“Hey, hey! You aren’t a special jade mushroom, you’re an unlucky mushroom.” Lian Hua bitterly shouted, stepping on the gas full throttle.
“That’s not right, people* are so pure, so beautiful, so lovely a jade mushroom, how could there be such a despicably low level of skill?” Lian Yu shouted back, continuously jumping on Lian Hua’s head.
*It’s acting cute by talking in third person.
“Lovely my a.s.s!” Lian Hua burst into tears, mercilessly slapping Lian Yu. Lian Yu was pitifully flattened onto the car winds.h.i.+eld. It slid down following gravity and left a light green residue on the winds.h.i.+eld…
Lian Yu “…” T^T
“Wah wah wah! Master doesn’t love me! I[1] want to die!” Lian Yu howled even louder, screaming until Lian Hua felt dizzy and his ears rang. Lian Yu shot around the car chaotically like an explosive ball.
Lian Hua “…”
You’re a mushroom, not a rubber ball?
Was this the cute pet the Great G.o.d of Transmigration gave him? Lian Hua didn’t see how it was “cute” at all. Right now, in addition to a headache, he had a headache. f.u.c.k, Pig Leg’s cute pet was so adorable, so obedient, as expected of Pig Leg’s intimate partner. Yet here he was, with this stupid idiot of a child? Lian Hua could deeply feel the ill will of the Great G.o.d of Transmigration towards cannon fodders.
Sadness flowed like a river.
He thought back to when he and his stupid mushroom were stuck in the jade/goods shop, surrounded by zombies.
Lian Hua “…”
There were so many zombies! Help, so terrible! Pig Leg, my love, come save me! However, even if Lian Hua screamed his throat raw, Pig Leg wouldn’t fall from the sky riding on a cloud to save him[2]. So now that? Depending on others was impossible, he might as well depend on himself.
Lian Hua carefully pushed away the sofa that was blocking the door and opened up a s.p.a.ce barely big enough for one person to squeeze through. With that, a zombie growled and rushed forward. Lian Hua gauged the time, raised his hand and sliced its neck off. The second one ran in and Lian Hua continued to swing his cleaver. After slicing up a few, he started breathing heavily. He raised a hand and lobbed a water ball at the zombie, but aside from was.h.i.+ng some of the fluids off the zombie and spraying mucus everywhere, there wasn’t even a fart.
Lian Hua “…”
He silently wiped the dirty fluids off his face and continued to swing his cleaver. Lian Hua swung until he was tired and pushed the sofa back, then sat down to recover his physical energy and ability. Luckily an esper’s body was much stronger than an ordinary person’s, or else he would be exhausted. After resting enough, Lian Hua opened the door and continued to cut.
And that mushroom was only staying to the side cheering him on. -_-/// Cute pet, you’re not too useful.
“Master, do your best! (^ω^)/ Master is the best! Master is the strongest! Master is da bes[3]! Unfortunately, the mushroom couldn’t understand even the slightest bit of the bitter feelings in its owner’s heart. It was exactly like a little brat running and jumping around, resting when it got tired, then continuing as if it had ADHD. Lian Hua’s thoughts were full of malicious speculation. Lian Yu definitely stayed in that rock for too long. Now that it was freed, if it didn’t talk or move, it would die from sickness.
Lian Hua finished off several zombies, the bodies in the jade/goods store heaped into a small pile. Lian Hua dry heaved, it looked and smelled disgusting. If he had fire or thunder type special powers, he could have indispensable fighting force and he could clean up this mess. Bodies took up s.p.a.ce, destroying the “corpse” was necessary! That Pig Leg could take care of everything, things were good. Unfortunately, Lian Hua could only think about it.
His stomach started growling. Lian Hua condensed a ball of water to wash his face and took out a few small green mushrooms to eat. Sure enough, it eased his hunger, and could even boost his ability. That wretched mushroom wasn’t completely useless.
Perceiving Lian Hua’s thoughts, Lian Yu was out for blood.
“People are Lian Yu, not wretched mushroom! People aren’t one bit wretched at all. People are also super useful, master can’t despise people!” Lian Yu loudly protested.
“If you aren’t wretched, then who is? What else can you do aside from laying mushrooms?” Lian Hua retorted, making Lian Yu immediately shut up.
Sob sob sob, the despicable Master is so annoying! Lian Yu only dared to quietly scolded in its heart.
When Lian Hua dealt with all the zombies outside, it was almost dark outside. f.u.c.k, the city was most dangerous at night. Calling it was the witching hour wasn’t too far off. He had to hurry back or he would definitely die.
Lian Hua quickly climbed into the car, suddenly realizing that his surroundings were very quiet. He felt unfamiliar and touched his coat pocket. Where was the mushroom?
Lian Hua was shocked and got out the car.
“Lian Yu? Xiao Yu Er*? Wretched mushroom? Where did you go?” Lian Hua was a little anxious, although Lian Yu was stupid, right now it was his partner, and he shouldn’t let anything happen to it.
*Xiao and Er are both terms of affectionate. So he’s double affectionate?
“Master!” Lian Yu’s voice rang out. Lian Hua let out a big sigh, just intending to ask where it ran off to when Lian Yu suddenly jumped into his arms.
“Where were you?” Lian Hua’s tone wasn’t very good.
“Master, don’t ask! Run first!” The mushroom seemed impatient.
Lian Hua suspiciously looked in all four directions, and was almost scared out of his wits. f.u.c.k, there was a horde of zombies following the wretched mushroom. Did you go out of your way to sleep with the zombie’s wife or beat its aging mother? To actually pull such a large group’s aggro.
Lian Hua couldn’t help but curse the mushroom. He scurried into the car and quickly started it. He stepped on the gas and flew off.
…
“Don’t play.” Lian Hua felt that there was a fly buzzing in his ear, disturbing his thoughts and terribly upsetting him. So Lian Hua waited for Lian Yu to wander by his feet, then crushed it underfoot.
“Master is mean! Sob sob sob!”
“You’re too noisy.” Lian Hua was cold.
Lian Yu “…” Shut up.
“What did you do to p.i.s.s them off?” Lian Hua frowned and looked at the zombies in hot pursuit. The speed of the zombies increased, worrying Lian Hua even more.
Lian Yu “…” Twirl twirl twirl.
Lian Hua “…”
“Speak human!”
Lian Yu “…”
Lian Hua “…”
He forgot that Lian Yu was a mushroom, not a human.
With that, Lian Hua increased the pressure of his foot…
T^T “People just took something small of theirs! Sob sob sob. It hurts, Master please relax your foot!” Ruthless meaningless cruel vexatious Master.
Lian Hua “…” Your brother doesn’t believe it was “something small”? Or else, why would they be so aggressive?
Lian Hua silently increased the grinding pressure.
“Wah wah wah! People will talk, will talk, people just took their one star Evolution Fruit! Master, I’m begging you to let go, ah! QAQ”
Evolution Fruit? Evolution Fruit! Oh d.a.m.n, could it be the Evolution Fruit that was written about in the book that will let zombies evolve if they eat it? It was even known as the strange G.o.dly weapon of the zombies. Didn’t the white lotus use this Evolutionary fruit to attract a bunch of zombies to kill Pig Leg? After rebirth, Pig Leg definitely knew about this.
f.u.c.k! Lian Hua’s heart beat rapidly. Was this the part where someone kills themselves over a G.o.d object?
So the Evolution Fruit originally appeared in S City that early. No wonder this area was overrun so quickly and there were high level zombies everywhere. Lian Hua was still in the mood to think nonsense. Unfortunately, Lian Yu could only sense Lian Hua’s thought towards itself. It couldn’t sense much else, so it couldn’t understand Lian Hua’s feelings of depression and sadness.
“Where did you put the Evolution Fruit? How did you block its smell?” Lian Hua looked at the army behind them that was growing by the minute. Local zombies pushed past the cars to join the army. It was enough to make him go crazy.
“In my stomach.” Lian Yu weakly answered.
Lian Hua “…”
Looking at the Lian Yu that was about to be flattened, Lian Hua felt something was off. It was clearly written in the book that the Evolution Fruit was as big as a basketball. Lian Yu’s body was only as big as a palm, how could it eat the fruit? Lian Hua voiced his thoughts.
“People are jade mushroom, people are the king of plants. This body can store millions of plants!” Lian Yu appeared proud.
Lian Hua “…”
The king of plants! You’re joking! He didn’t go to college, and was just a small time thug, but he knew that mushrooms were fungi, what connection was there to plants? The variety wasn’t the same.
“Jade mushroom is just a t.i.tle! People aren’t really a mushroom.” Lian Yu got mad at Lian Hua’s thoughts.
“Pfft…” Lian Hua could not help but laugh. He loosened his foot, “Is that so? Then the king of plants, please hide the Evolution Fruit’s smell.”
Lian Yu intended to fight Lian Hua, but it withered and only said, “People were buried in the ground for too many years, the ability has degenerated. Right now, there’s no way to completely hide the smell.”
Lian Hua “…” I knew you were only bragging. Lian Yu was mad but it couldn’t retort.
Lian Hua thought for a while. First, he threw out a ma.s.s of wood energy to wrap around Lian Yu, then condensed a huge water ball and threw Lian Yu in.
Lian Yu “…”
〒_〒 Did Master want to drown it? Lian Yu rolled around in the water ball, but the water ball didn’t disperse. Just as it started to make persistent efforts, Lian Hua spoke up again, “If the water ball breaks, you’ll be thrown down.”
Lian Yu “…”
It didn’t dare to move, its master was too cruel!
Lian Hua fiercely glared at Lian Yu. Right now, he could faintly sense Lian Yu’s thoughts. Stinky mushroom, he definitely had to teach it a lesson later.
He looked at the group of zombies following the car. There were actually less, and the rest were confused. Lian Hua felt happy inside, it really worked! Using wood energy to wrap the mushroom’s life force, then creating a barrier of water to seal the smell of the Evolution Fruit, Lian Hua gave himself thirty two points of praise. Your brother is really smart! You mortals should come love and wors.h.i.+p me.
Lian Hua drove past a few more streets. Although the amount of zombies chasing behind them had obviously diminished, Lian Hua felt triumphant.
He looked at the fuel gauge, f.u.c.k! Lian Hua burst into tears, he was almost out of gas. What a sad reminder! Lian Hua felt like he didn’t check calendar[4] before leaving today.
Right, where was this?
Lian Hua “…”
G.o.d f.u.c.king dammit, where was he? He couldn’t find the road back to the villa. What was he supposed to do? Lian Hua just wanted to sob loudly.
He patronized himself for getting lost while running away. The sun was quickly sinking down the horizon, it was far too dangerous for him at night! Lian Hua played with the navigator, the navigator’s screenー went on strike…
When Lian Hua poked and prodded, it didn’t react. Lian Hua was silent, crying oodles of tears[5]. What was this called? Drinking cold water makes your teeth numb? Whump, reality once again gave him another blow! The carー broke down… 〒_〒
Lian Hua “…”
He really didn’t look at the calendar before going outside. Why did all the bad things gather in one place?
Pig Leg, my love, come rescue the cannon fodder, ah! If the cannon fodder dies now, who will you abuse later? Lian Hua crazily summoned Pig Leg in his heart. 〒_〒 Pig Leg, my love, appear! This cannon fodder really misses you!
Translator’s Notes:
[1]I think this may be a typo, but the author put nest (窝) here. It’s p.r.o.nounced “wo”, similar to the usual personal p.r.o.noun “I/me” (我).
[2]I think this specifically refers to a cloud riding skill in online games:
[3]Hahaha, like master like pet. Lian Yu uses a j.a.panese loan word here. The Chinese term was赛高, the j.a.panese term is 最高. It means also means “the best”, but the actual Chinese for that was 最棒. Lian Hua’s so great that Lian Yu had to repeat it in a different language.
[4]This one’s a cultural joke. Some days are auspicious days because of a huge number of factors, so if you don’t check, it might not be an auspicious day and you’re going to have bad luck.
[5]The imagery here is actually “his tears formed a stream so long, it became noodles in his heart”.
By the way, I completely forgot that I didn’t translate a few things in the introduction to the novel. Usually authors will list slight spoilers in their introductions, such as personalities the main couple will have. It’s… quite spoilery actually, so maybe I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s been two months, I forget. Anyway, I just updated the intro. If you’re curious, you can find the intro in the table of contents. Feel free to a.n.a.lyze it to bits. =))) Also whoo, yea, seven chapters a month. Keep it up and I’ll be done… exactly a year after I started. Hm. Not bad. Aim for better.
Also, I thought there was a specific scene in this chapter. It’s actually in the next chapter. I’ve been painting the scene since I started translating lol. (“^”)/ Please look forward to it. This one has color and I tried harder than usual. Which is not at all.
“But Kagami”, you say, “We don’t care about your s.h.i.+tty fan art. Just give us the chapter.”
No.