Left alone, Zoe sat meditating on her mother-in-law"s advice.
"Oh," she said to herself, "if I could only know that my husband"s love isn"t gone forever, I could take comfort in planning to carry it out; but oh, if he hadn"t quite left off caring for me, how could he threaten me so, and then go away without making up, without saying good-by, even if he didn"t kiss me? I couldn"t have gone away from him so for one day, and he expects to be away for ten. Ten days! such a long, long while!" and her tears fell like rain.
She wiped them away, after a little, opened her books and tried to study, but she could not fix her mind upon the subject; her thoughts would wander from it to Edward travelling farther and farther from her, and the tears kept dropping on the page.
She gave it up and tried to sew, but could mot see to take her st.i.tches or thread her needle for the blinding tears.
She put on her hat and a veil to hide her tear-stained face and swollen eyes, stole quietly down-stairs and out into the grounds, where she wandered about solitary and sad.
Everywhere she missed Edward; she could think of nothing but him and his displeasure, and her heart was filled with sad forebodings for the future.
Would he ever, ever love and be kind to her again?
After a while she crept back to her apartments, taking care to avoid meeting any one.
But Elsie was there looking for her. The children"s lesson hours were over, they were going for a drive, and hoped Zoe would go along.
"Thank you, mamma, but I do not care to go to-day," Zoe answered in a choking voice, and turned away to hide her tears.
"My dear child, my dear, foolish little girl!" Elsie said, putting her arms around her, "why should you grieve so? Ned will soon be at home again, if all goes well. He is not very far away, and if you should be taken ill, or need him very much for any reason, a telegram would bring him to you in a few hours."
"But he went away without kissing me good-by; he didn"t kiss me last night or this morning." The words were on the tip of Zoe"s tongue, but she held them back, and answered only with fresh tears and sobs.
"I"m afraid you are not well, dear," Elsie said. "What can I do for you?"
"Nothing, thank you, mamma. I didn"t sleep quite so well as usual last night, and my head aches. I"ll lie down and try to get a nap."
"Do, dear, and I hope it will relieve the poor head. As you are a healthy little body, I presume the pain has been brought on merely by loss of sleep and crying. I think Edward must not leave you for so long a time again. Would you like mamma to stay with you, darling?" she asked, with a motherly caress.
Zoe declined the offer; she would be more likely to sleep if quite alone; and Elsie withdrew after seeing her comfortably established upon the bed.
"Strange," she said to herself as she pa.s.sed on through the upper hall and down the broad staircase into the lower one, "it can hardly be that Edward"s absence alone can distress her so greatly. I fear there is some misunderstanding between them. I think I must telegraph for Edward if she continues so inconsolable. His wife"s health and happiness are of far more consequence than any business matter. But I shall consult papa first, of course."
She went into the library, found him sitting there, and laid the case before him.
He shared her fear that all was not right between the young couple, and remarked that, unfortunately, Edward had too much of his grandfather"s sternness and disposition to domineer.
"I don"t like to hear you depreciate yourself, papa," Elsie said. "Edward may have that disposition without having got it from you. And I am sure mamma would indignantly repel the insinuation that you were ever a domineering husband."
"Perhaps so; my daughter was the safety-valve in my case. Well, daughter, my advice is, wait till to-morrow at all events. I must say she doesn"t seem to me one of the kind to submit tamely to oppression. I did not like her behavior last evening, and it may be that she needs the lesson her husband seems to be giving her. He certainly has been affectionate enough in the past to make it reasonable to suppose he is not abusing her now."
"Oh, I could never think he would do that!" exclaimed his mother, "and I believe in my heart he would hurry home at once if he knew how she is fretting over his absence."
It was near the dinner hour when Elsie returned from her drive, and stealing on tiptoe into Zoe"s bedroom she found her fast asleep. Her eyelashes were still wet, and she looked flushed and feverish.
Elsie gazed at her in tender pity and some little anxiety; the face was so young and child-like, and even in sleep wore a grieved expression that touched the kind mother heart.
"Poor little orphan!" she sighed to herself, "she must feel very lonely and forlorn in her husband"s absence, especially if things have gone wrong between them. How could I ever have borne a word or look of displeasure from my husband! I hope she is not going to be ill."
"Is Zoe not coming down?" Mr. Dinsmore asked as the family gathered about the dinner-table.
"I found her sleeping, papa, and thought it best not to wake her;" Elsie answered. "I think she does not look quite well, and that sleep will do her more good than anything else."
Zoe slept most of the afternoon, woke apparently more cheerful, and ate with seeming enjoyment the delicate lunch presently brought her by Elsie"s orders; but she steadily declined to join the family at tea or in the parlor.
She would much rather stay where she was for the rest of the day, she said, as she felt dull and her head still ached a little.
Every one felt concerned about, and disposed to be as kind to her as possible. Mrs. Dinsmore, Elsie, Violet, and Rosie all came in in the course of the afternoon and evening to ask how she did, and express the hope that she would soon be quite well again, and to try to cheer her up.
They offered her companionship through the night; any one of them would willingly sleep with her; but she said she was not timid and would prefer to remain alone.
"Well, dear, I should feel a trifle easier not to have you alone," Elsie said, as she bade her good-night, "but we will not force our company upon you. None of us lock our doors at night, and my rooms are not far away; don"t hesitate to wake me, if you feel uneasy or want anything in the night."
"Thank you, dear mamma," returned Zoe, putting her arms about her mother"s neck; "you are so good and kind! such a dear mother to me! I will do as you say; if I feel at all timid in the night I shall run to your rooms and creep into bed with you."
So they all left her, and the house grew silent and still.
It was the first night since her marriage that her husband had not been with her, and she missed him more than ever. Besides, through the day she had been buoyed up in a measure by the hope that he would send her a note, a telegram, or some sort of message.
He had not done so, and the conviction that she had quite alienated him from her grew stronger and stronger.
Again she indulged in bitter weeping, wetting her pillow with her tears as she vainly courted sleep.
"He hates me now, I know he does, and will never love me again," she repeated to herself. "I wish I didn"t love him so. Ho said he was sorry he couldn"t give me my liberty, but I don"t want it; but he wants to be rid of me, or he would never have said that; and how unhappy he must be, and will be all his life, tied to a wife he hates.
"I won"t stay here to be a burden and torment to him!" she cried, starting up with sudden determination and energy. "I love him so dearly that I"ll deliver him from that, even though it will break my heart; for oh, how _can_ I live without him!"
She considered a moment, and (foolish child) thought it would be an act of n.o.ble self-sacrifice, and also very romantic, to run away and die of a broken heart, in order to relieve her husband of the burden and torment she chose to imagine that he considered her.
A folly that was partly the effect of too much reading of sensational novels, partly of physical ailment, for she was really feverish and ill.
She did not pause to decide where she would go, or to reflect how she could support herself. Were not all places alike away from the one she so dearly loved? and as to support she had a little money, and would not be likely to live long enough to need more.
Perhaps Edward would search for her from a sense of duty--she knew he was very conscientious--but she would manage so that he would never be able to find her; she would go under an a.s.sumed name; she would call herself Miss, and no one would suspect her of being a married woman running away from her husband. Ah, it was not altogether a disadvantage to be and look so young!
And when she should find herself dying, or so near it that there would not be time to send for Edward, she would tell some one who she really was, and ask that a letter should be written to him telling of her death, so that he would know he wus free to marry again.
Marry again! The thought of that shook her resolution for a moment. It was torture to imagine the love and caresses that had been hers lavished upon another woman.
But, perhaps, after his unhappy experience of married life, he would choose to live single the rest of his days. He had his mother and sisters to love, and could be happy without a wife.
Besides, she had read somewhere that though love was everything to a woman, men were different and could do quite well without it.
She went into the dressing-room, turned up the night lamp, and looked at her watch.
It was one o"clock. At two a stage pa.s.sed northward along a road on the farther side of Fairview. She could easily make her few preparations in half an hour, walk to the nearest point on the route of the stage in time to stop it and get in, then while journeying on, decide what her next step should be.
She packed a hand-bag with such things as she deemed most essential, arrayed herself in a plain, dark woollen dress, with hat, veil, and gloves to match, threw a shawl over her arm, and was just turning to go, when a thought struck her.