All Men are Ghosts

Chapter 9

"For example," the preacher was just then saying, "many a man who has determined to abandon the pursuit of happiness has subsequently realised that he was still pursuing happiness in another form. Others have found that actions which they thought they were doing for the love of G.o.d were really done out of hatred of the devil.... Nor can we ever be sure that we are the authors of our own acts. No doubt we usually think we are.

But if the testimony of holy men--and of bad men too--counts for anything, we shall be forced to the conclusion that many acts which we think _we_ have performed have really been performed by some person who is not ourselves, or by some force or motivation whose source is not in our own souls. This, my friends, applies to our bad actions as well as to our good ones. Thus we see how of all reality, even of moral reality, illusion is an integral part."

Dr Phippeny Piecraft did not trouble himself for one instant about the truth or error of these doctrines. An idea suddenly leaped into his mind as he heard them, and the preacher had hardly concluded the last period before the novelist saw himself secure of at least eighty pounds for his next ma.n.u.script. Such are the strange reactions which the best-meant sermons often provoke in the minds of the hearers, especially when there is genius in the congregation.

The t.i.tle of his new novel was the first thing that came into Piecraft"s head. It was to be called _Dual Personality_, and cerebral pathology was to supply the atmosphere. The plot came next--at least the outline of it. The main actors were to be two young lords, or something of that sort, the one as good as they make them and the other as bad. Each of these young lords was to play the part of motivating force to the actions of the other. "We"ll call them A and B," reflected Phippeny. "A, the good young lord, shall intend nothing but good and do nothing but evil. B, the bad one, shall intend nothing but evil and do nothing but good: that is, A"s actions shall represent B"s character, and _vice versa_. Each, of course, must be exhibited as under the influence of the other; and this mutual influence must be so strong that A"s virtues are converted by B"s influence into vices, and B"s vices by A"s influence into virtues. Thus each of them shall be the author, not of his own actions, but of the actions of his friend. A splendid idea, and one that has never yet occurred to any novelist living or dead! It is certain to lead to some tremendous situations."

Before the sermon concluded the pot was beginning to simmer. Several situations had been rapidly sketched by way of experiment: a trial trip, so to say, had been taken. For example: Scene, a labyrinthine wood.



Time, the dead of night. An intermittent moonlight, and a gale causing strange voices in the tree-tops. The bad young lord, on his way to the gamekeeper"s daughter, is stealing among the trees. Suddenly a figure steps into his path. It is the good young lord. Conversation: upshot--the bad young lord resolves to take Holy Orders. Takes them, but becomes a worse villain than before; psychology to be arranged later.

Second situation: good young lord now leader of Labour movement: the bad young lord (in Orders) persuades the other, by casuistry, to misapply trust funds to support coal-strike. And so on and so on. End: Archbishopric for villain, penal servitude for hero. Reader all the time kept in doubt as to which is villain and which hero; and sometimes led to think, by cerebral pathology, that the two men are one personality--the two halves of one brain. Counter-plot for the women--each lord in love with the woman who is matched to the other.

Keynote of whole--tragic irony.

Piecraft had advanced thus far when his mind received another jostle.

His attention was again caught by the words of the sermon. "I have heard," the preacher was saying, "of a distinguished author who, on reading one of his own books ten years after it was written, entirely failed to recognise it as his own work, and insisted that it had been written by somebody else. Such is the force of illusion."

"The fellow"s an idiot," thought Piecraft, "to believe such a story. The thing couldn"t happen. At least, I"m pretty sure it will never happen to _me_. None the less, it might be worked in for a literary effect." And again he fell to musing.

The preacher was now coming to the end of his sermon. He had been saying something about the relations of St Paul to the older apostles, and about the various illusions current at the time; and then, after alluding to St Paul"s sojourn in the wilderness of Arabia, was winding up a period with the following questions: "But meanwhile, my brethren, where is Peter? Where is John? Where is James? And what are they doing?"

"_Where is James?_" These, and what followed them, were the only words that penetrated to Piecraft"s intelligence, and they struck so sharply into the current of his thoughts that he almost forgot himself. He sat bolt upright, opened his mouth, and was on the point of shouting an answer to the question, when he suddenly remembered where he was and checked himself in time. The answer he had on the tip of his tongue was this: "_James, so far as I can judge, is just getting into wireless touch with New York, but I would to G.o.d I knew what he was doing!_"

A moment later he was thinking, "I"m getting light-headed, and shall be making an a.s.s of myself if I"m not careful. I"m certainly not in my usual health. What the deuce is the matter with me? When, I wonder, shall I have news of Jim"s arrival?"

When Piecraft left the church he was in a state of acute depression and distress. His pulse was throbbing and his head aching, and it seemed to him as he paced the streets that the preacher was following close behind him, and constantly repeating the question, "Where is James, where is James?" Sometimes the voice would sound like a distant echo, sometimes like a mocking cry.

On reaching home he said to his housekeeper: "Mrs Avory, I shall be glad if you will sit up till you hear me go to bed. For the first time in my life I am afraid of being left alone. I can"t imagine what has come over me."

He tried to read the paper, to write a letter, to play the piano; paced the floor; wandered into the housekeeper"s sitting-room; went out for a walk and came back after going twenty yards. Then he took up a volume of his favourite _Arabian Nights_ and found, after reading a page, that he had not understood a sentence of the print. Towards midnight his agitation was so great that he could bear it no longer. He rang the bell.

"Mrs Avory," he said, "something has gone wrong with me--or with somebody else. I can"t help thinking about James--and fancying all sorts of things. I believe I am going mad. In heaven"s name, what am I to do?"

"Well, sir," said the woman, "you are a doctor and should know better than I. But if I were you, sir, I"d take a sleeping draught and go to bed."

In despair Piecraft took the woman"s advice. As a doctor he avoided the use of every kind of drug on principle, and was terrified when he realised how much morphia he had put into the draught. "Now indeed I am mad," he thought, "for the smallest dose of morphia was always enough to give me the horrors."

His fears were not ungrounded. There is no record of what he saw, fancied, or suffered during the night and the following day; but when he entered his dining-room late next evening, Mrs Avory started as though she had seen a ghost. "Give me the newspaper," he cried, and before she could prevent him he s.n.a.t.c.hed it out of her hand.

"_"t.i.tanic" sinks after collision with iceberg. Enormous loss of life_"--were the first words he read.

"I knew it!" he exclaimed.

Those who saw the tragic throng of men and women who for the next few days hung round the doors of the White Star offices in London will not have forgotten that poor fellow who was beside himself--how he would walk among the crowd accosting this person and that, and how he would then take off his hat, or his gloves, or pull at his tie and say, "Look at this hat, sir; look at those gloves; look at that tie! Jim gave me those, sir. He bought them with two pounds I gave him to spend on himself. What do you think of that for a n.o.ble act? And I tell you that Jim"s lying at this moment fathoms deep in the ocean. He"s among the lost, sir; by G.o.d, I know it. A mere boy in years, madam, only eighteen last birthday; but a man in character. Loyal to the core! And take my word for one thing. Jim played the man at the last, sir; you bet your stars he did! He didn"t wear a lifebelt; not he--that is, if there was a woman around who hadn"t got one! A man who would spend his money as he spent those two pounds wouldn"t keep a lifebelt for himself. Would he, now? Look at this hat! Look at these gloves! Look at that tie!...."

For two whole days Piecraft maintained this requiem. On the evening of the second day some kind-hearted fellow-sufferer persuaded him to go home, and volunteered to bear him company. It was a long hour"s journey to the other end of London. A telegraph boy arrived at the house at the same moment as the two men and handed Piecraft a telegram. He broke it open and read. Then he suddenly tore off his hat, and, handing it with a quick movement to his companion, staggered forward and collapsed on the doorstep.

When he came to himself he was lying on the sofa in his study. In the room were several people who, as soon as Piecraft opened his eyes, gazed upon him attentively for a few moments and then, nodding to each other, as though to say "all right," quietly withdrew.

The novelist looked round him. Yes, he was a.s.suredly in his own familiar room. But one thing struck him as strange. The room was usually in a state of extreme disorder--dust everywhere, books and papers lying about in confusion, hats, sticks, pipes, photographs and golf-b.a.l.l.s mingling in the chaos. Now everything was neat and orderly. The furniture had been polished, the carpet cleaned, the hearth swept up and the fire-irons in their place. On the table, too, was a vase of flowers.

"There must have been a spring cleaning," he thought.

He felt remarkably well. "I believe that I fell asleep during a sermon.

Well, the sleep has done me good and cleared my brain. But who on earth brought me here? Strange: but I"ll think it out when I have time. Just now I want to write. That was a capital idea for my new novel. I must work it out at once while the inspiration is still active; for I never felt keener and fitter in my life. Let me see.--Yes, _Dual Personality_ was to be the t.i.tle." These were his first reflections.

Then without more ado he sat down to the table; lit his pipe; ruminated for five minutes, and began to write.

He wrote rapidly and continuously for many hours, and midnight had pa.s.sed when Piecraft flung down the last sheet on the floor and uttered a triumphant "Done!"

"I thought," he said aloud, "that it would run to at least 100,000 words. But I don"t believe there"s a fifth that number. The thing has come out a Short Story. Never mind, I"m safe for a twenty-pound note anyhow. Not so bad for one day"s work. I"ll read it over in the morning." Then, feeling hungry, he rang the bell.

To his great surprise there entered not the fussy old lady who usually waited on him, but a girl neatly dressed and with a remarkably intelligent face.

"Are you the new servant?" said he.

The girl made no reply, but, having placed food on the table, withdrew.

"As modest as she is pretty," thought Piecraft as he ate his meal.

"Well, I"ll give her no cause to complain of me. And I hope she"ll continue to wait on me. For in all my life I never knew bread and wine to taste so delicious."

On the following morning he had barely finished his breakfast, supplied him in the same silent manner, when a tap came at the door and a young man stepped into the room. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

said he.

"Who are you?" said Piecraft. "I have never seen you before."

"Oh," said the young man, "I"m a messenger. Your friends have sent me to look after you."

"It"s the first time they have ever done such a thing," returned the other, "and I"m much obliged to them. Anyhow, you came at the right time. There _is_ something you can do for me; at least I think so. Can you read aloud?"

"I like nothing better," said the young man.

"Well, then, you are the very man I want. It so happens that I wrote a story for the press last night, and I was just wishing that I had a kind friend who would do me the service of reading it aloud. There"s nothing that gives an author a better idea of the effect of his work than to hear it read aloud."

"I will read it with the greatest pleasure," said the youth.

"Then let us get to work at once," said Piecraft--and he handed his ma.n.u.script across the table.

The young man settled himself in a good light and began to read. The first sentence ran as follows:

"_For the fourth time that day, Abdulla, the water-seller of Damascus, had come to the river"s bank to fill his water-skin._"

"Stop!" cried Piecraft. "I never wrote that! I must have given you the wrong ma.n.u.script. What is the t.i.tle on the outside?"

"_The Hole in the Water-skin_," answered the reader.

"It"s not the t.i.tle of my story," said Piecraft. "Here, hand the papers over to me and let me look at them. Extraordinary! Where did this thing come from? I presume you"re attempting some kind of practical joke. What have you done with the ma.n.u.script I gave you?"

"The confusion will soon pa.s.s," said the other.

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