"You won"t believe this," she said miserably.
"Let me guess. Your mother"s coming from the East. Will that be difficult for you?"
"Difficult? Are you kidding? How was Samson for Delilah? ... or maybe David for Goliath? ...or the asp for Cleopatra? Difficult doesn"t even begin to touch it. I"ve been trying to keep her at bay for a week. And not only is she coming out, but she"s bringing my sister."
"Whom you hate?" he asked, trying to catch up on family history all in one lesson.
"Who hates me ...but most of her energies she spends on loving herself. She is completely narcissistic. She"s never had kids and she"s married to a plastic surgeon in New York. At forty-two, she has had her eyes done twice, three noses, new b.r.e.a.s.t.s, liposuction everywhere, and a full face-lift. Everything about her is perfect. The nails, the face, the hair, the clothes, the body. She spends every moment of every day taking care of herself. She has never taken care of a living, breathing soul in her life, and neither has my mother. Let me explain the scenario to you. They are are coming out so I can take care of them, and rea.s.sure coming out so I can take care of them, and rea.s.sure them them that there"s nothing wrong with Al-lie, and if there is, it won"t hurt, embarra.s.s, inconvenience, or affect them." that there"s nothing wrong with Al-lie, and if there is, it won"t hurt, embarra.s.s, inconvenience, or affect them."
"You don"t make them sound very helpful," he said, kissing the tip of her nose, and amused at how she described them. His own parents were wonderful, and had been offering to fly out all week. But he had insisted they not come, since they had retired back to Norway. But looking at Page, he suddenly realized she was serious. She actually looked depressed as she stood up, speaking about her mother and sister.
"Helpful is not a key word here."
"Where are you going?" He pulled her closer to him, and took her in his arms again.
"To set fire to my guest room," she said despondently, but in a moment they were kissing again, and she had all but forgotten about her mother.
"I have a better idea." His voice was hoa.r.s.e and hungry, and he was kissing her neck, as she closed her eyes and savored every moment. How was it possible? In ten days, she had lost the only man she had ever loved, and now suddenly she was in the arms of another, someone who had been so decent to her, who wanted her as much as she wanted him ... it didn"t make sense but it was lovely ...
"Not yet," she whispered as he kissed her again, and he smiled and looked down at her.
"I know that, silly girl ...I"m not a fool. We have lots of time. I"m not rushing anything."
"Why not?" she teased him, pretending to be insulted, but he looked at her very seriously, and he meant what he said to her.
"Because I want you for a long time, if you come to me, Page. And I don"t want to lose you." He kissed her again then, and it was a long time before they pulled apart, and she reminded him that he had better leave before Andy woke up, and found them kissing in her bedroom.
He promised to come back again later that afternoon, to check on them. Maybe he"d bring Bjorn. And he promised to look in on Allie for her at the ICU. She didn"t want to leave Andy for the rest of the day, and he promised to take care of all of it, and maybe even cook her dinner.
"Anything else I can do for you?" he shouted from his car before he drove away, as she stood outside and waved at him.
"Yeah," she shouted back.
"What?" He stopped the car for a minute to hear her answer.
"Kill my mother!" He laughed and drove away, smiling like a schoolboy.
CHAPTER 11.
Brad was very upset when he heard about Andy"s arm, and it sounded as though he blamed Page, but he didn"t say it.
"Are you sure he"s all right? It"s his right arm, isn"t it?"
"It is, and it"s a nasty break, but they said it should heal cleanly. He has to be a little more careful with the shoulder. No pitching this year, and maybe even no more baseball till next year."
"s.h.i.t," Brad said, sounding almost as upset as he had been about Allie. But their reactions were no longer appropriate. They were both filled up with fear and disaster. She understood perfectly why he was reacting the way he was about Andy.
"I"m sorry, Brad."
"Yeah ..."he said absently, and then remembered to ask. It had been such a relief to be in Chicago. "How"s Allie?"
"The same. I haven"t seen her since this morning. I stayed home with Andy." She didn"t tell him that Trygve and Bjorn had brought dinner for them, and oddly enough neither did Andy. She didn"t tell him not to tell Brad anything, she wouldn"t have done that to him, but it was as though he sensed there was already enough trouble with his parents.
She and Trygve had been very circ.u.mspect while they were there, but there was something warm and different now that pa.s.sed between them. Just since that morning, things had changed, and it was suddenly very hard to deny their feelings.
They had sat and talked in the living room for a long time, while the boys played quietly in Andy"s room with the dog. Bjorn really liked Andy"s baseball cards, and his rock collection from the previous summer. Bjorn wanted to play slapjack too, but Andy was too tired.
They were both sorry to see them go, and Page let Andy sleep in her bed that night, and for once he didn"t wet it. He had been having accidents ever since Allie had been hurt. But now he seemed calmer than he had in a long time, and the pain pills let him sleep peacefully until morning. And while he slept, Page lay in bed and held him for a long time, stroking his hair, and thinking about him ...and Brad ...and Trygve. She didn"t know what she was going to do. Trygve had become a dear friend and she was very attracted to him. But Brad was her husband of sixteen years. She still couldn"t bring herself to believe she would lose him, and yet in a way she already had, and she knew it. But she had never cheated on him before, and no matter how attractive Trygve was, or how difficult her situation, she didn"t want to do anything she"d regret later, or start their relationship in a way that might spoil it.
But when Brad came home from Chicago on Wednesday night, he was distant and cool, and he acted as though he scarcely knew her. He stayed away Thursday night, never called, and was chilly with her on Friday night when he came home briefly. It was impossible to pretend that the marriage wasn"t over. The mark of Stephanie was all over him. He was wearing different ties, new suits, and had had a different haircut. But no matter how far Brad went, she didn"t want to go to Trygve on the rebound. She wanted more than anything to sort out her situation with Brad, and what they were going to do, before she did anything, but he wouldn"t even discuss it. The only thing he would discuss with her now was how furious he was about her mother"s visit.
"How can you let her come out here right now? And your sister on top of it! Did you hire a hairdresser to stay with us, or are you going to call 911 and have one sent over anytime she needs it?"
"All right, Brad. I"m not happy about it either."
They were discussing it on Friday night before he went out for dinner, supposedly with clients. "How can I tell them not to come? Allie"s in critical condition, and they want to see her." It sounded reasonable, but she also knew that her mother and sister were not reasonable people. Brad had always hated them, and they really weren"t fond of him either, although her mother pretended she was, but she wasn"t. He knew too much about the past, her mother had always held it against her that she had told him. "I did everything I could to discourage them, but she just announced that they were coming."
"Then you just announce to them that they can"t stay here." She could see from his expression that he meant it.
"I can"t do that, Brad. They"re my family," she said uncomfortably. She had managed to run away from them finally, but she still couldn"t bring herself not to see them, or keep them away completely.
"Horses.h.i.t, you can do anything you want and you know it."
She started getting angry then. He didn"t do a d.a.m.n thing to help her, all he did was issue ultimatums. "Like you do, Brad? Are you afraid they might interfere with your social life, now that you"ve become so open about it?" The war was on again, it had actually been very restful while he was in Chicago.
"I"ve been busy at the office."
"Like h.e.l.l you are. And I"ll bet you were real busy in Chicago." But he wheeled on her then with an angry look that warned her not to push him any further. He was in the wrong, but he still didn"t want any pressure from her. It wasn"t fair, and he knew it, but he wasn"t ready to do anything to change that.
"That"s none of your business," he said in a taut voice.
"Why not?"
"Things are moving too fast for me." They were moving too fast for her too. They had moved with the speed of lightning in the last two weeks, but it wasn"t her fault. "I want things to calm down before I make any major decisions." And then he turned to her and said something that surprised her. "I"ve decided that I"m not ready to move out yet." She didn"t say anything as she looked at him, wondering if he"d had a change of heart, or if he was fighting with Stephanie now too, or just scared of too many changes.
"Does that have anything to do with geographies, or our marriage?" she asked, her heart giving a little leap of confusion. No matter what he had done to her in the last two weeks, he was still her husband, and maybe she still loved him.
"I don"t know," he said unhappily, but making no move toward her. "Moving out is such a big step, it scares the h.e.l.l out of me. Maybe I"ve been a fool ... I just don"t know. But I don"t think I could go back to the way things were either."
They both knew that nothing would ever be the same again. She would never trust him, and they both suspected he couldn"t give up Stephanie. He wondered about that most ...but leaving Page meant leaving Andy. In the past week, he had thought about that a lot, and the pain of it almost killed him. Stephanie didn"t seem to understand that. She said Andy could visit them, but it wasn"t the same thing, and Brad knew it. "I just don"t have any of the answers." He looked at Page unhappily. "I don"t know which way to turn." He sat down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair, as Page watched him. She was leery of him now after he had hurt her so much, and was continuing to do so daily.
"Maybe we should wait and see." Maybe some of it was a reaction to the accident, but she knew now that a lot of it wasn"t. "Want to try seeing a counselor?" Page asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to herself, but Brad"s answer was quick and certain.
"No." He shook his head. Not if it meant giving up Stephanie. He wasn"t willing to do that. He didn"t want to leave Page yet, but he didn"t want to lose Stephanie either. Stephanie was more important to him. She seemed to embody youth and hope and the future, almost like Allie. But even he knew that his life was a mess, and everything he touched confused him.
"I don"t know what else to suggest. Other than an attorney."
"Neither do I." He looked at her honestly. "Can you go on living like this for a while, or is it too hard on you?"
"I"m not sure. I couldn"t do it forever. Or maybe even for very long. Not much longer."
"Neither can I," he said, looking tired. Stephanie was pushing him like crazy to leave Page, and marry her, and he knew he needed to make a decision.
And in a way, everything he"d shared with Page was being destroyed moment by moment. Their marriage, their child, their relationship, their trust. In an odd way, to him, Page seemed like the past, and Stephanie the future. But when they lay in bed that night, the past began to stir him.
Andy was asleep, and their door was closed. Page was reading quietly in bed, ignoring him, and suddenly he was kissing her as he hadn"t in months, with a pa.s.sion and a fire she scarcely remembered. At first, she resisted him, but he was so forceful and so aroused, that before she knew what had happened to her, Brad had her nightgown pushed up and pressed himself against her. And much as she didn"t want to make love to him again, she found her resistance melting. He was, after all, still her husband, and only weeks before she had thought that she still loved him.
And then slowly, exquisitely, he entered her, and as he did his pa.s.sion died instantly along with his erection. He tried to cover it for a while, and then to revive the flames, but it was obvious that his confusion and his pain had affected more than just their marriage.
"I"m sorry," he said hoa.r.s.ely as he lay on the bed next to her, furious at what had happened. She was still breathless, and bitterly annoyed at herself for giving in to him. In the context of what was happening to their lives, it seemed wrong to sleep with him, even though he was still her husband. And she didn"t want to be part of a team sleeping with him, or open herself up to getting hurt by him again, as he had already hurt her.
"You can"t lie to your body, Brad," she said sadly. "Maybe that"s your answer."
"I feel like a fool," he said angrily, as he stalked across the room, his handsome form looking better than ever. But she had to deal with reality now, and no matter how much she had once loved him, it was over. For now, at least, and maybe forever.
"Maybe you"d better make up your mind before we screw things up worse than they are," she said reasonably, and he nodded. This was ridiculous, and not good for anyone. And it seemed odd to him that in the past year, he had frequently gone straight from Stephanie"s bed to hers, with only a few hours breather, and it had never been a problem. But now that she knew, it changed everything. He was almost sorry he had told her, except that he had needed the freedom. He owed Stephanie something too, and he hadn"t been doing her justice either. He was surprised how much he liked living with her, and how easy she was to be with. She wanted him to move in with her now, and she had recently threatened to leave him if he didn"t. But what he really wanted was to put Page away for a while, like in a closet, or a deep freeze, spend a year with Stephanie, and then come back to find everything the way it had been. It would have been nice if he could do that.
"Maybe I should move out," he said miserably, sitting next to her on the bed again. Suddenly all he wanted was to see Stephanie and prove that he wasn"t impotent. His little episode with Page had scared him.
"I"m not pressuring you to do anything," Page said quietly, her long, lean body naked under the thin nightgown, but he wasn"t looking. She felt stupid for letting him make love to her, and suddenly she longed for Trygve.
"I think whatever we do, it should be fairly soon. I don"t think I can take a lot of this ...and neither can Andy. Your coming and going and disappearing acts are a little wearing," she said sadly.
"I know." But in the past two weeks nothing in their life had been normal. In his own way, he was as traumatized as Page and Andy, and he was not making great decisions. "Let"s just see what happens."
She nodded, and went to take a long bath, trying not to think of Trygve. She didn"t want their relationship to be a result of Brad"s rejecting her, or the trauma of the accident either. If anything happened with him, she wanted it to be because they genuinely had something good to share, and could have a good life, or a good time, or were meant to be together. She wanted it to be right ...and nothing like what had happened with Brad. She knew it was going to be hard to trust anyone now, even Trygve.
Brad was asleep when she went back to bed, and gone the next morning when she got up. He left a note, saying he was playing golf, and he wouldn"t be home for dinner. He didn"t say what club he was playing at, or with whom, and she knew instantly that it was a lie. He was with Stephanie, the night before had frightened him, and he was running away to her for rea.s.surance. She threw the note away and sighed just as the phone rang.
"Hi, Page, how"s life?" It was Trygve who was calling about Andy. He knew he couldn"t play baseball with his broken arm, and he wanted to know if she"d like to leave him to play with Bjorn when she went to see Allie. Unless Brad wanted to be with him, of course, but he suspected correctly that that might not happen.
"My housecleaner is here today, and she could keep an eye on both of them. I want to spend some time with Chloe," Trygve explained.
"He"d love that," Page said, grateful for his help again. Whatever else happened between them, he had been a remarkable friend to them, and she would never forget it. "I"ll tell him. What time do you want him?" It was ten o"clock then, and she wanted to be at the hospital by eleven.
"Just drop him off on your way. I"ll tell Bjorn, he"ll be thrilled. He was upset at my going over to see Chloe without him. But he gets so restless after a little while when I take him. He plays with everything, and he drives the nurses crazy." She laughed at the image, but knowing Bjorn now it wasn"t cruel, it was touching.
Andy was thrilled with the invitation, and the woman who cleaned house for Trygve once a week promised to watch them. She seemed very nice, and Page felt comfortable leaving Andy there. The boys disappeared immediately to Bjorn"s room to watch a video, and Page gave Trygve a ride to Marin General.
"How"s it going with Brad?" he asked gently on the way, "or should I mind my own business?" It was a little bit more his business now too, he had a vested interest in all of this suddenly, but he didn"t want to pressure her and she was looking unhappy. She was still uncomfortable about the night before, and sorry it had happened. In an odd way she felt slightly guilty toward Trygve.
"It"s difficult. I think we"re in the last throes, but he"s afraid to admit it."
"What about you? Are you ready to move on?" He had a stake in this now, and wanted to know what she was feeling.
She glanced at him as she drove, she wanted to be honest with him. She liked him too much not to be. "I don"t want to move too fast ... or do anything stupid ... I don"t want ..." She struggled for the words, but he already understood, and he was comfortable with it. He wouldn"t have expected anything different. "I don"t want to do something on the rebound. Or something we"ll regret that will hurt us later."
"Neither do I," he said calmly, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "I"m not going to push you, or do something we"ll both regret. You have all the time you need. And if you can work things out with Brad again, then I"ll be sorry for me, but happy for both of you. Your marriage comes first ...and after that, I"m here if you need me."
She pulled into a parking s.p.a.ce at the hospital, and turned to look at him, grateful for all he"d said. The funny thing was that in spite of what she"d once felt for Brad, Trygve was everything she wanted. "How did I ever get so lucky?"
"I"m not sure I"d call it that," he laughed ruefully. "We"ve paid a h.e.l.l of a price for all this, you and I. Bad marriages, maybe mine more than yours, but yours doesn"t seem to be such a peach either ...the accident ...our kids almost died ...maybe we"ve earned this." She nodded. It was true. The accident had changed everything, but maybe in the end, it would bring them blessings too. It was hard to know yet. "I love you, Page," he said softly then, and leaned toward her and kissed her. He put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. They sat there quietly for a long time, feeling at peace in the May sunshine. It had been exactly two weeks since the accident. It was hard to believe it.
They went inside to see their daughters then. She chatted with the nurses now and then. And he came to bring her lunch in the ICU a few hours later. He walked her slowly to the waiting room, and handed her a turkey sandwich and a cup of coffee. He was telling her about his latest article, which he"d finished the night before, and it sounded intriguing. But more than anything, it amazed Page how he took care of her, how he thought of everything, how he was there for her and Andy, and his own family. He seemed to nurture everyone, and she needed that very badly.
"How"s Allie today?"
Page shrugged in answer, looking discouraged. She had worked with the therapist for over an hour, they had ma.s.saged her limbs and done everything they could. But it was obvious that she was losing weight and there was no improvement. "I don"t know ...it"s been two weeks, and it seems like forever. I guess I expected some kind of miracle by now, even a small one." It had been ten days since her last brain surgery, she had stabilized, and the pressure had gone down, but she was still in a deep coma.
"They told you it could go on for a long time. Months maybe. You can"t give up yet," he said gently. It was so much easier for him, with Chloe so alive, so damaged, but so clearly out of danger. She might face future surgeries, and they would have to teach her to walk again, but the real danger was over. Now she had to adjust to the long grind of rehabilitation, and face the fact that her dreams of being a ballerina were over. No small thing, but she was in much better shape than Allyson, who still might die at any moment. It seemed so cruel to him that she might live for weeks, or even months, and still die in her coma. It was more than any parent should have to bear, and he hated to have Page go through it.
"I"m not giving up," Page said, picking at the sandwich he had brought her. He knew that if he had left her there, she wouldn"t have eaten it, which was why he had stayed with her. Besides, he wanted to be with her, although he claimed he needed a respite from Chloe and her friends. Chloe"s high spirits were definitely returning. "I just feel so helpless," Page said bleakly.
"You are. But you"re doing everything you can, and so are the doctors. Give it time. It could go on like this for weeks, with no sign, and then she might wake up, and be relatively okay."
"They said that if there"s no sign of improvement at all after six weeks, she might remain in the coma."
"But she could come out of it later than that too. It"s happened before with kids her age ...three months, isn"t that what you said?" He encouraged her, but her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. So much was happening, so much to endure, so much to cope with, and at times she just felt like she couldn"t face it.
"Trygve, how am I going to get through this?" She leaned her head against his chest and cried. It was easy to escape into thinking about him, or being angry at Brad, or worrying about Andy"s arm. But the most important thing that was happening, the thing that all of them could barely face, was that Allyson might be dying.
"You"re doing fine," he said gently as he held her. "You"re doing everything you can. The rest is in G.o.d"s hands."
She pulled away to look at him then, and he handed her a paper napkin to blow her nose with. "I wish He"d hurry up and fix it."
Trygve smiled. "He will, give Him time."
"He"s had two weeks, and my life is falling apart."
"Just hang in there. You"re doing great." One thing she knew for sure was that she couldn"t have done it without him. Brad was G.o.d knows where doing G.o.d knows what. She knew he had come to see Allie at least once every day or two, but he couldn"t take the anguish of the ICU for longer than a few minutes. He still couldn"t face it. He couldn"t face the sameness, the lack of change, the machines, the monitors, and the fact that they might lose her. He was leaving Page to cope with it alone. He had been a lot better about it when they had had Andy. But they had been younger then, and Andy had been so tiny and sweet. The incubator was filled with hope, and the ICU was filled with dying.
Page and Trygve sat talking for a long time, and he teased her that she was upset because of her mother"s arrival the next day, and actually she didn"t deny it.
"Why do you hate her so much?" he asked, he had wondered about it. It wasn"t like her.
"Old news. I had a fairly rotten childhood."
"Most people did. My father, good Norwegian that he was, thought an occasional caning was an important part of life. I still have a scar on my behind from one particularly vigorous session."
"How awful!" She looked horrified.
"That was the way in those days. And he"d probably do it again now, if he had children. He can never understand why I"m so liberal with my kids. Actually, I think he and my mother are a lot happier now that they"re back in Norway."