There is no need for me to put down in writing the events that took place when _he_ was with me. Not a word that he ever spoke, not a look that he ever gave, has escaped my memory. This much I may set down here.
Alas! the shadow of the African forest fell deeply and darkly upon me.
Am I stronger than other women, or weaker? I know not. Yet I can be calm while my heart is breaking. Yes, I am at once stronger and weaker; so weak that my heart breaks, so strong that I can hide it.
I will begin from the time of my arrival here.
I came knowing well who the man was and what he was whom I had for my father. I came with every word of that despairing voyager ringing in my ears--that cry from the drifting _Vishnu_, where Despard laid down to die. How is it that his very name thrills through me? I am nothing to him. I am one of the hateful brood of murderers. A Thug was my father--and my mother who? And who am I, and what?
At least my soul is not his, though I am his daughter. My soul is myself, and life on earth can not last forever. Hereafter I may stand where that man may never approach.
How can I ever forget the first sight which I had of my father, who before I saw him had become to me as abhorrent as a demon! I came up in the coach to the door of the Hall and looked out. On the broad piazza there were two men; one was sitting, the other standing.
The one who was standing was somewhat elderly, with a broad, fat face, which expressed nothing in particular but vulgar good-nature. He was dressed in black; and looked like a serious butler, or perhaps still more like some of the Dissenting ministers whom I have seen. He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at me with a vacant smile.
The other man was younger, not over thirty. He was thin, and looked pale from dissipation. His face was covered with spots, his eyes were gray, his eyelashes white. He was smoking a very large pipe, and a tumbler of some kind of drink stood on the stone pavement at his feet. He stared at me between the puffs of his pipe, and neither moved nor spoke.
If I had not already tasted the bitterness of despair I should have tasted it as I saw these men. Something told me that they were my father and brother. My very soul sickened at the sight--the memory of Despard"s words came back--and if it had been possible to have felt any tender natural affection for them, this recollection would have destroyed it.
"I wish to see Mr. Potts," said I, coldly.
My father stared at me.
"I"m Mr. Potts," he answered.
"I am Beatrice," said I; "I have just arrived from China."
By this time the driver had opened the door, and I got out and walked up on the piazza.
"Johnnie," exclaimed my father, "what the devil is the meaning of this?"
"Gad, I don"t know," returned John, with a puff of smoke.
"Didn"t you say she was drowned off the African coast?"
"I saw so in the newspapers."
"Didn"t you tell me about the _Falcon_ rescuing her from the pirates, and then getting wrecked with all on board?"
"Yes, but then there was a girl that escaped."
"Oh ho!" said my father, with a long whistle. "I didn"t know that."
He turned and looked at me hastily, but in deep perplexity.
"So you"re the girl, are you?" said he at last.
"I am your daughter," I answered.
I saw him look at John, who winked in return.
He walked up and down for a few minutes, and at last stopped and looked at me again.
"That"s all very well," said he at last, "but how do I know that you"re the party? Have you any proof of this?"
"No."
"You have nothing but your own statement?"
"No."
"And you may be an impostor. Mind you--I"m a magistrate--and you"d better be careful."
"You can do what you choose," said I, coldly.
"No, I can"t. In this country a man can"t do what he chooses."
I was silent.
"Johnnie," said my father, "I"ll have to leave her to you. You arrange it."
John looked at me lazily, still smoking, and for some time said nothing.
"I suppose," said he at last, "you"ve got to put it through. You began it, you know. You would send for her. I never saw the use of it."
"But do you think this is the party?"
"Oh, I dare say. It don"t make any difference any way. n.o.body would take the trouble to come to you with a sham story."
"That"s a fact," said my father.
"So I don"t see but you"ve got to take her."
"Well," said my father, "if you think so, why all right."
"I don"t think any thing of the kind," returned John, snappishly. "I only think that she"s the party you sent for."
"Oh, well, it"s all the same," said my father, who then turned to me again.
"If you"re the girl," he said, "you can get in. Hunt up Mrs. Compton, and she"ll take charge of you."
Compton! At the mention of that name a shudder pa.s.sed through me. She had been in the family of the murdered man, and had ever since lived with his murderer. I went in without a word, prepared for the worst, and expecting to see some evil-faced woman, fit companion for the pair outside.
A servant was pa.s.sing along. "Where is Mrs. Compton?" I asked.
"Somewhere or other, I suppose," growled the man, and went on.
I stood quietly. Had I not been prepared for some such thing as this I might perhaps have broken down under grief, but I had read the MS., and nothing could surprise or wound me.
I waited there for nearly half an hour, during which time no notice was taken of me. I heard my father and John walk down the piazza steps and go away. They had evidently forgotten all about me. At last a man came toward the door who did not look like a servant. He was dressed in black. He was a slender, pale, shambling man with thin, light hair, and a furtive eye and a weary face. He did not look like one who would insult me, so I asked him where I could find Mrs. Compton.