Afterthat,creepinginlittlebylittle,cametherackingconvictionthatIhadmerelysurrendered,andwasnotonlydespicablebutprobablyinsane.
Isatforawhilewithmyheadinmyhands,fearfullyexpectingthatwiththefalsepeacebrokenupandgone,backwouldcometheshatteringvertigo.
Itdidn"t.TherewasonlysogreatatirednessthatwhatI"dcalledtirednessbeforewaslikeapinheadonacontinent.Thedrearyfightwasonagain;butatleastI"dsurvivedthebloodiestbattleyet.Touchedbottomandcomeback.IfeltthatafterthisIreallycouldclimbrightout,ifIwentontrying.
Alongwaytogo.b.u.t.then,I"dhaveallthetimeIneeded.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN.
Ihadcramprightdownbothlegs.MattcameoutofthehouseandIwokeuptothefactthattheshadepatchhadmovedroundwhileIhadn"t.WhenhewentintothebarnIstartedtoshiftthenecessarytwoyardsandfoundmymusclesinknots.
Theshadewasn"tmuchcooler,butmuchbettercover.IsatinitwaitingforMatttocomeoutofthebarnandformylegstounlock.Whattheyneededwasformetogettomyfeetandstampabout:butifMattcaughtsightofanyonemovingsoclosetohimthewholeprojectwouldlieinruins.
Hefetchedwaterforthehorses,forthecalves,andforthehens.Ilookedatmywatch,andwashorriblystartledtoseeitwasnearlysix.Itcouldn"tbe,Ithought;but.i.twas.FourhourssinceIlastchecked.Fourhours.Ishiveredintheroastingair.
Mattbroughttheemptymuckbarrowaroundandintothebarn,andcameoutwithitfilled.ForthewholeafternoonI"dfallendownonthesurveillance,butlookingbackIwasfairlysurenothinghadchangedatthefarm.Certainlyatthispointthingswereastheyhadbeen:Matthadnohelpersandnovisitors,andwhenheleftforLasVegasthehorseswouldbealone.ForthatpieceofcertaintyIhadbeenpreparedtowatchallday,andapoorjobI"dmadeofit.
Mattshutthebarndoorandwentintothehouse.Halfanhourlaterhecameoutinacreamcolouredjacketanddarktrousers,atransformationfromhishabitualjeansandacheckedshirt.Heopenedthedoorsofth.e.s.h.edcontainingthecar.wentinside,startedup,anddroveoutacrosstheyard,roundthebendontotheroad,andawayoverthedeserttowardsKingman.
Satisfied,Ifinallygottomyfeet.Thecrampshadgone.Iploddedtiredlyofftothetwo-mile-distanthiddencar,andwishedthenightwasover,notbeginning.Ihadn"tenoughenergytolickastamp.
Matt"sdusthadsettledwhenIfollowedhimalongtheemptyroad,butwhenIgotintoKingmanhewa.s.stillthere.WithshockIsawhimstandingoutsideagarageIwaspa.s.sing,andIdrewintothekerbfiftyyardsonandlookedback.TheblacksaloonhehadhiredandhisownblueFordwerebothstandingthereintheforecourt.AnoveralledgirlattendantwasfillingtheFord"stankfromthepump,andMattwaslookingins.n.a.t.c.hesathiswatchandexhibitingimpatience.Seventwenty;andahundredmilestoLasVegas.HewouldbeafewminuteslateforhisappointmentwithWalt.
SlumpingdowninmyseatIfixedthedrivingmirrorsothatIcouldwatchhim.Hepaidthegirlforthepetrolandhoppedintohiscaroverthe.op,withoutopeningthedoor.Thenhepulledoutontotheroad,turnedinmydirection,andwentpastmewithhisfootimpressivelyontheaccelerator.Igentlyfollowedforawhileatarespectabledistance,contenttokeephimonlyjustinsight,andturnedbacktothetownoncehewasconclusivelytoppingthespeedlimitonRoute93toLasVegas.
OutsidetheunprosperouslookingMojaveMotelSamHengelman"shorsevantookupasixthoftheparkings.p.a.ce.Inside,theytoldmethathehadarrivedatfourthirtyandwasalonginRoom6,sleeping.Ilefthimtoit,becausewecouldn"tmoveanywayuntilI"dphonedWaltateight,andwentintothebusstationforsomecoffee.Itcameinaplasticcartonoutofanautomat,blackbutweak.Idrankitwithouttastingandthoughtaboutsomefood,butIwasn"treallyhungryenoughtobother,andIwastoodirtyandunshavenforanywheregood.UntilaftereightIsatonthebusstationbenchstaringintos.p.a.ce,andthenusedthebusstationtelephonetogetthroughtoWalt.
Hecameonthelinewithlittledelay.
"How"sthings?"hesaid.
"MattleftKingmanforLasVegasatseventhirty,sohewillbealittlelate."
"LeftKingman?"Waltsoundedsurprised.
IexplainedaboutMattchangingcars.
"IsupposehisFordwasn"tquitereadywhenhegotthere.Anyway,he"scominginthat,notthehiredone."
"Areyouallright?"Waltsaidhesitantly.
"Ofcourse."
"Youdon"tsoundit."
"SamHengelman"shere,"Isaid,ignoringhim."He"sasleepalongattheMojaveMotel.We"llstarta.s.soonasIgetbackthereandwakehimup."
"It"sallsafeatthefarm?"Heseemedanxious.
"Deserted,"Ia.s.suredhim."Hasbeenallyesterday,alllastnight,andalltoday.NoonearoundbutMatt.Stopworrying.YoujustseeMattandputonyouract,andthenheadstraightbacktoSantaBarbara.a.s.soona.s.sam"sclearoftheareaI"llfollowyou.Seeyouforbreakfastabouttwelvehoursfromnow."
"Right,"hesaid."Well...keepyournoseclean."
"Youtoo."
"Surething.It"snotmethat"snuts."
ThelineclickedclearbeforeIfoundananswer,anditleftmewithavaguefeelingthattherewasmoreIshouldhavesaid,thoughIdidn"tknowwhat.
IknockedonSam"sdooratthemotel,andhecamesleepilystretchingtoswitchonthelightandletmein.
"Withyouinaminute,"hesaid,reachingforhisshoesandlookingroundforhistie.
"Sam,youdon"thavetocome."
"Eh?"
"Gobacktosleep.I"llgoandfetchthehorses.Thatwayyouwon"tbesoinvolved."
Hesatontheedgeofthebedlookingdownatthefloor."I"mstilldrivingthemtoLexington?"
"Unlessyouwantout.Leavethevan,andflyhome."
"Nope."Heshookhishead."Abargain"sabargain.AndImayaswellcomealltheway.Thatvan"snonetooeasyinreverse...don"tknowthatyoucouldhandleit."
Ihalfsmiledanddidn"targue.I"dwantedhimwithme,butonlywillingly,andI"dgotthat.Heknottedhistieandbrushedhishairandthentookasidelongglanceatmyownappearance,whichfellatonshortofhis.Hewasafleshymanofaboutfifty,bald,paleskinned,andunexcitable.Hisnerves,Ithought,weregoingtobeatleastequaltotheevening"srequirements.
"Let"sgo,then,"hesaidcheerfully."Ipaidinadvance."
Ifollowedhimacrosstothevanandclimbedupintothecab.Samstartedtheengine,toldmehe"dfilledupwithgaswhenhe"dfirstreachedKingman,androlledoutsouth-eastontheroadtothefarm.Hisbroadfacelookedperfectlycalmintheglowfromthedashboard,andhehandledhissix-stallhorseboxlikeakiddicar.Hewenteightmilesinsilence,andthenallhesaidwas,"I"dsurehatetolivethisfarfromtown,withnowheretogetabeer."
Wepa.s.sedthethirdofthethreesideroadsandstartedonthelasttenuninhabitedmilestothefarm.ThreemilesfurtherSamgavea.n.a.larmedexclamationandbrakedfromhiscautiousthirtytoafullstop."Whatisit?"Iasked.
"Thatgauge."Hepointed,andIlooked.Theneedleonthetemperaturegaugewasquiveringonred.
"Havetolooksee,"hegrunted,andswitchedofftheengine.Mythoughtsashedisappearedoutofthecabwereoneenormouscurse.Ofallhopeless,dangerousplacesforhisvantobreakdown.
Hecamebackandopenedthedoormyside.Ijumpeddownbesidehimandhetookmeroundtoshowmetheexhaust.
"Look,"hesaidunnecessarily."Water."
Severaldropsslidout,glisteninginthelightofhistorch.
"Gasket,"hesaid,puttingintoonewordtheenormityofthedisaster,andwhathethoughtoffatefortrappingusinit.
"Nowaterintheradiator,"Isaid.
"Right."
"Andifwegoon,theenginewillseizeup."
"Rightagain."
"Isupposeyoudon"tcarryanyextrawaterinthevan?"
"Wesuredo,"hesaid."Nevertravelwithout.i.t."
"Can"twepoursomeintheradiator...?"
"Yeah,"hesaid."Wecan.There"stwogallons.Wecanpourinaquart,andgothreemilesmaybebeforeit"sallleakedout,andthenanotherquart,anotherthreemiles.Fourquarts,twelvemiles.Andthat"sit."
ThirteenmilesoutfromKingman.Wecouldjustaboutgetback.Seventothefarm.Wecouldrefilltheradiatoratthefarm,butSamcouldn"tsetoutonhistwothousandmilejourneywithastolencargoinavanemptyinglikeadrydock.
"There"sanextragasket,ofcourse,"hesaid.
"Aspareone?"
"Sure.Alwayscarryafullsetofspares.Neverknowwhereyou"regoingtoneedthem.Universaljoints,bigends,carburettors,Icarrythemall.Anyonewithanysensedoesthat."
"Well,"Isaidinrelief,"howlongwillittakeyoutofitthespare?"
Helaidtheenginebareandconsidereditinthetorchlight.
"Cylinderheadgasket.Saythreehours."
"Threehoursl"
"Won"ttakemuchless,"hesaid."Whatdoyouwanttodo?"
Ilookedatmywatch.Eight-fifty.Threehoursmadeelevenfifty;andifwethenwentontothefarmandpickedupthehorseswecouldn"tbebackthroughKingmanuntilone-fifteen.
MattwouldreachPittsvilleBoulevardbyninethirty,andfinishhisinsurancebusinesslongbeforeten.Ifhedrovestraighthomeagainhewouldbeonthefarmroadatmidnight.IfSamchangedthegasket,sowouldwe.
IfMattstoppedtoplaythetables,hewouldbeatleastanhourlater.Hisclotheshadsuggestedhewouldstop.Butwhetherforonehourorsix,therewasnowayoftelling.
"Changethegasket,"Isaidabruptly."Thenwe"llsee."
Samnoddedphilosophically.Itwaswhathewouldhavedoneinanycaseifthevanhadbrokendownanywhereelse,andwithoutmoreadohesortedoutwhathewantedandstarteduns.c.r.e.w.i.n.g.
"CanIhelp?"Isaid.
Heshookhisheadandclippedhistorchontoaconvenientspartogiveasteadyworkinglight.Thereseemedtobelittlehasteinhismanner,butalsonohesitationandagooddealofexpertise.Theheapofunpluggedpartsgrewsteadilyonasquareofcanvasathisfeet.
Iwalkedawayafewstepsandfeltforthecigarettes.Twoleft.I"dstillforgottentobuymore.Thesmokedidn"thelpmuchtowardsmakingthenextdecision:togoon,ortogoback.
I"dalreadygambledonMattstayingtoplay.IfithadbeenYola,Iwouldhavefeltsurerthat.i.twouldbeformostofthenight:butherbrothermightnothavethefever,mightonlywantashortbreakinhisboringstintwiththehorses.Howshort?Howlong?
ThedecisionIcameto,ifyoucouldcallitthat,wastowaitandseeatwhattimeSamrestartedtheengine.
Thenight,outsidethebrightpoolbythevan,wasasdarkastheonebefore.Thestarsglitteredremotely,andtheimmensityoftheAmericancontinentmarkedtheirindifferencetothehumanrace.Againstsuchsize,whatdidonemanmatter?Awalkintothedesert...
CarefullyIpinchedouttheendofmycigaretteandputthestubinmypocket.Agoodcriminal,Ithoughtwryly:I"dalwaysbeenthat.Ihadajobtodo,andevenwhenI"dfinishedit,Iwasgoingfornowalksintothedesert.IwasgoingbacktoSantaBarbara,tohavebreakfastwithWaltandEuniceandLynnie.Theprospectatthatmomentseemedtotallyunreal,sofarweretheArizonahillsfromthelushcoast,sofarhadIbeenintothewastelandinsideme.
IwentbacktoSamandaskedhowitwasgoing.Hehadthecylinderheadoffandwasremovingthecrackedgasket.
"So,so,"hesaidcalmly,"I"mbreakingtherecord."
Ididmybestatasmile.Hegrunted,andsaidhecoulddowithacupofcoffee,andIsaidsocouldI.Wehadn"tbroughtany.
Heworkedon.Theairwa.s.stillwarmerthananEnglishsummerandhewipedsweatoffhisbaldforeheadwiththebackof.a.greasyhand.Thelightshoneonhisthickstubbyfingers,andtheclickofhisspannersechoedacrosstheemptyland.Thehandsonmywatchwentroundinslowfractions.Thegasketwaswastingthenight.AndwherewasMatt?
AftertwohoursSam"sspannerslippedonanutandhecursed.Inspiteofhiscalm,thetensionwasn"tfarfromthesurface.Hestoppedwhathewasdoing,stretchedupright,tookthreedeepbreathsandalookatthenightsky,andwaitedformetosaysomething.
"You"redoingfine,"Isaid.
Hesniffed."What"llhappeniftheycatchushere?"
"Wewon"tgetthehorses."
Hegrimacedatmynon-answerandwentbacktohistask."Whathaveyoubeendoingallday?"
"Nothing.Sittingstill."
"Youlookhalfdead,"hecommented."Pa.s.smethosetwowashers,w.i.l.l.you?"
Igavehimthewashers."Howmuchlonger?"
"Can"tsay."
Istifledtheurgetotellhimtohurry.Hewasgoingasfastashecould.b.u.t.timewastickingaway,andthepostponeddecisionhadgottobemade.TurningmybackonthetuggingdesertIclimbeduptositinthecab.Eleventwenty.MattcouldbeabarequarterofanhouroutfromKingman.OrgluedtothegreenbaizeandthetrickynumbersinLasVegas.
Which?
ForalonghalfhourIlookedoutofthebackwindowswhilenohelpfultelepathicmessagesflowedthroughthem.Astraightforwardgamble,Ithought.Justdecideifthewinningswereworththerisk.
AneasierdecisionifI"dcomealone:butifI"dcomealoneIcouldn"thavemendedthegasket.
AtelevenfortySamsaidgloomilythathewashavingtofixthewaterpumpaswell.Itwa.s.sticking.
"Howlong?"
"Anothertwentyminutes."