"What caused it?" Mr. Pale closed his eyes smilingly over his colorlessness. "I haven"t any food. I"m starving."
"We can fix that."
"No, no, you don"t understand," whispered the man. "I barely made it to this rocket in time to get aboard. Oh, I was really healthy there for a while, a few minutes ago."The doctor turned to the orderly. "Delirious."
"No," said Mr. Pale, "no."
"What"s going on here?" said a voice, and the captain stepped into the room.
"h.e.l.lo, who"s this? I don"t recall..."
"I"ll save you the trouble," said Mr. Pale. "I"m not on the pa.s.senger list. I just came aboard."
"You couldn"t have. We"re ten million miles away from Earth."
Mr. Pale sighed. "I almost didn"t make it. It took all my energy to catch you. If you"d been a little farther out..."
"A stowaway, pure and simple," said the captain. "And drunk, too, no doubt."
"A very sick man," said the doctor. "He can"t be moved. I"ll make a thorough examination..."
"You"ll find nothing," said Mr. Pale, faintly, lying white and long and alone in the cot, "except I"m in need of food."
"We"ll see about that," said the doctor, rolling up his sleeves.
An hour pa.s.sed. The doctor sat back down on his magnetic chair. He was perspiring. "You"re right. There"s nothing wrong with you, except you"re starved.
How could you do this to yourself in a rich civilization like ours?"
"Oh, you"d be surprised," said the cold, thin, white man. His voice was a little breeze blowing ice through the room. "They took all my food away an hour or so ago. It was my own fault. You"ll understand in a few minutes now. You see, I"m very very old. Some say a million years, some say a billion. I"ve lost count. I"ve been too busy to count."
Mad, thought the doctor, utterly mad.
Mr. Pale smiled weakly as if he had heard this thought. He shook his tired head and the dark pits of his eyes flickered. "No, no. No, no. Old, very old. And foolish.
Earth Was mine. I owned it. I kept it for myself. It nurtured me, even as I nurtured it.
I lived well there, for a billion years, I lived high. And now here I am, in the name of all that"s darkest, dying too. I never thought I could die. I never thought I could be killed, like everyone else. And now / know what the fear is, what it will be like to die.
After a billion years I know, and it is frightening, for what will the universe be without me?"
"Just rest easily, now, we"ll fix you up."
"No, no. No, no, there"s nothing you can do. I overplayed my hand. I lived as I pleased. I started wars and stopped wars. But this time I went too far, and committed suicide, yes, I did. Go to the port there and look out." Mr. Pale was trembling, the trembling moved in his fingers and his lips. "Look out. Tell me what you see."
"Earth. The planet Earth, behind us.""Wait just a moment, then," said Mr. Pale.
The doctor waited.
"Now," said Mr. Pale, softly. "It should happen about now."
A blind fire filled the sky.
The doctor cried out. "My G.o.d, my G.o.d, this is terrible!"
"What do you see?"
"Earth! It"s caught fire. It"s burning!"
"Yes," said Mr. Pale.
The fire crowded the universe with a dripping blue yellow flare. Earth blew itself into a thousand pieces and fell away into sparks and nothingness.
"Did you see?" said Mr. Pale.
"My G.o.d, my G.o.d." The doctor staggered and fell against the port, clawing at his heart and his face. He began to cry like a child.
"You see," said Mr. Pale, "what a fool I was. Too far. I went too far. I thought, What a feast. What a banquet. And now, and now, it"s over."
The doctor slid down and sat on the floor, weeping. The ship moved in s.p.a.ce.
Down the corridors, faintly, you could hear running feet and stunned voices, and much weeping.
The sick man lay on his cot, saying nothing, shaking his head slowly back and forth, swallowing convulsively. After five minutes of trembling and weeping, the doctor gathered himself and crawled and then got to his feet and sat on the chair and looked at Mr. Pale who lay gaunt and long there, almost phosph.o.r.escent, and from the dying man came a thick smell of something very old and chilled and dead.
"Now do you see?" said Mr. Pale. "I didn"t want it this way."
"Shut up."
"I wanted it to go on for another billion years, the high life, the picking and choosing. Oh, I was king."
"You"re mad!"
"Everyone feared me. And now I"m afraid. For there"s no one left to die. A handful on this ship. A few thousand left on Mars. That"s why I"m trying to get there, to Mars, where I can live, if I make it. For in order for me to live, to be talked about, to have an existence, others must be alive to die, and when all the living ones are dead and no one is left to die, then Mr. Pale himself must die, and he most a.s.suredly does not want that. For you see, life is a rare thing in the universe. Only Earth lived, and only I lived there because of the living men. But now I"m so weak, so weak. I can"t move. You must help me."
"Mad, mad!"
"It"s another two days to Mars," said Mr. Pale, thinking it through, his handscollapsed at his sides. "In that time you must feed me. I can"t move or I would tend myself. Oh, an hour ago, I had great power, think of the power I took from so much and so many dying at once. But the effort of reaching this ship dispersed the power, and the power is self-limiting. For now I have no reason to live, except you, and your wife, and the twenty other pa.s.sengers and crew, and those few on Mars. My incentive, you see, weakens, weakens..." His voice trailed off into a sigh. And then, after swallowing, he went on, "Have you wondered, Doctor, why the death rate on Mars in the six months since you established bases there has been nil? I can"t be everywhere. I was born on Earth on the same day as life was born. And I"ve waited all these years to move on out into the star system. I should have gone months ago, but I put it off, and now, I"m sorry. What a fool, what a greedy fool."
The doctor stood up, stiffening and pulling back. He clawed at the wall. "You"re out of your head."
"Am I? Look out the port again at what"s left of Earth."
"I won"t listen to you."
"You must help me. You must decide quickly. I want the captain. He must come to me first. A transfusion, you might call it. And then the various pa.s.sengers, one by one, just to keep me on the edge, to keep me alive. And then, of course, perhaps even you, or your wife. You don"t want to live forever, do you? That"s what would happen if you let me die."
"You"re raving."
"Do you dare believe I am raving? Can you take that chance? If I die, all of you would be immortal. That"s what man"s always wanted, isn"t it? To live forever. But I tell you, it would be insanity, one day like another, and think of the immense burden of memory! Think! Consider."
The doctor stood across the room with his back to the wall, in shadow.
Mr. Pale whispered, "Better take me up on this. Better die when you have the chance than live on for a million billion years. Believe me. I know. I"m almost glad to die. Almost, but not quite. Self-preservation. Well?"
The doctor was at the door. "I don"t believe you."
"Don"t go," murmured Mr. Pale. "You"ll regret it."
"You"re lying."
"Don"t let me die..." The voice was so far away now, the lips barely moved.
"Please don"t let me die. You need me. All life needs me to make life worthwhile, to give it value, to give it contrast. Don"t..."
Mr. Pale was thinner and smaller and now the flesh seemed to melt faster. "No,"
he sighed. "No..." said the wind behind the hard yellowed teeth. "Please..." The deep-socketed eyes fixed themselves in a stare at the ceiling.
The doctor crashed out the door and slammed it and bolted it tight. He lay against it, weeping again, and through the ship he could see the people standing in groupsstaring back at the empty s.p.a.ce where Earth had been. He heard cursing and wailing.
He walked unsteadily and in great unreality for an hour through the ship"s corridors until he reached the captain.
"Captain, no one is to enter that room where the dying man is. He has a plague.
Incurable. Quite insane. He"ll be dead within the hour. Have the room welded shut."
"What?" said the captain. "Oh, yes, yes. I"ll attend to it. I will. Did you see? See Earth go?"
"I saw it."
They walked numbly away from each other. The doctor sat down beside his wife who did not recognize him for a moment until he put his arm around her.
"Don"t cry," he said. "Don"t cry. Please don"t cry."
Her shoulders shook. He held her very tightly, his eyes clenched in on the trembling in his own body. They sat this way for several hours.
"Don"t cry," he said. "Think of something else. Forget Earth. Think about Mars, think about the future."
They sat back in their seats with vacant faces. He lit a cigarette and could not taste it, and pa.s.sed it to her and lit another for himself. "How would you like to be married to me for another ten million years?" he asked.
"Oh, I"d like that," she cried out, turning to him and seizing his arm in her own, fiercely wrapping it to her. "I"d like that very much!"
"Would you?" he said.
Chapter 13 - The Pipes of Pan by Brian Stableford.
Brian Stableford is one of the finest living critics and historians of SF and fantasy (he is the author of large chunks of both The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction and The Encyclopedia of Fantasy) and is another of the leading short-fiction writers in SF in this decade, and a significant novelist. His novels in recent years, such as the alternate universe extravaganza, The Hunger and Ecstasy of Vampires, have had a fantasy cast and have somewhat taken a back seat to his shorter fiction, which is regularly on award nomination ballots and various "best" lists. For most of the 1990s he has been writing stories such as "Inherit the Earth" and in a targe future history setting, as yet unnamed, spanning centuries and focusing on immense changes in human society and in humanity due primarily to advances in the biological sciences. "The Pipes of Pan" appeared in Fantasy & Science Fiction and is one of these.
In her dream Wendy was a pretty little girl living wild in a magical wood where it never rained and never got cold. She lived on sweet berries of many colors, whichalways tasted wonderful, and all she wanted or needed was to be happy.
There were other girls living wild in the dream-wood but they all avoided one another, because they had no need of company. They had lived there, untroubled, for a long time- far longer than Wendy could remember.
Then, in the dream, the others came: the shadow-men with horns on their brows and s.h.a.ggy legs. They played strange music on sets of pipes which looked as if they had been made from reeds-but Wendy knew, without knowing how she knew or what sense there was in it, that those pipes had been fashioned out of the blood and bones of something just like her, and that the music they played was the breath of her soul.
After the shadow-men came, the dream became steadily more nightmarish, and living wild ceased to be innocently joyful. After the shadow-men came, life was all hiding with a fearful, fluttering heart, knowing that if ever she were found she would have to run and run and run, without any hope of escape-but wherever she hid, she could always hear the music of the pipes.
When she woke up in a cold sweat, she wondered whether the dreams her parents had were as terrible, or as easy to understand. Somehow, she doubted it.
There was a sharp rat-a-tat on her bedroom door.
"Time to get up, Beauty." Mother didn"t bother coming in to check that Wendy responded. Wendy always responded. She was a good girl.
She climbed out of bed, took off her night-dress, and went to sit at the dressing-table, to look at herself in the mirror. It had become part of her morning ritual, now that her awakenings were indeed awakenings. She blinked to clear the sleep from her eyes, shivering slightly as an image left over from the dream flashed briefly and threateningly in the depths of her emergent consciousness.
Wendy didn"t know how long she had been dreaming. The dreams had begun before she developed the sense of time which would have allowed her to make the calculation. Perhaps she had always dreamed, just as she had always got up in the morning in response to the summoning rat-a-tat, but she had only recently come by the ability to remember her dreams. On the other hand, perhaps the beginning of her dreams had been the end of her innocence.
She often wondered how she had managed not to give herself away in the first few months, after she first began to -rmember her dreams but before she attained her present level of waking self-control, but any anomalies in her behavior must have been written off to the randomizing factor. Her parents were always telling her how lucky she was to be thirteen, and now she was in a position to agree with them. At thirteen, it was entirely appropriate to be a little bit inquisitive and more than a little bit odd. It was even possible to get away with being too clever by half, as long as she didn"t overdo it.
It was difficult to be sure, because she didn"t dare inter-rogate the house"ssystems too explicitly, but she had figured out that she must have been thirteen for about thirty years, in mind and body alike. She was thirteen in her blood and her bones, but not in the privacy of her head.
Inside, where it counted, she had now been unthirteen for least four months.
If it would only stay inside, she thought, I might keep it a secret forever. But it won"t. It isn"t. It"s coming out. Every day that pa.s.ses is one day closer to the moment of truth.
She stared into the mirror, searching the lines of her face for signs of maturity.
She was sure that her face looked thinner, her eyes more serious, her hair less blond.
All of that might be mostly imagination, she knew, but there was no doubt about the other things. She was half an inch taller, and her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were getting larger. It was only a matter of time before that sort of thing attracted attention, and as soon as it was noticed the truth would be manifest. Measurements couldn"t lie. As soon as they were moved to measure her, her parents would know the horrid truth.
Their baby was growing up.
"Did you sleep well, dear?" Mother said, as Wendy took her seat at the breakfast-table. It wasn"t a trick question; it was just part of the routine. It wasn"t even a matter of pretending, although her parents certainly did their fair share of that.
It was just a way of starting the day off. Such rituals were part and parcel of what they thought of as everyday life. Parents had their innate programming too.
"Yes thank you," she replied, meekly.