I did not reply. She looked at me, then she said--
"I have written already to tell him that he can come. It is absolutely necessary, Westenra, that you should go through this; it will be, I know, most painful to you both, but it is only just to him."
Still I did not answer. After a time she said--
"I do not wish to dissuade you; indeed, I cannot myself see how you can get out of this most mistaken engagement, for the man has behaved well, and I am the first to acknowledge that; but has it ever occurred to you that you do a man an absolute and terrible injustice when you marry him, loving with all your heart and soul another man? Do you think it is fair to him? Don"t you think he ought at least to know this?"
"I am sure Albert Fanning ought not to know it," I replied, "and I earnestly hope no one will ever tell him. By the time I marry him I shall have"--my lips trembled, I said the words with an effort--"I shall have got over this, at least to a great extent; and oh! he must not know. Yes, I will see Jim to-night, for I agree with you that it is necessary that I should tell him myself, but not again," I continued; "you won"t ask me to see him again after to-night?"
"You had much better not," she replied; she looked at me very gravely, and then she went away. Poor Jasmine, she was too restless to stay much with me. She was, I could see, terribly hurt, but she had not been gone an hour before the d.u.c.h.ess came bustling in. She was very motherly and very good, and she reminded me of my own dear mother.
She sat near me, and began to talk. She had heard the whole story. She was terribly shocked, she could not make it out. She could not bring herself to realise that her G.o.d-daughter was going to marry a man like Albert Fanning.
"You ought never to have done it, West, never, never," she kept repeating.
At last I interrupted her.
"There is another side to this question," I said; "you think I did something mean and shabby when I promised to marry a man like Albert Fanning. You think I have done something unworthy of your G.o.d-daughter, but don"t you really, really believe that you would have a much poorer, more contemptible, more worthless sort of G.o.d-daughter if she were now to break her bond to the man who saved her mother at considerable expense--the man who was so good, so kind, so faithful?
Would you really counsel me to break my bond?"
"No, I would not," said the d.u.c.h.ess, "but I would do one thing, I would up and tell that man the truth. I would put the thing before him and let him decide. Upon my word, that"s a very good idea. That"s what I would do, Westenra."
"I will not tell him," I replied. "I have promised to marry him on the 1st of June next year. He knows well that I do not love him, but I will keep my bond."
"That is all very fine," said the d.u.c.h.ess. "You may have told him that you do not love him, but you have not told him that you love another man."
"I have certainly not told him that."
"Then you are unfair to him, and also unfair to James Randolph. You think nothing at all of breaking his heart."
"He was away when he might have helped me," I replied. "That was, I know, through no fault of his, but I cannot say any more except that I will not break my bond."
The d.u.c.h.ess went away, and in the evening Jim arrived. He came in with that very quiet manner which he always wore, that absolute self-possession which I do not think under any circ.u.mstances would desert him, but I read the anxiety in his grey eyes, the quizzical, half-laughing glance was gone altogether, the eyes were very grave and almost stern.
"Now," he said, "I have come to say very plain words. I want to know why you will not marry me."
"Have you not heard?" I asked.
"I have heard nothing," he answered. "I have been given no reason; you just told me you could not marry me the other night, and you were so upset and shaken that I did not press the matter any further. You know, of course, that I can give you everything now that the heart of girl could desire."
"Do not talk of those things," I said. "I would marry you if you had only a hundred a year; I would marry you if you had nothing a year, provided we could earn our living together. O Jim! I love you so much, I love you so much, so much."
I covered my face with my hands, a deep, dry sob came from my throat.
"Then if that is so," he answered, half bending towards me and yet restraining himself, "why will you not marry me?"
"I cannot, because--because----"
"Take your own time," he said then; "don"t speak in a hurry. If you love me as you say you love me, and if you know that I love you, and if you know also, which I think you do, that your mother wished it, and all your friends wish it, why should not we two spend our lives together, shoulder to shoulder, dear, in the thick of the fight, all our lives close together until death does us part? And even death does not really part those who love, Westenra, so we shall in reality never be parted if we do so sincerely love. Why should not these things be?"
"Because I am bound to another man," I said then.
He started away, a stern look came into his face.
"Say that again," was his answer, after a full minute of dead silence.
"I am engaged to another," I said faintly.
"And yet you have dared to say that you love me?"
"It is true."
"In that case you do not love the man to whom you have given your promise?"
"I do not."
"But what does this mean? This puzzles me."
He put up his hand to his forehead as if to push away a weight. He was standing up, and the pallor of his face frightened me.
"I do not understand," he said. "I had put you on a pedestal--are you going to prove yourself common clay after all? but it is impossible.
Who is the other man?"
Then I told him.
He uttered a sharp exclamation, then turned on his heel and walked away to the window. He stood there looking out, and I looked at him as his figure was silhouetted against the sky.
After a time he turned sharply round and came back to me and sat down.
He did not sit close to me as he had done before, but he spoke quietly, as if he were trying to keep himself in control.
"This is very sudden and terrible," he said; "very inexplicable too. I suppose you will explain?"
"I will," I said. "I knew you were coming to-night; I was cowardly enough to wish that you would not come, but I will explain."
"You are engaged to the man I used to see you talking to at 17 Graham Square?"
"Yes," I said; "do not speak against him."
"I would not be so cruel," he answered. "If you have promised yourself to him, he must merit some respect; tell me the story."
So I told Jim just the same story I had told Jasmine that morning. I did not use quite the same words, for he did not take it so calmly. I had never seen his self-possession shaken before. As my story drew to an end he had quite a bowed look, almost like an old man; then he said slowly--
"It was my fault; I should not have gone away. To think that you were subjected to this, and that there was no escape."
"There was no escape," I said. "Could I have done otherwise?"
"G.o.d knows, child, I cannot say."
"I could not," I replied slowly. "If you had been me you would have acted as I have done; there are times when one must forget one"s self."