Speaking of cultivators, I’m afraid everyone’s first thought is a sage-like grandpa bitterly cultivating in a mountain forest where chickens don’t lay eggs and birds don’t s.h.i.t. Actually, that’s not always the case. Cultivation has to advance with the times too. Since everyone is living in the 21st century, no matter what, you should understand the lives of the ma.s.ses. Otherwise, what if, when you open your eyes one day to the world thousands of years later and everyone on earth has already moved to another planet? How pressurising is it to face an Earth abundant with beasts running amok, yet not having a single human?
With these feelings in heart, Chen Qingxuan descends the mountain, working hard to integrate into the lifestyle of the human world.
As a result… alas, this b.u.mpkin who’d lived in the mountains for several hundreds of years was quickly enamoured by the world full of temptations. Learning to use the computer one moment and watching television the next. He even blushes profusely at the screen full of flesh. For hundreds of years, except for his martial older and younger sisters who’re solely devoted to cultivation, this poor ancient male youth ain’t seen nothin’. Thus he’s scared silly the moment he lays eyes on a guy and a girl rolling around in bed in a midnight film.
Having played an entire year in the world full of temptations, Chen Qingxuan learned a lot of things he didn’t even dare to think of in the past. For example, wearing beggar clothes and striking up conversations with girls by the roadside. For example, going to the bar and drinking till he’s dead drunk. For example, secretly having fun with a copy of Playboy ah. He put off his entire cultivation. Although there are times when he, too, feels that these days are really absurd, he also finds them unrestrained, without his martial elder brother pulling a long face and forcing him to enter closed-door cultivation. He truly lacks interest in cultivating.
Since it’s so monotonous to slowly increasing his lifespan, why don’t he just live free and unfettered in the mortal world for a century?
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Alas, the heavens doesn’t satisfy people’s wants. In barely a year, the sect summons him back. Chen Qingxuan keeps heaving deep sighs at the martial little sister holding the sect’s token in her hand. Without a choice, he follows her back to the sect.
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“Martial elder brother, martial elder brother, look, are my beggar clothes cool or not!” the moment Chen Qingxuan returns, the sect becomes unsettled. He drags his martial elder brother and shows off the clothes full of holes on his body, completely disregarding how his martial elder brother’s face turns as black as the bottom of a pot.
“Were you short of silver below the mountain?” martial elder brother Liao Qingyuan frowns as he asks.
“Sigh, martial elder brother, how can you be so outdated? These days, you don’t use silver when you buy things below the mountain, you use yuan. Also, these clothes of mine are stylish ah, stylish. Look at how much att.i.tude the tears of these clothes show!” Chen Qingxuan pats his forehead, saying with a sigh.
“……” Many frightening thoughts actually arise in Liao Qingyan, who’s always been calm and steady. For instance, hanging this beggar rascal with multi-colored hair that resembles a golden pheasant and a body of tattered clothes, at the front gates as a public display. A family’s dirty linen shouldn’t be washed in public ah, shouldn’t be washed in public. Liao Qingyan ends up enduring it.
“Martial elder brother, martial elder brother, do you know what’s the biggest trend for youths below the mountain?” Chen Qingxuan puts on a mysterious look as he asks.
“I don’t.”
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“It’s online games ah, sigh, speaking of online games, I better explain to you what’s a computer and the internet…” There’s finally a day when Chen Qingxuan can cow his martial elder brother with his mouth. Feeling extremely pleased with himself, his boasts pour out like a flood. Not noticing his martial elder brother’s ugly expression, he goes: “At any rate, online games are good things that set the hearts of countless youths ablaze. Martial elder brother, you should go and play too, install internet lines all around the sect and everyone can play games together!”
Liao Qingyuan gives a long sigh: “Martial younger brother, you are no longer young and is already several hundreds years old.”
With those words, he leaves and walks towards the small lake in the courtyard.
Chen Qingxuan chokes, immediately becoming crestfallen. Everything about his martial elder brother is great, except for his conservativeness. A complete feudal holdover——or at least, Chen Qingxuan who claims to have been educated by the modern era, feels so.
He lifts his head and furtively glances at his martial elder brother. Liao Qingyuan is standing with his hands behind his back by the lakeside. With a body of clothes whiter than snow and hair like black jade, his aura of remaining aloof from the world billows out in an instant, bringing with it several wisps of spiritual energy.
However, Chen Qingxuan find him lonesome. Wholeheartedly cultivating in the mountains, not bothering with the bustling world, a hundred years pa.s.sing as though a day. How can mortals comprehend such loneliness and solitariness?
He can’t help but feel slightly ashamed, especially feeling that he, who keeps letting martial elder brother down, is very disgraceful. Chen Qingxuan conscientiously walks forth and quietly calls out: “Martial elder brother?”
“En?” The voice that responded is slightly nasal and yet is filled with magnetism. Chen Qingxuan immediately feels his heart turning uneasy.
After coughing dryly, he says: “Martial elder brother, I wandered the mortal world for a year, and has naturally brought some things back for you.”
“Oh? To think you are so mindful of me?” Doubt is birthed at the bottom of Liao Qingyuan’s heart, but his face remains calm and composed.
Chen Qingyuan immediately digs out things from his bag of holding. 《Secrets of Keeping in Good Health》,《Collection of Modern Weapons》,《100 Places A Man Must Go In His Life》and whatnot… as long as it’s a book in the bag, he shoves them all to Liao Qingyuan, even bringing out a few bottles of Five Grains Liquor that he manages to find and says flatteringly: “Martial elder brother ah, this is good wine from the current mortal world, why don’t you give it a try?”
“I do not drink alcohol.” Liao Qingyuan randomly flips the books in his hand as he speaks.
Chen Qingxuan gives a sigh. Everything about his martial elder brother is good, except for his conservativeness.
“What is this?” Holding a book with a colourful cover, Liao Qingyuan asks.
Chen Qingxuan stares at it. Instantly, he becomes bleary-eyed. The book in his martial elder brother’s hands is actually the latest issue of《Playboy》. The amount of skin the girl on the cover exposes has far surpa.s.sed his martial elder brother’s tolerance level!
“This… this… this is the trend ah, martial elder brother, you don’t know but the current trend outside is all like this, girls all have to wear… uh… s.e.xy, yes, s.e.xy clothes. This is called a ‘fashion trend’. Chen Qingxuan explains incoherently.
Watching Liao Qingyuan’s expression turn darker by the second, Chen Qingxuan tearfully says: “Martial elder brother…”
“One-month confinement.” Liao Qingyuan’s thin lips slightly part, spitting out ruthless words.
“Why ah? Martial elder brother, I haven’t violated any sect rules ah, on basis are you confining me?! Don’t tell me you’re jealous that I’ve grasped the mechanisms of the modern era and its inner workings? Or it seems you just don’t find me pleasing to the eye?” unresigned, Chen Qingxuan questions.
“You know too much.” Liao Qingyuan coldly declares.
“Ah?!”
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The days of confinement are hard to bear ah, his martial elder brother is probably infuriated, not even allowing meals to be sent to him. Although Chen Qingxuan has long achieved breatharianism, how can he, being used to having 3 meals a day in the mortal world, withstand not satisfying his appet.i.te?
What’s more loathsome is Liao Qingyuan confiscating his bag of holding. Before he knew it, his collection was completely swept away. The unhealthy books became brilliant embers under the burning of the True Samādhi Fire. Don’t even mention his PSP, NDS and MP4 which were shelved away. Weeping, Chen Qingxuan bitterly begs Liao Qingyuan to have mercy on his computer. Flipping the instruction manual, Liao Qingyuan smiles faintly: “Oh well, there is no power supply here.”
Thus, in the midst of his confinement, Chen Qingxuan can only face his computer, which he can’t find a socket for, with tearless grief.
Now, the only thing he can do for entertainment is playing chess with his martial elder brother.
Chen Qingxuan, whose skill in chess is matchlessly atrocious, is defeated at every turn. Unfortunately, he truly doesn’t have any fighting spirit to remedy his consecutive defeats and often heaves deep signs, putting to waste his opportunities to play chess.
Liao Qingyuan also lets him be. His understands clearly that ‘regret’ isn’t even worth mentioning to Chen Qingxuan. He’s at a loss too. It seems that since long before, he has his hands tied against Chen Qingxuan. Other than using the authority of a sect martial elder brother to confine him… it seems he really is helpless.
He doesn’t know why he’s attracted to this rascal either, only that once he fell, there’s no return.
A month later, a lifeless Chen Qingxuan emerges from confinement. His head of multi-colored hair has been dyed back to black and he’s clad in proper clothing. Only, he has this emaciated look; you can tell with a glance that he’s spiritless.
“Martial elder brother ah, why don’t you let me down the mountain,” Chen Qingxuan begs.
“No,” Liao Qingyuan flatly refuses, the finger turning the page of the book shifts slightly, flipping yet another page.
“Martial elder brother, even if you shut me in here, I live in the Cao camp but my heart is with the Hans ah, why don’t you let me down the mountain.”
“No,” Liao Qingyuan doesn’t even lift his head as he rejects.
“Martial elder brother, if you don’t agree…” Chen Qingxuan says heroically: “I’ll immediately strip my clothes and dash around the sect! I’ll even shout that martial elder brother has beaten the mandarin duck off my marriage![1]”
“Marriage? There’s someone you like already?” Liao Qingyuan’s expression turns frigid, the look in his eyes becoming as sharp as a knife.
Chen Qingxuan receives a shock from Liao Qingyuan’s look, trembling as he replies: “I’ve already made up my mind to spend the rest of my life with the computer. Martial elder brother, please give us your blessings.”
Liao Qingyuan hums: “In your dreams.”
Chen Qingxuan holds his chest with his hand and wails: “Martial elder brother, don’t tell me you can bear to see me lovelorn and lonely for the rest of my life?”
Tickled by his exaggerated movements and expressions, Liao Qingyuan’s face reveals the trace of a smile.
“You know too much.”
“Ah?!”
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Although Liao Qingyuan obstructs him in every way, Chen Qingxuan’s will to descend the mountain is extremely firm. Day and night, he patters on and on by Liao Qingyuan’s side and finally convinces Liao Qingyuan to accompany him down the mountain as a supervisor.
Chen Qingxuan is wild with joy, won’t martial elder brother be similarly enticed as long as he descends the mountain? He truly doesn’t believe that this world of temptations can’t move Liao Qingyuan, this flinty rock.
However, the truth is far from expectations. Liao Qingyuan doesn’t seem to have any interest in the latest fads; he even frowns when he hears a popular song Chen Qingxuan praises greatly. This sound is motley and impure, a complete clamour.
Chen Qingxuan was greatly stimulated, pulling him aside and personally teaching him to play games. Liao Qingyuan shoots the screen a couple of glances then looks at the time, immediately saying: “It’s time to cook.”
“No, I made an appointment with someone to go on an instance.” Chen Qingxuan grips the mouse and refuses to let go.
Liao Qingyuan gives him a sidelong glance, his palm flipping upwards. Electricity flashes from his fingers, continuously giving out crackles. Chen Qingxuan looks at the fragile wires of the computer, then at the ever-ready Five Thunder Incantation on his martial elder brother’s hand. He quickly puts the mouse down and heads to the kitchen listlessly.
Liao Qingyuan feels that the only field Chen Qingxuan has improved in after descending the mountain was cooking. Having a kitchen with abundant ingredients and spices satisfied Chen Qingxuan’s requirements for delicious food and thus allowed his cooking to improve greatly from when he was at the mountain——because he’d been too lazy to look for food at the kitchen[2] ever since he achieved breatharianism.
Having been bored at home and not heading outside to go wild, Chen Qingxuan’s beyond stifled, his heart feeling as though thousands of cat claws are scratching it. All day long, Liao Qingyuan’s either cultivating in his room or being in a daze. Nonetheless, martial brother remains intimidating and Chen Qingxuan truly doesn’t dare to bring up the topic of heading out for fun.
Since he can’t do it above board, he can only do it below board. Grasping the opportunity when Liao Qingyuan is cultivating in his room, Chen Qingxuan sucks in his breath and quietly slips out the door. He knows that Liao Qingyuan has a habit of setting up an array to shut down all five senses when he’s cultivating. He won’t notice a thing as long as one doesn’t disturb the array. Nevertheless, Chen Qingxuan still trembles, only sighing with relief once he’d tip-toed past the corridor, running like the wind.
It happens to be the hour when the evening lights are lit. Chen Qingxuan wanders and loafs about happily like a bird that left its cage. He even rings up a bunch of unsavoury friends to a bar, celebrating his release from “prison”.
This recurs till midnight before it finally ended. Chen Qingxuan drank too much and drunkenly took a cab home.
When he reaches the front door, he fumbles with the keys but can’t push it through the keyhole. Even after attempting for ages and causing a lot of clanging sounds by the door, it still doesn’t go through.
Creak, the door opens. Liao Qingyuan’s figure appears at the door with a furrow between his brows and an incessant, slightly sullen look.
“Martial elder brother, hey hey…” Chen Qingxuan thinks he’s dreaming. At the moment, his martial elder brother is clearly cultivating within the sect thousands of miles away, why will he be here? Therefore, not feeling pressured, he rushes over to pinch his face, actually pinching Liao Qingyuan’s exquisite face into stuffed buns, “I wanted to do this for a long time…”
……
……
The next morning:
“Martial elder brother, d-d-d-don’t tell me you’re a cut sleeve[3]?! The terrified Chen Qingxuan stutteringly asks as he clutches the quilt.
“You know too much,” Liao Qingyuan says softly.
“AH——!!!”
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END
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[1] Mandarin ducks in marriage.
[2] Back at the sect.
[3] You might have seen it in other Chinese novels~ It’s another way of saying h.o.m.os.e.xual.