She must plan it as easily for him as possible. The way to accomplish that was not to be with him. This would necessitate her a.s.sociating more with Philip. After all, why shouldn"t she? He was good and strong, and not really in love with her. Of course, he might be, if she allowed it, but she would stop that. She would show him by word, look, and act that any such love was inconceivable. He would understand and forget his earlier feeling, for after all he was not yet alive to the situation. It was merely circ.u.mstances that had brought that look into his eyes.
Disliking him as she did, it would be hard to a.s.sociate with him. She studied this last problem carefully, and at last arrived at a new state of mind. She did not dislike him, it was merely the natural unconscious trend of male and female that she hated. He was not to blame, neither was she, and they were, fortunately, beings with mind and will. They could use their G.o.d-given power to talk it out and face the situation.
Then Philip"s natural n.o.bility would make the solution easy. They would be on a splendid footing of frank understanding; their foresight would have saved them from a ridiculous and criminal mistake.
In these mountains she would have found two real friends and a higher ground of life. After the first painful talk with Philip they would go out from the cabin, warm comrades, with nothing to regret.
CHAPTER XI.
THE MAKING OF A KNIGHT ERRANT.
Silently, Lawrence rose and went to his work-chair. The zeal with which he began to cut his wood showed more clearly than any of them quite knew, the turbulent state of his mind. He was carried far into speculative possibilities that shook him with their power. He was absolutely in love with Claire, that was undoubted. He knew it, and he was determined to tell her so. To continue living in this uncertainty, with the memory of her pressed against him always compelling him to put out his arms and draw her again to himself, was intolerable. He would speak, and settle it once for all, nor would he take any compromising negative as a reply. That tone she had used could indicate but one thing, she loved him, and whether she knew it or not, whether she wanted to know it or not, should not matter. He would argue it out with her, showing her with the inexorable logic back of their whole experience how she was his, his in spite of her husband, in spite of blindness, in spite of everything. Without her, life was useless, barren, and dead. He must have her!
He carved viciously but accurately, while his mind and body yearned toward the hour when she would be in his arms, yielding, abandoned, loving.
Claire watched him from her place at the table in calmness of mind that, following her day of tumult, she could not understand. Peace, the peace that comes when one thinks he has settled something forever, was hers.
"Philip," she said, "our artist has buried himself in his work. Shall we go forth on a chance adventure?"
Lawrence choked back a whirl of jealous suspicion that swept to his lips, and said from his corner, "Do! I"ll have a surprise for your return."
He wanted to say, "No, stay here, Claire. I wish to tell you something, to make you see that I love you, that this Philip is not for you, that he is outside our real lives," but his tongue refused to obey his will.
"It sounds inviting," said Philip, rising. "Suppose we do."
They were gone.
Lawrence worked savagely, his mind grasping at impossible thoughts which kept struggling for expression. He was afraid, afraid till it chilled him, lest, after all, she loved Philip. If her voice had sounded so intense that noon, it had been because she resented his holding her while her real lover looked on.
Meanwhile Claire and Philip tramped through the pines in silence. She was wondering why she had come. She hesitated before speaking to him as she had determined. Perhaps he would be hurt at her imagining he could think of making any advances to a married woman, he would feel that she had suspected and accused him of a thing of which he was incapable.
Speech was difficult, so she trudged along, feeling very uncomfortable.
Her heart ached as she saw again the lonely look on Lawrence"s face bending over his work back there in the cabin.
"The adventure is slow in coming," Philip said, genially.
"Perhaps we don"t know how to find it," she answered, not heeding her words especially. "To find adventure, one must be awake to possibilities."
"True," he mused, looking at her. "So much depends on a man"s experience, knowledge, and imagination."
"I suppose life itself may set us, even calmly walking here, in the heart of an adventure."
"I have no doubt it does," he said.
Claire looked at him in faint alarm.
"Why," she stammered, "I didn"t imagine it was true when I spoke."
"To him who has faith, the wildest dreams are always possibilities."
"Do you believe that, Philip?"
"I have found it to be quite true. I often dreamed of good company here in my wilderness and a charming woman about my cabin. It has happened."
"But even that has its very strong drawbacks, hasn"t it?"
"What, for example?" He looked at her, earnestly.
"Oh," she hesitated, laughed, and said, "the rapidly depleted food supply, your time for thought broken, and all the rest."
"One sometimes finds a relief from thought very agreeable."
She wanted to laugh at the force with which his words struck her. "I"m sure that depends on the thought, as Lawrence would say," she answered, smiling.
"It does. And there is nothing I would not give to escape from my present thoughts." His voice was pitched low.
Her heart failed her, but she said bravely, "Perhaps you need a confessor, Sir Philip."
"I do, a gracious one, who can listen well."
"Then a woman would never serve," Claire laughed. "She would want to talk, you know."
Philip stopped, and looked at her. As far as he could see, she was calm, indifferent, the lady making talk.
"Perhaps," he said, lightly. "They have that reputation, I know."
"Now, I"--she laughed--"I, also, need a confessor."
"You?" His look searched her, incredulously. "What in the name of all the saints have you to confess?"
"Oh! Many things. Misunderstandings, social follies, mistakes in character reading, mean thoughts, lots of things."
"Absurd!" His tone was amused. "Who of us is not a sinner in those things?"
"But suppose," she ventured, hesitant--"suppose I had misjudged you?
Suppose I had suspected you of things you were not at all guilty of?"
"I should be sorry if you told me of them."
It was impossible, she thought, to go on. He would indeed be sorry, and how foolish she had been! But what had he meant a moment before?
"Is your confession worse?" she asked.
"I think so. A man is so apt to be a mad fool," he said, and lapsed into silence.
They walked some distance before either spoke. Then Claire laughed suddenly. "Philip," she said, "we all three need a change of scene."