We all looked at him.
"I"m proud of every one of you. You did a fine job. You saved millions of lives-and the city of New York. This country owes you a great debt. Now, soldiers, you are dismissed," he barked, and gave us a salute.
With that team Darkwing got up to leave. Benny whispered thai she"d catch up with me later. Cormac rushed out blowing kisses and waving good-bye. Bubba Lee tipped his hat and said. "See ya," as he lumbered back through the door, and I lagged behind, needing to speak to J.
"Yes. Miss Urban?" J said, maintaining a totally professional tone.
I fell uneasy about what I wanted to ask, but I plunged on. "I have a request. I don"t know if you can help, but I"d appreciate it." He nodded at me, so I went on. "I"d like to get into the hospital to see Darius. Right now his visits are limited to family."
I couldn"t read his reaction: his face remained totally expressionless, but his voice was tight when he answered. "I"ll see what I can do. I"ll let you know, is that all?"
"Yes. I mean no, I want to ask you one more thing." I said. He raised his eyebrows, and I sensed a desire to end the conversation. I plunged on, saying, ""I spoke with my mother."
"And?" be said with clear impatience.
"I hope I"m reporting to you and not to her," I blurted out.
His words were clipped and brief. "I"m in charge of Team Darkwing. Is that it?"
"Yes, thank you," I said, and then with a rush of grat.i.tude I reached out and touched his arm as lightly as the landing of a b.u.t.terfly, saying, "Thank you. J, for everything. I mean that with all my heart."
I pulled my hand away, and he responded in a gentler voice, "That"s quite all right, Miss Urban. Get some R and R. I"ll be in touch on the hospital visits."
"Good, great," I said, hastily picking up my things and hurrying out the door. As I was going down in the elevator, I opened the envelope J had handed out earlier. Inside was a form from the United States Government indicating that $1,036 in net earnings had been deposited in my bank account, that I had accrued one vacation day and one sick day, and that the government had started a Thrift Savings Plan and pension for me. Suddenly I felt d.a.m.ned good.
Chapter 17.
Fire does not wait for the sun to be hot, Nor the wind for the moon, to be cool.
-The Zenrin Kushu
Christmas was only a few days away, but the holiday spirit was eluding me this year. Overshadowing everything was the issue of seeing Darius again. I called every day to check on his condition. Yesterday I had learned he was out of the ICU. Today I had discovered he had been transferred to a different hospital. They wouldn"t tell me where. If he had gotten word to me that he wanted to see me, I would have moved heaven and earth to get there. But he didn"t. I remembered all too clearly that with his dying breath, he refused to look at me. That still hurt, and I thought it always would.
During my days of R & R, I had treated myself to a facial, pedicure, manicure, and Parisian peel. Another Buff V Glo had eliminated my pallor. And I shopped, which is the best therapy a woman can buy. My Bloomingdale"s charge card was smoking. When I got back to my apartment after every spending binge, I sadly looked at my purchases and wondered if I"d ever wear most of them.
And there was one more loose end I sewed up, and wished I hadn"t. I called the number from Bonaventure"s caller ID, the East Side car service. I identified myself as a police officer, a deception that I suppose will just be tacked onto my long list of sins one day, and I questioned a dispatcher about that call.
"Yes, we have a record of that service," she said.
"Do you know who actually took the trip?" I asked.
"I can ask the driver. It"s been a while, but he may remember, especially if it was a regular. Can I get back to you on that?" Yes, I said, and gave her my cell phone number.
"One more thing," I said as my heart thumped heavily in my chest. "Do you have the address of the destination?"
"Why, yes. It"s right here. The party went to Grand Central Station."
That bit of information didn"t help me any; it just confused me. Catharine told me that Bockerie had been driving a van, so it wasn"t him who took the ride. When the dispatcher called me back, she told me that the driver had expected to pick up Bonaventure"s maid, as he usually did, but that wasn"t who came downstairs and got in the car.
"Who was it?" I asked.
"Two young white guys. One of them had a blond ponytail," she said.
That information left me confused all over again. Evidently Darius had entered the apartment with an accomplice, and he had kept that information from me. Although I had proof that Bockerie took the diamonds and a.s.sumed he killed Issa and Tanya, there might be another scenario: Darius had been part of an execution squad and Bockerie had arrived after the murders and helped himself to the gems. I wondered if I would ever know the whole truth. Troubling as it was, especially if I contributed to those deaths by opening the door for Darius, the only option was to file the problem away for now.
J called on the evening of the fourteenth day after the Charge of the Vampire Brigade, as Cormac had dubbed our adventure when he phoned with the good news (he got the part in the HBO series) and the bad news (he got killed off in the first episode). J told me that Darius had been sent to a private hospital out on Staten Island. After giving me the address, he told me a visit had been arranged for me that night at nine P.M. if I wanted it. I said I did and thanked him.
J murmured something like, "You might not thank me after you see him," and hung up.
Choosing from among my recent purchases, I dressed simply in a long wool skirt and pink cashmere sweater. My short coat was really a suit jacket for the skirt. It was cla.s.sic Chanel. I wanted to look sophisticated, not s.e.xy. I sprayed on a scent to match. Then I took a car service out to Staten Island. It was a long ride all the way down Richmond Avenue toward the Outerbridge Crossing. I had a lot of time to think. When I got out of the car on the tree-lined street of an older block, a dusting of snow covered the ground, and Christmas lights on nearby front porches cast colors across the white. As I started up the sidewalk I saw a cat"s paw prints. They looked like fallen plum blossoms.
The "hospital" seemed more like an office building than a health-care facility. There was no plaque giving it a name. The front door held the building number in plain gold numbers and nothing more. It was st.u.r.dy as a prison and locked tight. I had to ring a buzzer to get in.
The door opened into a waiting room that held some plastic chairs and a table with a few magazines. An artificial Christmas tree sat in one corner, looking forlorn. A guard"s station behind heavy gla.s.s filled one wall. I walked over and spoke through a circle cut in the gla.s.s. I soon discovered just how tight security was in this place.
Automatic rifles were held by two of the three guards behind the gla.s.s, and the one unarmed guard now checked for my name on a list. Obviously no one got in without prior approval and the appropriate security clearance. I was buzzed into another room. The two armed guards came out, leaving the third man inside the gla.s.s box facing the entrance. I was quickly fingerprinted, photographed, given a name tag, and told where to go to find Darius"s room. The guards were very nice to me; I have to say that. I must have looked tense and unhappy.
"He"s going to be okay, miss," the older of the two said in a kindly way. "The doctors say it"s just a matter of time. He looks a whole lot worse than he is, they say."
That didn"t inspire much optimism in me. "Is he conscious?" I asked.
"Right now? Don"t know. He"s wide-awake sometimes. Mostly at night anyway. We walk by his room, and he"s got the TV on. He sleeps a lot. He was pretty banged up. He always sleeps through the days. Light seems to bother him. He has a lot of bad dreams too. They"ve sedated him, so if he"s real quiet don"t let that worry you none. It"s normal, you know. He"ll answer questions, but he doesn"t seem to want any conversation. It"s not unusual with soldiers coming back from a war zone. PTSD, they call it-post-traumatic stress disorder. We"ve got shrinks to help him, and getting a visit from a pretty miss like you is sure to cheer him up."
I wouldn"t count on it, I thought. They opened the inner door for me and pointed the way down a shadowy corridor.
I marched out feeling like a prisoner going to my doom. My heels made a tap-tap tap-tap sound on the green linoleum. The place seemed empty. Everything was painted in inst.i.tutional green. This was strictly government-issue, I thought, and it must be a safe house for agents. Most of the doors I pa.s.sed were shut tight. I rounded the corner and saw that the door to Darius"s room was ajar, but not open. Stopping in front of it, I could see the flickering light of a TV turned on without the sound. My heart was racing, and I dreaded going in. sound on the green linoleum. The place seemed empty. Everything was painted in inst.i.tutional green. This was strictly government-issue, I thought, and it must be a safe house for agents. Most of the doors I pa.s.sed were shut tight. I rounded the corner and saw that the door to Darius"s room was ajar, but not open. Stopping in front of it, I could see the flickering light of a TV turned on without the sound. My heart was racing, and I dreaded going in.
Darius was asleep, turned on his side, his face toward the doorway where I stood. Even in the dim light his skin was paper white, but he looked like an angel lying there, innocent and young.
I said a silent prayer of thanks that he was asleep, because that would make what I had to do so much easier. As much as I wanted to talk with Darius, my most urgent reason to see him was to bite him again. I had given him the "kiss of life" there in the rain at the container facility. But it takes more than one bite to ensure a complete transformation from human to vampire. It would be truly tragic to leave him in some limbo state, not human and not vampire either. I wanted him to have the same powers I did, the same wings to soar on, the same gifts. Such wonderful abilities would make it easier for him to accept who he now was. And he"d have to accept it, for he had no other option. I hoped he"d come to that realization sooner rather than later. At some point he had to decide whether to hide his transformation from his employers or choose a different life. And seeing the empty bag of plasma hanging from an IV rack on the far side of the bed, I knew he was still being given blood transfusions. Later on he would need help in learning what to do about feeding, avoiding daylight, and all the myriad things a vampire is forced to do to survive.
Gathering up my courage, I came quickly into the room and closed the door tightly behind me. Even amidst my anxieties, my desire was increasing and a wetness had begun between my legs. My breathing quickened as I carefully crept onto the bed next to Darius. Feeling his body next to mine made my heart lurch. I ran my hands over his bare shoulder and cupped his neck as I leaned down. I found the sweet spot on his throat and bit quickly, beginning my long, deep drink. I was soon in ecstasy, swooning with the sensations that coursed through my veins as his essence flowed into me. I didn"t notice that his eyes had opened until I had finished and lifted my b.l.o.o.d.y mouth.
Before I knew what happened, his lips came up to mine in a hard kiss. With surprising strength he roughly turned me over on the bed and got his hand up under my skirt, pulling down my panties and yanking them off. So fast I barely knew what was happening, he entered me and began thrusting hard into me again and again. I was stunned, but not surprised. A vampire"s bite is as arousing for the victim as for the vampire, and his drive for s.e.xual release would have been overwhelming.
I moaned and welcomed him. Darius pushed into me again and again and again. I was rising up to meet his excitement, wanting him to stay with me, in me, forever. I opened my eyes just once and saw him glaring down at me, with eyes filled with anger and pain, but not love. I closed mine tight and sought his mouth, using my own strength to hold him with a kiss. He rammed into me until I couldn"t stop myself and began to come; then he climaxed and stopped moving.
He rolled off me then, leaving me empty and forlorn. He didn"t embrace me. His eyes were open wide when I again opened mine.
"Darius?" I said, my voice breaking and the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Did you get what you came for-my soul soul?" he asked bitterly.
"Please let me explain," I pleaded.
"There"s nothing to say. I accept what you did, but I will never forgive you for doing it." He shifted away from me, turned his head, and stared at the television while he spoke to me.
My voice was trembling and my heart was breaking as I tried to tell him, "Look, the change is difficult at first. I know that, but I couldn"t let you die. I did what I did because I love you."
"I don"t think you know what love is," he said. "It wasn"t love to make me into a monster. Like you."
His words were like a dagger thrusting into my breast. When I was bitten centuries ago, I remember being confused, but with that was also a tremendous excitement at having the heightened sensations and the magnificent strength of the vampire race. Of course, it had been different for me, since I didn"t hate vampires, having been born from one"s womb. Now, trying once more to reach him, I cried out softly, "Darius, please try to understand. You are immortal now."
Darius still didn"t look at me. He just stared toward the flickering TV screen while he said slowly and deliberately, "Look, just get out. Leave me alone. I don"t want to see you. Don"t you get it? I don"t want to have anything to do with you. Get out of here!" His words were hard and cruel.
I touched his shoulder with my hand. He shrugged it off and pulled away. Now I spoke the last things I needed to say to him. "You don"t want to hear this, but there are things I need to tell you. Listen to me: You don"t have to kill to get blood. I"m leaving my mother"s number here. You can always call me, but in case you don"t, please call her. She"ll set things up for you. You can trust her. I swear it."
I rolled off the bed. He still wouldn"t look at me but was looking blankly up at the ceiling now. His face was like a mask, wooden and unmoving, his lips silent. I straightened out my skirt and slipped out the door. I nearly ran down the hall, never looking back. If I had, I would have seen that Darius was openly crying, and that he held the black wisp of my silk panties clenched in one hand.
Chapter 18.
Consciousness determines existence. Cogito, ergo sum.
-Descartes
I left the hospital, desolation in my every step. I heard the lonely sound of a chestnut dropping beneath a tree. I stopped. The sound struck me in my soul. Awakening. Satori Satori. Everything changed.
Suddenly I picked up my chin and straightened my spine, realizing with full force just how heroic Team Darkwing had been. We had made history and saved lives, and I myself was different, proud of what I had done. I had succeeded, never shirking from a challenge, never running from danger. My head was high. I wanted to yell to those pa.s.sing cars: A vampire walks here! She is strong and fine. She pa.s.ses you on the street. You don"t recognize her, but she is here. She lives A vampire walks here! She is strong and fine. She pa.s.ses you on the street. You don"t recognize her, but she is here. She lives!
The moon peeped out between the snow clouds in the night sky. I could soar toward it if I wished, like a bird, just as humans have wanted to do since time began. They merely dream of flying, but I could do it. I was who I was, and for the first time in my long life, I didn"t wish to be anyone else.
No matter what Darius had said to me, with a diamond-hard surety inside me, I knew it was right to have saved his life. And it was meant to be so. He was now an immortal. I was his conversion on the road to Damascus. I had transformed him from a persecutor into the persecuted, from a killer into a victor who could fight and win-and yet never kill again.
I believed, and I had witnessed it again and again in all my years on this globe, that we are given our fates in life; we don"t choose them. To be bitten by me was Darius"s destiny. Everything he had done had been to bring him to that night in the rain, to the bullet that ricocheted and struck him down, to that wet, hard asphalt where he fell, his mortality ebbing out of him. And everything I had done had brought me there to his side, with Benny showing up like an angel dropping out of the weeping sky, returned from the dead, or so it seemed to me. She arrived like a miracle, just in time to urge me to bite him. The ends had made a circle, tied neatly, bringing it all together. We met. We loved. I bit him. Nothing is accidental.
Now, with a bone-deep longing, I wanted Darius to forgive me and to see that what had happened to him was a beginning, not an end. His transformation meant we could be together now, without lies. It might be foolish of me to hope, but if we could be a couple again, we could stay together forever. We could wander under moonshine and travel the world. I envisioned taking him to my beloved Ireland, where I had known Yeats and proudly worn the green, traveling the land from Dublin to Dingle where the bay lies placid under the stars. And in the warmth of an Irish pub, we could raise a pint and sing "rebel songs" to the mandolins and guitars played by the apple-cheeked members of local bands.
Swiftly, without warning, the memory of the first time Darius had kissed me, there on Madison Avenue in front of the jewelry store, washed over me. Had I listened carefully, I would have known that my heart was telling me from the first that he was meant to be my mate. Now I could only hope that his his heart would find its way back to me after the storms of anger had pa.s.sed. Then, like a cold wind, reality crashed down on me. My revelries stopped with a rush of deep hurt and the knowledge that in all truth I probably had lost Darius forever. As a sob escaped from my lips and blackness threatened to overwhelm me, I looked up and saw a lighted Christmas star atop a church. Pulsing white and beautiful, it seemed to shine for me, sending me a message-or a promise-that love conquers all. I needed only to have faith. heart would find its way back to me after the storms of anger had pa.s.sed. Then, like a cold wind, reality crashed down on me. My revelries stopped with a rush of deep hurt and the knowledge that in all truth I probably had lost Darius forever. As a sob escaped from my lips and blackness threatened to overwhelm me, I looked up and saw a lighted Christmas star atop a church. Pulsing white and beautiful, it seemed to shine for me, sending me a message-or a promise-that love conquers all. I needed only to have faith.
And at that moment snow began to fall lightly, fragmenting the glow of the Christmas star into hundreds of fairy lights that sparkled all around me. I did have faith in love. And I also felt jubilant that the vampires of Team Darkwing were protectors, not destroyers. Walking more quickly now, feeling strong and ready to wend my way home, I paused for a moment by the church. The doors stood open, and the inside was crowded with worshipers. A rosy light spilled out across the snow, and from within the sound of a choir rang. As I stood there, the words they sang reached out and embraced me: "For unto us a Son is born, For unto us a Child is given." A vision of the young virgin Mary with her baby flashed into my mind. A certainty came upon me that I was on this earth for a purpose. I couldn"t foresee the future, but I could face it courageously. With Darius or without him, I would fight for what was right and good, and one day he might return to my arms. If he didn"t, I might mourn his absence each day and night, but I would take one step at a time, and go on...