sr.wikipedia.org
34 PrepareYour HeartThe experiencebeing deflowered is different for most people.
I heard thatit feels like one is being absolutely ripped apart.
And that thereis lots of blood.
But there aresome people that feel good from the start.
I wonder whatroot of the big difference is.
I am not sureabout this type of knowledge. I have never been told of it directly, and I amhesitant to ask someone directly. In the first place, I don’t have any friends.Well, Prince Stefan is excluded in this case.
Such juicythings are not written in books. (Zuben: Maybe not the ones you read)
For Volker tobe troubled, I guess it must be a very painful and tearful experience.
…I’m notdisgruntled…well, not so much.
I don’t wantto think about it, but I wonder if Volker’s reaction was from a past bitterfailure. He was defensive because he didn’t want to repeat it.
Maybe that waswhy he wanted to confirm whether I was with Eugene the same way. Would it havebeen better to have been? Is it better for Volker? But I’m glad I didn’t evenkiss Eugene! That is my honest thought.
Despite theshameful thought that I would like to have Volker for my first time, it dothink it is embarra.s.sing to sit on his thighs, and the kissing and how he rubsmy b.r.e.a.s.t.s painfully.
Is this thedeep river between a man and a woman?
No no no no, Ishould get a hold of myself. How hilarious for me to be burning with jealousyabout women in Volker’s past. I’m sure Volker is genuinely worried about me.
During theconversation with General Bresslin, Volker was more concerned about me thanhimself.
That is right.Volker always thinks of me.
I want torespond to that feeling.
I mean…I likehim!
I just want todo it because I like him, I do!
Better thanhugs, I would like to experience a way to be connected to Volker more deeplywith Volker. More than a kiss! How did it feel to have his strong broad chestagainst my bare skin? What would happen if he touches my body all over with hisbig hands? (Zuben: Hohoho!)
My thoughtsare making me blush, is it unpleasant? (Zuben: Nah, you’re normal.)
It doesn’tmatter, I- I want to feel Volker with my whole body!
I thump thetable with my fist, and heard a voice saying ‘Wow!’
‘Oh pardonme.’ I apologised to Prince Stefan.
Yes, I wastaking tea with Prince Stefan. (Zuben: and thinking about feeling Volker withyour whole body. Mult.i.tasking) After leaving General Bresslin, I rushed to theappointed terrace in a hurry. I had kept the Prince waiting and I got scolded.
His belly wasalready bloated with bitter tea when my sweets arrived.
I-I’m sorry Ioffended Crown Prince. That being said, although he seems to be a cold personat first sight, I’ve come to realise he was very tolerant once he has you inhis pocket.
I’m sorry,your Highness, I’m kinda useless. Is this a kind of grace?
‘What were youthinking; you had a pretty difficult expression?’ he asked. Stefan casuallyshooed away his escort knights, thinking it would be a complicated tale. He took agraceful bite of the apple pie I had brought, and there was a little frownbetween his eyebrows, but he made a sound of appreciation.
It looked likea common apple pie.
‘It is hard tospeak of it frankly,’ I reply. I also took a bite of the apple pie.
Wow,delicious! It was a nice balance of sour and sweet with an aroma of cinnamon.
‘What the h.e.l.lis that?’ Stefan replied as he finished his portion of apple pie and reachedfor the cupcakes. Though, the little cupcakes seemed unsuitable for thedignified Crown Prince, it was also very wonderful.
‘I wasthinking of Volker.’ I said. It wasn’t a lie, I was thinking about Volker, butthe content could be omitted. Stefan raised an eyebrow.
‘I understandthat it is about Brennan, but what is with the difficult expression?’
My smilewobbled.
I’m dying here…
How should I saythis?
‘I waswondering if Volker is really thinking of me.’
Well, that isthe sanitised version anyway. I can’t really tell him that I was in anguishabout doing it with Volker.
‘You idiot.You don’t know how important you are to Brennan?’
Stefan reachedfor another cupcake, different flavour this time. Ahh, Your Highness, if youeat too much you won’t be able to have dinner. That being said, it would bealright if he was going to exercise after.
‘Brennanallowed me to have tea with you under conditions: Do not look at you directlyfor over three seconds. Do not touch your hands. Do not touch you. Do not eatyour homemade sweets because they are his, and don’t fall in love with you. Iwonder why.’ (Zuben: If this was a melo, it would have been a foregoneconclusion)
Huh, what isthat?
‘It seems thathe doesn’t want you to meet other men. Brennan is very concerned about thedifference in your age. He is particularly anxious when you meet a man close inage to you. He wonders if that person is more suited to you than he. But thenhe also considers them to be maggots not worthy of you.’
I shuffledcloser to him.
‘I am alsoanxious that there is a nice woman that suits him more, because I am toochildish and our status isn’t balanced. I haven’t had any physicalrelationships and I don’t know how to be in love.’ (Zuben: you’ve said it allout now)
The Princemoved the same distance away from me.
‘Brennan saidnot to sit too close.’ He said, ‘Anyway, you guys have similar feelings, if youcould tell each other without using me as your go between, it would be fine.’
In short, donot bother me with your complications.
He flattenedanother cupcake.
Indeed, I amtroubling Crown Prince Stefan. Pardon me!
‘That beingsaid, Brennan is serious about you.’ He said with a little curl of his lip.
He was? Itilted me head to one side.
Wasn’t Volkeralways serious?
‘He makes yousit on his lap like that in public, even though you’ve not touched the flooryet. Well, do you best.’ (Zuben: I wasn’t sure how to edit this line: 「あんなに人前で膝に乗せたりするのに、まだ床を共にしていないとはな。まあ、頑張れ」)
Ehhh!! Did Ipossibly say out extra things?! (Zuben: Well…)
My face heated as Iblushed.
Oh forget it,forget it.
Prince Stefangave a self satisfied laugh as he leaned back in his chair arm crossed. Heseemed pleased with his own advice. He wasn’t bossy, he’s great.
‘A man wouldbe happy to be seduced by the woman he loves.’
An invite fromme?!
But how? Howdo I say that? In what situation?
‘That…isn’tthat if I can burn away the feeling of embarra.s.sment?’
‘Isn’t justright that the cat is burnt off?’ he replied with a wicked grin. This personlooked very bad but why did he also look reliable at the same time?
I am the cat.(Zuben: This cat that doesn’t actually mean a cat – stop haunting me!)
But, that’sright.
There is noneed to wait for the man to ask, if you both like each other. Even the manwould be nervous and worried.
Alright, let’sdo it. (Zuben: Fist pump)
I will invitehim – I will hold out my hand.
Let’s havethat feeling with Volker.
Zuben: Thischapter was rather difficult, hope it makes sense to everyone.
35 But beforethat…
Although I hadresolved my determination, I thought that it would be useless if I had no idea.(Zuben: Not really)
Since I wasshy, I decided to ask the teacher least p.r.o.ne to embarra.s.sment.
I found Motherwriting a letter, she held her pen to her lips thinking. I waited patientlytill she was finished and we are by ourselves and asked her. She replied,
‘Well…ithurts. Have you not done it yet?’
As expected,Mother was a straight-forward person. It was a good idea to ask her.
‘Well, I’m notmarried yet, is it alright to do it before I get married?!’ (Zuben: Your motheris a weirdo, Freddie)
What about amaiden’s modesty, society’s censure and such like?!
But Motherjust wriggled her eyebrows and gave me a look as if she was wondering why I hadsaid that. (Zuben: You got an innocent child)
Even if youthought “Okay, I’ll do it!”, can you do it? There are other things toconsider like the circ.u.mstances of your partner and timing. I’m engaged tosomeone I like, so I’m not going to say no.’
s.e.x beforemarriage isn’t recommended, if I did it anyway, should I show it off or but onan air of innocence?
My face gothot.
Mother! Whatkind of things are you telling your daughter?!
Mother lookedat me with narrowed eyes, but they still held a gentle expression. She suddenlybarked out in laughter,
‘Haha!’
Motherbeckoned me over to sit beside her; she caressed my hair as she saidmirthfully, ‘I was only joking. You’re really going to be a bride soon, when Ithought about it I was deeply impressed.’
It’s been awhile since she has done this, so it made me a bit fl.u.s.tered. That being said,it was pleasant to have mother caress my hair, I closed my eyes and cuddledcloser to her.
‘Because yougrew up to be such a good girl by nature, I could relax. Thank you,’ Mothersaid.
‘Such is notso! It’s because I am Mother’s child…!’
Oh no! Now Ifeel like I am about to cry! But why does it suddenly feel like the morning ofa parting? I have only come to ask for guidance about the first time and how toavoid pain.
We ended upfacing each other solemnly after calming down with a cup of tea and a few biscuits.
Motherregained her composure and looked at me with a bright gaze,
‘So what wouldyou like to ask?’ Mother asked. She was ready to listen to my questions.
I leanedforward and asked, ‘Is there a good way or excuse to invite a man to bed?’
‘It depends ontiming and the partner. It is on occasion. Next question.’
‘How do I makea man more attracted to me?’
‘I don’t knowbecause different people have different tastes. Next question.’
Hmm, did shereally want to answer my questions?
‘Em, I heardthat it hurts, but should I do to accept him?’
‘Well, trustGeneral Brennan. Open your heart and your crotch. If your mind isn’t ready,your body won’t be ready. (Zuben: All is ready, she doesn’t know it yet) Youwill become wet when you are caressed, and he will use his fingers to loosenyou up. It is not enough, he will use a balm. I have prepared the finest kind,I will give it to you later. There is also a coating ointment that is very effectiveas well. There is nothing special to say but do your best!’ Mother concluded alittle too spiritedly as she clenched her fist up.
Huh…what iswith the shout?!
Of course, Itrust Volker, but I don’t know about opening my mind and crotch. How to do…whatto do…other than securing perfumed oils for the time being!
Mother seemedto have exhausted herself in that burst of fighting spirit collapsed againstthe back rest of the settee, I leaned back beside her. I felt a bit breathless,I got tired in such a short time!
‘You areworried because he is physically different from you, but I am not worried. ‘
Nnn? I turnedmy head to Mother.
‘In the endyou like him. Why get caught up in thinking it is impossible? You two will fit.And you are in good shape, so you’ll be alright.’
Mother’s wordshad no ground or support to back it, but it fell into my heart like a stone.
36 One SmallQuestion
With a vagueconfidence in my chest, I returned to my room for the time being.
I wonder ifit is okay. I think for a moment and opened my closet.
I pulled openmy underwear drawer and pulled out its multicoloured contents.
The firstthing I can imagine is wearing pure white underwear like a bride. But I’veheard that men like women to be s.e.xy, would it be better to be bewitching inblack? No, I don’t think it would suit me. A bride is dressed in white in thefirst place. Did it signify being dyed in a man’s colour? (Zuben: why do thesej.a.panese women like this dyeing in people’s colour situation?)
Wow, would Ibe dyed in Volker’s colour?!
It is what Iwant. Will you dye me, Volker? Fu ~oaa~a~aa! Just think about it makes mewhat to faint. (Zuben: Enough of that carry on, Freddie)
But…
‘I should getsomething fresh…’ I said to myself, ‘I can’t deny there should be feeling ofnew beginnings.’
I’m sureeveryone would take the bride’s underwear for granted because the bride iscure. But if I were to wear underwear especially for the wedding, I would wipeaway my worries about whether or not Volker would like it.
Do I have todevise a plan to find his opinion? Would this involve going to the person orgoing to a fashionable lingerie shop for research?
I wriggledleft to right as I groaned – ruminating.
‘Miss,’ I wascalled. I turned to find Oliver standing over me.
‘Oliver,’ Icried. I was surprised at my despondent tone of voice, but Oliver seemed tohave sensed I was troubled so, with a rise of an eyebrow, he went to close mydoor.
‘Why have youbeen groaning, Miss?’ he asked as he came closer. He didn’t make a sound whenhe walked, he folded his legs and sat before me in front of the closet. He isone corner of the top three that could not show weakness. (Zuben: Don’t ask mewhat) But he is kind. The flaw in the jade was that he was too serious, couldbe vindictive but he was ultimately reliable.
I will rely onhim for an answer,
‘Oliver, can Iask you a question?’
As a talentedbutler, he does look after me.
Alright, Iwill take the plunge. Let’s go!
‘What kind ofunderwear to men like?’
I sawsomething I had never seen before.
‘It isunsightly for the young Miss to ask a person of the opposite s.e.x thisquestion.’ He replied.
I thought itwould be best not to point out that Oliver’s cheeks were somewhat red.
‘It would beunseemly to ask other people but I think it is okay to ask Oliver.’ I replied.Because he was family. He had been with my family since before I was born. Ithink of him as my other father without permission.
I could askOliver things I couldn’t ask my father. So the weakness is tightly grasped.(Zuben: Whose? Yours or Oliver’s?)
‘Pleaseconsult Lady Pamela or Marie about such things,’ he replied as he rose. Icaught the hem of his jacket.
‘PleaseOliver, I want to know a man’s opinion.’
And I won’taccept a reply about “individual preferences” either.
‘I would liketo know what your taste it.’
If it doesn’twork with Oliver…then I would have to rely on Prince Stefan. I lowered my eyestrying to look harmless and demure.
Sorry Oliver,please be honest with your opinion.
He cleared histhroat and said very reluctantly, ‘In general, brides are seen to be pure andinnocent in their white dresses. They are supposed to see the wedding ceremonyas sacred, so following the same like of thought, the underwear chosen isusually white I think.’
Well, I knowthat part. That is general knowledge. I want more personal knowledge.
I make puppyeyes and urge him on, ‘So what kind do you like?’
‘Er…em…white…lace.It looks pure and beautiful on the skin.’
‘Lace…’
I see. I hadbeen convinced only girls like lace. Oliver left my room, ‘I shall take myleave now, apologies young Miss.’
I don’t wantOliver to be upset I put him on the spot, so I decided to apologise to himlater. But for some reason, it became difficult for me to see Oliver in themansion.
I wonder why?
Apologies for any typos...
♢ Chapters 37 to 39