"IwishIdidn"tbelieveit.Areyoucertain?"
"Yes."
Hissighwasheartfelt."We"dbetterstartproceedings..."
"I"ve...er...alreadystartedthem.Wemayinadayortwohavetwohorsesonourhandswhichwillneedtobestabledsomewhereeminentlyrespectablewhiletheirident.i.tyisbeinginvestigated.Owingtothelengthoftimethey"vebeenlost,itmaytakeacoupleofmonthstore-establishthem.Wherewouldyouthinkitwouldbebesttoputthem?"
Afterapause,hesaid,"Isupposeyou"reaskingmetohavethemhere?"
"Notreally,"Iexplained."ToomuchofacoincidenceafterChrysalis,perhaps.I"dthoughtratherofamoreofficialplace...Idon"tknowwhatyouhave."
"I"llthinkofsomething."Hecoughedslightly.Therewon"tbeanythingillegalabouttheirrecovery?"
"NomorethanforChrysalis."
"That"snoanswer."
"Thereshouldn"tbeanytroublewiththepolice,"Isaid.
"Iguessthat"llhavetodo,"hesighed."WhendoIexpectthem?"
"Ifallgoeswell,theyshouldreachLexingtononSunday."
"Andifalldoesn"tgowell?"
"You"llhavenoproblem."
Helaughed."Andyou?"
"Onemorewon"tmatter."
CHAPTERSIXTEEN.
FormostofthirtyhoursIsatinthemountainousArizonadesertandlookeddownatMattCliveleadingaboringlife.
Likehissister,hewascapable,quick,efficient.Hewateredthestockandmendedafence,sweptoutthehouseandfedthehens;andspentagooddealoftimeinthelargestbarnontheplace.
Ihadfoundmyselfaperchamongtherocksontheeastfacingsideofthevalley,halfamileoffthedustyroadtothefarm.Atnearlythreethousandfeetabovesealeveltheheatwasbearable,thoughthemiddaysunblazeddownfromnearlystraightoverhead,andeggswouldhavefriedonthesidewalksiftherehadbeenany.Desertplantsweredesignedtosavethemselvesandnooneelse:atmybackgrewalargeagave,itscentralstemrisingsixfeethighwithflatoutspreadingflowersturningfromredtobrilliantyellow.Forleavesithadrazorsharpspikesspringingoutwardsfromthegroundinonelargeclump.Stiff;angular;notavestigeofshade.Thespindlybuckhornandtheflatdevil"sringerswouldhavebeenprettyuselesstoamidget.Ifoldedmyselfundertheoverhangofajaggedboulderandinchedroundwiththemeagreshadepatchuntilthesuncriedquitsbehindthehill.
ShowmanandAllyxhadtobeinthebigbarn:thoughIsawnosignofthem,norofanyotherhorses,onthefirstafternoon.
ByairtoLasVegasandhiredcartoKingmanhadtakenmeallmorning,andatthelastforkonthewaytothefarmI"dhadtodecidewhethertoriskmeetingMattheadonontheroadortowalktenmilesinstead.I"driskedit.Tenmilestherewasalsotenmilesback.Thecarhadb.u.mpedprotestinglyofftheroadtwomilesshortofhisfarm,andwasnowoutofsightinagulley.
Binocularsbroughteverydetailofthemeagrespreadupclearandsharp.Thesmalldilapidatedhouselaytotheleft,withthebigbarnontherightacrossalargedustyyard.Alongmostofathirdsideoftheroughquadranglestretchedanunevenjumbleofsimplestonebuildings,andbehindthosetherustinggutsoftwoabandonedcarslayexposedtothesky.
Maintenancewasataminimum:noendemicprosperityhere.TheownersscratchedforalivinginatinyvalleyamongtheArizonahills,existingthereonlybycourtesyofthequirkofrockformationwhichhadbroughtundergroundwatertothesurfaceinaspring.ThesmallriverbedwaseasytofollowfromwhereIsat:Gra.s.sandtreescircleditsorigin,spa.r.s.epaddocksstretchedawaytosaggingfencesoneachsideofitsupperreaches,acornpatchgrewbesideitnearthefarmbuildings,andlowerdownitranoffintothedesertinadrywideshallowsandytrough.Heavyrainwouldturniteverytimeintoaragingtorrent,asdestructiveasitwasvital.Highbehindthehouse,dominatingthewholeplace,ahugeonion-shapedwaterstoragetanksatsquatlyontopofaspindlylookingtower.
Mileaftermileofplaindarkpolesstretchedalongtheroadtothefarm,carryinganelectriccableandatelephonewire,butcivilisationhadfallenshortofrefusecollection.Asprawlingdumpatonesideofthebigbarnseemedtoconsistofabra.s.sbedstead,halfatractor,abottomlesstinbath,thebonesofanoldwagon,atangledheapofunidentifiablerustingmetal,androughlyfiftytreadlesstyresofvaryingsizes.Fillingeverycreviceamongthislotwerebottlesandemptyfoodcanswithlabelspeelingandjaggedlids.m.u.telyopenlikemouths.Overthetoptheairshimmeredwithreflectedheat.
Matthadalreadyspentatleastaweekinthisuglyoasis.Waltshouldn"tfindittoohardtopersuadehimtomakeaneveningvisittoLasVegas.
Iwatcheduntillongafterdark.Lightswentonandoffinthehouse,andMattmovedabout,visiblethroughtheinsectscreensbecausehedidn"tdrawanycurtains.If,indeed,therewereany.
Cautiouslyatsometimeafteroneo"clock,whenallthelightsonmysideofthehousehadbeenoutformorethantwohours, Ipickedmywaydowntothefarm.Thenightwa.s.stillwarm,butastheonlylightcamefromthestarsitwasblackdarkontheground,andwithagaveclumpsinmindIreckonedmytorchheldlesserrisk.
Ireachedthefarmyard.Nothingstirred.Quietly,slowly,Imadethecrossingtothebarn.Mattinthehouseslepton.
Nopadlocks:notevenbolts.Thereweren"tany.Thewidedoorofthebarnstoodopen;andwiththisinvitation,Iwentin.Inside,thebarnwasdividedintosixstallsalongoneside,withfeedbinsandsaddlerystorageracksalongtheother.Hereandeverywhereelsedilapidationanddecaywerewinninghandsdown:everythingmytorchflickedoverlookedinneedofhelp.
Fourofthestallswereempty,butinthetwocentralones,sidebyside,stoodtwohorses.Gently,soasnottofrightenthem,Iwentover,talkingsoothinglyinamurmurandshiningthetorchbeamonthewallinfrontoftheirheads.Theireyesinthedimlightrolledroundenquiringly,butneithergavemorethanasinglestampofalarm.
ThefirstonetriedtobackawaywhenIshonethetorchintohismouth:butanexceedinglystronglookingheadcollarandaremarkablynewchainkepthimfromgoingmorethanafewfeet.Iranmyhanddownhisneckandtalkedtohim.andintheendgotmyinspectiondone.Thetattooedmark,asoften,wasnonetooclear:butdiscerniblyitwas752:07.TheregistrationnumberofMoviemaker.
Thetattooonthesecondhorsewasmorerecentandalsoclearer:theregistrationnumberofCentigrade.
Satisfied,Igavethemeachafriendlyslap,andwithgreatcareleftthebarn.Mattstillslept.Ihesitated,thinkingthatenoughwasenough,butintheendwentdowntotheendofthefarmyardtotakeaquicklookthroughtheotherbuildings.Inoneonly,adeepnarrowgarage,wasthereanythingofinterest:acar.
ItwasnotMatt"spaleblueconvertible,butatinnyblacksaloonthreeorfouryearsold.Myflashlightpickedoutapieceofpaperlyingonthepa.s.sengerseat,andIopenedthedoorandtookalookat.i.t.AcopyofaworksheetfromagarageinKingman.Customer"sname:Clive.Workrequired:RemoveyellowpaintfromFordconvertible.Furtherinstructions:Completea.s.soonaspossible.
Iputthepaperbackontheseatandshonethelightoverthedashboard.AsmallmetalplatescrewedontoitborethenameofthegarageinKingman:Matthadrentedthiscarwhilehisownwasbeingcleaned.
Outside,everythingwa.s.still,andfeelinglikeashadowamongshadowsIwentquietlyoutofthefarmyardandalongthedustyroadtowardsKingman.ItseemedalotfurtherthantwomilestotheflatstonesIhadleftoneontopoftheotherasamarker,andevenafterIhadreachedthemittookmequiteawhiletofindthehiddencarandget.i.tbackontotheroad.
ItwaswellafterthreewhenIcalledWalt.Hesoundedresigned,buthe"dknownitwouldbesometimeinthenight.
"Aretheythere?"hesaid.
"Theyare.They"requiteunguarded,andthere"sonlyMattontheplace.Howaboutthingsyourend?"
"Oh."Amus.e.m.e.ntcreptin."Offenwasfullofoffendeddignity.Didn"tknowhowanyonecouldsuggesthewasengagedinfraud;thatsortofthing.Itdidn"timpresstheD.A."ssquadatall,becausetheygetthatsortofbl.u.s.tereverytime.Madethemallthekeener,ifanything.Theyhadquitealongsessionwithhim,allfairlypolitebutdefinitelyneedling.Artists,theyare.FromourpointofviewOffensaidnothingsignificantexceptforonelittlegem.TheD.A."sguysaskedtoseethestudgroom.That"sKiddo,remember?Theonewhotoldusaboutthemaresfoalingatnight?"
"Iremember,"Isaid.
"Well,itseemsit"saslowtimearoundstudsjustnow,andKiddowentoffonavacationthedayafterourfirstvisit."
"Hedidn"tsayanythingaboutthatwhenwewerethere."
"Hesuredidn"t.OffensaysKiddowillbebackinthreeweeks.Bythen,Iguess,heexpectstohavehadMoviemakerandCentigradeidentifiedasthemselves,andthenwhenthedustha.s.settledhecanbringShowmanandAllyxquietlyback,andit"llbesafeforKiddotoreturn.IguessOffendidn"tknowwhichwayhe"djump,andbootedhimoffoutoftrouble."
"I"msureyou"reright,"Isaid."Anythinginterestingonthetape?"
"I"vebeenlisteningtothatd.a.m.nedmachineuntilI"mboredtodeathwithit,"hesaidwearily."Today"srunwasmostlytheD.A."smentalkingtoOffen,soIheardallthattwiceover.HethencalledbothYolaandMattandtoldthemabout.i.t,andhesoundedprettypleasedwiththewaythingsweregoing.I"dsayMattwasamiteannoyedathavingtostaywhereheis:Offenwastellinghimnottobestupid,whatwasaweekortwowithsomuchatstake.AlsoYolamustbewantingMattback,becauseOffensmoothedherdownwiththesamespiel."Waltpausedandclearedhisthroat."WhatwouldyousayistherelationshipbetweenMattandYola?"
SmilingintothereceiverIsaid,"Suchthoughts,Walt,fromyou!"
"It"spossible..."hesaiduncomfortably.
"Itsureis.b.u.t.there"snothingtoindicateitexceptfortheirnotbeingmarried."
"Thenyoudon"tthink...?"
"I"dsaythey"recertainlycentredoneachother,buthowfaritgoesIcouldn"tguess.TheonlytimeI"veseenthemtogetherthey"vehadtheirhandsfullofpuntsandguns."
"Yeah...well,maybecrimeishowittakesthem."
Iagreedthat.i.tprobablywas,andaskedhimifhe"dgotMattsetupfortheinsurancemeeting.
"Isurehave,"hesaidwithsatisfaction."Icalledhimthisafternoon.Itmusthavebeensoonafterhe"dbeentalkingtoOffen,Iguess,becauseheseemedtobegladenoughtobegivenareasonforgoingtoLasVegas.Isuggestedsixp.m.whichsoundedallright,buthehimselfaskedifIcouldmakeitlater."
"He"llprobablywanttofeedthehorsesaboutthen,whenthedaygetscooler,"Isaid."Andthosehorseswouldcomefirst."
"Yeah.Atthreemillionfortwo,theysurewould.Itbeatsmewhyhedoesn"tguardthemeveryminute."
"Againstwhat?"Isaid.
"Yougotapoint,"heconceded."Onlyus.Andwe"reobviouslyconcentratingonthetwoatOrpheus.Right?"
"Right."
"Anyway,MattsaidcouldImakeitlaterthansix,andweagreedintheendonnine.Thatshouldmeanhe"lltakethatganderattheroulettetablesonhiswayhome,andmaybegiveusmostofthenighttogetthehorsesclear."
"Good."Isaid."That"sfine.ButWalt..."
"Yes?"
"Takecare."
"Goteachyourgrandmother,"hesaid,andIsmiledwrylyandaskedhimifhe"dheardfromSamHengelman.
"Sure,hecalledthisevening,likeyouasked.He"dreachedSantaRosainNewMexicoandhewasgoingontoAlbuquerquebeforestoppingforthenight.Hesaidhe"dbeinKingmanbyfourorfivetomorrowafternoon...today,Isuppose,technically...andhe"llmeetyouattheMojaveMotel.Itoldhimthereturntripwouldn"tbestartingbeforeeight,sohe"sgoingtotakearoomthereandcatchacoupleofhourssleep."
"Thanks,Walt,that"sgreat,"Isaid.
"We"reallset,then?"Therewasahintofuneaseinhisvoice,anditraisedp.r.i.c.klesagaininmyearlywarningmechanism.
"Youdon"thavetogotoLasVegas,"Isaidreasonably."We"vetimeenoughwithout.i.t."
"I"mgoing,"hesaid."Andthat"sthat."
"Well...allright.Ithinkwecoulddowithacheckpoint,though,incaseanythinggoeswrong.Let"ssayyouwaitinthelobbyoftheAngelInnfromeighttoeightthirtytomorrowevening.That"swhereIstayed.It"srightontheedgeofLasVegas,but.i.t"saneasytriptoPittsvilleBoulevard.I"llcallyoutheresometimeduringthathalfhour;andifIdon"t,youstayput,anddon"tgoouttoMatt"shouse."
"O.K.,"hesaid,andalthoughhetried,therewasdistinctreliefinhisvoice.
Wedisconnected,andIateasandwichanddrankcoffeeata.n.a.llnightlunchcounteratthebusstationbeforereturningtomyhirecarandpointingitsnoseagaintowardsthefarmandthehills.Thetwoflatstonescameupagainintheheadlights,andre-stowingthecarinitsformerhidingplace,Ifinishedthejourneyonfoot.
Backinth.e.s.h.elterofthesamejaggedrockItriedforatimetosleep.Therewa.s.stillanhourormorebeforedawn,andthesunwouldn"tbetoohotforawhileafterthat,butinspiteofknowingthatI"dgetnorestatallduringthefollowingnight.
Mybrainstayedobstinatelyawake.Isupposedaninabilitytosleeponopengroundsurroundedbycactiandwithinyellingdistanceofamanwho"dkillmeifhehadachancecouldhardlybecla.s.sedasinsomniaintheordinaryway:butIhadnoillusions.Thatwaspreciselywhat.i.twas.Therestless,racingthoughts,theelectricalawareness,thefeelingthateverythinginone"sbodywasworkingfullsteamaheadandwouldn"tslowdown;Iknewallthesymptomsmuchtoowell.Onecouldliewitheyesshutandrelaxeverymuscleuntilonecouldn"ttellwhereone"sarmsandlegswere,andstillsleepwouldn"tcome.Breathedeeply,countallth.e.s.h.eepofCanterbury,repeatonce-learnedverses;nothingworked.
Thesuncameupandshoneinmyeyes.InchingoutofitsrevealingspotlightIretreatedroundthesideoftherockandlookeddowntothefarmthroughthebinoculars.Nomovement.AtfivethirtyMattwa.s.stillinbed.
Iputdownthegla.s.sesandthoughtaboutacigarette.Therewereonlyfourleftinthepacket.Sighing,IreflectedthatIcouldeasilyhaveboughtsomeinKingman,ifI"dgivenitathought.Itwasgoingtobealongday.AllI"dbroughtwithmebesidethebinocularswasabottleofwater,apairofsungla.s.ses,andtheLugerinmybelt.
AtseventhirtyMattcameoutthroughthericketyscreendoorofthehouse,andstoodintheyardstretchingandlookingaroundatthecloudlesscobaltbluesky.Thenhewentacrosstothebarnandpokedhisheadbrieflyinside.
Satisfiedthatthegoldwa.s.stillinthebank,hefetchedbucketsofwaterandjoineditforlongenoughtomuckoutthestallsandseetothefeed.Afteratimehecameoutwithabarrow-fulofdroppingsandwheeleditawaytoemptyonthefarsideofthebarn,outofmysight.
Thehensgottheirgrits,andthecalvesinanearcompoundtheirrationofwater,andMattretiredforhisbreakfast.Themorningworeon.Thetemperaturerose.Nothingelsehappened.
AtnoonIstoodupforawhilebehindtherocktostretchmylegsandrestoresomefeelingtothebitsthatwerenumbfromsitting.Idranksomewaterandsmokedacigarette,andputonthesungla.s.sestocirc.u.mventahoveringglareheadache,andhavingexhaustedmyrepertoireexceptforafewshotsfromtheLuger,foldedmyselfbackintothewedgeofslowlymovingshade,andtookanotherlookatthefarm.
Statusquoentirelyunchanged.MaybeMattwasasleep,ortelephoning,orwatchingtelevision,orinventingsystemsforhistriptoLasVegas.Hecertainlywasnotdoingmuchfarming.Nordidheapparentlyproposetoexercisethehorses.Theystayedintheirstallsfromdawntodusk.
BytwoIknewintimatelyeveryspinyplantgrowingwithinaradiusoftenfeetofmyrock,andfoundmyeyesgoingfaroftenertothebroadsweepofdesertonmyleftthantothedirtylittlefarmbelow.Thedesertwascleaninitsway,andfierce,andstarklybeautiful.Allhillsandendlesssky.Parchedsandygreydustandscratchycactus.Killingheat.Awild,uncompromising,lonelyplace.
WhenIfirstfelttheurgejusttogetupandwalkawayintoitIdraggedmyeyesdutifullybacktothefarmandsmokedthesecondcigaretteandthoughtfirmlyaboutMattandthehorses.Thatonlyworkedforawhile.Thebarrencountrypulledlikeamagnet.
Ihadonlytowalkoutthere,Ithought,andkeepongoinguntilIwasfilledwithitsemptiness,andthensitdownsomewhereandputthebarreloftheLugeragainstmyhead,andsimplysqueeze.Sochildishlyeasy;soappallinglytempting.
Walt,Ithoughtdesperately.Icouldn"tdoitbecauseofWaltandtheunfinishedbusinesswewereembarkedon.Thehorseswerethereinfrontofme,andWaltandSamHengelmanwereontheirway.Itwasimpossiblejusttoabandonthem.Ihitmyhandagainsttherockanddraggedmymindbacktothefarmandthenightahead.AndwhenI"dgonethroughthatpiecebypieceIconcentratedoneatatimeonYolaandOffen,andEuniceandDaveTeller,andKeebleandLynnie,tryingtousethemaspegstokeepmebelievingthatwhatIdidmatteredtothem.ThatanythingIdidmatteredtoanybody.ThatIcaredwhetheranythingIdidmatteredtoanybody.
Myhandhadbeenbleeding.Ihadn"tevenfelt.i.t.Ilookeddispa.s.sionatelyatthesc.r.a.pedskin,andloathedmyself.Ishutmyeyes,andthedesolationwentsodeepthatforanunmeasurableageIfeltdizzywithit,asifIwereinsomefearfulpitchblacklimbo,withnohelp,nohope,andnoescape.Spinningslowlydownanendlessshaftinsolitarydespair.Lost.
Thespinningstopped,afterawhile.Theinternaldarknessstayed.
Iopenedmyeyesandlookeddownatthefarm,onlyhalfseeingit,feelingmyselftremblingandknowingthattherewasn"tmuchfurthertogo.
Mattcameoutofthehouse,walkedacrosstheyard,tookalookintothebarn,andretracedhissteps.Iwatchedhiminadisorientatedhaze:thosehorsesinthebarn,whatdidtheymatter?Whatdidanythingmatter?Whocaredasixpennyd.a.m.naboutbloodlines,itwouldallbethesameinahundredyears.
DaveTellercared.
Lethim.
DaveTellercaredatenthousanddollard.a.m.nwhathappenedtothem.
Crystalclear,likedistilledwaterlogic,itoccurredtomethatIcouldgiveusbothwhatwewantedifIpostponedmywalkintothedesertuntillaterthatnight.IwouldpackthehorsesoffwithHengelman,andinsteadofdrivingbacktoKingmanafterhim,Iwouldsetoffonfoot,andwhenitwasnearlydawn,andeverythinglookedgreyandshadowy,andthestepwouldbesmall...then...
Then.
Ifelt,immediatelyaftermakingthisfirmdecision,whichseemedtomeextremelysensible,agreatinvasionofpeace.Nomorestruggle,nomorefuss.Mybodyfeltrelaxedandfullofwell-being,andmymindwascalm.Icouldn"tthinkwhysuchan.o.bvioussolutionhadn"toccurredtomebefore.Allthesweatandsleeplessnesshaddissolvedintoacool,inner,steadylight.
ThisstagelasteduntilIrememberedthatIhadoncebeendeterminednottoreachit.