"No, let me finish. I"m not a talking kind of man, so don"t cut me off. I want to get this off my chest," he said, his hands tight around the steering wheel and his eyes avoiding mine. "Before you changed that day I didn"t know what the h.e.l.l I was talking about. You weren"t what I thought-a monster. And you"ve proved to me you are a natural warrior, amazing, really. And beyond that, you are"-he stopped and coughed-"a good person. I"m sincerely sorry if Darius Bella CHI"s hurt you. You didn"t deserve it. And if he rejected you because you are a vampire, he"s a fool."
"Thank you for saying that. It helps." I paused for a moment and decided I couldn"t bear to talk about Darius anymore or I"d burst into tears. So I said instead, "Now about my mother-"
He cut me off. "Look, I"m not at liberty to discuss your mother, not even with you. If you have questions, you need to talk directly to her. Sorry, but I have orders."
I suddenly felt as if I had to lie down. Everything that had happened this night had drained my strength. "Sure, J, I understand," I said in a weary voice. "Can you help me get home now? As you can see, I"m in no condition to fly." I gave him a weak smile.
"Are you going to be okay?" he said, giving me a worried look. "I can get a medic over here."
I bowed my head to hide the tears that had suddenly overwhelmed me. I gestured with my hand that I was all right. "I just need to rest." I choked out.
"I"ll find a soldier to drive you into the city." he said. and started to open the jeep"s door. Then he shut it again and turned toward me. He reached over and put his hand under my chin, turning my face toward his. With great gentleness he wiped away the tears running down my cheeks with his fingers. Before either of us realized what was happening I was leaning toward him. Our lips met in a brief kiss. It was sweet, I still felt a tingle of our old chemistry, but the world didn"t, rock. Then he pulled away and got out of the jeep.
Before he shut the door, J looked at me. "I should have done that in the office, that night. It would have been against regulations, but what I said to you was far worse than breaking any rules. I apologize. When you"re ready, if you ever are, maybe I can make it up to you. But it"s your move. Miss Urban." He winked at me, and then, all Gary Cooper in High Noon High Noon, he turned around and walked away, tall, proud, and a hero.
I wasn"t ready for J to be part of my life, but what he said had helped my head. My heart was beyond help at the moment: It was breaking because of Darius. I didn"t know what I"d do next. But I"d worry about that tomorrow.
When I finally got back to my apartment. I stripped off my ridiculous clothes and tumbled into my coffin. Then I slept the sleep of the dead, or the undead, as it may be. I got up as purple dusk was fading into night. My thoughts of Darius made me feel like a cat batting at a moth behind a window shade. I couldn"t stop thinking about him, but I couldn"t resolve anything.
I called the hospital to see how he was doing. He was still in the ICU, and only his immediate family was allowed to see him. Was I his wife? the receptionist asked. No, I said, just a friend, and hung up.
The next thing I did was phone my mother.
"Mar-Mar, we need to talk," I said in place of h.e.l.lo.
"Do you need to vent?" she said innocently.
"You might call it that," I said through clenched teeth.
"Would you mind coming up here, sweetie? I have a meeting later tonight, so I can"t come into the city. I would come down there if I could. If you can come to Scarsdale, I"ll fix you something to eat." She was speaking quickly, knowing I was about to lose it.
"Don"t bother cooking for me," I said, envisioning a stir-fry of tofu and things that grow on the bark of trees. "I"ll be up there by seven. What time"s your meeting?"
"Much later. Come on up," she said. "Love you."
"Yeah, me too," I said, although I didn"t feel very loving. I felt betrayed, lied to, and thoroughly p.i.s.sed.
I dressed simply in a long straight dress with a shawl collar, and put on low boots. I was all in brown. Once again the sober color fit my mood. But before I left the house I added a wide deep-purple suede belt I had bought in Positano that was studded with bra.s.s and rhinestones. It added a hint of whimsy and lightness, although I felt anything but whimsical. I took a car service and arrived in Scarsdale on the dot of seven.
Mar-Mar answered the door wearing one of her Janis Joplin outfits: floppy hat, Mexican vest, peasant blouse, and bell bottoms. Her tiny feet were bare, except for the toe rings.
She stood up on tiptoe and kissed the air on either side of my cheeks. Then she took me by the arm, leading me inside. "How are you?" she asked. "You did take quite a chilling dip last night. Do you think you"re coming down with anything? Let me get you a cup of herbal tea with echinacea," she said as she hurried away from me into the kitchen.
I followed. "Mar-Mar, we need to get some issues settled."
"Yes, sweetheart, I absolutely agree," she said, keeping her back to me.
"You meddled in my life. Again." I stood there, tensing up as my anger started to build.
My mother turned around and looked at me. "Yes," she said, "and it was high time I did." She handed me a handmade pottery mug filled with the steaming brew.
I took it over to the kitchen island and sat down, working up a whole speech to lambaste her with. I didn"t get a chance.
Mar-Mar was already talking: "And before you say a single thing, I want you to know, I believe you did a splendid job. You far surpa.s.sed the expectations we had for your performance. Except for getting involved with that... person person, you handled your mission with nearly no mistakes."
She had just pushed about ten of my b.u.t.tons, and I fumed. "Just a minute; let"s back up here. First off, who are we we?"
"That"s cla.s.sified. Let"s just say it"s the U.S. government," she replied calmly.
"Would you mind telling me how the h.e.l.l you are mixed up in this, as much as my security clearance allows?" I said sarcastically.
"Daphy, dear, please don"t take it personally, but any information about my role in the intelligence community is on a need-to-know level."
That frosted me. I stood up and leaned toward her. practically spitting as I spoke. "Ma! It you don"t want me to walk out of here and never come back, you"d better believe this is on my need-to-know level."
She sighed, reached for the teapot, and poured some more herbal tea into her mug. ""Okay, sweetie. I can tell you this much. I had been out of the loop, so to speak, for a few decades. Oh, I kept up my contacts, but I had dedicated myself to the peace movement. I was tired of the Machiavellian approach to world affairs. Then September eleventh happened. Certain old friends came to me and asked me to get back into what we used to call The Great Game." only it"s an endgame now."
"So your whole peace, love, hippie thing is just a disguise, a mask?" I said in a nasty voice. I don"t know if I had spoken to her in quite those tones before; I never would have dared, but this time she had topped anything she had ever done to me.
She reacted with vehemence, her voice getting louder. "Absolutely not! I truly believe that war is not the answer. Violence never solved anything. But this nation and our way of life are under attack. Until this mess can get sorted out diplomatically. I intend to ensure that a tragedy such as September eleventh never never happens again." happens again."
"That"s what you you wanted to do," I began, shouting. "Why did you drag wanted to do," I began, shouting. "Why did you drag me me into this?" The angry words had poured out like rushing water. into this?" The angry words had poured out like rushing water.
I could see her taking off the velvet gloves. Something inside me cringed. The steel behind the magnolias was about to cut right through my thin skin.
"Drag you into this?" she practically snarled. "It was about time something was done with you. You"ve been mooning around over that... you into this?" she practically snarled. "It was about time something was done with you. You"ve been mooning around over that... that poet that poet Byron for almost two hundred years. When you went to Ireland at the beginning of the last century, I thought, Byron for almost two hundred years. When you went to Ireland at the beginning of the last century, I thought, Good, my daughter is finally using her talents for something of value and thinking of something bigger than herself Good, my daughter is finally using her talents for something of value and thinking of something bigger than herself. But no, that didn"t last. Off you went to join that lunatic James Joyce in Paris and got lost in the wildness of the 1920s. Once again acting frivolously, you spent your time in cafes and indulged in fashion and fads. Even World War Two didn"t change you. Although you did your little part as an ambulance driver in Spain, you still managed to get mixed up with those literary types, and they"re so... so sensitive sensitive."
My mother and I were polar opposites in so many ways. Always an extrovert, she had a head for business and politics. That wasn"t me, and I always felt she was a hard act to follow. Now she was putting down things I had done and people who had been very important in my life. It absolutely infuriated me, but she was still my mother, so I pulled back on expressing my rage, quietly seething instead. "Ma, I don"t consider Ernest Hemingway to be a sensitive sensitive guy. He was perceptive and he drank too much, but guy. He was perceptive and he drank too much, but sensitive sensitive he wasn"t." he wasn"t."
"I"m not going to argue that with you," she said primly. "The point is, you have wasted your special gifts for centuries. I hate to say this, dear, but you have been shallow, self-absorbed, and of no use to anyone. I love you, but I haven"t been very proud of you, and I do hate to say that to you."
I suspected she had always felt that, but hearing her say it hurt like h.e.l.l-even though I knew she was right.
Mar-Mar got up and walked back to the sink and started cleaning up. She was always in motion and never sat still for long. With her back to me, she said some other things I didn"t want to hear: "Daphne, you seem to think that if you found your soul mate, the right man, your life would change. If I ever tried to teach you anything, it is that love is not not the answer. At least the answer. At least eras eras isn"t. isn"t. Agape Agape is a different story. But, as I was saying, my point is that spending your life focused on lost love or finding new love is simply selfish and self-destructive. My Scottish friend Thomas Carlyle wrote something a hundred years ago that has always stayed with me. You don"t go looking for happiness. You find it by the wayside-while you are pursuing your ideals and your principles. And that applies to love too. You may find it, but you can"t go looking for it." is a different story. But, as I was saying, my point is that spending your life focused on lost love or finding new love is simply selfish and self-destructive. My Scottish friend Thomas Carlyle wrote something a hundred years ago that has always stayed with me. You don"t go looking for happiness. You find it by the wayside-while you are pursuing your ideals and your principles. And that applies to love too. You may find it, but you can"t go looking for it."
I put my head down on my folded arms, feeling defeated and depressed. "So this whole spying job happened because you set me up?" I moaned.
She turned around and looked at me. Mentally I could hear the words she wasn"t saying: Sit up straight, Daphne. Put some steel in your spine. Never let the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds get you down. You are a vampire. You"re special, and you must never forget that Sit up straight, Daphne. Put some steel in your spine. Never let the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds get you down. You are a vampire. You"re special, and you must never forget that. As I kept my eyes tightly closed and my forehead against my forearm, what she did say was: "Daphne Urban, I chose chose you. I knew a team of vampires could be a tremendously powerful weapon in the fight against terror. You are the smartest vampire I know, present company excepted, and you have another quality that makes you especially valuable." you. I knew a team of vampires could be a tremendously powerful weapon in the fight against terror. You are the smartest vampire I know, present company excepted, and you have another quality that makes you especially valuable."
I have to admit, she had me hooked with that. I peeked up at her and asked, "And what"s that?"
"Courage. You will go after what you know to be right no matter the cost. I"ve seen that in you since you were a child. You were born with bravery in your very bones. I"ve never seen you run from a fight. No matter how frightened you might be, your fears have never stopped you."
I sat up then. I pulled my cup of herbal tea closer and circled my hands around it, swishing the leaves back and forth at the bottom. Neither of us said anything for a moment. Finally I spoke. "Look, you"re right. I am just very upset that you used deception instead of being open and honest with me. How do you know I wouldn"t have voluntarily joined the Darkwings if you had simply asked me?"
She stared down at her hands, which held the dish towel she had been using. She was silent for a hard moment, then she walked over and put her hand lightly on my shoulder. "I was wrong," she said, and kissed the top of my hair. "I am so used to being dishonest and sneaky, wearing masks and playing mind games, that I behaved that way with my own daughter, my own flesh and blood. I shouldn"t have done that, and I hope you will forgive me. I had the best of motives, but the ends don"t justify the means. They never do, and I should know better. But change is difficult. I can only promise you that I"ll be better in the future. I hope you will stay with Team Dark-wing. They need you, and this country needs you. And Daphy..."
"Yes, Ma?" I said, still trying to digest the fact that she had apologized to me for the first time in my life.
"I need you."
I was stunned. People have always depended on Mar-Mar, and she has never admitted to needing needing anyone, even my father. I turned my head and looked into her eyes. The ancient wisdom of a very old soul shone there. Despite her very youthful appearance, so at odds with her inner self, Mar-Mar was an elder, a wise woman, an amazing creature who had helped direct the history of Western civilization for over a thousand years. I had only a vague idea of what had happened when she mingled with kings and popes, but I am quite sure they needed her, and not vice versa. anyone, even my father. I turned my head and looked into her eyes. The ancient wisdom of a very old soul shone there. Despite her very youthful appearance, so at odds with her inner self, Mar-Mar was an elder, a wise woman, an amazing creature who had helped direct the history of Western civilization for over a thousand years. I had only a vague idea of what had happened when she mingled with kings and popes, but I am quite sure they needed her, and not vice versa.
All that went through my mind in an instant. Then I said to her, "Yes, I intend to stay with the Darkwings. You were right about my being lost, I think I am finding myself at last."
"And what about Darius delta CHI"s?" she said boldly, throwing down the gauntlet once more.
I didn"t flinch or back down. "There are some things, Marozia, that really are none of your business." I said. "Let"s say that that information is cla.s.sified." information is cla.s.sified."
To my surprise, she smiled broadly. "Quid pro quo. I deserved that. Well, just don"t get your heart broken. And if you need to talk, I can listen, you know. And I"m always here for you."
I smiled back at her. "I know you are."
"Now, dear, one more thing."
I frowned. What the h.e.l.l was she going to tell me?
"You have a meeting tonight at midnight. Your office. Don"t be late, dear."
I really didn"t know if I could handle my mother also being my boss. Only time would tell. But at that point her doorbell rang. She went and answered it. Her "people" from the Save the Trees group came pouring in.
The old hippie with the gray ponytail was among them. He smiled when he saw me. "Shalom!" he yelled out.
That threw me for a moment, until I remembered I told him I was into the Kabbalah movement.
"Shalom back to you," I answered. He looked strangely familiar, and I felt I had seen him someplace else, besides in Bockerie"s loft the other night.
"Mar-Mar," I said to my mother. "I"d better be going. I told the car service to pick me up at eight, and they"re out in front."
She gave me a quick hug. "G.o.dspeed, Daphy," she said. Then she hurried over to her CD player and put on a Loreena McKennitt alb.u.m. I left with the haunting deep horns of "The Mystic"s Dream" following me out the door. The notion occurred to me that this whole adventure was all a dream from which I"d awaken one day. A cold feeling pa.s.sed over me as I left.
Midnight. Not a sound on the pavement.
I arrived at the Flatiron Building shortly before the witching hour, after stopping off at the apartment for a meal and to pay some attention to Gunther. He wasn"t happy about being left behind every time I went out, but c"est la vie c"est la vie. I fixed him a nice snack and left the television on in front of his cage. I don"t know if he really watched it, but I put on the Discovery Channel for him.
I had a message on my answering machine from Benny, who told me she"d catch me later at the office. I wondered if setting midnight as the time of the meeting was J"s idea of a joke. I immediately nixed the thought since from what I"d seen, a sense of humor wasn"t one of J"s attributes.
I came into the meeting room, and it was empty. I pa.s.sed through and opened the door to my own little office. It was bare and impersonal. I made a mental note to brighten up the walls with some pictures from home and to spend some time here, maybe writing up my reports as if I had a normal job. It wasn"t much, but it was mine own. I walked back into the meeting room and took a seat at the table.
Benny came breezing through the doorway a minute later. She gave me a big girlfriend hug, and her very presence cheered me up. After you think you"ve lost someone forever, to have them back in your life is something wonderful. I was even glad to see Cormac when he came fluttering in.
"Oh," he said as he pulled out a chair and sat down. "I"m so nervous I could thread a sewing machine with it running."
"Why are you all jittery?" I said.
"My agent called. I have an audition. For a princ.i.p.al part on a new HBO series. This could be my big break." His face was lit up like a Christmas tree.
"That"s just wonderful. Cormac. honey." Benny gushed.
"I thought you were a full-time spy?" I said dryly, having heard about Cormac"s possible "big breaks" before, like the time he got called back for the part of the houseboy in Birdcage Birdcage, only to lose it to a young Puerto Rican actor. "But I do do Spanish." he had whined plaintively to me. "Yeah, and you do Greek too." I answered, and he didn"t speak to me for weeks. Spanish." he had whined plaintively to me. "Yeah, and you do Greek too." I answered, and he didn"t speak to me for weeks.
Now he said, "Why, Daphy, you know as well as I do: "Never give up your day job." Of course, it"s a night job in this case, but you know, I"m not independently wealthy like you. So few of us are," he said waspishly.
Before I could think up a snappy comeback, the door crashed open. We all stared at it. A big fellow wearing a John Deere Tractors hat, a denim jacket, and mud-crusted Timberland boots filled the s.p.a.ce without coming in. His face was red. his neck was red. and he had the beginnings of a beer belly hanging over his jeans. He looked like a construction worker. I figured he was with the maintenance staff.
"Hey, you all." he boomed, "is this here where the vampire meeting is? I"m supposed to report in. I"m the newbie!" He gave us a huge grin.
We all looked at him with our mouths open. Benny, always a lady, recovered first.
"Why, yes, you"re in the right place. You just come on in and sit yourself down," She pulled out a chair for him right next to hers. "Now, what"s your name?"
""Bubba," he said. "That"s what most folks call me anyways. And you must be the little lady that Larry D. is seeing. He"s my cousin twice removed, and I want to thank you for telling him about your job. He called my mama, and that"s how I got hooked up with these folks."
Benny did blush when he mentioned that she"d told Larry D. about us. Keeping secrets sure wasn"t her long suit. J must have been superp.i.s.sed when he heard about it... if he had heard about it.
I figured now I had heard everything everything: a vampire named Bubba. "Well, Bubba," I chimed in, "have I deduced correctly that you too hail from Belfry, Kentucky?"
"Ma"am. I"m not real sure what you"re asking, but h.e.l.l, yes! I"m from Kintucky. Anybody who cain"t tell that I"m a redneck is either blind and deaf or dead... drunk!" he said, his belly rocking with laughter.
With that J entered the room. "I see you"ve met the new member of Darkwing. Welcome to our team, Mr. Lee. I"ll be brief. The hour is late." He didn"t give me a wink or even a hard look. J was back to being all business.
"Our last mission was accomplished. Although the government cannot give any of you public recognition, be appraised that Langley has noted your valor. You nave proved that Team Darkwing can be an invaluable addition to this nation"s security. I wish I could say that your job is over, but in fact we have just begun. Mr. O"Reilly, you will remain in place at Opus Dei."
"Oh my G.o.d. more Gregorian chants. I may go mad, I tell you." Cormac always was a drama queen, pun intended.
J continued. "Miss Urban and Miss Polycarp, you will receive new a.s.signments by the end of the month. Meanwhile, we are pleased to grant you two weeks" leave. Get some R & R. Miss Polycarp, if you would like to get back to Branson, we can arrange military transport. Just give me a call. And Miss Polycarp, there is is a note in your file you need to read. Mr. Lee, I"ll be meeting with you during the next week. We have a special a.s.signment for you that may dovetail with Miss Urban"s and Miss Polycarp"s. I think you will work well together." a note in your file you need to read. Mr. Lee, I"ll be meeting with you during the next week. We have a special a.s.signment for you that may dovetail with Miss Urban"s and Miss Polycarp"s. I think you will work well together."
I thought, He"s got to be joking He"s got to be joking.
""And now I want to distribute to the original team members your first wage and earnings statements. Congratulations." With that he pa.s.sed out three white business envelopes. "And you"re dismissed."
""Wait a minute!" Benny cried. "What happened to the terrorists"? What happened to Bonaventure?"
J gave me a quick look and slid his eyes away. "The terrorists are undergoing interrogation. We have made a thorough search of their safe houses. The information we obtained will help us stop any future acts of terrorism. And that is largely thanks to the Darkwings. As for Bonaventure, he is out of the picture, and that"s all I am at liberty to say."
Benny wasn"t about to quit. "What about the diamonds that got stolen from me? I"d just as soon have lost myself than have let go of those gems, although my mama used to tell me I"m never lost, "cause someone"s always telling me where to go."
"The diamonds have not been recovered, " J said. I almost fell out of my seat when he said that, since I had put them right into Mar-Mar"s hands. "But as Bonaventure never cashed the larger check from the diamond broker, only the fifty million dollars remains missing. The terrorists were the big losers on the deal, and they aren"t in any position to complain. As for the uncut diamonds themselves, we a.s.sume they were stolen by a person or persons unknown. Although we"ve turned the matter over to the Treasury Department, it"s unlikely they"ll ever be found. Any other questions?"
I had one, but it was personal. I"d wait until the others left.
"No? One more thing, Team Darkwing..."