Dear G.o.d, why was this baby so deformed while Elizabeth was perfect?
Meghann felt hot, salty tears run down her face and land on the hands clenched to her mouth.
Poor baby, she thought, looking down with pity and revulsion at the thing shrieking madly. Just like those others the sp.a.w.n of two vampires resulting in hideously deformed offspring, freaks.
Strong hands grabbed her shoulders and Meghann did scream, an unrestrained sound full of fear and desolation and a touch of madness.
"No, no." Simon rocked her from behind, holding her tightly. "It"s all right, Meghann not as bad as it looks. I wanted to wait until you recovered your strength a bit and then I"d explain "
"d.a.m.n you!" he thundered at Charles, dragging a shuffling mortal toward the cradle. "You should have fed him while Meghann nursed Elizabeth."
"You know he has no set feeding schedule," Charles explained hurriedly. "He hasn"t needed to feed in two nights."
"Don"t bother me with explanations just feed him so Meghann can put her mind at ease. Sweetheart, look look, I tell you!"
Ruthlessly, Simon held Meghann"s head in place, forcing her to watch as Charles lifted the baby out of his crib and placed him at the mortal"s neck.
Meghann saw the vicious punctures dotting the man"s neck and wrists and knew the mortal had already been bled heavily, must be spelled to be this docile.
This must be where Simon got the blood he fed her before.
He"s a child molester, Charles said to Meghann while he held the man in place.
Don"t pity him if there were any justice in the world, he"d suffer far worse than being slowly bled to death by a vampire baby.
The baby stopped crying when his lips made contact with the mortal"s flesh must smell his blood, Meghann thought irreverently. The small, sharp fangs settled in the mortal"s jugular and the baby drank the blood as thirstily as Elizabeth had drunk milk from Meghann"s breast.
As he fed, a startling metamorphosis occurred. The translucent skin that displayed knotted veins disappeared, its place taken by skin of a pale, milky shade. Meghann shook off Simon"s grasp and put a cautious hand on the infant"s face, lifting up one eyelid. Yes, the blood had even given color to his eyes, transforming them to a peculiar but arresting shade of silvery gray.
At her touch, the baby pulled away from her fingers and hissed a genuine hiss no different from the sound a snake might make. Meghann pulled away, chilled at this fresh evidence of how alien her child was.
"No," she choked out. How could a baby glare like that, fix her with a stare of hatred, and spit in that sibilant hiss unlike anything she"d ever heard before? What was wrong with him?
He"s evil, a voice whispered slyly. He"s the abomination Guy tried to spare the world by killing you. Maybe it would have been better "No!" she screamed again and turned on her heel, running from the room as fast as she could. She was the abomination what else would you call a mother that couldn"t stand the sight of her own flesh and blood? She had to get out of that room, had to think and get herself together. She had to try and accept what she"d just seen, had to find a way to be a mother to that poor, monstrous "Meghann!"
"Let her go," she heard Simon say as she hurried out into the freezing night.
She had no idea how long she walked until the subzero temperature and frigid wind blowing in from the sea penetrated her misery as well as her normal resistance to cold. Shivering, Meghann glanced around and saw no familiar landmarks, only an endless stretch of white sand and the dark outline of palatial mansions she thought out of place amidst the wild beauty of the Hamptons.
She sat down at the edge of the sh.o.r.e, the icy water of the tide almost touching her feet, and curled up into a ball, her knees drawn up to her chest in an effort to keep warm. Of course, she could fly back to the house but she wasn"t ready to go back yet.
Meghann put her chin on her knees and glared moodily at the black sea and horizon, not really seeing it not seeing anything but her son"s face. It wasn"t the grotesqueries of his prefeeding state that tormented her, that made her flee the house it was that snarl he gave her when she touched him. Was it that he sensed her horror and rejected her before she could reject him?
Meghann sobbed, hating herself for not loving her son as she"d loved her daughter from the moment Simon put her in her arms. Where was that warm surge of feeling that welled up inside her when she thought of Elizabeth, of those innocent green eyes reflecting back at her, her sweet face scrunched up in sleep?
Was she so shallow, so loathsome that her love for Elizabeth was based only on her daughter"s comeliness? Was she only capable of loving a pretty child? As she sat chilled by more than the winter cold, fresh sobs burst from her and she wished G.o.d would strike her down "Stop that this instant."
Meghann was too heartsick to be startled and allowed Simon to wrap her in a sable-lined cloak, forgetting her usual protestations of animal rights and the cruelty of fur coats. Nor did she pull away from the strong arms that wrapped around her.
"I won"t have you tearing yourself apart this way. Of course you"re disturbed do you think I wasn"t shocked when Doctor Winslow pulled Mikal out of you?"
Mikal Meghann nodded at the name she and Simon had agreed upon for their son. Mikal John Khalid Baldevar. John for Dr. Dee and Meghann"s father, Khalid for Simon"s slain friend, and Mikal as a variation on Michael, the name of Simon"s beloved nephew.
"Oh, Simon " she started to say but she was still crying too hard for speech.
Finally, she looked up and beseeched, What"s wrong with him?
The arms holding her close became like iron and the line of his jaw hardened before Simon answered tightly, "There is nothing wrong with our son, Meghann."
"Nothing wrong!" she exclaimed, shocked out of her tears by his matter-of- fact denial. "How can you say that? Didn"t you see "
Meghann broke off because she already knew the answer Simon didn"t see, would never see anything wrong with the son he"d wanted for so long, his heir and his hope of seeing daylight again.
"Didn"t you see?" Simon demanded and hauled her roughly to her feet. "Didn"t you see the blood replenish him, make him whole? I know what you"re thinking, Meghann you worry that our son will always have to hide his face "
Meghann nodded, more tears escaping her when she thought of explaining to a small child why he couldn"t be seen, must be kept hidden like some guilty secret.
"No, Meghann," Simon said and shook her slightly. "He isn"t like Alcuin. Did the priest"s skin change because he fed? Once Mikal drinks, his deformities fade away "
"For how long?" Meghann demanded. "What will we do if we if we take him outside and he suddenly changes "
"He"ll grow out of it just as Elizabeth will change from a chubby infant to a beautiful young woman someday. Don"t look at me like that, Meghann. I do not speak from fervent delusion but fact. When Mikal was newborn, the blood only healed him for a few hours. But each night his periods of remission grow longer; now he remains well for two nights after drinking. That"s why I believe the deformities will fade altogether as he grows older."
"He hates me," Meghann said in a small voice and squeezed her eyes shut.
"He"s naught but a senseless babe, incapable of hating anyone. I should have warned you not to touch him while he fed his reaction was no more than an animal protecting his food, warning you off. He thought you were going to take his blood."
Meghann nodded and felt some small relief at Simon"s explanation but there were other things about her son that disturbed her. "If there"s nothing wrong with him, then why are you keeping him shut up in that miserable dark room like a leper? Why isn"t he in the nursery with Elizabeth?"
"His cries disturb her. As for the room, Mikal is a vampire. He has our abilities but none of our intelligence yet. He moves things around with no thought to his safety. It was necessary to keep him in a room with no objects that he might fling around and harm himself with should they hit him. As for the dark, his eyes are extremely sensitive to light. Even candlelight causes severe discomfort Doctor Winslow thinks prolonged exposure to any kind of light might result in blindness."
Appalled, Meghann could only gape at him this was the worst news yet!
"You mean he has to live in pitch-black for the rest of his life? Simon, my G.o.d!
How can you say nothing"s wrong would you like to live like a bat? You thought the offspring of two vampires would live in sunlight and now it turns out we have better tolerance to light than Mikal does!"
"Mikal is not even a year old," Simon said, and she detected a cutting edge to his even tone. "I never thought he"d be born with the promise of the philosophers"
stone. I thought he"d grow into it, realize his full potential when he grew to manhood. His eyes will strengthen just as his limbs will grow and soon he"ll enjoy the day just as Elizabeth does."
"What if his eyes don"t improve? What if he never adapts?"
Simon raised an eyebrow. "What do you suggest, Meghann? Shall I kill him?"
"Of course not!" she cried. "It"s just it"s just if he"s forced to live in shadows, it"ll be him to pay and suffer, not us! And we"re the ones who deserve it because we brought him into the world, he didn"t ask to be born "
"My love," Simon said softly and stroked her face with his fingertips. "How can you despise yourself and think you"re an unnatural mother? If you don"t love your son as much as Elizabeth, then why do you weep so at the thought of his pain? Dry your eyes, sweet. I don"t wish to see you weeping when I say good- bye."
"Good-bye?" Meghann repeated, dumbfounded. She looked up and the meaning of the cashmere overcoat Simon wore finally penetrated her senses. He wouldn"t put that on just to find her.
"Yes, good-bye," Simon said and took her hands. "There isn"t much time to explain Mikal and I are due at the airport in an hour."
"Mikal? What about Elizabeth?" What about me?
"Elizabeth remains with you."
"You"re leaving her leaving me? G.o.dd.a.m.n you, Simon!" Meghann screamed and yanked her hands away, green eyes blazing with fury and hurt. "What is it you don"t need me now that you have your precious son? And Elizabeth you snake, I thought you loved her! How can you just leave your daughter? Is it because she"s mortal so she serves no purpose?"
"Isn"t that what everyone will think?" Simon asked with a bitter smirk. "What a fiend Lord Baldevar is he abandoned Meghann when she presented him with a puny mortal girl instead of the philosophers" stone. There"s no need to attack her or her daughter. Lord Baldevar"s issue is no threat to anyone. Meghann, the fools will never even think we had two children. They won"t harm Elizabeth and I can go into hiding with Mikal."
"Was this what you planned all along?" Meghann demanded. "Was all your talk of us raising our child together lies to soothe me? Did you always intend to take my baby from me? How can you take Mikal from me and give up Elizabeth without a second thought? Why are you doing this? Don"t you want me and Elizabeth?"
"Meghann, you talk as though we"ll never see each other again as though I"ll never see my daughter. How can you think I don"t want you after all I"ve done to keep you by my side? I love you love you so much I won"t refuse if you insist on coming with Mikal and me. But Elizabeth remains here with your friends."
"No!" Meghann cried. "No, no! I"ll never leave my daughter. I love her."
Meghann thought of the tiny white fist curled up on her breast, of her daughter"s innocent trusting gaze when she looked at her mother, and knew she could never bear to be parted from her. But what about Mikal? How could she allow Simon to whisk him off to G.o.d knows where?
"I know you love Elizabeth. Do you think I do not?" Simon took her hands again, kneeling before her on the cold sand. "Haven"t you told me a thousand times what you want for your child? To grow up well loved and cared for, to have the school days and friends and fun any child is ent.i.tled to? Meghann, Elizabeth can have all that with Doctor Winslow looking after her during the day. And she can have something I didn"t dare hope to give her until tonight her mother. I cannot ask you to give up the child you"ve wanted for so long."
"Mikal is my child too. Why do you want them raised separately? Why can"t Elizabeth and I come with you?"
Simon"s hands tightened over hers until Meghann cried out but his grip didn"t relax. "Meghann, don"t you see how different our children are? I was not deluding you all these months I said we"d never be separated again. I fully expected one child that we would raise together. Then, when we learned you were having twins, I had the first inkling this could happen but I never said anything because there was no point in upsetting you with idle speculation. But now Meghann, Mikal will have to be raised in absolute secrecy. The faintest whisper of his existence and there isn"t a vampire in the world that wouldn"t try to slaughter him out of fear of what he"ll become. I"ll not have my son grow up feeling like a hunted animal I"ll take him somewhere remote, away from crowds and prying eyes. It will be a lonely existence but he"ll never have anything to compare it to. But, darling, there is no reason to force Elizabeth to live that way too and I know a life in obscurity is the last thing you want for her. Mikal might not develop the ability to walk in daylight until he"s well into his teens do you think he won"t grow to hate and resent his twin, envy her freedom to roam about during the day, to be accepted by society? For even if he adapts to the sun earlier, I still won"t be able to chance him being seen until he"s capable of defending himself from our enemies. Can"t you see how Mikal will grow to despise the mortal sister that won"t have to hide, as he will?
Just as she will envy him the powers she won"t possess, the powers that might endanger her if he should attempt to harm her in a fit of rage? The children must be raised separately, Meghann. First, because our enemies must see you with Elizabeth, must believe she"s the only child of our union until Mikal is strong enough to withstand any attack. Also, once she and Mikal are adults he with the ability to enjoy daylight as she does and she transformed so she is no defenseless mortal then, we can all reunite with no fear of our enemies or worry that the twins will hate each other."
Elizabeth transformed? Someday see blood l.u.s.t shining in her daughter"s eyes?
Meghann shivered and put the unpleasant image from her mind. She need not think about that for years, and anyway, it would be Elizabeth"s place to decide whether she wanted to remain mortal or become a vampire. No one would force immortality on her Meghann would make sure of that.
But as to the rest of what Simon said Meghann understood now. She saw how the children would grow to hate each other Mikal wanting Elizabeth"s freedom to enjoy life and the sun with no fear of discovery, Elizabeth wanting what any child would see as glamorous magical powers. Only as adults would they be able to see past resentment and perhaps come to love each omen.
"Yes," Meghann said and nodded at Simon. She knelt down next to him, pushing an errant lock of chestnut hair off his forehead. "But you can"t raise an infant alone. Who"ll watch him when you feed? Simon, it"s too much you"ll need help. But what other vampire can we trust besides Charles?"
"I won"t be alone, little one." Simon grinned at her puzzled frown and went on.
"Mikal and I are traveling to Adelaide."
"Adelaide?" Thunderstruck, Meghann could only gape while Simon laughed gently.
"Yes, Meghann Adelaide. Who else could I entrust my son"s care to but my own good nurse?"
"But but you mean you transformed her? But I thought she died, that everyone you loved died in that first battle with Alcuin."
"Everyone at my side certainly did die. I sent Adelaide away long before Alcuin arrived at the estate. Women, even vampire women, have no place on a battlefield.
Since the ma.s.sacre, Adelaide"s existence has been a secret her true ident.i.ty known only to her and me. It was she who gave me shelter all those years I wanted the world to believe I was dead. And it"s she who"ll help me raise my son."
And it"s she who Mikal will come to think of as his mother, Meghann thought, envying a woman she didn"t know. But it was wrong to think that way and Meghann knew it. She should be thankful Mikal would have a mother figure in his life, glad Simon wouldn"t have to raise their son all by himself.
"I"ll be able to leave him in Adelaide"s care and make secret visits every now and again, Meghann to visit you and our daughter. Too, I"ll want to appear in public so our enemies do not forget my existence. I am not overly concerned that anyone will attempt to attack you now particularly since they won"t perceive Elizabeth as a threat. Besides, with your strength back and Doctor Tarleton at your side, I believe the two of you can repel any attack."
Meghann smiled at the compliment and tried to hold back her tears. What had happened to her? Years before, even in those heated minutes after she found out what Simon had done to Jimmy, she"d have been glad to be free of him, would feel nothing but a sense of relief at his departure. But now now it was only the thought of leaving her daughter that kept Meghann from throwing herself into Simon"s arms and insisting he take her with him.
"Ah, Meghann," Simon whispered and bent her back gently, lowering her to the ground with the sable coat serving as a blanket. "Don"t look so sad, little one, or I won"t be able to leave. What are the few years it will take for Mikal to grow to manhood compared to the forty years we were without each other? And I"ll see you and Elizabeth, just as you can come visit Mikal. Don"t cry, my sweet, don"t think this is the end. A few short years from now and we"ll be together forever.
Come on, sweetheart. Send me off with love and not tears."
With the soft fur coat beneath her and Simon"s warm, hard body covering hers, Meghann didn"t feel the cold, didn"t think of her heartbreak as his hands and mouth roved over her body. It felt like Simon was committing her flesh to memory with each caress, just as her eager hands sought him out for sensory memories after he left. Each touch, each mouthful of blood she swallowed after he guided her head to his neck, this was what she"d hold in her heart after he left her. Perhaps because she was so newly recovered, Simon didn"t feed from her but instead attached his mouth to her breast, just as their daughter had done earlier.
But instead of the warm gentleness she felt when she fed Elizabeth, Meghann felt an electric jolt go through her that intensified when Simon kissed her again and she tasted her milk on his tongue.
Afterward, Meghann dressed slowly, her heart galloping and her hands shaking so hard it seemed like hours before she finally got every b.u.t.ton on her dress. The lovemaking had banished all her sadness; now Meghann felt she could part with Simon and Mikal without tears. But there was one thing she"d do for her son before she allowed Simon to take him away from her.
"Listen to me," Meghann said urgently and grabbed Simon"s hands in a grip almost as strong as the one he"d used on her earlier. "Before I gave birth, I made you promise to raise our children the way you knew I wanted with love and sensitivity. You swear to me you won"t raise Mikal to hate and think he"s superior to those he feeds from. You just remember that if you make him think mortals are nothing, you"ll be raising him to think his own sister is nothing."
"You think I would rear my son with no sense of love or obligation toward his own kin? He shall feel the same love and reverence toward Elizabeth that I do she is my daughter, not some insignificant mortal like the rest of the human race.
Hush," Simon said and put his hand over her mouth when she started to speak again. "I know very well what you want. I give you my word that Mikal will not be raised to be no more than a killer with no sensitivity."
Meghann accepted his promise with a nod and started back toward the house but Simon grabbed her to him and she thought she felt him tremble slightly. That"s when she realized the effort behind his leaving her with Elizabeth. This was the first truly unselfish thing Simon Baldevar had ever done. After all, he could have hidden Elizabeth from her, or taken her and Elizabeth with him when he went into hiding with Mikal. But he hadn"t done that he wanted his daughter to have the best life she could and if he had to sacrifice his consort to give Elizabeth her mother, he"d do it.
He"s changed, Meghann thought. Not completely the jealous lover and ruthless vampire were still there but they were no longer the only parts of his heart and soul. Now there was something else in Simon and she had to help him develop it.
"I know what I"ll have to say in public," she said softly. "I"ll have to tell the world Lord Baldevar is nothing but a low-life fiend abandoning his daughter just because she"s human. But when Elizabeth is old enough to ask questions, I"ll tell her that her father my husband is a good man, one she should be proud to call Father."
There was no higher compliment she could bestow upon him and Simon knew it. He grabbed her close, hugging her tightly against him. He said nothing in reply, simply held her for a while with bone-crushing intensity until his grip finally relaxed and they started walking back to the house, arm in arm.
She hadn"t wandered that far from the house, Meghann realized, only a few miles. Of course, they could have flown back to the house but Meghann didn"t think Simon was any more eager to begin their separation than she was. This silent walk was the last time they might have alone together for a very long time.
When they rounded the curve to the house, Meghann saw Charles and Lee waiting at the end of driveway, next to the enormous Bentley. Lee had a small blue bundle in his arms.
"Elizabeth?" Meghann asked Charles briefly.
"Sleeping inside. I didn"t think you"d want her out here in the cold."
Meghann nodded and stretched her hands out to Lee she had to hold her son at least once before he and Simon left.
Without his disfigurements and horrible crying, Meghann was able to examine her son and saw he was a nice-looking little boy. He lacked the promise of beauty Elizabeth already had but she saw things to make her smile most particularly those pure silver eyes, unique and quite beautiful in their own right.
"My father had black hair," Meghann said in a thick voice as she ran her hands over the small thatch of inky black hair on Mikal"s forehead. "But, Simon why is he so thin? He must be at least three pounds lighter than Elizabeth."
"It"s his intestinal lining," Simon explained. "He cannot digest anything but blood. Don"t look so alarmed, little one. Would you feed Elizabeth anything but milk in this stage of her development? I"m sure as he grows older, he"ll develop tolerance to food."
So far, all of Simon"s hopes seemed pinned on Mikal"s improving as he grew older. Please, G.o.d, Meghann prayed. Let it happen the way Simon thinks it will let my son get some enjoyment out of life, let him feel the sun warming him, let him have an appet.i.te for something besides human blood. Suddenly Meghann was glad her children would be raised separately, glad Elizabeth would never see her small brother clinging to a human host and drinking his blood. What would that sight do to her daughter, seeing her vampire brother feed night after night and then trying to go out and fit into the mortal world, knowing all the while what lurked in her house?