"I wish you would spend the winter with me, Lilias," said Valentine.
She had interpreted aright the expression in Carr"s eyes, and soon afterwards she left the room.
She went up to her own room, shut and locked the door, and then stood gazing into the fire with her hands tightly locked together. She inherited one gift from her father. She, too, could wear a mask. Now it dropped from her, and her young face looked lined and old.
"It isn"t the grief of losing him," she murmured under her breath.
"It"s the pain--the haunting fear--that things are wrong. Have I known my father all these years not to note the change in him? He shrinks from me--he dreads me. Why? His conscience is guilty. Oh, Gerald, if I had only let you look into my heart, perhaps you would not have gone away. Oh, if only I had been in time to go on board the _Esperance_ you would have been living now. Yes, Gerald, the terror never leaves me day and night; you are dead, but G.o.d did not mean you to die. My own Gerald--my heart would have been broken, or I should have lost my reason, if I had not confided my fears to Mr. Carr. Some people perhaps think I have forgotten--some again that I have ceased to love my husband. How little they know! Of course I am bright outwardly. But my heart is old and broken. I have had a very sad life--I am a very unhappy woman. Only for little Gerry I couldn"t live. He is sweet, but I wish he were more like his father. Ah, there is nurse"s knock at the door. Coming, nurse. Is baby with you?"
Mrs. Wyndham unlocked her door, and a little round, dimpled, brown-tinted child scampered in. He was followed by his nurse, a grave, nice-looking woman of about thirty. She was a widow, and had a son of her own.
"Has baby come to say good-night, Annette? Come here, sweet. Come into mother"s arms."
She sat down on a low chair by the fire, and the little man climbed on her knee.
"I don"t _"ike_ oo. I _"ove_ oo," he said.
"He"s always saying that, ma"am," remarked the nurse. "He likes his toys--he loves his mother."
"Course I "ove my mother."
He laid his brown curly head on her breast.
"Nurse, is anything the matter? You don"t look well."
"That"s it, madam. I"m not ill in body, but I"m sore fretted in mind.
Now, baby, darling, don"t you pull your dear ma to bits! The fact is, ma"am, and sore I am to say it, I"m afraid I must leave this precious child."
"Nurse!"
Valentine"s arms dropped away from baby; baby raised his own curly head, and fixed his brown eyes on the woman, his rosy lips pouted.
"Sore I am to say it, ma"am," repeated Annette, "but there"s no help.
I"ve put off the evil day all I could, ma"am; but my mother"s old, and my own boy has been ill, and she says I must go home and see after them both. Of course, madam, I"ll suit your convenience as to the time of my going, and I hope you"ll get some one else as will love the dear child.
Come to bed, master baby, dear; your mother wants to go down to dinner."
A few days after this, as Helps was taking his comfortable breakfast, cooked to perfection by Cherry"s willing hands, he raised his eyes suddenly, looked across at his daughter Esther, and made a remark.
"I"m told poor young madam is in no end of a taking."
"What young madam, father?"
"Mrs. Wyndham. The nurse is going and the child has got whooping cough.
He"s bad, too, poor little "un, and frets about the nurse like anything. My master"s in a way, too; he"s wrapped up in that little lad. It was he told me; he said perhaps you"d know of a nurse as would suit, Esther."
"Don"t stare so, Cherry," said Esther. "Anybody would think father was talking of ghosts, to see the bigness of your eyes. Well, father, yes, I"ll think about a nurse. I"m sorry the child is ill."
"Don"t you go and get a nurse from the slums," retorted Cherry. "You"re all slums, you are. My word, I am having a time since that new lodger took possession."
Here Cherry paused to pour fresh water into the tea-pot. Esther and her father exchanged frightened glances.
"Brother Jerome, indeed!" proceeded this energetic young person. "He"s a mighty uneasy sort of Brother Jerome. His good deeds don"t seem to quieten him, anyway. And why does he always keep a hat stuck on his head, and never raise it when he pa.s.ses me on the stairs. I know I"m broad and I"m stout, and I"ve no looks to boast of, but it"s meant for men to raise their hats to women, and I don"t see why he shouldn"t.
Then at night he walks the boards overhead fit to work on anybody"s nerves. I don"t recite half so dramatic as I did, because I can"t get my sleep unbroken."
"Your tongue ain"t stopped, anyway," said her uncle, almost crossly.
"Esther, you"ll think about the nurse for young madam."
He rose and left the room.
Esther sat still a little longer. She heard Cherry rattling the plates in the kitchen. Presently, she got up, put on her bonnet and cloak, called good-bye to her cousin, and went out. There could scarcely be a better Sister of the Poor than Esther Helps. She was near enough to them socially to understand their sorrows. She had never known starvation, but she could take in what tiny means meant--their mode of speech was comprehensible to her, she was sufficiently unfastidious to go into their dirty rooms, to witness their uncouth, semi-savage ways without repulsion. She liked the life, it suited her, and her it. She was the kind of woman to be popular as a district visitor. She had abundance of both sympathy and tact. When her sympathies were aroused, her manners could be affectionate. In addition, she had a very lovely face. The poor of East London adore beauty; it comes so rarely near them in any case that they look upon it as an inestimable treasure. The women and children liked to watch Esther when she talked and when she smiled. The men treated her with the respect due to a regal presence.
Esther went down as usual to her mission work to-day. Sister Josephine, the head of this branch of work, greeted the handsome girl with a smile when she came in, drew her aside, and spoke to her about a particularly difficult undertaking which was soon to be commenced. This undertaking would require the utmost tact and talent; the sister asked Esther if she would be willing to become the head of the movement.
"I don"t know anyone more suitable," she said in conclusion. "Only if you come, you must consent to sleep away from home. Some of our work--our princ.i.p.al work--will take place at night."
Esther"s clear ivory-tinted skin became a shade paler. She looked full at the sister with troubled but unshrinking eyes.
"You do me a great honor," she said. "But I am afraid I must decline it. At present I cannot sleep away from home. It is also possible--yes, it is quite possible--that I may have to give up the work altogether for a time."
"Esther, are you putting your hand to the plough and looking back?"
"I don"t know, Sister Josephine. Perhaps I am."
The sister laid her hand solemnly on the girl"s arm.
"Esther, if you love anyone better than G.o.d, you have no right to come here," she said.
Then she turned away and walked sorrowfully down the long mission room.
She was disappointed in Esther Helps, and though Esther"s own heart never faltered, she felt a sharp pang pierce it.
That night she came home late.
"Has Brother Jerome come in?" she asked Cherry.
"No. How you do fash about that man! His supper"s waiting for him, and I saw to his fire. Now I"m going to bed. I"m dead tired."
"Do, Cherry. I"ll sit up for Brother Jerome."
"Ask him, for goodness sake, not to march the boards so frequent. He"ll have my grey hairs to account for. He"s picked up a cough, too, and between the creaking of the boards, and the coughing, I have nice nights lately."
"You study too much, Cherry, or you wouldn"t mind such little noises.
Now go to bed, dear. I"ll give Brother Jerome a hint."
"Good-night, Esther. Uncle"s been in bed an hour or more. I hope that brother of the slums won"t keep you long."
Cherry ran upstairs, and Esther went into the bright warm little kitchen. She left the door wide open, and then she sat and waited.
The substance of Sister Josephine"s words rang in her ears.