Chapter 70 Feeling Guilty...
Lu Qiang rooted over there while looking at her retreating back. He was feeling so guilty that he couldn"t even stop her or follow her. When her figure disappeared from his sight, he moved back and sat on the sofa with his upper body bent forward and he covered his face with his hands while resting his elbows on his thighs, just near his knees.
He couldn"t understand what to do now. He was regretting about his actions. He never thought that his actions could affect her so badly. He sat there for the long time, his mind was in a mess. He lifted his face upward and moved his both hands through his hairs, then leaned back to the sofa while giving out a deep sigh.
He looked in the direction of the stairs and got up from the sofa. He went upstairs and stood in front of Jiang YuYan"s room. He raised his hand to knock on the door but stopped and instead just placed his palm on the door as if he was feeling her presence inside that room.
He stood there with his eyes closed and felt as someone was piercing his heart with a needless. He wasn"t even able to go inside to console her or apologise. For him, all this was his fault, the way she covered herself, with her hands circling around her chest, was flas.h.i.+ng in front of his eyes again and again. He couldn"t help but hate himself for crossing the line.
He thought "I asked her for a kiss... She trusted me and stayed back but what did I do?.... I took advantage of her trust and crossed the line…Was it that difficult to control myself?....Why did I do that?.....Why didn"t I stop myself ?….Now I can"t even face her?"
Just then he heard a sound from inside. He felt that it was sound of a door. He understood that she must have been came out of the bathroom. He then heard a sound of a drawer, opened and closed loudly. There was sound of a water being poured into a gla.s.s and then the sound of a gla.s.s being put on the table with the loud noise "Thud". After few moments, he heard a sound of her climbing into the bed. He thought she must be sleeping now but he didn"t move from there. He just turned and sat outside of her room with the support of a wall beside her room"s door.
He was trying to listen any kind of movement happened inside the room, just to know what she was doing. Slowly time pa.s.sed, but there was no sound, so he closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall and then eventually fell asleep.
Jiang YuYan was sitting on the floor and was crying. She was crying not because of the memories of her past, but because she disappointed him and herself too. First time in her life, she liked to be with someone and to get close to him. She tried her best and she liked it too. She never thought at such a beautiful moment, her past would flash in front of her eyes. More than herself, she was feeling bad for Lu Qiang.
She thought, "He made me feel those beautiful feelings which I never even thought about and always kept myself aloof from them…..but….but in return what did I do to him?..... I made him feel guilty for giving me a chance to experience the best thing in my life….It was the first time, when I said his name after so many years, and for what?....Just to apologise to him".
She remembered his reaction, when she covered herself with her arms around her chest. Though, she didn"t look at him at that moment, but she could feel that he moved two steps back because he was in a shock. She knew, he must be thinking that all this was his fault and must be feeling guilty although, he had nothing to do with it at all.
When she remembered his apologetic words, her heart sank. It was her fault to make him feel guilty. He didn"t force her for anything, but still, he end up being a culprit just because of her. She was feeling pain, to make him feel guilty.
She thought, "No! I can"t hurt him…. I am no good for him.... I should stay away from him….. I can"t let him walk with me on the painful path of my life".
She sat on that place silently for some time and calmed herself down. Then she got up and went to the bathroom. She washed her face and came out. She went to her bedside table. She opened the top drawer forcefully and picked up a medicine pack. She took out two tablets, then put that pack back inside and closed the drawer forcefully again. She took that medicine with the water. She then looked at the room"s door and thought about to go out to see, how was he? and what was he doing? but she dropped the idea, as she decided to stay away from him. She turn towards the bed and slept on it.
She covered herself with a quilt. She was angry at herself and at the same time she was feeling guilty for hurting him. She was thinking about him and his apologetic reaction that made it hard for her to fell asleep. She kept staring at the ceiling and eventually she fell asleep.
In the morning, around 6 o"clock, the door of the apartment got unlock and Jiang Yang entered inside the house. He didn"t make a noise. He just removed his shoes and wore the house slippers and moved to the living room. He went to kitchen and drank some water. The home was silent so he thought, these two must be sleeping. He came out of the kitchen and went upstairs.
When he reached upstairs, he suddenly halted with surprised expressions on his face. He saw that Lu Qiang was sleeping outside of his sister"s room with the support of the wall. He smiled after looking at him but didn"t go to wake him up. He just moved towards his room and walked ahead.