Sorry for the late release, been busy with school and being a bit sick all week. The plot thickens~ what will Mel do? Hope you enjoy the chapter!
CSWH Chapter 57: My Conflict After my attempted runaway incident, my sword was confiscated, and all of my training clothes were disposed of.
And then, I was forced to live under 24-hour surveillance.
If it was someone from the Guard Corps standing guard, then I wouldn"t be reserved and would just knock them out and run away, but……the ones standing guard were Granny and other female servants, so it was hard to make a move.
The opponents were non-combatants, so that was only natural.
I haven"t fallen to the point where I would seriously take on those blameless servant girls for the sake of my own goals.
If it were members of the Guard Corps, then I"d be able to fight them without holding back like in training.
I did try to run when I found a gap, but their encirclement had a number of layers, and the moment I was found, they"d purposely use a loud voice to say, "Melly-sama, what seems to be the matter!?".
Like that, I would be surrounded by those girls as they bustled about, and as a result of being unable to make a move, I"d end up forcefully being made to return to my room.
Even though normally, you"d think the ones guarding me would be the well-trained, brawny members of the Guard Corps……having been faced with the complete opposite of my expectations that instead resulted in me being unable to do a thing against them.
Was Father the one who thought of this line-up……I didn"t know whether or not that was the case, but whether it was Father or someone else, that person really understood how I thought.
In the end, I remained unable to run away, and time only continued to pa.s.s.
Today too, I idly continued to pa.s.s time, letting out a sigh as I gazed out the window.
I was glancing right in the direction where the tower was standing.
"……Rui."
I suddenly murmured his name.
At this time where on top of having my freedom stolen away, the future partner who I"d be walking with was also being decided one-sidedly……he was the one who came to mind.
……and the fact that I still hadn"t told him that I liked him.
Even though I finally realized that these feelings that I felt when I thought of him were the emotion known as "love".
Although I had become conscious of it, in the end I was unable to make any actions on it.
Even if these feelings wouldn"t be returned, at the very least……I wanted to express my grat.i.tude for teaching me about these warm emotions.
……to think that being unable to do that would be so painful.
As the daughter of a Marquis House, a political marriage was an entirely possible future for me.
……although I had known of that knowledge, I had not imagined at all having such a thing happen to me.
And that was precisely why.
I had been looking at a dream.
A dream where I could continue to wield a sword.
At the same time, it was a dream where I told him of my feelings, and walked together with him into the future.
"……I like you."
The words overflowed, but fruitlessly floated in the open air.
I made a bitter smile at that reality and sighed, then rested my forehead against my hand as it pressed against the window.
The scenery that I watched from dead-zero distance from the window.
As I stared, it felt as if I were outside.
However, that was but an illusion.
I was still separated from the outside world by the window……the situation hasn"t changed at all.
Although it appeared close, the outside world was……freedom was far.
It"s like the distance between him and I, I laughed powerlessly.
Even though we were that close, right now we"re this far……I thought.
At the same time, I tightly gripped my fist as it rested against the window.
As I used all my strength to grip my fist, my nails dug into the palm of my hand, and a small amount of crimson blood trickled down.
Drip, drip.
It crawled along the window, and the crimson drops fell further and further down.
It slid along the cheek of the reflection of my face in the window, looking as if I were the one shedding crimson tears.
"……I don"t wanna…give up."
The cracking voice that leaked out were my true feelings.
They were feelings not suitable for the daughter of a Marquis House.
……however.
Is wishing for freedom selfish?
Is it childish to have a dream?
My sense of reason that thought that I had to perform my proper duty, and my instinct that insisted that I had the right to throw that all away.
Those two opposing thoughts clashed inside my heart.
……no, the expression that they were merely clashing wasn"t correct.
My sense of reason was desperately stopping myself, who was leaning towards following my instinct.
Suddenly, I belatedly noticed the pain in the palm of my hand as I distanced myself from the window.
The rather small wounds that I had stabbed into my palm were distinctly visible.
Right at that moment, knock knock knock……I heard the sound of knocking coming from my door.