"Sounds too good to be true," Sierra said.
"Exactly," Katie agreed. "And Todd just so happened to be best friends with Doug." She adjusted her cross-legged position and proceeded to fill Sierra in on Christy"s dating history as if Christy wasn"t there. It would have bothered Christy, except everything Katie said was true, and somehow it was less agonizing to hear it all from Katie than to try and explain it herself.
Right at the part in the saga in which Todd received a letter from a mission organization last spring asking him to join their staff full-time, a knock at the door reminded the girls it was time for lights out. They switched off the lights. Tracy pulled her bed over next to Christy"s, and Katie continued her story, whispering in the dark.
When she finished. Sierra asked, "So Tracy, why did you and Doug break up?"
Tracy didn"t answer for a long time, "I don"t think it really matters. Like Katie said, that was a long time ago, and Christy and Doug are together now. I know Doug has wanted to go out with Christy for years. That may have had something to do with how he felt about me even while we were dating."
"This is a soap opera, you guys," Sierra said. "I never would have guessed any of this. Where is this Todd guy now?"
"Wha knows?" Christy said.
"You really don"t know? He"s never written any of you?"
"Doug heard from him once or twice," Tracy said. "But Todd is rather independent. He"s doing what he always wanted to do. probably on some South Seas island somewhere. It"s not much of a surprise to any of us."
"My next question..." Sierra said. "Tracy? Katie? Are either of you interested in any of the guys here?"
"I"ll tell you about my interest in guys," Katie said. "I"ve come to a conclusion after spending so many years of my life trying not to be jealous of Christy because she"s always had some guy interested in her. I don"t even try anymore. We didn"t even tell you about Rick. Now that was a bizarre guy. I tried to get Rick interested in me for a while. Boy, was that a mistake. Rick turned out to be such a loser. I heard he moved in with some girl, and he totally fell away from whatever kind of relationship he had with the Lord."
"I still feel bad about that," Christy said.
"It certainly wasn"t your fault," Katie said.
"I know, but I still wish he hadn"t walked away from the Lord."
"It"s hard," Sierra agreed.
Then there was Michael," Katie continued. "That was another whole era in my life. Michael was from Belfast, so that"s one good thing that came from our relationship. I"m probably more interested in Belfast than anyone else on the team. Anyway, my new motto is *Seek pals only." I am so far from being ready for a romance, it isn"t even funny."
"I feel the same way," Sierra said.
"In a way," Katie said. "I"m trying to go back and make up for all those dumb years I spent in high school trying so hard to get a boyfriend and missing out on some great friendships. I learned a lot about nonromantic friendships with this guy Fred who I went to my senior prom with. Of course, Fred was also crazy about Christy for a long time. and he only took me to the prom because she turned him down. Still. Fred is my pal. I"m only interested in finding more pals here and trying to grow up a little bit emotionally before I consider anything more in a relationship with a guy.
"That is exactly how I feel," Sierra agreed. "I couldn"t have said it better. Isn"t it funny how backwards we are? This is what we should have been doing back in middle school, and here we are, almost grown up and just now trying to figure out how to be friends with guys. All I can say is I"m sure glad G.o.d didn"t answer all my prayers regarding some of the guys I"ve been interested in over the past few years."
"Amen!" Katie said. "If you ask me, Tracy, you"re ahead of all of us in the being-friends-with-guys department. You"re also older than the three of us."
"I"m also probably more desirous of a romance at this point in my life, and that"s not an easy thing to live with." Tracy"s whispered confession carried a hint of sadness. "I"d love to get married as soon as I finish college, settle down, and have a couple of kids while I"m still young. And in a way, I feel ready for that phase of my life. However, one thing seems to be missing."
"Mr. Right," Sierra answered for her.
"You guessed it," Tracy said.
Sierra leaned forward. "Who knows. Tracy? Mr. Right might be here this week, and you had to come all the way to England to meet him. Don"t you think G.o.d gives us the desires of our hearts? I mean, as long as our desires aren"t sinful or anything, which yours sure don"t seem to be. This world needs more Christian couples who are raising G.o.dly kids. What is that verse about delighting yourself in the Lord and He"ll give you the desires of your heart?"
"But His timing isn"t always the same as ours," Christy said. "And His way of doing things isn"t always the same as ours."
"Yeah. G.o.d is weird," Katie said. "That"s my philosophy. G.o.d is weird, and we are tweaked. He"s full of surprises, and we make our lives harder than they need to be. It"d be great if everything always went the way we wanted it to, but it doesn"t seem to be like that very often."
"You know what we should do, you guys?" Sierra suggested. "We should pray. Pray for ourselves and pray for our future husbands."
"I write letters to mine," Christy said, and then felt surprised at her own confession. She could feel the penetrating gaze of the other girls.
"What do you write to him?" Sierra asked.
"I don"t know. What I"m feeling. Times when I"m thinking about what it will be like to be married to him, whoever he is. I tell him that I"m praying for him, and sometimes I write out my prayers. I"ve been writing to him for I guess about three years now."
"That is so cool," Sierra said.
"What do you do with the letters?" Tracy asked.
Christy smiled, feeling kind of silly to be revealing her little secret after all these years. "They"re in a shoe box under my bed."
"I wish I"d kept my letter locked away," Tracy said almost inaudibly.
"What do you mean?" Christy asked.
"Nothing," Tracy said. "I think your idea is wonderful. I also think it"s good to keep your letters a secret until the right time."
It was quiet for a minute, and then Sierra said, "Christy, can you imagine what it"s going to be like on your wedding night?" She sniffed as if she might be crying. "Your future husband is going to feel like the most blessed guy in the whole world when you hand him that shoe box full of prayers and promises. What an incredible wedding present!"
Christy fell asleep dreaming of what it would be like to hand her shoe box full of letters to her future husband. She could see strong, manly hands eagerly receiving her gift. But in her dream, as she looked up, where the face of her future spouse should have been there was only a big, fluffy cloud.
"You said last night that you wanted to talk?" Doug caught up with Christy and walked with her past the barren rosebushes on their way from the chapel to the castle. The early morning drizzle had turned into a sporadic sprinkling of white snowflakes that collected on Christy"s eyelashes.
"It would be better if we had more time," Christy said. not sure what she wanted to say to him and not comfortable with the thought that anyone walking past them might hear.
"Our team meeting isn"t for another five or ten minutes. We have training pretty much all afternoon. This is probably our best chance until after dinner. Why don"t you tell me what you"re thinking and feeling? I"d really like to hear."
Doug had switched into his counselor voice, and Christy wasn"t sure she liked it. She wanted to talk to him as one friend to another, like a girlfriend would talk to her boyfriend. Not like some patient to an all-wise counselor.
"Actually, it"s nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep, I"m sure." Christy forced a smile and blinked a fluttering snowflake from her eyelash. Everything was going so great for their team. The last thing she wanted was to cause division by questioning Doug on why he felt he wasn"t honoring her. Or worse, to give in to the insecurities that arose in her last night when Sierra said she would never have guessed they were going together. Her confusion made her want to question Doug about his feelings for her. Her emotions kept chasing themselves around in a circle in her head. It would be best to try to stop her racing feelings long enough for their group to complete their outreach without disunity. She could always sit down with Doug back in California and spend as many hours as she needed to discuss their relationship and their future.
"You said yesterday that you wanted to go for a walk," Doug continued in his counselor voice. "Maybe we could squeeze one in this afternoon."
"Sure. That would be great." They could walk, but they wouldn"t have to talk.
Doug and Christy now stood at the large front door of the castle. Christy noticed for the first time a bra.s.s lion-head door knocker with a bra.s.s ring in its mouth. At that moment, she felt as if she too held a bra.s.s ring between her teeth. Like that silent lion, she could hold on. He had apparently held on for centuries. She could hold on for a few weeks.
"Our team is meeting by the big windows in the drawing room." Doug said as he held the door open for Christy. "I"m going to see if I can borrow that guitar again. I"ll meet you there."
Christy stopped at the "sweet trolley" as everyone called it, poured herself a cup of tea, and picked up a biscuit before reporting to the drawing room. All the other team members were taking their tea break and milling around the hallway. As Christy walked by, she noticed the variety of accents and the different ways the other students laughed and joked.
Katie stood in the corner with a guy Christy hadn"t met yet. They seemed caught up in a serious discussion.
Katie noticed Christy and motioned for her to join them. "Christy, this is Jakobs. He"s from Latvia. This is Christy."
Jakobs nodded his head in greeting and warmly shook Christy"s hand.
"Jakobs is heading up the drama for the Amsterdam group. He"s been giving me some great ideas."
Just then, Sierra, Stephen, and Tracy walked up, and Katie made introductions all around. A few minutes later, when they broke up into their team meetings, Katie grasped Christy by the arm. "Jakobs"s grandfather spent twenty-five years in Siberia. Can you believe that? He was taken from his home and exiled because he was a pastor. I"m telling you, Christy, we have no clue what it means to be persecuted for our faith."
Katie"s words were sobering. It seemed that in the past twenty-four hours she had gone from resisting any kind of cultural exhange to seeking as much input as she could from the variety of international students at the castle. That was Katie though. Impulsive. Direct. And one who rarely looked back once she had put her mind to something new.
Exactly the opposite of me.
That realization didn"t bother Christy, but it did make her admire Katie and inwardly wish she could be more flexible and open.
Christy penned those thoughts in her journal that night. She had retired to the dorm room early and was the only one there. The afternoon walk with Doug had never worked out. He didn"t even sit by her at dinner. Right now he and Tracy were practicing their music, and the rest of her roommates were down in the drawing room, socializing for their last free hour before lights out.
Christy wanted to be alone to catch her breath. It was about this time only a week ago that she had been finishing up her packing for this trip and letting her imagination fill with expectations of all the amazing things she would experience. She had never expected the emotional confusion and stress the past week had brought.
Her diary had always served as a useful mirror, a place to put her feelings outside herself and then stand back and take a look. The examination nearly always changed her perspective. Tonight she wanted to do her examining without any roommates peeking over her shoulder. For a full fifteen minutes she had her wish. Then Avril, one of the English girls, came into the room crying.
"Are you okay?" Christy asked.
Avril was crying so much she couldn"t answer. Christy put down her diary and went to Avril, opening her arms and offering her shoulder for Avril to cry on. She cried so hard Christy could feel the moist tears through her sweatshirt.
"I"m sorry," Avril said at last, sitting up and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"That"s okay. Is there anything I can do?"
"It"s my brother. My mum just rang to tell me he"s been in an automobile accident. I have to collect my things. Dr. Benson is driving me to the train station."
"Oh. Avril, that"s awful! Is he okay?"
"He"s still alive, but he"s in critical condition." Avril"s hands were shaking. "I don"t know what to do first."
"Let me find you some tissue." Christy said, getting up and looking around the room. "Here you go. Now you just sit there and tell me where your suitcase is and which drawer is yours."
"It"s under the bed. My drawer is the second one down."
Christy pulled out the blue suitcase and began to swiftly, calmly transfer the clothes from the drawer into the suitcase. Avril fumbled for her bag hanging over the end of the bed and started to stuff her Bible, notebook, and other bedside kerns into it.
"Do you want me to get your shampoo and stuff from the bathroom?"
"Sure. Mine"s the red-striped bag with the broken zipper. You don"t have to do all this, Christy."
"I don"t mind."
She found Avril"s bag on the counter in the bathroom down the- hall and tucked it into the suitcase. "Now what else? Your coat?"
"I have it already. I think that"s all. I feel so awful about leaving." Avril stood and looped the bag over her shoulder while Christy snapped the clasps closed on the suitcase. "I hope I can come back in time to partic.i.p.ate in the outreach."
"Don"t feel bad." Christy wanted to say something comforting. "G.o.d is kind of weird sometimes," she said, cautiously echoing Katie"s words. "I"m sure it seems hard to understand why this is happening. I"m sorry it"s happened. I promise I"ll be praying for you and your brother."
"Thanks, Christy." Avril gave her a big hug and let the next round of tears fall. "I"m so glad you were here for me. I"ll be praying for you too."
Avril pulled back and looked at Christy with an expression of fresh pain. "If I can"t make it back, I don"t know when I"ll see you again. Maybe not until heaven."
Christy hugged her again, and in her ear she said, "Then I"ll look forward to heaven even more than ever."
Now they were both crying. Without another word, Avril lifted her suitcase and walked across the room. She paused at the door and looked heavenward as if to say "Until then." Christy nodded, and Avril was gone.
That"s when Christy fell apart. She threw herself onto her bed and let the tears fall. Tears for saying good-bye until heaven. Tears for the thought of how hard it would be if it were her own little brother who was in an accident. Tears earned over a week of trying hard to be strong, courageous, and understanding of everyone else"s problems while her own insecurities had reached the breaking point.
"Did you hear about Avril"s brother?" Katie said, bursting through the door. "Oh. I guess you did. Can you imagine how awful that would be? Yeah, I guess you can." Now Katie was crying too. "I can"t believe I"m actually saying this, but I miss my family!"
Katie flopped on her own bed and cried out all her own tears while Christy released the rest of hers. A special bond formed as they let each other cry. Christy crawled into bed under her warm blankets and, with only a few more sobs, fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
The next morning she stayed in bed, hoa.r.s.ely telling a concerned Tracy that her throat hurt and she needed to sleep another hour or so. It was hard to go back to sleep while the other girls scurried around to get ready. Once they went to breakfast, Christy had no trouble nodding off.
She awoke sometime later. The room was empty. On a chair next to her bed sat a breakfast tray with a gla.s.s of orange juice, a pot of tea, white toast, and a tiny jar of orange marmalade. The note on top of the toast said, "Hope you feel better. Love, Tracy."
Christy propped herself up and poured a cup of tea. It was cold. The tray must have been there for quite some time. She drank the juice and crunched on the slice of toast before checking her alarm clock. It was 11:40. Almost time for lunch. Her throat no longer hurt. She felt rested and a little bit guilty about missing the morning meetings. However, she knew she needed the sleep even more than she had realized. Part of her wanted to float back to dreamland, and another part of her felt she should get up and get going. The responsible side won.
"Christy, are you feeling better?" Sierra was the first one to notice her when she entered the dining room.
Doug noticed too. He got up from his seat, came across the room, and gave her a hug. "How are you doing?"
"I"m fine. It all caught up with me, I guess."
Katie now stood on her other side. "Jet lag finally got to you, huh? At least all you did was sleep instead of turn into a brat, like I did."
"I"m glad you"re okay." Doug said. "Right after lunch all the people working with children are meeting in the conference room. Do you feel up to going?"
"Sure. I"m fine, really."
The lunch of chicken with some kind of cream sauce tasted bland, but Christy was hungry and gladly ate it all. She noticed then that nearly everything they ate had some kind of sauce or cream over the top of it. Whether it was meat or potatoes or even pie, it all came with cream.
She still felt a little s.p.a.cey as the meeting for children"s ministry started up. But soon she became excited about all the things the leaders were going over. "They had adorable puppets available for the team members to use, a whole box of craft materials for each team, and helpful suggestions on how to get the kids to listen during the Bible story time. Christy looked over the handout of Bible stories and felt relieved that she knew them all and had even taught a couple of them to the toddlers at her home church.
At her team meeting later that afternoon, Christy gave a glowing report. "I could use one other person to help me with a puppet show. They gave us a script and everything. It seems pretty easy, and I think it would add a lot to our program this Sat.u.r.day."
"I"ll do it," Katie said. "Maybe we can work the puppets into the drama ministry somehow and get double use out of them."
"This is going to be awesome, you guys," Doug said enthusiastically. "How did your meeting go, Ian? Do you feel you"ll be ready to preach it, brother?"
"Well, it"s really a short talk more than a sermon, you know." Ian pushed up his wire-rimmed gla.s.ses. "I need to practice it in front of our group before Sat.u.r.day."
"Right," Doug said. "That"s what they told us in the leaders" meeting this afternoon. By Thursday everyone is supposed to present to us whatever his or her part of the program is. We"ll start with the drama, then do the children"s, the message, and then the music. Gemot, it would be great if you could help Christy with the children"s program since you"re rounding them up for soccer in order to get the kids there. Maybe she could take the little kids, and you could take the ones in grade school."