Within a few short weeks the fortunes of the wealthy and self-confident youth had altered so greatly that now he questioned whether the world would give him bread, except on conditions that were painfully repugnant.
There was his mother"s offer, it is true; but had Mrs. Haldane considered the nature of this offer, even she could scarcely have made it. Suppose he tried to follow out his mother"s plan, and went to a city where he was unknown, could she expect an active young fellow to go to an obscure boarding-house, and merely eat and sleep? By an inevitable law the springing forces of his nature must find employment either in good or evil. If he sought employment of any kind the question would at once arise, "Who are you?" and sooner or later would come his history.
In his long, troubled reveries he thought of all this, and the prospect of vegetating in dull obscurity at his mother"s expense was as pleasant as that of being buried alive.
Moreover, he could not endure to leave Hillaton in utter defeat. He was prostrate, and felt the foot of adverse fate upon his neck, but he would not acknowledge himself conquered. If he could regain his feet he would renew the struggle; and he hoped in some way to do so. As yet, however, the future was a wall of darkness.
Neither did he find any rest for his spiritual feet. For some reason he could not grasp the idea of a personal G.o.d who cared enough for him to give any practical help. In spite of all that Mrs. Arnot could say, his heart remained as cold and heavy as a stone within his breast.
But to some extent he could appreciate the picture she had presented. He saw one who, through weakness and folly, had fallen into the depths of degradation, patiently and bravely fighting his way up to a true manhood; and he had been made to feel that it was such a n.o.ble thing to do that he longed to accomplish it. Whether he could or no he was not sure, for his old confidence was all gone. But he daily grew more bent on making an honest trial, and in this effort a certain native persistency and unwillingness to yield would be of much help to him.
He was now willing, also, to receive any aid which self-respect permitted him to accept, and was grateful for the copying obtained for him by Mrs. Arnot. But she frankly told him that it would not last long.
The question what he should do next pressed heavily upon him.
As he was reading the paper to Mr. Growther one evening, his eye caught an advertis.e.m.e.nt which stated that more hands were needed at a certain factory in the suburbs. He felt sure that if he presented himself in the morning with the others he would be refused, and he formed the bold purpose of going at once to the manufacturer. Having found the stately residence, he said to the servant who answered his summons:
"Will you say to Mr. Ivison that a person wishes to see him?"
The maid eyed him critically, and concluded, from his garb, to leave him standing in the hall.
Mr. Ivison left his guests in the parlor and came out, annoyed at the interruption.
"Well, what do you wish, sir?" he said, in a tone that was far from being encouraging, at the same time gaining an unfavorable impression from Haldane"s dress.
"In the evening paper you advertised for more hands in your factory. I wish employment."
"Are you drunk, or crazy, that you thus apply at my residence?" was the harsh reply.
"Neither, sir; I--"
"You are very presuming, then."
"You would not employ me if I came in the morning."
"What do you mean? Who are you?"
"I am at least human. Can you give one or two moments to the consideration of my case?"
"One might afford that much," said the gentleman with a half-apologetic laugh; for the pale face and peculiar bearing of the stranger were beginning to interest him.
"I do not ask more of your time, and will come directly to the point. My name is Haldane, and, as far as I am concerned, you know nothing good concerning me."
"You are correct," said Mr. Ivison coldly. "I shall not need your services."
"Mr. Ivison," said Haldane in a tone that made the gentleman pause, "ought I to be a thief and a vagabond?"
"Certainly not."
"Then why do you, and all who, like you, have honest work to give, leave me no other alternative? I have acted wrongly and foolishly, but I wish to do better. I do not ask a place of trust, only work with others, under the eyes of others, where I could not rob you of a cent"s worth if I wished. In the hurry and routine of your office you would not listen to me, so I come to-night and make this appeal. If you refuse it, and I go to the devil, you will have a hand in the result."
The prompt business-man, whose mind had learned to work with the rapidity of his machinery, looked at the troubled, half-desperate face a moment, and then said emphatically:
"By Jove, you are right! I"ll give you work. Come to-morrow. Good-night, and good luck to your good intentions. But remember, no nonsense."
Here at last was a chance; here at last was regular employment. It was one step forward. Would he be able to hold it? This seemed doubtful on the morrow after he had realized the nature of his surroundings. He was set to work in a large room full of men, boys, and slatternly-dressed girls. He was both scolded and laughed at for the inevitable awkwardness of a new beginner, and soon his name and history began to be whispered about. During the noon recess a rude fellow flung the epithet of "jail-bird" at him, and, of course, it stuck like a burr. Never in all his life had he made such an effort at self-control as that which kept his hands off this burly tormentor.
He both puzzled and annoyed his companions. They knew that he did not belong to their cla.s.s, and his bearing and manner made them unpleasantly conscious of his superiority; and yet all believed themselves so much more respectable than he, that they felt it was a wrong to them that he should be there at all. Thus he was predestined to dislike and ill-treatment. But that he could act as if he were deaf and blind to all that they could do or say was more than they could understand. With knit brows and firmly-closed lips he bent his whole mind to the mastery of the mechanical duties required of him, and when they were over he strode straight to his humble lodging-place.
Mr. Growther watched him curiously as he reacted into la.s.situde and despondency after the strain and tension of the day.
"It"s harder to stand than "tis to git along with me, isn"t it?"
"Yes, much harder."
"O thunder! better give it up, then, and try something else."
"No, it"s my only chance."
"There"s plenty other things to do."
"Not for me. These vulgar wretches I am working with think it an outrage that a "jail-bird," as they call me, contaminates the foul air that they breathe. I may be driven out by them; but," setting his teeth, "I won"t give up this foothold of my own accord."
"You might have been President if you had shown such grit before you got down."
"That"s not pleasant to think of now."
"I might "a known that; but it"s my mean way of comfortin" people.
A-a-h."
Haldane"s new venture out into the world could scarcely have had a more painful and prosaic beginning; but, as he said, he had gained a "foothold."
There was one other encouraging fact, of which he did not know. Mr.
Ivison sent for the foreman of the room in which Haldane had been set at work, and said:
"Give the young fellow a fair chance, and report to me from time to time how he behaves; but say nothing of this to him. If he gets at his old tricks, discharge him at once; but if he shows the right spirit, I wish to know it."
CHAPTER x.x.xV
"THAT SERMON WAS A BOMBSh.e.l.l"
The following Sabbath morning smiled so brightly that one might be tempted to believe that there was no sin and misery in the world, and that such a church as Mrs. Arnot condemned was an eminently proper organization. As the congregation left their elegant homes, and in elegant toilets wended their way to their elegant church, they saw nothing in the blue sky and sunshine to remind them of the heavy shadows brooding over the earth. What more was needed than that they should give an hour to their aesthetic worship, as they had done in the past when the weather permitted, and then return to dinner and a nap and all the ordinary routine of life? There were no "beasts at Ephesus" to fight now. The times had changed, and to live in this age like an ancient Christian would be like going to Boston on foot when one might take a palace car. Hundreds of fully grown, perfectly sane people filed into the church, who complacently felt that in attending service once or twice a week, if so inclined, they were very good Christians. And yet, strange to say, there was a conspicuous cross on the spire, and they had named their church "St. Paul"s."
St. Paul! Had they read his life? If so, how came they to satirize themselves so severely? A dwarf is the more to be pitied if named after a giant.
It was very queer that this church should name itself after the tent-maker, who became all things to all men, and who said, "I made myself servant unto all that I might gain the more."