"Well, I"m glad I"ve got it. Mother"s got the Dower House in Wyck. But she"ll stay on here till--"
"Till Jerrold comes back," said Anne bravely.
"I don"t suppose Jerry"ll turn her out even then. Unless--"
But neither he nor Anne had the courage to say "unless he marries."
Not Anne, because she couldn"t trust herself with the theme of Jerrold"s marrying. Not Eliot, because he had Jerrold"s word for it that if he married anybody, ever, it would not be Anne.
It was this a.s.surance that made it possible for him to say what he had been thinking of saying all the time that he talked to Anne about his bacteriology. Bacteriology was a screen behind which Eliot, uncertain of Anne"s feelings, sheltered himself against irrevocable disaster. He meant to ask Anne to marry him, but he kept putting it off because, so long as he didn"t know for certain that she wouldn"t have him, he was at liberty to think she would. He would not be taking her from Jerrold.
Jerrold, inconceivable a.s.s, didn"t want her. Eliot had made sure of that months ago, the night before Jerrold sailed. He had simply put it to him: what did he mean to do about Anne Severn? And Jerrold had made it very plain that his chief object in going to India was to get away from Anne Severn and Everything. Eliot knew Jerrold too well to suspect his sincerity, so he considered that the way was now honorably open to him.
His only uncertainty was Anne herself. He had meant to give her a year to forget Jerrold in, if she was ever going to forget him; though in moments of deeper insight he realized that Anne was not likely to forget, nor to marry anybody else as long as she remembered.
Yet, Eliot reasoned, women did marry, even remembering. They married and were happy. You saw it every day. He was content to take Anne on her own terms, at any cost, at any risk. He had never been afraid of risks, and once he had faced the chance of her refusal all other dangers were insignificant.
A year was a long time, and Eliot had to consider the probability of his going out to Central Africa with Sir Martin Crozier to investigate sleeping sickness. He wanted the thing settled one way or another before he went.
He put it off again till the next week-end. And in the meanwhile Sir Martin Crozier had seen him. He was starting in the spring and Eliot was to go with him.
It was on Sunday evening that he spoke to Anne, sitting with her under the beeches at the top of the field where she and Jerrold had sat together. Eliot had chosen his place badly.
"I wouldn"t bother you so soon if I wasn"t going away, but I simply must--must know--"
"Must know what?"
"Whether you care for me at all. Not much, of course, but just enough not to hate marrying me."
Anne turned her face full on him and looked at him with her innocent, candid eyes. And all she said was, "You _do_ know about Jerrold, don"t you?"
"Oh G.o.d, yes. I know all about him."
"He"s why I can"t."
"I tell you, I know all about Jerrold. He isn"t a good enough reason."
"Good enough for me."
"Not unless--" But he couldn"t say it.
"Not unless he cares for me. That"s why you"re asking me, then, because you know he doesn"t."
"Well, it wouldn"t be much good if I knew he did."
"Eliot, it"s awful of me to talk about it, as if he"d said he did. He never said a word. He never will."
"I"m afraid he won"t, Anne."
"Don"t imagine I ever thought he would. He never did anything to make me think it for a minute, really."
"Are you quite sure he didn"t?"
"Quite sure. I made it all up out of my head. My silly head. I don"t care what you think of me so long as you don"t think it was Jerry"s fault. I should go on caring for him whatever he did or didn"t do."
"I know you would. But it"s possible--"
"To care for two people and marry one of them, no matter which? It isn"t possible for me. If I can"t have the person I want I won"t have anybody."
"It isn"t wise, Anne. I tell you I could make you care for me. I know all about you. I know how you think and how you feel. I understand you better than Jerrold does. You"d be happy with me and you"d be safe."
"It"s no use. I"d rather be unhappy and in danger if it was with Jerrold."
"You"ll be unhappy and in danger without him."
"I don"t care. Besides, I shan"t be. I shall work. You"ll work, too.
It"ll be so exciting that you"ll soon forget all about me."
"You know I shan"t. And I"ll never give you up, unless Jerrold gets you."
"Eliot--I only told you about Jerrold, because I thought you ought to know. So that you mightn"t think it was anything in you."
"It isn"t something in me, then? Tell me--if it hadn"t been for Jerry, do you think you might have cared for me?"
"Yes. I do. I quite easily might. And I think it would be a jolly good thing if I could, now. Only I can"t. I can"t."
"Poor little Anne."
"Does it comfort you to think I"d have cared if it hadn"t been for Jerry?"
"It does, very much."
"Eliot--you"re the only person I can talk to about him. Do you mind telling me whether he said that to you, or whether you just guessed it."
"What?"
"Why, that he wouldn"t--ever--"
"I asked him, Anne, because I had to know. And he told me."
"I thought he told you."
"Yes, he told me. But I"m a cad for letting you think he didn"t care for you. I believe he did, or that he would have cared--awfully--if my father hadn"t died just then. Your being in the room that day upset him.
If it hadn"t been for that--"
"Yes, but there _was_ that. It was like he was when Binky died and he couldn"t stand Yearp. Don"t you remember how he wouldn"t let me go with him to see Yearp because he said he didn"t want me mixed up with it.
Well--I"ve been mixed up, that"s all."