Yasashī Shinjitsu to Seiryaku Kekkon VolI Chapter 2
‘What are your hobbies, PrincessMatilda?’
S
he smiled a bitter smile at the teaset, as she thought to herself; this “Princess” was an unbalanced woman who waspa.s.sed over years ago. They were having tea again.
Matilda tilted her head thoughtfullyto one side as she replied, ‘Hobbies…? Maybe…chess and backgammon?’
Truth be told, she did not really havea true hobby. Chess and backgammon had been exercises on tactics and strategy.While she had been pleased her father was her opponent, she’d felt she had toshow him her strength, desperately giving it her all. But truthfully, shedidn’t actually like chess or backgammon, it was only because her father washer opponent she had enjoyed them.
Reading and swordsmanship had beenlearned because they were a necessity. And she did not think of sewing orknitting as hobbies. They were not to her taste.
She stopped to wonder, was she a boringwoman?
That was depressing.
This would not do, she should behavelike a grown up. She was in another country now. For now, she should study herroyal duties so that when she starts, the Emperor before her would not beburdened by her inadequacies. She was sure this was what was required of her.
‘Maybe we’ll play together somedaysoon.’ He said with his usual refreshing smile.
‘Yes, when you have time,’ Matildareplied smiling.
There most likely would never be time.
After their tea, which must havelooked lovely and happy to onlookers but was truly empty, Matilda returned toher rooms.
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Tendays have pa.s.sed since Matilda’s arrival in Barenshiaga, Leandroth made aneffort to see Matilda. It made her worried and apologetic. Since he was toobusy to have supper with her, they set their next meeting for another of histea time breaks. Matilda could not find a good reason to refuse since heinvited her to join him despite being busy, she decided to accept. Since theywouldn’t see each other for a while, Matilda thought of things they might talkabout.
Matilda had been surprised when sheheard Barenshiaga accepted the political alliance through marriage. Sitting ona wisteria chair, her new favourite thing she discovered in her short timehere, she opened a book on Barenshiaga history. She had repeated read it overand over since being told she was being betrothed to Barenshiaga. As a childshe had read Barenshiaga history as part of her tutored subjects, now she wasreading it as a citizen. It gave her a bit of an odd inexplicable feeling. Butshe did not dwell on it, and concentrated on the book. After a few minutes ofreading, she looked up, a sensation washed over her. So she stood up and lookedout into the garden that her window overlooked. In the courtyard, she could seeLeandroth and a n.o.blewoman chatting amicably. This was something she’d seenquite a few times. He was always smiling and friendly, making the woman laughlike he was tickling her. He was good at talking, and making people feel atease with him. As she watched the dazzling pair, she sighed and returned to herchair.
She used to think that being calledprincess was an amazing thing. She used to believe as long as she worked hardshe could achieve what she wanted. But persevering for such a long time couldmake one tired and she was tired. She wondered if she should return home, butshe had no place there anymore. She had been called “Princess” to the world,but it was only just for show: To boost the morale of their citizens. She hadthought she had been helping her father; managing schedules, brewing tea, butthese were only trivialities. Sometimes, she went to the battlefield but shewas only there as decoration, a placeholder to show the soldiers royality iswith them. (Zuben: Why are they warring? I thought they were at peace?Convenient nonsense is convenient)
Just by being there, her presence encouragedthe soldiers were more receptive to commands and showed better productivity.Despite her exaggerated status, she was only a girl. When confronted with theunfamiliar, she would be nervous and want to escape quickly. Her thoughts mustseem selfish; it wasn’t so bad, was it?
The emperor was kind; however, she wassuspicious of his motives. Looking out the window, she thought of home again.She did not have to persevere anymore. She did not want to have to live. Herfather, the king, had wanted a son. Her fiancé, the Emperor, wanted an Empressto hide his mistress behind. No one wanted Matilda. She sat leaned back in herwisteria chair, staring off into the distance. She remembered she had broughtpoison with her. She looked down at her chest, the small vial hung down a chainnestled between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. (Zuben: This chick is depressed and depressing.) Everyroyal Princess is given this secret medicine, because they have to marry farfrom home and might end up in life or situation that was untenable.
Matilda was the only daughter of thesickly King of Icecoreta, so she had been taught and encouraged as the futureQueen of Icecoreta. Though, her father still loved Matilda’s mother, he wasencouraged by his advisors to remarry. He married his deceased wife’s youngersister. Despite being relatives, the new Queen and Matilda were not close. Shewas not mean, but rather aloof. Matilda turned sixteen; the queen gave birth toa baby boy and another the year later. She was still working hard with thethought that she was the future queen of Icecoreta. Her father pulled away fromher, so much so that she did not feel like she was a part of the family anylonger. He never really cared for her as his daughter, he really wanted sons. InIcecoreta, a child was not fully human until they successfully reached age ofseven, before that they were still fae and if they die they return to the faeworld. Matilda had been raised as a queen because there had been little choice,but the councils decided a woman could not succeed the throne; she did not havethe right. The feeling of being unwanted grew year by year. She still performedher duties, going to meetings and ceremonies and b.a.l.l.s. Her younger brother wasnamed Crown Prince once he turned seven. After three years pa.s.sed, he turnedten, but the ascension ceremony had not been performed. It seemed because shewas still there, carrying out the duties of the Crown. Despite all this shestill yearned for her family’s love and acknowledgement. Despite, theincreasing feeling of neglect and loneliness, she had not drunk the poison.
Her wedding was in twenty one days…
If she took a drop of this medicine,once every day, she would die in ten days.
She took pick the vial from out of hercleavage and held it up to the light of the sun. It was a blue liquid in abeautiful blue bottle. It sparkled in the light.
It would make things easy.
I love you. I like…
She smiled bitterly. Such a foolishwoman she was, having such vivid s.e.xual fantasies about man she had only met afew times.
May be her brothers would be sad. Theyhad become close in time, they practiced martial arts together. But they wouldovercome their grief in time, they were bright and healthy.
But as for her father and Leandroth,she knew they would not care if she was gone.
She’d thought it would be right tomarry politically and become Empress. The union would keep up appearances.Originally, she would have been thankful for a delay, but it was justexhausting trying to look sincere and grateful.
◇
Five days pa.s.sed with her in thatvague state.
Leandroth, who makes time to meet andchat for some mysterious reason, was smiling and chatting in the gardens andcourtyards with n.o.ble and high ranking women. She was never invited along forthese trysts.
She breathed in and breathed out.
She was tired.
She had studied everything frompolitics, economics, ethics, trade, sword skill, strategy and tactics to helpher father from her childhood. She even acted as she father’s secretary, so shecould understand the intricacies of running the affairs of state.
To keep her father close, she studiedmartial arts. She made sure never to be an embarra.s.sment to her father bystudying clothing, jewellery, and practicing cosmetic techniques so that shelooked well when socialising. Despite her fear of the battlefield, she headedout to boost the troops morale.
She wanted to be of use to her fatherand the kingdom. She worked hard in her duty.
She wanted to be a beloved daughter.
She wanted him to see that she wasnecessary.
In Icecoreta, a woman could not becrowned ruler.
In her heart of hearts, she had alwayshoped her father would change that law. ce. I felt as if I was caught forever.
She wanted to be born a man; shewanted to be needed like her father needed her brother
She wanted to be seen.
There was some nausea, but she borewith it.
She took out the glittering bluebottle from her bosom.
‘This is my life…’
She took off the pendant cork of thebottle and placed a drop at the back of her hand. She hesitated a moment andlicked the light blue drop.
Was it a trick of the mind or was sheshaking due to the medicine?
She suppressed the vigorous shakingand replaced the cork and placed the necklace back around her neck.
The twinkling liquid was beautiful.
She really wanted to have a good rest.No one need an ugly perverted woman like her. She could not deny that truth,but it still saddened her.
However, tears did not fall.
A word from Zuben:
My word! I was looking for some pervyhanky panky rom-com like Outashisi or Maritta Hime no Konrei. This is more likeMy Fiance/Husband is in Love with My Sister (and secretly plots my downfall andI keep f.u.c.king resurrecting), that one made me cry! I shall keep the hope, Ihope it would turn out like the CN novel Love Me Again, which was angsty at thestart and turned steamy at the end. Fingers crossed!
Whenever dear reader is reading this,I have clueless as you are about the future until the next chapter. If I rushforward reading this I most definitely will not finish it. Translating chapterby chapter, there is still a chance <><>
Be good to yourselves out there. Don’tbe like this depressing princess.