Yume Nikki

Chapter 7

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Diary

Suddenly, everything around you changes. You dive into an even deeper dream.

You"re walking over a cloud. As one would in a fairy tale. A cloud road surrounded by the most absolute darkness, crossing the sky. It also evokes the image of ascending to heaven, like dancing, in an state of euphoria. But when thinking about ascending to heaven, the image of death also comes to mind. You seem to be having fun, but for some reason, a feeling of uneasiness lingers, and when you look closely at the cloud under your feet, it looks like it"s becoming stiff and dark, as if revealing its true nature. It wasn"t your real intention, but you seem to have reached quite a height... To someone that wasn"t cautious enough, this could look like happiness itself. As if forced to bring out a smile. Just as if a mischievous comfort surrounded you.

Above is another gigantic creature. Something disgusting that looked just like a man driven mad by l.u.s.t and pleasure. Looking at you like a boy that looks at his toy box and finds a little doll ready to play with, and break it apart, it reaches his hand out to you, ready to do as it pleases. As if you wanted to escape from that, you start to run. Your field of vision opens abruptly. You stand still at the end of this deep darkness.

Over there, a huge animal. At a glance, it"s a fearsome beast. Strong const.i.tution, a coercive glare as if it wanted to highlight its violent nature, marked blood vessels, sharps claws and fangs... and unable to vent its anger, this creature is grinding its teeth in rage. A blob of anger and frustration, like that of a man that hates the world after being unable to vent his l.u.s.t. That symbolic monster is glaring at you, and growling as if ready to attack you any moment. Making a sound with its sharp, carnivorous teeth grinding against each other. An endless, annoying noise.

Disliking it, you cover your ears and step back. And at the same time, you seem to realize. The only one grinding their teeth there... is actually you. Irritated, angry, trying to release some stress... this animal is you. The violent part of yourself that you weren"t able to vent, exploding like a bomb, here the voice of your resentment comes out.

This monster... no, every unclear and disturbing landscapes is part of your own dream. Every ominous thing was something your mind created. The ugly things, the disgusting things, they are all crawling inside you, and you just walked up to them. You start to tremble, finally aware of all this. Shaking your head in refusal, troubled by it all, as if you didn"t want to keep seeing this nightmare... you look down, defeated, grinding your teeth.

With your fingertips, as if you wanted to ascertain something, you touch your cheek. And you pinch yourself. As if you were begging to wake up if this was a dream.

And then you wake up on your bed. Taking away the blanket that covered up to your head, you take a deep breath, as someone that just came out from underwater. Your face and your chest are completely soaked in sweat. You touch your cheek to a.s.sure that you"ve stopped grinding your teeth. For a short while, you"re breathing heavily.

It was a dream after all, although it was obvious. You nod to yourself several times.

Without getting out of the bed, you reach your hands to your desk and lazily grab your diary. You start binding pen traces on it, turning them into characters. Diligently, as if you were in a hurry.

Dreams are things that our unconscious shows us. When you wake up, your unconscious hides deep into your self, away from your reach. That"s why you forget so fast about dreams. Just like water that you were trying to hold with your hands. Trying to stop that same thing from happening, you keep writing character after character, clumsily. You write about the umbrella, about the traffic light, and about everything else. Having used all your energy, and losing once again to drowsiness, you let your head rest on the pillow.

The diary slips from your hand. You"re dreaming again.

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