Contradicting Worlds

RAVEN"S BED WAS VACATED when I woke up. I curse silently, he"s been like this for a week or so, leaving his bed behind not that I mind. Okay, I certainly mind but he could"ve at least warned me. Or the head or maybe the director knows what he"s doing. Ugh. What do I care? It"s none of business. My body still aches with exhaustion from so much training. The cold water from the shower did nothing to ease the tiredness I feel. When I finished bathing and got clothes on I went to the mirror to look at myself. Dark circles are running around my eyes. I became thin and skinny after 4 days of training. I shook my head. Time to work. I got out of the room and was greeted by a smiling Mice.

"Hi!" She said brightly.

"Hi, " a dull reply but at least not too dull.

Her eyebrows shoot upward as she regards my outfit. I did the same to her. She"s not wearing black this time but a colourful floral dress which is kind of odd. And a little unique. My eyes re-adjusted themselves with these odd colours. I am not used to seeing bright colours. All I can see is black, white, and grey. Her hair was french-braided.

"There"s no training today." Now that caught my attention.

"What? Why?" I tried to keep my voice even. The plan is going to take place in 3 days time.

"Well, we"re practising really hard in the past few days so Viola thought that we might want to..ya to know? Relax a little bit."

"Relax? How could we relax at times like this?" I didn"t bother hiding the criticism in my voice.

An expression flash across her face and I immediately regretted what I said.

"Uhm. We are not as incompetent as you have imagined, " she looked away. I felt a pang of guilt in my gut like a twisting knife.

"How--"

"The head can hear thoughts. She told us about you." She pursues her lips then looks away.

"I--I"m sorry. I didn"t mean to--," I didn"t know what to say. But what could I possibly say? That their skills are still incoherent to me?

"No. It"s okay. Actually, we"re used to it. Some newbies always call us incompetent, inexperience, but the truth is we"re not. We"ve made a few remarkable moments in the history of moments." She gives me a half-hearted laugh. Thank the G.o.ds she saves me from spewing nonsense. "Did you know the explosion that had happened in the red square?" Of course, how could I forget that? I swear to my life that I would never forget the people who caused the explosion. Block spots cover my vision and I struggle to keep myself standing.

The red square is where the government harshly executed exiles who commit crimes they are sort of accountable for. And to set examples to anyone inside the main city. The day the explosion happened it was my friend who was in the red square and was about to be publicly executed for stealing bread because she is starving to death. That was before I became a black hunter. She was saved from the red square but didn"t escape death. If it weren"t for them she might still be alive now. I had a plan back then of how I was going to save Elisa but some people caused her death to be quick and inevitable. I force myself not to recoil from Mice. She didn"t know how much I hate them for that incident. A surge of anger and pain and sadness fights their way inside. I feel like burning. I can feel the fire inside my heart ready to explode at a single touch of a match. Then the match touches me. "Are you alright?" The moment my eyes locked with Mice"s I couldn"t control myself anymore. The bomb has dropped. The world has exploded.

The time she touched me I felt the same intense feeling I sometimes felt when I was practising with the head. It"s so surreal. It"s stronger and it"s slowly taking hold of me. I want them to feel what Elisa felt that day. I want them to die like how Elisa died. I want them to suffer. To feel pain. To feel hopeless. Helpless. I want them to be tortured.

Our surroundings shifted into something more menacing. I am standing in the red square. Cries echo around the square. I look around and my gaze fell on the girl kneeling on the ground. She is crying but no sound comes out. It took me a moment to realize that it was Mice. I know I"ve got to save her but I am frozen to the ground. There was fire everywhere. People are running and screaming and crying at the same time. I turn around when I heard a piercing scream. My insides felt cold when I saw the girl who shouted. Elisa. I started running towards Elisa when I heard another yell of pain. Mice. I whirl towards the two girls. Firing squad are pointing their guns at Mice while Elisa is being hand-cuffed to the ground. My feet move by themselves. I run towards Mice. I am so sorry Elisa. This is not the best way for them to die. I will be the one to kill them not these warriors. The next moments pa.s.sed by in a blur.

My breath was knocked out of me when my back and head hit the cold stone wall. Wall? My vision was blurry for a second. People flood from either side of the hallway. Then the memory came rushing to me. The red square, Mice kneeling on the ground screaming. I shook my head. What just happened?

Strong hands pinned me to the wall. "What did you do to her?" I force to focus on the person in front of me. I mewl under her scrutiny. "I said, what did you do to her?" Viola rebukes. Her arm covers my chest and is pushing me nearer to the wall. As if I couldn"t be near enough. Fire is burning behind her eyes.

"I--" I can"t breathe. I tried to say but settle on, "I didn"t d-do any-thing."

"Liar, " she snarled.

"I-I swear, " My vision blackens. And I swear I would"ve snapped out of consciousness if it weren"t for her voice.

"Stop it Ila. You"re hurting her, "great now Micha is here too. Viola eyes me for a second and reluctantly let go of me. I gasp for air. Micha is by my side in an instant.

" Are you alright?" Her voice sounds worried and frightened at the same time.

" What"s happening here?" The Head"s voice sent chills through my back. What Mice told me earlier echoed in my mind. They are the reason. She sent the orders to help Elisa. She is the reason why Elisa is dead. I peek at Mice. She looks pitiful and scared. She is covered with sweat. Our eyes find each other. It doesn"t hold the same brightness but with fear. She backs away from me. Then she starts screaming. Micha runs to her side.

"What"s wrong?" she sounded urgent. Mice pointed at me.

"You! What did you do to me? Y-you"re not a hu-human. You"re an mm-monster. A monster!"

"I...What?" I flinch at the word monster. I am used to hearing those words at first but hearing it from Mice makes it more painful.

"What did you do to her?" Viola rebukes. I look at the faces of the people now staring at me with full disgust, hatred, and pity. I should be the one getting angry right now not them. Or at least I would"ve expected Mice to be angry, not terrified. Her terrifying expression terrifies me too. Only the head has the ability to find her own voice in this kind of situation.

"Take her to the quarantine." The head"s voice is cold that sent shivers down my spine.

"Quarantine?" I said. Half shouting. What the? What have I done wrong? Well, except for scaring Mice. And making myself the monster, the villain, the bad one.

"To observe you," before I could even reply 2 pair of hands are already dragging me away. I writhe in their strong arms.

As we go down the hallway I gain stairs and gazes from the other people. The earlier surge of anger is coming right now again but I force it down. I need to find a way how to calm down. Or else I won"t be able to hold it anymore.

I heard familiar footsteps from behind. "Wait!" Raven shouted. "Where are you taking her?"

The one on my left is the one who answered. "We have strict orders from the head to take her to the infirmary." We turn around to face an angry Raven.

"Infirmary?" the words stumble out of my mouth before I could even stop them. Their grip on my arms tighten. I wince visibly. Raven clearly took note of every movement he would notice. And clearly, the situation didn"t escape his criticism. Oh, Raven even if I want you to help me don"t do anything reckless now or it may worsen my situation. I stare right at his eyes and try to convey my message. And definitely, he took the wrong message because he plunges for the person on my right side. I choke a breath. "Raven!"

Before he could even punch the girl"s face I take hold of his shoulders and drag him backwards. "Raven, stop!" I bellow. An idea sparks up on my mind. I push him on a wall. One hand press against his chest while the other is placed against his cheeks. "Look at me!" I yell out. When he turns his attention to me I see the same fire burning behind those eyes when we first met. The time when he saved me against those warriors. He seems not in control of his self. I push the horror away from me as I take in his look. G.o.ds, this is a completely different Raven.

"Raven, look into my eyes," I told him while trying to calm him. "I"m okay. I am alright." He heaves with a great effort. I need to make sure that his really not going to let his anger take control of his own mind or else I might not be able to pull off my plan. I put my mouth near his ear so that the others may not know what we"re talking about. "Yeah, that"s right. Now just go with the flow." I regard our two companies. "You know what? I think he has a fever. He needs rest."

"We can take him with you to the infirmary." Oh gosh. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"You see, he"s quite in pain right?" I raise an eyebrow towards Raven. His eyes widen in realization.

"Oh," his hand clamps his stomach. "I think I might have eaten something bad." He"s so bad in acting.

"See?"

"It"s okay we can just call the doctors if he can"t stand at all." She replied.

"What"s your name?" I ask her.

They exchange looks, the right one answers. "I"m Lyra, she"s Myra."

"You"re twins," I said. They nod at the same time. "Lyra and Myra, actually, I"ve seen this kind of sickness," I inform them while Raven continues his bad acting. "And only I have the medicine for this illness. And it is in our room. In my bag. This is a highly contagious disease. You can get infected if you get direct contact with each other."

"But--" Myra starts but I cut her off.

"I know. This may sound ludicrous but trust me I know what I am doing. The antidote can only work for a few people and I can"t risk having you two get the virus too."

"Take us with you," Lyra spoke this time. She is tougher than I thought. "We will keep a safe distance. You need to show us your medicine first before we let you take care of him." She nods at Raven"s direction.

"Okay, fine," I said through gritted teeth. We walk in silence with the twins behind us. "You know--"

"Walk," Lyra spoke with finality.

"Are you sure about this? Do you even have medicine?" Raven whispers.

"Of course I am not sure nor do I have the RIGHT medicine," I reply back. "Now shut up."

We continue to stroll around the halls until we reach our room. My body began to shake but I force myself to be upright. Raven opens our room. He looks at me with uncertainty before going inside. We follow quietly, Lyra and Myra sure do keep their "safe distance". I stride towards my cabinet then get my bag. I place it on my bed so that everyone can get a better view. Please be here. I rummage inside my bag.

Where is it? "Missing something?" I look up at Lyra. Her eyes were narrowed.

"No." I hold my ground. I resume looking until I felt a rough texture beneath. I grasp it and take it out. "Here it is." I smile triumphantly at them.

"That is the medicine? That"s just an ordinary leaf for me."

"Don"t judge a book by its cover. This may seem like an ordinary leaf for you but it can cure various diseases. Even the ones that real doctors can"t treat." She looks at me with mere interest and curiosity.

"Fine, but we have to report this to the head," Lyra said. I shrug it off nonchalantly.

"Okay," I said.

They left after a few moments. I quickly lock the door after they had left. I let out a sigh of relief. "Good acting by the way," Raven said.

"Bad acting by the way," I said. I went over to my bed, take the bag off then lies heavily on the bed. My arms are spread over the empty s.p.a.ces on the bed while I stare at the ceiling. I wait for him to say something but we are stuck on an awkward silence. "Give me a topic." I finally said.

"What?" I face him and props my head on my elbow.

"Give me a topic to talk about," he stares at me quizzically. I lie back down again. "Fine, I will give us a topic. Where did you go this time? No lying. No "You can"t know". No "I was out hunting" stuff because this is not the perfect time for hunting." I glare at his direction.

"I--"

"You know what? You don"t need to answer. You"re not even going to tell me the truth, right? I am tired. I want to sleep." I turn around, my rear-facing him. Tears start falling down on their own and soft sobs break through me. I pull the covers to cover me entirely. I am so frustrated, angry, sad, alone and--h.e.l.l I don"t know! My emotions are mixing themselves inside me.

I felt Raven"s weight on the other side of the bed. His arm encircles my waist then he pulls me closer. My back touches his chest and I can feel his breath on my nape. Our position is quite intimate but somehow it"s quite comforting too. I slowly turn around and hug him back, unsure why I am doing what I am doing. His other hand caress my hair and suddenly I can"t control myself anymore so I cry against his chest. "I was lying Rave," I said weakly.

"It"s okay." His voice is m.u.f.fled against my hair.

"No, it"s not," I look up at him. "I was lying when I said that I didn"t know what I can do. I was lying when I said that I didn"t know what my ability is. Because I know. I knew. I wouldn"t become the black hunter if I didn"t know what I am capable of. But I refrain myself from using this because I killed someone with this." I search his eyes for disgust, hatred or anything. But he shows nothing. His expression remains distant and understanding.

"Do you think I would hate you for that?" his voice sounds colder than the sea breeze.

"I--I don"t know. You didn"t see what I did to Mice. I almost got her killed! You didn"t see their expressions. Mice is right. I am a monster." I push him then upright myself. "Stay away from me or I might hurt you," I don"t want him to. But I am scared of what he might think of me. Cold callus hand touches mine and I tremble in fear.

"Look at me," Rave said. I did. "Are you hurting me now?" I shook my head.

"But--" he brushes off hair falling to my face, catching me off guard. He rests his hand on my cheek and I lean into the touch. G.o.ds, please, y"all not helping me.

"You are not a monster, you hear me?" I close my eyes then force myself to nod because that"s all I can do right now-nod. "You are the kindest and most beautiful alien I"ve ever met." I laugh at the word alien. Then let the memory run in circles in my head. It seems yesterday that I called him that. I open my eyes and let myself devour this beautiful creature in front of me. My eyes are feasting over his perfection. I didn"t realize that I was leaning forward until his face was only a few centimetres away. Our eyes were locked with each other. My heart is hammering inside my chest so hard that it seems like it"s threatening to come out. My palms were starting to sweat and I couldn"t look at his eyes anymore. "You know, I am still probationary right now," he whispers and I feel his breath against my lips. And his lips caught my attention.

"Why?"

"Because they don"t trust me with this," finally he closed the last remaining distance between us. This kiss is unlike the first one. There"s no uncertainty. No barricades. No lines. No boundaries. This kiss is softer and more pleasant than the last one. His hand went at the back of my head. My arms hug his neck. We pull each other closer.

Somehow this kiss feels familiar. Everything about him is familiar. The sweet taste of his lips, his callus hand on my skin, his strong arms hugging my body closer, his touch, his body heat, his scent that I could never forget, his perfectly shaved head and him. Just him. I want him right now. At this very moment.

I moan silently as his lips found their way down to my neck. I am gripping his hair as he fills in the s.p.a.ces in my body with his lips. His hand tug the hem of my shirt as if unsure of what to do. I pull it up in the answer. He sits up. Then that"s when I notice how intimate the situation has become. I lay back on my bed now and he is on top of me. The light from the moon went inside through our windows and in some way it made him look s.e.xier.

The hunger inside me ate over my last bit of shame. I pull him down and he gives me an evil grin which made me even hungrier. I smash my lips on him and I could almost tell his smiling. I can feel the urgency building between us as I take his shirt off. My hand travels over his torso and he answers with a deep growl. I laugh silently. My hand made its way down his waist up to his pants. I grip the material then I felt something inside one of his pockets. A chain.

Then that"s when it happened. "Reca!" someone shouted from behind. I whirl around and saw Raven running towards me.

"Nate!" I said or I thought I was the one who said it. Raven or Nate hug me tight. He broke our embrace than grasp on my shoulders.

"Reca we need to go. They"re coming. Reca!" Boots on the ground can be heard. Then soldiers round up the corner carrying guns. They pointed it at us. Nate immediately covers me.

Then I was in the room again with Raven kissing me. I push him hard. His brows furrow. I stare at him wide-eyed. "Why?"

"Did you see that?" I ask. He looks behind him.

"See what?"

"Nothing, " I said. I breathe out loud enough.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea, I just need some time to think." I push him lightly then get up off the bed. I put on my clothes that were lying on the ground. I went into the bathroom and push the door open. I lock it instantly then stare at my reflection on the mirror. What had I just saw? What was that? My heart pounded in my chest as I recall the memory. So many random questions start appearing on my mind. Who"s Nate? Why does he look so much alike with Raven? Why are these people following us? Who wants us dead? Who are those people armed with guns? Who am I?

When I have gone back to our room, Raven was already fast asleep. There"s no light to brighten the darkness but it doesn"t matter since I can see through the dark. I walk silently toward our bed and stand at the edge of it. I think I can watch him sleep all night without even getting tired of it. The edges of his face look softer with the dim lighting in our room. I want to push off the hairs that cover his eyes. Although he"s sleeping, his body still has its rigid expression like he"s afraid that something bad may happen in the middle of the night.

I flip the half side of the cover and lie down softly. I roll to my side with my back facing him. I feel him change position. He pulls the cover-up to my shoulder then drape his arm around my waist and I snuggle close to his warmth.

"I thought you were asleep," I whisper.

His breath tickles my nape when he speaks, " I was but I felt your presence."

"Hmm." Was all I could ever say.

With Raven here, all the questions in my head shattered into a million pieces. All my worries left me and then there is just me and him. Slowly, I let the sleepiness take over me too and let me forget all about my problems even just for one night. Because I know when I wake up tomorrow, I"ve got to start finding answers to my not-so-answerable questions.