And William King put people off as well as he could: "I go in two or three times a day, just to say how do you do; and Miss Annie is about and can bring her anything she needs. And Augustine is very faithful.
Of course, she is deaf as a post, but she seems to know what Miss Harriet wants."
So the situation was accepted. "Here I am," she told the doctor, grimly, "dying like a rat in a hole. If I could only get out-of-doors!--or if I had anything to do!--I think it"s the having nothing to do that is the worst. But I"ll tell you one thing, w.i.l.l.y--I won"t be pitied. Don"t have people mourning over me, or pretending that I"m going to get well. They know better, and so do I."
Those who dared to pity her or who ventured some futile friendly lie about recovery were met by the fiercest impatience. "How do I feel?
Very well, thank you. And if I didn"t, I hope I wouldn"t say so. I hope I"m well enough bred not to ask or answer questions about feelings. There is nothing in the world so vulgar," she said, and braced herself to one or another imprudence that grieved and worried all the kind hearts that stood by, eager to show their love.
"It breaks my heart to see her, and there"s nothing anybody can do for her," Mrs. Barkley told Dr. Lavendar, snuffling and wiping her eyes.
"She positively turned Rachel King out of the house; and Maria Welwood cried her eyes out yesterday because she was so sharp with her when Maria said she was sorry she had had a bad night and hoped she"d soon feel better."
The old man nodded silently. "Poor Miss Harriet!" he said.
"Don"t say "poor Miss Harriet!" to her. Dr. Lavendar, Harriet and I have been friends since we were put into short dresses--and she spoke to me to-day in a way--! Well, of course, I shall go back; but I was ready to say I wouldn"t. And she treats poor old Annie outrageously."
Dr. Lavendar nodded again. He himself had seen her several times, but she had never let him be personal: "Was Mrs. Drayton still gossiping about her soul?" "Wasn"t it nearly time to get a new carpet for the chancel?" etc., etc. It was her way of defending herself--and Dr.
Lavendar understood. So he only brought her his kindly gossip or his church news, and he never looked at her mournfully; but neither did he ever once refer to a possible recovery--that poor, friendly pretence that so tries the soul absorbed in its own solemn knowledge!
But in the afternoon, after his talk with Mrs. Barkley, the old man went plodding up the hill to the Stuffed-Animal House, with tender and relentless purpose in his face. It was a serene September day, full of pulsing light and fragrant with the late mowing. William King"s mare was. .h.i.tched to a post by the green gate in the hedge, and the doctor was giving her a handful of gra.s.s as Dr. Lavendar came up. "How is Miss Harriet, w.i.l.l.y?" the old man said.
William climbed into the buggy and flicked with his whip at the ironweed by the road-side. "Oh--about the same. Dr. Lavendar, it"s cruel--it"s cruel!"
"What"s cruel, William?"
"I can"t give her any opiate--to amount to anything."
"Why?"
"Her heart."
"But you can"t let her suffer!"
"If I stopped the suffering," the doctor said, laconically, "it would be murder."
"You mean--"
"Depressants, to amount to anything, would kill her."
Dr. Lavendar looked up into the sky silently. w.i.l.l.y King gathered up the reins. "And Annie?" Dr. Lavendar said.
"She is just a poor, frantic child. I can"t make her understand why Miss Harriet shouldn"t have two powders, when one "sugar," as she calls it, gives her a little comfort for a little while. She says, "Harriet wouldn"t let a squirrel stay hurt." Miss Harriet says she told her the other day that she wasn"t a squirrel; but it didn"t seem to make any difference to Miss Annie. She has a queer elemental reasonableness about her, hasn"t she? Well, I must go. Dr. Lavendar, I--I hope you won"t mind if I say that perhaps--I mean she doesn"t want anybody to refer to--to anything religious."
"William," said the old man, mildly, "if you can mention anything which is not religious to a woman who is going to die within a very few weeks, I will consider it."
And William King had the grace to blush and stammer something about Miss Harriet"s hating anything personal. Dr. Lavendar listened silently; then he went on up the path to the Stuffed-Animal House. Old Miss Annie let him into the darkened hall, a burst of western sunshine flooding in behind him and making the grim, dead creatures dart out of their shadows for a moment, and sink back into them again when the door was shut. The old child had been crying, for Miss Harriet had turned her out of her room, and so he had to sit there in the hall, under the shark, and try to comfort her and bid her go out and see her chickens.
But for once Miss Annie would not be diverted:
"Harriet wants to go out-of-doors, and she can"t. And she is hurt; and w.i.l.l.y King won"t give her sugar in a paper to stop the hurting. He is wicked."
"By-and-by," said Dr. Lavendar, "Harriet will fall asleep and not be hurt any more."
"Not till she is dead," Miss Annie said; "Augustine told me so."
"I meant that," Dr. Lavendar said, stroking the poor, gray head grovelling against his knee.
"Then why didn"t you say so? It is a story to say sleep when you mean dead."
"I ought to have said dead," he acknowledged, gently, "so that you could understand. But I want you to remember that death is a happy sleep. Will you remember that?"
"A happy sleep," Miss Annie repeated; "yes; I will remember. _A happy sleep._" She lifted her head from his knee and smiled. "I"ll go and see my chickens," she said.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ""A HAPPY SLEEP," MISS ANNIE REPEATED"]
And Dr. Lavendar took his way up-stairs, past the cases of birds, to Miss Harriet"s room. She received him with elaborate cheerfulness.
As for Dr. Lavendar, he lost no time in pretence. "Miss Harriet," he said, "I am not going to stay and talk and tire you. You"ve seen people enough to-day--"
"I"m not tired in the least."
"But I have a word to say to you."
She looked at him angrily. "I would rather not talk about myself, Dr.
Lavendar, please."
"I don"t want to talk about yourself," he said.
Her face cleared a little. "That"s a relief. I was afraid you were going to talk to me about "preparing," and so forth."
A sudden smile twinkled into Dr. Lavendar"s old eyes. "My dear Miss Harriet, you"ve been "preparing" for fifty years--or is it fifty-one?
I"ve lost count, Harriet. No; you haven"t got anything to do about dying; dying is not your business. In fact, I sometimes think it never is our business. Our business is living. Dying is G.o.d"s affair."
"I haven"t any business, that"s the worst of it," Miss Harriet said, bitterly. "I"ve nothing to do--nothing to do but just lie here and wait. I don"t mind dying; but to be here in this trap, waiting. And I"ve always been so busy, I don"t know how to do nothing."
"That"s what I wanted to say to you. There is something you can do.
In fact, there"s something you must do."
"Something I must do?" Miss Harriet said, puzzled.
"My dear friend, you must meet this affliction; you can"t escape; we can"t save you from it. But there is one thing you can do: you can try to spare the pain of it to other people. Set yourself, Miss Harriet, to make it as easy as you can for those who stand by."
Harriet Hutchinson looked at him in amazement. No pity? No condolences? Nothing but the high charge to spare others. "You mean my temper?" she said at last, slowly.
"Yes," said Dr. Lavendar.
Miss Harriet blushed hotly. "It is bad; I know it"s bad. But--"
"Mine would be worse," said Dr. Lavendar, thoughtfully. "But look out for it, Harriet. It"s getting ahead of you."
Miss Harriet nodded. "You"re right."