Kissing the quiet, brooding man had undone every neatly tied ribbon within her. She was at loose ends now, without the slightest idea of how to get herself back on track again.
One couldn"t unring a bell. And one certainly couldn"t take back a kiss.
What the h.e.l.l had she been thinking?
This is what came of acting on instinct rather than logic. Instinct was all well and good if you had four feet and fur, but it wasn"t nearly enough for self-preservation and survival if you walked upright and harbored a heart.
When she"d come down into the clinic, she"d tried to bury herself in her work. She was hoping to push the whole thing from her mind through sheer volume of work, but as luck would have it, almost all of her regular patients were doing fine today. Her jam-packed morning had gotten a great deal roomier when two of her appointments canceled and one turned out to be a no-show altogether.
By all rights, she should have welcomed Josh and his faithful partner, but the sight of the former"s uniform served to reinforce her own lack of common sense last night.
Josh looked surprised at her less-than-welcoming question. "Hey, not so loud," he cautioned, pretending to whisper out of Gonzo"s earshot. "He might think you don"t like seeing us."
She flushed. Lack of sleep was making her punchy. She would have never phrased it that way normally. "Sorry, I"m a little preoccupied." She opened the chart she"d brought in with her. "It"s just that he was fine yesterday."
Josh"s broad shoulders moved up and down in a careless shrug. "You know how it is with dogs. Kinda like with kids. Fine one minute, problem the next."
Amus.e.m.e.nt highlighted her eyes. "Interesting philosophy for a bachelor." She looked back at the canine. "And just what seems to be the problem?"
Making himself comfortable, Josh leaned a hip against the examination table as he crossed his arms in front of him. "I think he"s got something in his ear." He nodded at the one that appeared to be at half-mast. "He keeps pawing at it and holding his ear down."
"So I see." Patience smiled at the dog as she patted the examination table. "Okay, Gonzo, hop up here and let"s have a look."
The dog jumped up on the table in one fluid, graceful motion, like a gazelle. Patience turned to pick up the instrument that would allow her to look more deeply into the dog"s ear.
Josh shifted slightly, watching her. She was aware of his moving in a tad closer. "Can I help?"
Patience paused as she looked up from the animal. "You mean, you want to look into Gonzo"s ear for me?"
He shook his head. "No, I meant with whatever"s preoccupying you."
She smiled, waving away the offer. The question was typical Josh. He seemed to always be so ready to help. Brady was, too, she reminded herself. He just wasn"t very vocal about it.
Still, finding him sitting outside her house, keeping vigil had really startled her before she"d realized that it was him. The man could really stand to take a few people lessons from Josh, she decided. For that matter, the man could stand to take a few people lessons from his own dog, who was a lot friendlier than he was.
If he"s so unfriendly, why did he kiss you? More important, why did you kiss him?
If she had answers to that, maybe she would have been able to sleep last night. She realized that Josh still watched her, waiting for an answer.
"I"m not really preoccupied, I just didn"t get enough sleep last night, that"s all."
He looked mildly surprised. "I was up until late last night, too. If you were awake, you should have called me. We could have done something together."
Shifting to the other side, she examined Gonzo"s good ear to make sure there wasn"t a problem there, as well. "Josh, you know about my rule."
He looked at her for a long moment. "Just thought you might have decided to bend it a little for a friend, that"s all."
She rested the instrument on the examination table. Was it just her guilty conscience at play, or did he know something? Had Brady said something to him?
The second the thought occurred to her, she discarded it. Brady wasn"t the type to say anything to anyone. She"d be willing to bet her entire practice on that.
"Why would you think that?" More than likely, Josh was just being Josh. Hopeful. Still, she needed to hear it from him.
The patrolman shrugged as he gave her one of his most engaging grins. "Hey, people change their minds all the time."
Discreetly she blew out a breath, feeling a little better. "Yes, well, I won"t. Not about this."
But you already have, a taunting voice inside her head whispered.
One transgression. Just one, she thought fiercely. And it wasn"t going to happen again. Ever.
It couldn"t.
Patience looked into Gonzo"s left ear again. They weren"t here to debate her rules of engagement or her infractions thereof. They were here to see why Gonzo was holding his ear at half-mast.
"I see the problem. Poor thing"s got a little debris in there." Setting the instrument down, she gave Josh a reproving look. "Have you been letting him ride around with his head sticking out of the window again?"
Josh spread his hands wide in protest. "Hey, I can"t stop him. He loves feeling the wind in his face."
"And in his ears. And yes, you can stop him. You can roll up the windows. Unless I missed something very vital in my studies, dogs do not have opposable thumbs, which means they can"t roll down the windows themselves."
"They"re electric," Josh pointed out.
"You can also lock them from your side."
He laughed, shaking his head. "Got an answer for everything, don"t you?"
"I try." She made a notation in the chart, then turned to look at Josh. "You got off lucky this time. It looks like only one ear"s been affected." She gave Gonzo the sign to get down. The dog leaped from the table. "You stay here, I"m going to take Gonzo in the back and clean out his ear."
But as she started to go into the back, where she and the part-time a.s.sistants conducted lab tests, took X rays and performed the occasional surgery, Josh followed in her wake. When she gave him a quizzical look, he explained, "Maybe I can help. Sometimes he won"t hold still."
In the eighteen months she"d been looking after the animal, he"d never given her any problems. "You"ll hold still for me, won"t you, Gonzo?"
The dog barked in response to her tone, then licked her hand.
Josh laughed and shook his head. "Got him eating right out of your hand, don"t you?"
She dug into her pocket and threw a treat to the animal, making sure to pet him, as well. "Only because he"s such a good dog."
The dog trotted beside her as Josh brought up the rear. The back of the clinic was brightly lit as sunlight streamed in through tall windows on either side of the room.
"Listen," Josh began, "about that other thing-"
She went to a metal cabinet and opened a drawer. "Other thing?"
"You know, what you"re preoccupied about-"
Patience took out two small bottles. One was an ear wash, the other a salve. "I said that was just lack of sleep."
Josh backed out of her way as she crossed to the animal. "Well, something must have gotten you to that point."
Taking care to soothingly pet Gonzo, she then turned the dog"s head and tilted it. The dog was surprisingly docile, considering what she was doing. It was as if Gonzo sensed that she was trying to help him. "Haven"t you ever had sleepless nights?"
"Yeah, but that"s because I"m usually thinking about something. Look, all I"m saying is that if you wanted to talk about it, I"m available." He raised his hands as if to ward off her antic.i.p.ated protest. "Strictly platonic. Just as a friend."
Putting down the ear wash, she took what amounted to a long Q-tips and applied a little salve to the end of it. She proceeded to apply the salve to the inside of the dog"s ear. Gonzo whined, but held still until she was finished.
"Thanks." She threw away the swab, then gave the dog another treat. "But this is something I need to handle myself."
Josh looked vindicated. "So there is something."
She flashed him a grin. "Don"t try tripping me up with words, it"s nothing, really." She stepped back. "Okay, Gonzo, you"re a free dog."
The police dog jumped off the table and immediately started to shake his head, as if trying to get the remainder of the ear wash and salve out of his ear.
Patience replaced the cap on the second bottle. "He might need another application of both. I could send an ear wash kit and the salve home with you."
Josh made no move to accept either of the small blue bottles. "I"m sure that Gonzo would rather you do it. You"ve got the lighter touch."
"There"s nothing to this, really. All it takes is practice."
He still shook his head at the offerings. "This gives us an excuse to drop by."
She thought of the times the patrolman had dropped by unannounced just as she was closing up, always using the excuse that he was on his way home and thought he could talk her into grabbing a cup of coffee after hours. "Like you"ve ever needed one before. Okay, bring Gonzo by in about three days, we"ll take another look to see how he"s doing."
"Sounds good to me." Josh paused in the reception area as she made a notation in the ledger she kept at the behest of the police department. "And I meant what I said before."
She spared him a look before finishing her entry. "About the platonic part?"
He shrugged, resigned. "If that"s what it takes to get you to open up, yeah. Just remember, I"m only a phone call away if you need a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold."
Shelving the ledger, she walked out with Josh. She was already struggling inside because of what she"d allowed herself to do with one policeman. She wasn"t about to compound her mistake by turning toward another. Not when there was a chance that Josh was doing more than flirting with her, doing more than just offering to be a good friend.
Things had a way of happening and she wasn"t about to get involved with a policeman.
The crisp breeze wafted in as she opened the outer door for Josh and Gonzo. It made her think of the adage about shutting the barn door after the horse had escaped.
The horse, she told herself, could always be recaptured and secured back in the barn. And that was just what she intended to do.
"I appreciate that, Josh." She looked at the dog. "If Gonzo gets any worse, give me a call and bring him by again."
He nodded, then pantomimed talking into a telephone as he left, mouthing, "Call me."
She laughed and closed the front door again.
"Hey, you"ve been busy while I was gone." The sound of Shirley"s voice pulled Patience out of her small office. Unable to quell the restless feeling that continued to skate through her body even after Josh and Gonzo had gone, she"d decided to update her files, entering the latest data into her computer.
"How did you know?" she called, curious. Shirley wasn"t particularly intuitive. When it came right down to it, the girl often missed signs that were right in front of her. And it wasn"t as if she"d left Gonzo"s file on the front desk. She"d taken it with her to her office. The dog had been her only visitor in the past hour.
Shirley laughed at some private joke. "Because I almost tripped over them."
"Them?"
The moment she walked out, Patience saw what Shirley referred to. Her dark-haired receptionist held a long, white box in her arms. She was looking at it longingly, the way Cinderella might have at her stepsisters as they"d sauntered off to Prince Charming"s exclusive ball.
"This." Shirley raised the box for emphasis, though not without effort. "Unless you"re ordering really long thermometers, my guess is that these are flowers." She set the box on the counter that separated the reception area from the exam rooms. Shirley looked at her expectantly when she made no move toward the box. "Aren"t you going to open it?"
Harmless, it could be entirely harmless. The flowers could be from a patient, or maybe even Josh for seeing Gonzo on such short notice. Or maybe even someone in her family thought to- No, her family knew better than to do this. Patrick had told them about Walter and the white roses, but only after she"d a.s.sured him that it was over. Uncle Andrew had given her a long, stern lecture about taking unnecessary chances and made her promise to call him if she thought things were starting up again.
It wasn"t starting up again, was it?
Patience crossed to the counter, stubbornly telling herself she was overreacting. This could be nothing. Was nothing.
She took a deep breath and slid the red ribbon off. It fell to the floor.
Her fingers felt almost numb as she removed the lid. And looked down at two dozen roses. Plump, perfect, pink roses.
"Gosh, they"re gorgeous," Shirley exclaimed. She"d hired Shirley a month after the entire Walter incident was over. The receptionist clearly didn"t know what the sight of roses did to her. "Look." Digging into the box, she produced a small white envelope and held it up like a trophy. "There"s a card."
Patience uttered a silent prayer that the note was signed by someone she knew. But when she removed the sh.e.l.l-white card embossed with the florist"s logo from the envelope and read, "It won"t be long before you"re mine," her heart turned to lead in her chest.
"You"ve got a secret admirer," Shirley exclaimed gleefully. Then she sighed, "Of course you would, just look at you."
That"s what it had been called once upon a time. A secret admirer. And she might have even given the person the same label as Shirley had just given him-if she hadn"t gone through what she had. Something that, Patrick had sternly informed her, could have turned very ugly.
But it hadn"t. Walter had backed off.
Had something triggered him again?
She stared at the note. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed to do something about this before it got out of hand.
She stifled a shiver. Her flesh felt as if it was ready to creep off her body.
"Hey, are you okay?" Shirley peered into her face. Patience realized that for a minute she"d let her imagination get the better of her, shutting out everything else. "You don"t look so good."
I don"t feel so good, either. She forced a smile to her lips as she placed the card back into the box. "I have to make a phone call."
She began to retreat to her office, but Shirley didn"t take the hint. Because Shirley was young and impetuous, the roses had set her imagination spinning. "Do you know who sent these?" she asked eagerly.
Patience looked at her over her shoulder. "I have a pretty good hunch."
Shirley"s hazel eyes shone. She soaked up romance novels like a sponge, waiting for her own romance to materialize. "Cool."
Patience stopped just shy of her office, about to tell Shirley that, no, this wasn"t cool. That this was most likely a stalker gearing up again. He hadn"t hurt her the last time, but that was because he"d backed off. What if this time, he wouldn"t? What if this time, he intended to gain the object of his obsession? Her.
Patience walked into her office and closed the door behind her. Her first instinct was to call Patrick.
But even as she began to hit the familiar numbers on the keypad, she dropped the receiver back into its cradle. She couldn"t call Patrick and tell him about this. Patrick would only worry. And if he told anyone else in the family, then they"d be worried, as well. Not to mention turn overprotective.