door opened, it was comparable to a gate to h.e.l.l, causing Hang Hang shiver in fear.

What kind of clothes was this person wearing? — leopard-print onesie pajamas, so tacky that no fashion critic would dare give them even a single point.

"Shuaige, h.e.l.lo…" Liang Ze weakly said, "Come in."

Once he stepped into the house, Hang Hang realized the real h.e.l.l was here. What in d.a.m.nation was this place? — right at the door was a magic mirror for revealing goblins (Socrates Mirror), on a wooden shelf sat a statue of horse-like deer, floridly decorated (Tang Dynasty Pottery), on the backless sofa was a big, mildewed plush monster (Teddy Bear), to one side was a set of out-moded Chinese style furniture on top of which was piled dusty old clay dishes (j.a.panese tea set)…

Hang Hang really could not bear to look anymore.

"Shuaige, you"re off early today? It"s not ten o"clock yet." Liang Ze scratched his head as he walked back into the bedroom.

Hang Hang followed and said, "Yeah, there were no customers today."

"Oh, then you"ll lose some money, right?"

Liang Ze"s bedroom successfully "murdered" Hang Hang"s eyes—leopard-print bedding, wrought-iron bed, western wardrobe, indescribably-shaped armchair, and so on and so forth

"Shuaige, I don"t feel so great. You make yourself at home…" Liang Ze buried himself under the quilt, his eyes swollen and red from fever.

"You need to take your medicine first." Hang Hang looked on the nightstand for a cup, but instead he found a porcelain bowl. "Where do you keep cups in your house?"

"Oh, on the nightstand, this one," said Liang Ze, pointing at the bowl.

"Uh…"

"There"s a water dispenser on the desk next to the laptop…"

Hang Hang looked over at the desk, okay… it was a Doraemon shaped dispenser =.=Doraemon water dispenser – in case people don’t know what Doraemon is. He is my childhood. While people grew up with seventh heaven or Gilmore girls, I grew up with Doraemon and j.a.panese animation lol

Hang Hang waited for this Idiot to take his medicine. As the Idiot leaned back on his bed, he rambled on about each piece of his collection. Although his eyes contained no brightness or sharpness, at least there was some spirit in them. "This one… Furthermore, that one.… Here, take a seat in this armchair. I bought it at the black market in Notting Hill. Very creative! Ha ha ha…it"s the only one in the whole world."

Hang Hang helplessly nodded, thinking — it"s thanks to those evil-hearted people that large-scale producers like Microsoft suffer a financial loss!

"And there, on the laptop desk, is a feather from the headdress of a famous Native American."

What rubbish! =.= Hang Hang coughed. "You should lie down and rest. You need to sleep a lot when you have fever."

"Shuaige!" Liang Ze suddenly pulled onto Hang Hang"s arm. "You"re a good person! I"ll rest, and you can take a tour around here. Feel free to touch my collection!"

I might take a tour to Shen Jing Bing* (深井冰)! Hang Hang thought so to himself but he did not say it. "Okay, you lie down first."
[T/N: Double meaning – 1. 深井 (Sham Tseng – a location in Hong Kong, also has the meaning of "deep well"); 冰 – ice == An icy deep well → first meaning of this sentence is to visit the icy deep well ; 2. Second meaning – crazy – meaning he might drive himself crazy if he takes a tour around Liang Ze"s untidy lair LOL]

Liang Ze soon fell asleep again. Hang Hang really hated seeing Liang Ze wearing leopard-print pajamas lying on the leopard-print bedding. It really looked ugly. Even though Liang Ze was a very odd person, usually he had great taste in clothing. So how come at home he dressed like…so post-modern? Good looking and stylish in public, yet at home he was the king of kitsch!

Waiting until his breathing became even, Hang Hang thought there would not be any problem when he decided to leave, but…

"I love you!" Liang Ze suddenly rushed over and tightly hugged Hang Hang.

"What?" Hang Hang was shocked.

"Small Leaf…" This was Liang Ze"s next sentence.

Liang Ze was having a dream, and in his dream Small Leaf became very big just like the chinchilla in Hayao Miyazaki"s "My Neighbor Totoro", hugging him, warming him, and comforting him =.=

"I"ll shave you bald, and you"ll be Ikkyu*. Then you can go play with your Small Leaf," Hang Hang said angrily.
{Translator input – Hang Hang means the monk character in the anime}

He wanted to get out of Liang Ze"s embrace, but Liang Ze had a very tight hold on him, his whole body weight pressing on Hang Hang.

If I had known this, I would have stayed sitting on that weird armchair. Hang Hang was very upset. Well, it was impossible to struggle out of this Idiot"s tight hold =.=

Liang Ze was very hot from the fever, plus he kept kicking off the quilt, and Hang Hang was in a very bad position when Liang Ze hugged him. However, one, he could not wake Liang Ze up, and two, he could not let Liang Ze be cold…

This is like a curse!

Going home was not an option now, yet he really could not sleep here. Looking around the room for a bit, Hang Hang noticed the laptop on the desk and decided to take it. It was a very difficult task in this weird position, yet he was still able to take it with ease. The screen was on standby, asking for pa.s.sword to log in.

What could it be?

Hang Hang tried to input: Small Leaf.

Wrong.

Ikkyu.

Wrong.

What would it be?

Suddenly thought of one: new gatekeeper*
[T/N: Original – New Yu Wei Gate – 佑卫 – the attendant who stands by the gate that controls who goes in and out of it]

Pa.s.s.

Hang Hang for a short moment thought — I"m a genius. But three seconds later, he felt like crying inside: how could he and this Idiot share the same idea? Wasn"t this his downfall?

Opening a file with the t.i.tle, Huakai Bu Bai (Undefeated Bloom)

Thinking about Liang Ze"s novel…

Hang Hang maximized the doc.u.ment window and started to read.

This story took place in Shanxi a long time ago. It talked about the life of a woman with the last name Bai, how she fought for power in the patriarchal world, also about how she operated a bank. It recounted her career as a widow; it also mentioned a bandit, and how they fell in love. The story was told by the woman"s eldest daughter…

The story stopped at the point where the eldest daughter is eighteen years old and the woman with surname Bai had fallen ill; an open ending.

Hang Hang turned to stare at Liang Ze"s half face — "I"m Handsome," indeed, was very handsome.

That moment in which he shouted out "I love you," to say it was not tempting would be a lie.

Proofread: Evie

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