What was our own government up to?
And what would the Conclave really do to us if it found us?
This was such an interesting thing to think about that I almost missed the part where Hickory explained the reason why it and d.i.c.kory actually had detailed files about the Conclave"s other colony removals: in order to convince Mom and Dad, should the Conclave come knocking, to surrender our colony rather than to let it be destroyed. And why would they want to convince Mom and Dad of this?
"Because of Zoe?" Dad asked Hickory.
"Yes," Hickory said.
"Wow," I said. This was news.
"Quiet, sweetheart," Dad said, and then gave his attention back to Hickory. "What would happen if Jane and I chose not to surrender the colony?" he asked.
"We would prefer not to say," Hickory said.
"Don"t evade," Dad said. "Answer the question."
I caught Hickory giving me a quick look before it answered. "We would kill you and Lieutenant Sagan," Hickory said. "You and any other colony leader who would authorize the destruction of the colony."
Dad said something to this and Hickory said something back, but I missed most of it because my brain was trying to process what I had just heard, and it was absolutely and completely utterly failing. I knew I was important to the Obin. I had always known it abstractly, and then Hickory and d.i.c.kory had pounded the point into me months ago, when they had attacked me and showed me what it felt to be hunted, and showed me why I had to learn to defend myself. But in no formulation of my importance was even the conception that I was so important to the Obin that if it came to it, they would kill my parents to save me.
I didn"t even know how to think think about something like that. Didn"t know how to about something like that. Didn"t know how to feel feel about it. The idea kept trying to hook into my brain, and it just wasn"t working. It was like having an out of body experience. I floated up over the conversation, and listened to Jane interject herself into the discussion, asking Hickory if even after admitting this as their plan, if it and d.i.c.kory would still kill her and John. Kill my mom and dad. about it. The idea kept trying to hook into my brain, and it just wasn"t working. It was like having an out of body experience. I floated up over the conversation, and listened to Jane interject herself into the discussion, asking Hickory if even after admitting this as their plan, if it and d.i.c.kory would still kill her and John. Kill my mom and dad.
"If you choose to surrender the colony, yes," Hickory said.
I actually felt a snap snap as I reeled myself back into my head, and I"m happy to say that I quite suddenly knew exactly how to feel about all of this: absolutely enraged. as I reeled myself back into my head, and I"m happy to say that I quite suddenly knew exactly how to feel about all of this: absolutely enraged.
"Don"t you dare, dare," I said, and I flung out the words. "Under no circ.u.mstances will you do that. will you do that." I was surprised to find myself standing when I said it; I didn"t remember getting up. I was shaking so hard with anger I wasn"t sure how I was still standing.
Hickory and d.i.c.kory both flinched at my anger, and trembled. "This one thing we must refuse you," Hickory said. "You are too important. To us. To all Obin."
To all Obin.
If I could have spat, I would.
Here it was again. All of my life, bounded by the Obin. Bounded not in who who I was, but I was, but what what I was. By what I I was. By what I meant meant to them. There was nothing about my own life that mattered in this, except what entertainment I could give them as billions of Obin played the records of my life like it was a funny show. If any other girl had been Charles Boutin"s daughter, they would have happily watched her life instead. If any other girl"s adopted parents had gotten in the way of the Obin"s plan for her, they would have slaughtered them, too. Who I was meant nothing. The only thing that mattered was that I just happened to have been one man"s daughter. A man who the Obin had thought could give them something. A man whose daughter"s life they had bargained with to get that thing. A man who ended up to them. There was nothing about my own life that mattered in this, except what entertainment I could give them as billions of Obin played the records of my life like it was a funny show. If any other girl had been Charles Boutin"s daughter, they would have happily watched her life instead. If any other girl"s adopted parents had gotten in the way of the Obin"s plan for her, they would have slaughtered them, too. Who I was meant nothing. The only thing that mattered was that I just happened to have been one man"s daughter. A man who the Obin had thought could give them something. A man whose daughter"s life they had bargained with to get that thing. A man who ended up dying dying because of the work he"d done for them. And now they wanted more sacrifices. because of the work he"d done for them. And now they wanted more sacrifices.
So I let Hickory and d.i.c.kory know how I felt. "I"ve already lost one parent because of the Obin, Obin," I said, and loaded everything I could into that last word. All my anger and disgust and horror and rage, at the idea they should so casually decide to take from me two people who had only ever shown me love and affection and honor, and flick them aside like they were nothing more than an inconvenience.
I hated Hickory and d.i.c.kory that minute. Hated them in that way that comes only when someone you love takes that love and betrays it, completely and totally. Hated them because they would betray me because they believe they loved me.
I hated them.
"Everybody calm down," John said. "No one is killing anyone. All right? This is a nonissue. Zoe, Hickory and d.i.c.kory aren"t going to kill us because we"re not going to let the colony be destroyed. Simple as that. And there is no way I would let anything happen to you, Zoe. Hickory and d.i.c.kory and I all all agree that you are too important for that." agree that you are too important for that."
I opened my mouth to say something to that and just started sobbing instead. I felt like I"d gone numb from the legs; suddenly Jane was there, holding me and leading me back to the couch. I sobbed on her like I did so many years ago outside that toy store, trying to sort out everything I was thinking.
I heard Dad make Hickory and d.i.c.kory swear to protect me, always, under all circ.u.mstances. They swore. I felt like I didn"t want their help or protection ever again. I knew it would pa.s.s. Even now I knew it was because of the moment that I felt this way. It didn"t change the fact that I still felt it. I was going to have to live with it from now on.
Dad talked with Hickory more about the Conclave and asked to see the Obin"s files on the other colony removals. Hickory said they would need to go to the information center to do it. Even though it was now so late it was almost morning, Dad wanted to do it right then. He gave me a kiss and headed out the door with the Obin; Jane held back a second.
"Are you going to be okay?" she asked me.
"I"m having a really intense day, Mom," I said. "I think I want it to be over."
"I"m sorry you had to hear what Hickory said," Jane said. "I don"t think there would have been any good way to handle it."
I sniffled out a small grin. "You seem to have taken it well," I said. "If someone was telling me they had plans to kill me, I don"t think I would have taken it anywhere as calmly." seem to have taken it well," I said. "If someone was telling me they had plans to kill me, I don"t think I would have taken it anywhere as calmly."
"Let"s just say I wasn"t entirely surprised to hear Hickory say that," Jane said. I looked up at her, surprised. "You"re a treaty condition, remember," she said. "And you are the Obin"s main experience of what it"s like to live."
"They all live," I said.
"No," Jane said. "They exist. exist. Even with their consciousness implants they hardly know what to do with themselves, Zoe. It"s all too new to them. Their race has no experience with it. They don"t just watch you because you entertain them. They watch you because you"re teaching them how to be. You"re teaching them how to live." Even with their consciousness implants they hardly know what to do with themselves, Zoe. It"s all too new to them. Their race has no experience with it. They don"t just watch you because you entertain them. They watch you because you"re teaching them how to be. You"re teaching them how to live."
"I"ve never thought about it that way," I said.
"I know you haven"t," Jane said. "You don"t have have to. Living comes naturally to you. More naturally than to some of the rest of us." to. Living comes naturally to you. More naturally than to some of the rest of us."
"It"s been a year since any of them have seen me," I said. "Any of them but Hickory and d.i.c.kory. If I"ve been teaching them how to live, I wonder what they"ve been doing for the last year."
"They"ve been missing you," Mom said, and kissed the top of my head again. "And now you know why they"ll do anything to have you back. And to keep you safe."
I didn"t have a good answer to that. Mom gave me one last quick hug and headed to the door to join Dad and the Obin. "I don"t know how long this is going to take us," she said. "Try going to bed again."
"I"m too worked up to get back to sleep," I said.
"If you get some sleep you"ll probably be less worked up when you wake up," Jane said.
"Trust me, Mom," I said. "It"s going to take something pretty big to get me over being worked up about all of this."
NINETEEN.
And wouldn"t you know. Something big was arranged.
The Colonial Union showed up.
The shuttle landed and a little green man popped out. And I thought, This seems familiar. This seems familiar. It was even the same little green man: General Rybicki. It was even the same little green man: General Rybicki.
But there were differences. The first time I saw General Rybicki, he was in my front yard, and it was just him and me. This time his shuttle landed in the gra.s.sy area right in front of Croatoan"s gate, and a large chunk of the colony had turned out to see him land. He was our first visitor since we came to Roanoke, and his appearance seemed to give the idea that maybe we would finally be out of exile.
General Rybicki stood in front of the shuttle and looked at the people in front of him. He waved.
They cheered wildly. This went on for several minutes. It"s like people had never seen someone wave before.
Finally the general spoke. "Colonists of Roanoke," he said. "I bring you good news. Your days of hiding are over." This was interrupted by another gout of cheering. When it calmed down, the general continued. "As I speak to you, my ship above is installing your communications satellite. Soon you will be able to send messages to friends and loved ones back on your home planets. And from here on out, all the electronic and communication equipment you had been ordered to stop using will be returned to you." This got a huge whoop from the teenage sectors of the crowd.
"We know that we have asked much from you," Rybicki said. "I am here to tell you that your sacrifice has not been wasted. We believe that very soon now the enemy that has threatened you will be contained-and not just contained, but defeated. We couldn"t have done this without you. So for all of the Colonial Union, I thank you."
More cheering and nonsense. The general seemed to be enjoying his moment in the sun.
"Now I must speak with your colony leaders to discuss how to reintegrate you into the Colonial Union. Some of this may take some time, so I ask you to be a little patient. But until then, let me just say this: Welcome back to civilization!"
Now the crowd really went nuts. I rolled my eyes and looked down at Babar, who went with me to the landing. "This is what happens when you spend a year out in the wilderness," I said. "Any dumb thing looks like entertainment." Babar looked up at me and lolled his tongue out; I could tell he agreed with me. "Come on, then," I said. And we walked through the crowd to the general, who I was supposed to escort back to my dad.
General Rybicki saw Babar before he saw me. "Hey!" he said, and bent down for his s...o...b..ring, which Babar duly and enthusiastically applied. He was a good dog but not a hugely accurate judge of character. "I remember you," he said to Babar, petting him. He looked up and saw me. "I remember you, too."
"h.e.l.lo, General," I said, politely. The crowd was still milling around us but quickly dispersing as folks raced to all corners of the colony to pa.s.s on what they were told.
"You look taller," he said.
"It"s been a year," I said. "And I am a growing girl. This despite being kept in the dark all this time."
The general seemed not to catch this. "Your mother said that you would be escorting me to see them. I"m a little surprised that they didn"t come out themselves," he said.
"They"ve had a busy couple of days," I said. "As have we all."
"So colony life is more exciting than you thought it would be," the general said.
"Something like that," I said, and then motioned. "I know my dad is very interested in talking to you, General. Let"s not keep him waiting."
I held my PDA in my hand. There was something not quite right about it.
Gretchen noticed it too. "It feels weird, weird," she said. "It"s been so long since we carried one around. It"s like I"ve forgotten how to do it."
"You seemed to remember pretty well when we were using the ones in the information center," I said, reminding her of how we"d spent a fair amount of the last year.
"It"s different," she said. "I didn"t say I"d forgotten how to use one. I"m saying I"ve forgotten what it was like to carry one around. Two different things."
"You could always give it back," I said.
"I didn"t say that," Gretchen said, quickly. Then she smiled. "Still, you have to wonder. In the last year people here actually did did manage to get along without them just fine. All the hootenannies and the plays and the other stuff." She looked at her PDA. "Makes you wonder if they"re all going to go away now." manage to get along without them just fine. All the hootenannies and the plays and the other stuff." She looked at her PDA. "Makes you wonder if they"re all going to go away now."
"I think they"re part of who we are now," I said. "As Roanokers, I mean."
"Maybe," Gretchen said. "It"s a nice thought. We"ll have to see if it"s actually true."
"We could practice a new song," I said. "Hickory says d.i.c.kory"s been wanting to try something new for a while now."
"That"s funny," Gretchen said. "One of your bodyguards has become a musical fiend."
"He"s a Roanoker too," I said.
"I guess he is," Gretchen said. "That"s funny, too." funny, too."
My PDA blinked; something happened with Gretchen"s as well. She peered at hers. "It"s a message from Magdy," she said. "This is going to be bad." She touched the PDA to open it. "Yup," she said, and showed me the picture. Magdy sent a short video of him mooning us.
"Some people are getting back into the swing of things sooner than others," I said.
"Unfortunately," Gretchen said. She tapped onto her PDA. "There," she said. "I made a note to kick his a.s.s the next time I see him." She motioned at my PDA. "He send it to you, too?"
"Yes," I said. "I think I"ll refrain from opening it."
"Coward," Gretchen said. "Well, then, what is going to be your first official act on your PDA?"
"I"m going to send a message to a certain two someones," I said. "And tell them that I want to see them alone."
"We apologize for being late," Hickory said to me, as it and d.i.c.kory stepped into my bedroom. "Major Perry and General Rybicki gave us priority status on a data packet so that we could communicate with our government. It took some time to prepare the data."
"What did you send?" I asked.
"Everything," Hickory said.
"Everything," I said. "Every single thing you two and I did in the last year." I said. "Every single thing you two and I did in the last year."
"Yes," Hickory said. "A digest of events now, and a more comprehensive report as soon as we can. Our people will be desperate to know what has happened with you since they last heard from us. They need to know you are well and unharmed."
"This includes what happened last night," I said. "All of it. Including the part where you oh so lightly mentioned your plans to murder my parents."
"Yes," Hickory said. "We are sorry to have upset you, Zoe. We would not have wished to do that. But you offered us no alternative when you told us to speak the truth to your parents."
"And what about to me?" I asked.
"We have always told you the truth," Hickory said.
"Yes, but not all of it, have you?" I said. "You told Dad that you had information about the Conclave that you didn"t tell him about. But you didn"t tell it to me, either. You kept secrets from me, Hickory. You and d.i.c.kory both."
"You never asked," Hickory said.
"Oh, don"t give me that c.r.a.p," I said. "We"re not playing word games here, Hickory. You kept us in the dark. You kept me in the dark. And the more I"ve thought about it, the more I realize how you acted on what you knew without telling me. All those alien races you had me and Gretchen study in the information center. All the races you trained us how to fight. Hardly any of them were in the Conclave. Because you knew that if the Conclave found us first, they"d try everything not not to fight us." to fight us."
"Yes," Hickory said.
"Don"t you think I should have known that?" I asked. "Don"t you think it would have mattered to me? To all of us? To the entire colony?"
"We are sorry, Zoe," Hickory said. "We had orders from our government not to reveal information to your parents that they did not already know, until such time as it became absolutely necessary. That would have only been if the Conclave were to appear in your sky. Until then, we were required to exercise care. If we had spoken to you about it, you would have naturally informed your parents. And so we decided that we would not bring these things up with you, unless you asked us directly about them."