New Year in Manhattan.
The Empire State Series.
By Louise Bay.
Chapter One.
Anna.
I didn"t know how long I stood there watching, scanning the heads of travellers on the other side of airport security, heading into duty free. Maybe he"d turn back, change his mind about leaving. Maybe he"d come and see if I was still here, watching for him. And if he did, I wanted to make sure I was.
A small child ran into me and I moved my legs apart to keep from losing my balance. As I bent down to steady her, she ran off. It broke my concentration and I looked at my watch. Five minutes past take off time. I checked the board. It wasn"t delayed. He was in the air. Gone.
The dull ache in my stomach that had been threatening to break through since last night engulfed me. I stumbled to a nearby bench and sat with my head in my hands. He was really gone. We"d finally had the discussion about the future. Ethan hadn"t asked me to go to New York. I"d wanted him to, but he hadn"t. But he hadn"t ended it either. He"d told me he loved me. He"d told me he wanted to make it work and I"d said it all back to him. We were going to do the long distance thing. Relief and elation had held off complicated for a few hours until now. Now the reality of him heading to another country was right here, and living on different continents meant complication. That reality was almost unbearable I fumbled in my bag, and took out my keys and my phone. What was next? I couldn"t remember.
I stood resolutely. Home. That was what was next. I headed to the exit and found a cab. Had I told the driver where to go? I closed my eyes and let my head fall back.
"Miss. Miss."
I lifted my head from the back of the seat. It was the cab driver. The car had stopped. I looked out of the window. Home.
"Sorry to wake you, love," he said. "You got jet lag?"
He hadn"t woken me, not from sleep anyway.
I mumbled at him and pushed some money into his hand.
I was soothed by familiar surroundings as I entered the flat. It wasn"t home but it was the closest thing I had. The ache inside me pulsed as I remembered I"d have to find somewhere to live. I had this place until the end of March. What would happen between now and then? Nothing had been decided between us other than that we wanted to make it work.
I kicked off my shoes, went into the bedroom and, fully clothed, I crawled under the covers. I could still smell him. Feel him.
I woke to the sound of my phone m.u.f.fled by my pillow. It was still dark. I flicked my fingers across the words "s.e.x G.o.d".
"Hey," I croaked.
"G.o.d, you sound so s.e.xy when you"ve just woken."
I couldn"t help but grin through my cloud of half-sleep.
"You sound s.e.xy all the time," I said. "Where are you?"
"In a cab. Sorry to wake you."
"Don"t be sorry. I"ve missed you."
"Already?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"Only three weeks, beautiful."
We had to get through Christmas first and then I was flying to New York. "Three weeks," I repeated.
"And I"m still going to make you come every day."
I groaned and squeezed my thighs together. Ethan had a.s.sured me that the long distance thing could work because he gave good phone s.e.x, but the thought of not touching him, of him not touching me, for three weeks was horrifying.
"Hearing you groan like that is making me hard, and that"s just not playing fair when you know I"m in the back of a cab."
I grinned again. I could get to him despite being three thousand miles away. That eased my ache slightly.
"Sorry. I didn"t mean to."
"You don"t have to try. You just have to exist."
"G.o.d, I love you, Ethan."
"I love you. Now get in the shower because you have that meeting that starts at 8:30." I loved that he knew my schedule. How long would that last? He knew what I was doing this week but what about the week after that?
"What time is it?"
"Just before seven your time," he replied.
I groaned again. I could sleep for a week, or maybe until it was time to fly to New York.
"Stop, Anna."
"Sorry. Don"t go."
"You have to get in the shower. I"ll speak to you when I wake up later. Stop pouting."
I laughed. I was pouting.
"Okay, I love you. Sleep well."
"I will, I"ll dream of you."
I took the tube to work, like most of London, but I didn"t feel like most of London. Somehow the city didn"t seem as bright as usual, it was like someone had turned the contrast down-there was something gray about everyone. I felt disconnected, as if I knew something they didn"t. I walked at my new pace, people rushing past me, b.u.mping me from left and right but it was okay because I was different. I knew. I knew what it was to really, truly, love someone. And it was incredible and entirely petrifying. I"d never felt so exposed and vulnerable.
We hadn"t talked about things too far in the future, but we"d set some boundaries, created some rules. Of course we had.
Rule one was that we would speak to each other every day. Even if it was for two seconds. Rule two was that we would see each other every month and we would always know when we would next see each other. Rule three was no bulls.h.i.t. If either of us felt like it wasn"t working, we would talk about it and make it work better.
But rules were meant to be broken, right?
"I can"t believe that I"ve got to be in the office without having s.e.xy Scott to look at." Lucy landed her a.s.s on my desk as I returned from my meeting.
Did she think I liked her? I was pretty sure I"d never given her reason to be so deluded.
I fingered the Hermes scarf that I"d worn to keep Ethan close to me and tried to ignore her. She kept yapping away as I opened my inbox and started going through my emails. I managed to tune her out.
"Anna? Are you listening? He totally had the hots for me."
"Whatever you say, Lucy," I said, my eyes fixated to my screen.
"Jesus, you"re a miserable b.i.t.c.h."
"Whatever you say."
She finally left me alone and I coc.o.o.ned myself in a bubble that I hoped screamed "leave me the f.u.c.k alone". I wanted to get my work done and go home. Although Lucy irritated the living c.r.a.p out of me, she was right. There was no joy in this place without Ethan. Not for me. Not now.
Leah called, presumably because I wasn"t responding to her emails and texts.
"We can just have a girlie night in. Daniel has a dinner," Leah said.
"I need to do a ton of laundry and call my parents. Maybe later in the week?" I was fobbing her off and she knew it. I just genuinely didn"t want company. I wanted to be surrounded by Ethan. And even though he was gone, I could feel close to him back at the flat.
"Don"t become a hermit. You wouldn"t let me do that and I won"t let you."
"I appreciate you"re on hermit patrol and I thank you for your service, but it"s all good. I"ll speak to you later."
I delved into my work where I could be alone.
Just past midday, my phone buzzed. "Hey," I whispered.
"I dreamt of you," he said.
I got up and closed the door to my office.
"Was it a good dream?" I asked.
"You were going down on me, so I"d say so."
"How romantic. You say the sweetest things." I laughed.
"I don"t like waking up without you," he said, and my heart tripped.
"I know. I don"t like you waking up without me either. Only three weeks until your next real-life b.l.o.w. .j.o.b," I said, trying to lighten the mood.
I heard him groan on the other end of the phone. I laughed. "Get in the shower, you b.u.m. I"ll call you when I"m home."
Ethan I put the phone down and headed into the bathroom. Was jerking off when she wasn"t on the end of the phone cheating? I was going to have to establish rules about that. I had the hard-on to end all hard-ons and it was ruining my concentration. I picked up my phone again to see what emails had come in overnight. That should help redistribute my blood flow better.
We"d managed two s.n.a.t.c.hed conversations since I"d left. Was this what it was going to be like? I had really held myself back when we"d finally talked about our future together. What I wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and bring her back to New York with me. But I had managed to control myself. She seemed to want to understand what I wanted and it had been difficult for me to establish what was going to make her happy. When I"d suggested trying a long distance relationship she"d seemed relieved.
I wasn"t sure which alternative had made her anxious-the thought of me taking her back with me, or ending it. But I hadn"t pushed her. Perhaps I feared her answer. We"d promised no bulls.h.i.t, but as much as I felt she was holding something back, I was too. I hadn"t demanded that she come back to New York. The thought of her in London, without me, was f.u.c.king terrifying-she could change her mind about us, or meet someone else. The thought of me without her was f.u.c.king terrifying-she had become like oxygen. I couldn"t really remember myself before her and what I did remember, I didn"t like. I didn"t want to go back to s.e.x without complications or ambiguity. Anna was everything I"d spent my life fighting against and now the only thing I wanted.
Three weeks. How would I survive three weeks? I was struggling to get through a few hours. I needed a plan. I"d hit the gym. That would work. I"d need to be putting plenty of hours in at the office. That would be a good distraction. And I could hang out with my old college friends, Andrew and Mandy, this weekend. That was a plan. Now I just needed to set about making sure Anna wasn"t distracted by something or someone other than me. I was going to make sure I was always front and center of her mind.
"So, are you officially p.u.s.s.y whipped?" Andrew asked. My smile spread across my face and I shrugged. "I knew it would happen at some point," he said.
Andrew had suggested lunch and I"d had my a.s.sistant organize reservations at the place where we"d not-so-accidently "run into" Anna and Leah the morning after our first night together. I"d been crazy about her even back then.
"What can I say? She"s worth being whipped for."
"So, she"s coming over for Christmas?"
"New Year"s," I corrected. "I"m taking my folks to Aspen for Christmas. They"re disappointed not to be with Izzy, so I thought Aspen might make it up to them. And then Anna flies in on the twenty-seventh."
"And then what?"
"And then what what?"
"Well, is she going to move over permanently? Are you going to London? Are you going to marry her?"
Yes, yes and yes? No, maybe and one day? I didn"t have an answer. I shrugged again.
"But you love her right?"
I couldn"t stop the grin that spread across my face. "Yeah, I love her."
"So make it happen, dude."
Andrew was a great friend. He could have been giving me miles of s.h.i.t for going soft but instead he wanted me to get my girl.
"Thanks, man. I"m going to find a way for us to be together on the same continent."
"Good. Girls like Anna and Mandy don"t come around very often. Don"t f.u.c.k it up."
"Good advice. And so very eloquently put."
"So, do you want to spend New Year"s with Mandy and me, or do you have other plans?"
"I know Anna would love to see you guys, but can we do it another night? Maybe the day before? For brunch or something? I have other plans for us on New Year"s."
My idea was to make the evening special. I just hadn"t decided how yet.