Lian Hua cultivated for an entire night and felt refreshed. He felt that he was now able to carry an entire cauldron[1]. He smugly took off his clothes and stood admiring himself in the mirror. Mm, your brother’s abs are coming into shape. Mm, if he held in his breath, he had a stomach. -_-///
When he went out to find food, Aunt Li regretfully told him that the young master has gone out. T_T Lian Hua chewed on the rice b.a.l.l.s that Aunt Li deliberately set aside for him while sorting out his plans. Mm, Pig Leg isn’t here, your brother is free. The d.a.m.n protagonist’s halo should be gone too, stay far away from your brother.
Lian Hua ate five rice b.a.l.l.s before feeling full. He condensed another ball of water, which lazily floated around his finger before changing shape, one instance round, another flat… He heard that… this was a very good method of practice water type ability.
After playing for a few minutes, Lian Hua suddenly decided toー throw the water in his mouth. Mm, an esper’s water was clear and clean, without any impurities. It was an essential treasure whether at home or on the road. You, were worth having.
Lian Hua took out the cleaver Pig Leg gave him and cleaned it with the water ball. If he hadn’t just turned level one last night, he would have died on long ago. The cultivation method was very effective, but Lian Hua had fully used up three bracelets, and two blocks of jade. His inventory was running low. Before, Lian Hua’s body was soft and weak, so his precious backpack only had a small inventory. Carrying too much would crush his back.
Now that he was a higher level, he could install an inventory expansion pack.
Lian Hua’s goal was the jade/goods store. Right now everyone else was paying attention to food shops and super markets, who cared about the jade shop? What a good opportunity, not taking advantage of it was foolish.
Lian Hua carried his precious backpack on his back, and notified Aunt Li before going outside. First, he had to slip past the security guard. It would be bad if he could sneak out but could not come back in.
After leaving the small neighborhood, all the nearby zombies were basically cleaned up by the soldiers. However, for the sake of insurance, Lian Hua was still put 120,000 points into his awareness stat.
Lian Hua turned over a newspaper stand, trying to find a map, and burst into tears. Your brother doesn’t understand it, what can he do? He was notoriously bad at directions. Without directions, it was hard to move on. Before, his little brother would navigate him, but now he’s not here. T^T
Lian Hua looked around, there were many cars parked on the side of the road. He took a fancy to a small sedan, but there was a dead body lying on the ground. Lian Hua said a prayer of Amitabha in his heart. Benefactor[2], please rest in peace. After that, he endured his nausea to search the corpse’s pockets.
He groped until his hand was covered in blood and finally fished out a bunch of keys, which he quickly rinsed with a ball of water. Fortunately, it had the right key, or Lian Hua would have cried.
Turning on the car, Lian Hua opened the navigator, and sure enough, found a jewelry store that was close to the villa. It was destiny, the store was named Fu Lu Zhai. He really missed its good brother back in the distant county of YN, but he missed his stronghold even more. The stronghold was so nice ah, this was all Pig Leg’s fault! Your brother was forced to leave his nest, what a tragic tale.
Lian Hua stepped on the gas and the car immediately shot out.
After leaving the neighborhood, he could soon see many zombies swaggering around, a few pedestrians carrying large bags, and there were also a lot of cars on the road, most likely trying to get out of town. These people are really naive, do they think they can get out with that speed? Tens of thousands of miles were already blocked off, choosing a small path would yield better results. However, your brother is directionally challenged, so it was best to follow Pig Leg’s heels. T^T If he was left behind, your brother would never be able to get out in this lifetime.
Lian Hua smoothly arrived at Fu Lu Zhai and smashed the lock. As soon as he opened the door, a zombie rushed out. Lian Hua was shocked, but he dodged rolled away from the claws that were about to scratch his face. He stood up with difficulty, took advantage of the zombie’s awkward movements that didn’t allow it to turn quickly, and cut off its skull with the cleaver.
f.u.c.k, that scared your brother to death. It seems that he had to practicing increasing his courage as well as his techniques. This zombie was probably the store clerk. He quickly closed the door and pushed the sofa to block it. After wiping his sweat, Lian Hua had a deep feeling that he was really weak. Pig Leg and the others killed zombies stylishly with beautiful posture, why was he so crude and ugly?
Whatever, let’s not think too much. Lian Hua opened his backpack and started to sweep jade/goods inside. After a few days, Pig Leg will start sweeping the jade/goods shops and at that time, there won’t be a portion for him.
Lian Hua depended on his eyesight to choose, bring everything marked above the standard price! He stuffed in as much as he could, only stopping when he felt the backpack was heavy.
Alright, Lian Hua breathed tiredly, like an ox with asthma. He decided to rest in here before running some more.
Suddenly he realized that he hadn’t checked up on the red jade marrow in a long time, so he dug it out from the bottom of the backpack.
Huh? How did my treasure get heavier? Lian Hua tugged, actually pulling two pieces out! The mushroom shaped block of jade[3] was actually attached to the red jade. Lian Hua noticed that the light inside the red jade was completely gone. Instead, the mushroom was s.h.i.+ning with an emerald green. Although it was still black on the inside, the grade had improved a lot.
Lian Hua looked at it with distress. That was jade marrow! A supreme level treasure! Lian Hua forcefully pulled hem, wanting to separate them. With that, the red jade fell. With that, the red jade shattered. With that, Lian Hua’s heart broke alongside it.
“Ah ah ah! Your brother’s jade marrow!” Lian Hua screamed pitifully, throwing the jade mushroom in his hand at the wall. f.u.c.k it, let’s break this thing. How dare it eat his precious jade marrow, he shouldn’t have kept it! Lian Hua burst into tears.
Bop! The culprit that was thrown at the wall not only did not break, it actually rebounded. Lian Hua couldn’t dodge in time, it hit him in the face and flowers sprouted around his head*.
*Imagine flowers instead of stars circling around his head.
After Lian Hua dizzily crawled up from the flowers, the jade mushroom was jumping around and dancing in front of his face.
Lian Hua “…”
What is this thing? Lian Hua was horrified, he never saw jade jump before. Moreover, that block of jade originally looked like a mushroom. Now that it grew up, Lian Hua’s thoughts instantly wandered to that thing three inches under a man’s navel…
So insignificant! Lian Hua couldn’t help it and laughed out loud, he really couldn’t hold back.
As if it could sense Lian Hua’s ridicule, that thing rushed over and hit him again. Lian Hua was pushed onto his stomach by its force, better yet, it left behind a pair of panda eyes.
“You are insignificant! Your whole family is insignificant!” A tender child’s voice sounded in Lian Hua’s mind.
Lian Hua held his dizzy head in fear. f.u.c.k, this is the most horrifying thing in the world, hearing a child’s voice was this scary?!?!
“You’re the child. This old man don’t even know how many thousands of years old he is!”
Lian Hua “…”
It could actually also read his thoughts.
“Sob sob sob, how did this old man sign a contract with someone as weak and stupid as this guy with brain damage? My owner should be tall, rich, and handsome! Why am I bound to this dwarf ah ah ah ah! Why did you dig out this old man?! Whyyyy balabalaba…”
Lian Hua listened until black lines ran down his face. He had the feeling that this thing thought he was willing to sign a contract with it? Lian Hua thought back to when he dropped a bit of blood on it before. He tried for a long time, but it really did succeed. It seems he really did have brain damage.
“Sorry I couldn’t help you.” Lian Hua stood up, patted the dust off his clothes, and cut off the broken record’s endless chattering, “If you aren’t satisfied, then go find an owner you like. Bai bai.”
Lian Hua didn’t hesitate at all. He wore his backpack, picked up his cleaver, turned around, and walked away.
He left behind the petrified mushroom. There was something not quite right about this chain of events! The mushroom thought, shouldn’t Lian Hua have gently comforted it and shamelessly tried to appease it? Feeling that Lian Hua really was abandoning it, the mushroom cried out tragically and jumped quickly to catch up.
“Wait! Wait! This old man was just joking. Although you’re both stupid and weak, this old man won’t mind!” The mushroom jumped again and again, scared that Lian Hua couldn’t see it.
Lian Hua was busy moving the sofa, “I mind. How could this stupid and weak man be suited to be your master? Go find someone clever.” After removing the sofa, Lian Hua first opened the blinds to observe the situation outside. Oh, that’s bad, it’s crawling with zombies outside. He hastily pushed the sofa back and sat down again.
“Oh! No, no, no! You’re the most most most powerful person. You are this old man’s master, how could you be bad? No[4], great master! The most powerful! The greatest!” This mushroom jumped into Lian Hua’s thighs and rubbed hard.
Lian Hua “…”
This thing was really funny.
“Cough!” Lian Hua cleared his throat, “Are you sure you want to follow me?”
“Of course, you are this old man’s master.” The mushroom hastily stated its position.
“Then, why would I want to be with you?” Lian Hua asked.
The mushroom froze, then shook and swayed. Lian Hua looked at it funnily as it condensed a ball of green light and flashed it into his eyes. f.u.c.k, it hurts, this d.a.m.n thing. A level one wood esper cannot cure, they can only relieve pain.
“Master, master, look at how cute other people* are. People will sing and sell cuteness.” This “person” spoke very sweetly, Lian Hua felt it was very familiar. →_→
*It’s acting cute by speaking in third person.
After thinking for a while, he realized, wasn’t this the tone he used to speak with Pig Leg? Feeling that this thing was always eavesdropping, Lian Hua changed the way he saw it, “Tell me what use you have. Your brother doesn’t need a useless pet.”
The mushroom jumped, and went to the jade counter. Aside from the expensive ones Lian Hua chose, the rest were cheap. Facing the jade, it sucked in a breath and all of the spiritual energy was sucked out of the jade and condensed into a green light that was swallowed by the mushroom. The mushroom looked proudly at Lian Hua and burped.
Lian Hua “…”
Obviously that thing had neither eyes nor face, but Lian Hua could still “see” its triumphant look.
“How does it benefit me if you absorbed all the spiritual energy in the jade?” Lian Hua asked suspiciously.
“Aiyo, my dear master, didn’t you notice that other people becoming more beautiful?” The mushroom jumped back so that Lian Hua could inspect it.
Lian Hua looked, it became more green and the moss inside had lightened a bit. Was this the result of absorbing his precious jade marrow? Lian Hua caught the mushroom and pinched. Hm, it didn’t feel like jade, it was soft, just like a real mushroom. But what benefit did it have for him? His precious jade marrow was the best material for cultivating!
Lian Hua started to feel impatient. The mushroom could sense that, its cap started to shake and a few spores fell off. The spores fell on to Lian Hua’s hand, and poof poof poof, matured into small green mushrooms the size of his thumb. Lian Hua felt that the mushroom’s green light seems to have faded a little.
“Master, eat them and you will see.” The mushroom spoke weakly, Lian Hua saw that it had lost a lot of power and put it in his coat pocket.
Looking at the little mushrooms in his hand, Lian Hua hesitated, then picked one and tossed it in his mouth. The taste wasn’t bad, Lian Hua thought. He swallowed it into his stomach and an extremely pure stream of energy spread out in his body. Lian Hua quickly meditated to digest it. A short while later, Lian Hua opened his eyes and looked at the mushroom with a complicated expression. His ability had progressed a lot.
“Alright, you can follow me.” Lian Hua said.
“Mm…” The mushroom nodded in response.
Lian Hua gathered the remaining mushrooms, then shoved a few pieces of jade into his pockets. The mushroom absorbed a few pieces and looked a lot better.
Lian Hua rubbed it and the mushroom seemed to wriggle in enjoyment.
“Let’s call you Lian Yu[5].”
Translator’s Notes:
[1]These things are notoriously heavy and look like this:
[2]As I understand it, 施主 is specifically a Buddhist form of address.
[3]豆种翡翠 actually refers to a very specific kind of “bean jade” that might not be shaped like a bean. As this particular piece of jade is shaped like a mushroom, I just translated it that way so people wouldn’t be confused.
[4]The mushroom changes the way it addresses Lian Hua here. It uses the generic 你, which is just “you”, but then calls him 伟大的主人 “great master”. There’s a funnier exchange in the Vietnamese version, but it’s not accurate, so I didn’t put it.
[5]Lian from Lian Hua and Yu from jade. And there you have it guys. I don’t know how many of you have noticed, but this is the website’s mascot. It took me several tries to make it “look like a man’s you know what” while keeping the mushroom shape. Lian Hua finally has the most powerful weapon of all! The idiot to his straight man routine. Now imagine that thing rubbing in between Lian Hua’s thighs… Mm… Does this mean?!