MRS KNOX. Dont take offence where none is meant, Mr Gilbey. Talk about something else. No good ever comes of arguing about such things among the like of us.
KNOX. The like of us! Are you throwing it in our teeth that your people were in the wholesale and thought Knox and Gilbey wasnt good enough for you?
MRS KNOX. No, Jo: you know I"m not. What better were my people than yours, for all their pride? But Ive noticed it all my life: we"re ignorant. We dont really know whats right and whats wrong. We"re all right as long as things go on the way they always did. We bring our children up just as we were brought up; and we go to church or chapel just as our parents did; and we say what everybody says; and it goes on all right until something out of the way happens: theres a family quarrel, or one of the children goes wrong, or a father takes to drink, or an aunt goes mad, or one of us finds ourselves doing something we never thought we"d want to do. And then you know what happens: complaints and quarrels and huff and offence and bad language and bad temper and regular bewilderment as if Satan possessed us all. We find out then that with all our respectability and piety, weve no real religion and no way of telling right from wrong. Weve nothing but our habits; and when theyre upset, where are we? Just like Peter in the storm trying to walk on the water and finding he couldnt.
MRS GILBEY. [piously] Aye! He found out, didnt he?
GILBEY. [reverently] I never denied that youve a great intellect, Mrs Knox--
MRS KNOX. Oh get along with you, Gilbey, if you begin talking about my intellect. Give us some tea, Maria. Ive said my say; and Im sure I beg the company"s pardon for being so long about it, and so disagreeable.
MRS GILBEY. Ring, Rob. [Gilbey rings]. Stop. Juggins will think we"re ringing for him.
GILBEY. [appalled] It"s too late. I rang before I thought of it.
MRS GILBEY. Step down and apologize, Rob.
KNOX. Is it him that you said was brother to a--
_Juggins comes in with the tea-tray. All rise. He takes the tray to Mrs.
Gilbey._
GILBEY. I didnt mean to ask you to do this, Mr Juggins. I wasnt thinking when I rang.
MRS GILBEY. [trying to take the tray from him] Let me, Juggins.
JUGGINS. Please sit down, madam. Allow me to discharge my duties just as usual, sir. I a.s.sure you that is the correct thing. [They sit down, ill at ease, whilst he places the tray on the table. He then goes out for the curate].
KNOX. [lowering his voice] Is this all right, Gilbey? Anybody may be the son of a duke, you know. Is he legitimate?
GILBEY. Good lord! I never thought of that.
_Juggins returns with the cakes. They regard him with suspicion._
GILBEY. [whispering to Knox] You ask him.
KNOX. [to Juggins] Just a word with you, my man. Was your mother married to your father?
JUGGINS. I believe so, sir. I cant say from personal knowledge. It was before my time.
GILBEY. Well, but look here you know--[he hesitates].
JUGGINS. Yes, sir?
KNOX. I know whatll clinch it, Gilbey. You leave it to me. [To Juggins]
Was your mother the d.u.c.h.ess?
JUGGINS. Yes, sir. Quite correct, sir, I a.s.sure you. [To Mrs Gilbey]
That is the milk, madam. [She has mistaken the jugs]. This is the water.
_They stare at him in pitiable embarra.s.sment._
MRS KNOX. What did I tell you? Heres something out of the common happening with a servant; and we none of us know how to behave.
JUGGINS. It"s quite simple, madam. I"m a footman, and should be treated as a footman. [He proceeds calmly with his duties, handing round cups of tea as Mrs Knox fills them].
_Shrieks of laughter from below stairs reach the ears of the company._
MRS GILBEY. Whats that noise? Is Master Bobby at home? I heard his laugh.
MRS KNOX. I"m sure I heard Margaret"s.
GILBEY. Not a bit of it. It was that woman.
JUGGINS. I can explain, sir. I must ask you to excuse the liberty; but I"m entertaining a small party to tea in my pantry.
MRS GILBEY. But youre not entertaining Master Bobby?
JUGGINS. Yes, madam.
GILBEY. Who"s with him?
JUGGINS. Miss Knox, sir.
GILBEY. Miss Knox! Are you sure? Is there anyone else?
JUGGINS. Only a French marine officer, sir, and--er--Miss Delaney. [He places Gilbey"s tea on the table before him]. The lady that called about Master Bobby, sir.
KNOX. Do you mean to say theyre having a party all to themselves downstairs, and we having a party up here and knowing nothing about it?
JUGGINS. Yes, sir. I have to do a good deal of entertaining in the pantry for Master Bobby, sir.
GILBEY. Well, this is a nice state of things!
KNOX. Whats the meaning of it? What do they do it for?
JUGGINS. To enjoy themselves, sir, I should think.
MRS GILBEY. Enjoy themselves! Did ever anybody hear of such a thing?
GILBEY. Knox"s daughter shewn into my pantry!
KNOX. Margaret mixing with a Frenchman and a footman-- [Suddenly realizing that the footman is offering him cake.] She doesnt know about--about His Grace, you know.
MRS GILBEY. Perhaps she does. Does she, Mr Juggins?
JUGGINS. The other lady suspects me, madam. They call me Rudolph, or the Long Lost Heir.