Even though she thought she had set the prom question aside for the week, it kept popping up in her mind. After all, she would remind herself, this was her senior year. She was graduating. She had a boyfriend. It was only natural they should go to the prom. Secretly, she would love to show off Todd to all the other girls in her cla.s.s. More than that, though, she would love to have a reason to dress up and be with Todd in a formal setting. He was always so casual. She had only seen him dressed up a few times, and she had never danced with him.
Not that Christy was sure she knew how to dance. She had never been to a dance and had never really learned how to dance.
The more she thought about it, the more complicated the whole thing became. She had almost $450 saved up from work, and it killed her to think that if she did go to the prom, it would cut deeply into her savings. And Todd didn"t have much money. How much was she expecting him to pay for the tux, flowers, dinner, and the tickets?
The more she thought about it, the more frustrated she became. Two years ago, Rick had asked her to his prom, and her parents had said absolutely not. She was a soph.o.m.ore then. Now she was a senior. Her parents hadn"t been fond of Rick. They liked Todd. Still, what would they say if she told them she wanted to go?
"Are you sure don"t want to come to Newport Beach with me this weekend?" Christy asked Katie over the phone on Thursday night. "We had such a good time a couple of weeks ago. I have the weekend off work, and I"m taking my books to study with Todd. You know you"re welcome to come."
"I know, but I feel like staying home. Can you believe I just said that?" Katie said. "I feel I need time to sort things out. I talked to Michael yesterday."
"Was that the first time?"
"Yeah. It was awful. He"s such a sweetheart. I love him. I truly do. Do you think it"s possible to genuinely love someone even though that"s not the person you"ll marry?"
Christy gave it some thought. "I think it is possible, Katie."
"Do you suppose that for the rest of your life in some small way you remain in love with him?"
"Maybe. I don"t know. That would sure hurt for a long time if you did. Maybe you grow out of love the more you"re away from that person. You then grow in love with someone else, and it dims the memory of that first love."
"Do you really think so?"
"I don"t know."
"Well, if I am going to grow out of love with Michael, all I know is that it"s going to take longer than two weeks."
"Are you sure you want to stay home this weekend? It seems like you"ll be depressed the whole time."
"That"s sort of what I want," Katie admitted. "I want to lock myself in my room and put on the CD Doug gave me. It has this one song that gets me every time. I need to put away all my Michael souvenirs and have some time to cry out the rest of my tears in a less public place than Disneyland."
Christy thought about her next words and then decided to go ahead and say them. "Would you like me to stick around with you? I will if you want me to."
"No, you need to see Todd. You guys only have the weekends, and you were sick last weekend. Really, I"m fine. You go. Call me when you get back, okay?"
"Okay. And Katie?"
"Yeah?"
"I think you"re doing great. You amaze me the way you put your mind to something and stick with it. I"m sure it would be a lot easier to get back together with Michael and let go of all the hurt. Instead, I see you willing to keep the hurt and let go of Michael. You"re incredible. I love you, Katie."
Christy could hear Katie sniffling and felt bad for her.
"Thanks, Chris," Katie said in a wobbly voice. "I really needed to hear that. I love you too. And I appreciate you more than you will ever know."
"Listen, Katie, if you want to talk anytime this weekend, just call me at Bob and Marti"s, okay? I mean it. Any hour of the day or night. You have the number, don"t you?"
"Yes, I do. And thanks. I might do that. You have a fun weekend, okay? Say hi to Todd for me. And if you see Doug, tell him I really appreciated the card he sent me last week. It cheered me up a lot."
"Okay, I will. Bye." Christy hung up and sat still for several minutes, thinking about Katie. She wished she could do something to make this Michael withdrawal easier. She thought about how every country-western song she had ever heard was true. Love hurts. Bad.
Friday after school, Christy hurried home to throw her stuff together for the weekend. Todd was coming to pick her up. She knew he would probably stay for dinner, but she wanted to be ready to leave whenever he was. She planned to discuss the prom during their ninety-minute drive to Bob and Marti"s. If they did end up going, she would probably have a better choice of dresses at one of the big malls near her aunt and uncle"s, and this would be the weekend to buy one.
Todd arrived a little past six o"clock, and Christy"s mom had dinner all ready. Todd seemed like such a natural part of her family. Most of the dinner conversation flowed between Todd, Christy"s little brother, and Christy"s dad. As she cleared the table and served her mom"s apple crisp for dessert, she realized there hadn"t been even a pinch of a letup in the conversation. It was nice, really. Familiar. Secure.
For a brief instant, Christy wondered if life would be like this if she and Todd were married and invited her family over to their apartment for dinner. There was only one thing wrong with this picture. The apartment in her mind was the Swiss Family Tree House, and her parents and brother came by canoe. Even then. Christy couldn"t quite picture herself wearing animal-skin garments with a bone in her hair, serving apple crisp in bowls carved out of gourds.
The jungle was Todd"s dream, not necessarily hers. And that was a long, long way off. For now, there was a prom dress to worry about.
They didn"t get on their way until after nine. As Christy crawled into the pa.s.senger seat of Gus, she felt more like stretching out in the back and taking a nap than initiating a lively conversation about the prom.
"Is it okay if I move these?" Christy asked Todd, holding up a handful of mail that was strewn on the pa.s.senger seat.
"Sure. Toss it on the floor."
"They might get lost." Christy said. "Are these letters supposed to be mailed?"
"No. It"s my mail. I hadn"t picked it up for almost a month, so there was a bunch."
They waved to Christy"s mom and dad, who were standing on the front porch under the arched trellis covered with fragrant jasmine. Christy smiled with memories of the front porch and of Todd.
Todd cranked Gus into gear, and they puttered down Christy"s quiet, tree-lined street and headed for the freeway. "You still feel up for going to the beach early tomorrow morning? You were looking a little tired after dinner. "
"I am tired. I can"t seem to get my energy back."
"Why don"t you take a nap? I have a new tape from Doug. I"ll put it on, and you can crash."
Christy knew Todd was right. She should sleep. They would be together lots more during the weekend. They would have time to talk about the prom later. Grabbing her jacket from the backseat, she wadded it up into a pillow and leaned against the window.
Todd popped in the tape, and the mellow music came tiptoeing out, oblivious to the noisy rumble of the Volkswagen bus engine.
"This is nice," Christy said with her eyes closed. "Who is it?"
"It"s a collection of different Christian artists. It"s Doug"s latest favorite."
"I wonder if this is the same CD he gave to Katie. She said she liked it and was going to lock herself in her room and listen to it all weekend." Then with a half smile she added, "I almost got a ticket when she took off her seat belt in the car and started rummaging through her pack trying to find it on the way home from Bob and Marti"s."
For the next hour or so, Christy dozed while Gus rumbled up the freeway. She didn"t fully wake up until they arrived at Bob and Marti"s.
"Kilikina," Todd said softly when he turned off the motor and it was suddenly quiet. "We"re here."
"How are you doing?" Christy asked, stretching her stiff neck.
"I"m a little tired from driving, but I"m okay. You ready to go in?"
"Sure." Christy yawned and put on her jacket, ready to brace herself against the brisk chill off the ocean. She noticed something white on her lap. Holding it up to the light, she realized it was one of the letters tucked on the dashboard that had slipped off during the trip.
Todd came around and opened her door.
"Here." Christy said, handing him the letter. "It fell in my lap." She hopped out and zipped up the front of her jacket.
"Thanks." Todd took the letter and placed it on the vacated pa.s.senger seat without even glancing at it.
Guys are weird, she thought. No sense of curiosity. I"d never let my mail go for a month.
"Let"s walk on the beach." Christy felt awake and alert, especially when the salty ocean scent hit her.
"Okay. We"d better tell Bob and Marti we"re here though." Todd suggested. He carried Christy"s bag to the front door and knocked before turning the unlocked doork.n.o.b and walking in. "We"re here!" he called out.
"Come on in." Bob answered. "I"m in the den."
Bob was pedaling away on his exercise bike, which was set up in front of the wide-screen TV. "How was the ride up?" he asked, puffing for breath.
"I slept," Christy admitted.
"We"re going for a walk on the beach." Todd said. "Just wanted to let you know we were here."
"Great! Beautiful night. Marti"s in bed. I"ll be turning in as soon as the news is over. How about if I leave the back door unlocked?"
"Thanks," Todd said. "See you tomorrow."
Todd reached for Christy"s hand and led her out the back door and across the patio. They slipped off their shoes and dug their toes into the sand, running hand in hand down to the water.
Even though it was late, other people were out, riding bikes, walking along the beach, and hanging out on their patios, talking and laughing. Some partied with the music cranked up. None of this was unusual for a weekend in a beach community. The only thing a little out of the ordinary was the moon.
It was full, but not tinted the icy blue of winter and spring. Tonight it glowed with an amber hue. It hung right in the middle of the night sky, reflecting off the ocean. The face of the man in the moon appeared to be jovial, about to burst with some secret he hid behind his back.
Christy knew what the secret was. The tawny, golden promise of summer. She couldn"t wait.
Todd and Christy stood close together, their feet burrowed in the cold sand at the edge of the foaming night waves. The water rushed up to tickle their ankles and then ran away before anyone could catch it in its game. Todd looped his thick arm around Christy"s shoulders and rested his face against the top of her head.
"Oh, Kilikina," he whispered into her hair, "it feels so good to be with you, to hold you. You"re in my thoughts day and night. I hold you in my heart."
This was not how Todd usually talked. Something deep inside Christy felt like weeping for joy. She had yearned to hear Todd say these things to her. She had waited a long time. And now it seemed as if she had only met him yesterday, and they would be together forever. She wanted to turn around, look him in the face, and say, "Todd, I love you."
But the memory of something Todd had said once stopped her. He had said he thought men should be the initiators, and women should be the responders. Christy knew that if the words "I love you" were ever to be spoken between them, they needed to come from Todd first.
She did her best to keep a guard on her heart. "I love being here with you." she said, nestling her head against his shoulder.
She felt like praying, the way Todd always did. In a rare, bold move, Christy spoke to her heavenly Father, sending her words into the night winds.
"Father, You made the heavens and the earth and all that is in them. You are such an awesome G.o.d! Thank You for making this perfect moon and this perfect night and for letting us be together." She was about to whisper her "Amen." when a strong, clear thought came to her. Without questioning it, she added, "And Father, please prepare us both for what You have planned for our lives. We want to serve You and honor You in whatever You want us to do. Amen."
"Amen," Todd added, kissing Christy on the top of her head. "I"m going to get up early to go surfing tomorrow morning. You want to come with me?"
Christy couldn"t believe Todd could switch gears so quickly. "Sure. When?"
"Around six. Will that give you enough sleep?"
Still startled by his abrupt switch, Christy said, "Six is fine. Where do you want me to meet you?"
"Out on Bob"s patio." He released her from his hug and reached for her hand, slipping his fingers in between hers. "Ready to head back?"
"Okay." She wasn"t really. She could have stood wrapped up in Todd"s arms for hours watching the moon, listening to the waves, feeling the cool water on her ankles, and dreaming with her eyes open.
They walked hand in hand back to Bob and Marti"s patio, where Todd stopped and planted his feet in the sand. He turned Christy around so she faced him. Taking her face in both of his hands, he tilled her head up and looked into her eyes without saying a word. What did she read in his silver-blue eyes? Something powerful and intensely honest. Something stronger than she had ever seen before.
What did Todd read in her eyes? Did he see in her, as she had seen in the moon, a promise of summer, all warm and glowing with hope?
With a kiss as tender as rose petals across her lips, Todd said softly, "Meet me right here when the sun comes up."
"I"ll be here," Christy promised. "Right here."
Todd let go. It seemed a hard thing for him to do.
Christy opened the back door and then locked it before quietly tiptoeing up the stairs to her prepared guest room. With a smile still on her freshly kissed lips, she set the alarm for 5:30 a.m.
The irriating buzzer seemed to be going off inside Christy"s head. She turned over in bed and woke up fully. realizing the noise was coming from her alarm clock.
She squinted to see the time. "Five-thirty? What was I thinking when I set this noisy thing for five-thirty?" And then she remembered. With a clear purpose and distinct joy, Christy rolled out of bed and let her now-singing heart lead her reluctant, weary body into the shower.
The next time she checked the clock, it was 6:01 and she was ready. Quietly padding down the stairs, she left her prepared note on the entry table by the front door. Once before she had left for an early morning walk on the beach without telling anyone and had worried her aunt and uncle. That wouldn"t happen this time.
Slipping out the back door and scanning the patio, her heart sank when she found no sign of Todd.
Maybe my clock is a little fast. Or maybe he"s running behind. I know he wouldn"t go out without me.
Christy made her way across the patio, her bare feet feeling the brunt of the concrete"s coldness. She walked to where she and Todd had stood last night and where he had said to meet him. Christy searched for that exact spot. And there she stood, straight and tall, unmovable, eagerly scanning the horizon for a glimpse of Todd or his orange surfboard. She found neither.
Since Todd lived so close, she knew he would be walking. So she kept her eyes fixed to the left, the direction from which he would be coming. A few early risers were scattered here and there across the wide beach. It was a clear, chilly, glorious spring morning.
A guy with a white surfboard under his arm came riding by on a wide-tire beach bike. He did a double take when he noticed Christy standing there like a statue, so purposeful and yet, she suspected, so silly-looking.
She gave up the fantasy of waiting on the exact spot and took a seat at the patio table, facing the south and waiting.
Her feet were cold. She thought about going inside to put on some shoes and socks. Then when she came back, Todd might be standing there waiting for her. She hurried inside, grabbed her shoes and socks, slipped quietly downstairs, and went out the back door. Still no Todd. Now she was worried. The clock in her room had said 6:20.
Maybe I misunderstood. He must have said six-thirty, and I thought he said six. h.e.l.l be here any minute. Brrr! I"d love a cup of hot tea to warm up my hands.
Thinking she had ten more minutes, Christy went back inside, made herself and Todd some tea, and carried the mugs outside, one in each hand. Still no Todd. She sat down at the patio table and placed Todd"s tea in front of the empty chair. Wrapping her fingers around her hot mug, she blew at the steam rising off the top and took a tiny sip. This experience was too painfully familiar. She had been through these kinds of ups and downs with Todd before.
After last night, Christy had felt certain she would never be left guessing where she stood with him again. She was in his heart. He had said so. He wouldn"t forget and leave her. He couldn"t.
Christy waited a few more minutes before taking the next sip. She looked down into the mug and saw a dark reflection of her doubt-filled eyes. There was something penetrating about seeing her own reflection. It was as if she was facing her own thoughts.
Let go.
The thought came to her as clearly as if it had been spoken aloud. Immediately she responded with a silent prayer.