"No." I decided. "Cla.s.s is already started, we went to bed about three hours ago, and," I turned and looked at Beth"s sleeping form over my shoulder. "Beth needs me today." I turned back to my mother.
"Okay, Emmy." Her face turned serious. "You tell Beth if she pulls a stunt like that again, she won"t have to worry about Nora Sayers. She"ll have me to deal with."
"Point taken, Mrs. Thomas." Came a groggy voice from behind me. I chuckled, and my mother glanced over my shoulder.
"Better be" she said, waggling her finger at Beth. Beth smiled apologetically, and laid her raised head back down with a moan. "You girls get some sleep." My mother said, and gave me a quick hug before leaving us. I turned and walked back to the bed, my body feeling like it had been hit by a Mac truck the night before. Beth grabbed me to her again as I climbed back into bed, and I settled into her embrace, and fell asleep.
PART 6.
I DIRECTED MY father and Ron around the corner, opening the bedroom door as far as it would go so they would not bang up the wall with the headboard. With a grunt, they set the heavy piece of furniture down, and headed back upstairs to the truck in the driveway to get the other parts. My mother and Aunt Kitty were in the kitchen making a schedule for my aunt"s doctor appointments.
"Coming through!" I backed up against the wall to let the guys come by with one of the mattresses. After they"d pa.s.sed, I went outside. It was early spring, and the end of my junior year in high school. I would be eighteen in the summer, and could not wait to get through my last year before I was off to CU Boulder for law school.
Aunt Kitty had gotten worse in the last year. The dialysis had been going fine until the tubes they had put in her arm to hook her up to the machine, kept plugging up with blood clots, and one by one her veins were collapsing. Now it was down to one last graph, as they call them, and a place on a donor list. I knew my mother was beyond worried.
I walked into the kitchen, and leaned back against the fridge and watched the two sisters talk. Aunt Kitty looked nothing like her old self. About nine months ago she had cut her hair off short so it would be easier to deal with, and the weight she had lost. She was a shadow of herself, and it made my heart hurt.
I left the house, and sat on the front porch, my gaze drawn to Beth"s house.
Beth and I had not spoken in nearly two months. I turned my gaze away, and stared at the Nivens" house across the street, trying to get my mind off of what had happened, and how stupid it had been.
I looked around as the silver Camry made its way down a familiar tree-lined street. In the past ten years this neighborhood had not changed much, though my mother had said that a lot of the houses had been sold, and turned into rentals. What a shame. A renter would never take care of a house the way an owner would.
I saw the Donner house to the left. I guess old Townsend Donner had finally died the year before, and his house was still being fought over by his eleven children. I always wondered just how the h.e.l.l he and his wife, Martha had raises so many kids in just that simple three bedroom house. I tore my gaze from the old place to see my parent"s house just up ahead, and to the right. Rebecca was looking around as much as I was. She had only been here once. The other times my parents had come out to New York to see us.
"You know, honey, you really need to get out here more." She said, her voice hushed in the quiet car.
"I know." I agreed. With a deep breath I pulled the car off to the curb, and pulled the break. My brother"s truck was in the driveway, and I could not wait to see him and his family. Lord, it had been way too long.
No sooner was my door open, then I heard a whoop, and saw Billy running across the front lawn, and grabbed me up in strong arms, pulling me to him. I clung to him, so happy to see him.
"Where you been!" he exclaimed into my ear, his embrace nearly crushing. "Don"t ever stay away so long again, Emmy. I mean it." He pulled away and set me down on the ground again. I looked up at him with appraising eyes, and was surprised to see a full beard, dark like his eyebrows in contrast to his blonde hair.
"G.o.d, you are such a good looking guy." I grinned. He smiled back.
"I know." He winked, and turned to Rebecca, giving her nearly as breathtaking a hug as he"d given me. I looked up to the porch to see my parents, and Billy"s wife, Nina waiting for their turn. A little girl, about seven stood behind her mother watching us with curious green eyes, much the color of mine. A smaller boy ran around the front gra.s.s with an airplane, making flying noises as he ran. In Nina"s arms was yet another baby, a little girl who was asleep, tiny little head resting against her mother"s breast. I turned to Billy.
"When did you get so many kids?"
"Well, if you"d come home now and then, maybe you"d know." He walked over to flyer boy, and put a proud hand on his narrow shoulder. "This is Kyle. Little Heather is playing shy behind Nina, and our newest bundle of joy, Rachel." Rebecca turned to me with a huge smile across her face. She adored kids, and I could tell that the new babysitter had arrived.
I headed up to the porch, and I was swept into another powerful hug by my father, and then taken into the warm, safe embrace of my mother.
"I"m so glad you"re here, honey." She whispered into my ear.
"I am, too, mom. I wouldn"t miss this for the world."
It had been early February, and southern Colorado had been hit with a ma.s.sive, out of nowhere storm that had dumped eighteen inches of snow on us. The town had been shut down for two days, and things were finally opening back up as the sun came out, and began to melt the snow.
I had bundled up in my winter jacket, and was beginning to shovel the sidewalk when something very wet, and very cold hit the side of my face. I gasped in surprise, and glanced to my right. Beth stood at the line between our two yards with a mile-wide smirk on her face, and a raised brow.
"Why did you do that?" I asked, my voice calm, belying my incredible need to pick up a nice handful, and chuck it at her.
"Because I can." She answered just as coolly. We stared at each other, neither moving, awaiting to see what the other person would do. Then as if an imaginary gun had gone off, I tossed the shovel, and she hit the deck as we both started making s...o...b..a.l.l.s as fast as we could. "Ready?" she called.
"Yeah. Go!!" we stood, and began to throw as hard and as far as we could while trying to use as accurate of aim as possible. Within minutes we were both screaming as we were plowed one after the other, our hair hanging limply in our eyes as the s...o...b..a.l.l.s exploded on contact. "Peace!" I cried as I ran out of ammo, but Beth"s kept coming. "No!" I yelled as she moved forward, pelting me as she went. I fell to the wet ground, and covered my head with my arms as I took attack after attack, our giggling filled the air. When she ran out of snow, Beth collapsed next to me, and began to tickle me. I screamed out again as I twisted in the most bizarre ways to try and get away from torturous fingers.
"Say it! Say it, Em!" she laughed.
"No," I cried, almost out of breath from laughing so hard.
"Come on, uncle. Say uncle!"
"Uncle!" I finally exclaimed, about to pee my pants.
"Good girl." She got off me, and helped me up. "Snowman?" she asked, and I readily agreed.
Beth and I worked diligently trying to gather as much snow as we could to build a mammoth snow creation. The bottom ball was at least four feet around, and the entire thing close to six foot in height. We laughed and giggled like children.
"I"m gonna go get us some stuff for him." I grinned, and ran to the house, taking my boots off at the front door, then running full speed ahead.
"Whoa!" my mother called from the kitchen. "Where"s the fire?" I was half way up the stairs, and yelled as I ran.
"Snowman!"
"I"ve got to see this." She said. I ran into my room, and grabbed a long scarf, and some extra b.u.t.tons from an old pair of pants, and my old cowboy hat. Just as I was about to head out, I glanced out the window, and gasped.
"s.h.i.t." I breathed as I watched Beth. She was making our snowman into a rather voluptuous snowwoman. "G.o.d," I muttered as I ran down the stairs, nearly knocking my mother over at the front door, her Polaroid in hand. "Hang on a sec, mom. Um, let us get her-it set up." I smiled as innocently as possible, ignoring her you"ve lost your mind, look. I ran outside, nearly falling on my b.u.t.t into the street. I turned on Beth who was still quite into her creation. "What are you doing?!" I asked, watching as large hands sculpted, and molded the snow into very realistic-looking b.r.e.a.s.t.s complete with very erect nipples. She turned and grinned at me.
"I"m making old Frosty here a Frosty-et."
"So I see." I glanced back up to the house to see my mother opening the front door. Turning back to the snowwoman, I threw the scarf around its thick neck, and strategically hung the ends over them.
"What are you doing?" Beth exclaimed, pushed back by me. I motioned toward my mother with my head.
"She can"t see that." I hissed.
"Why? Your mom has seen b.o.o.bs before, you know." She grinned.
"This looks great, girls." My mother laughed as she looked over our creation. I glanced down to make absolute sure the mounds could not be seen. Good to go. "Okay. Emmy, Beth, both of you get on either side. I have got to take a picture of this!" I plastered a smile on my face, my blood still boiling as my mother took her picture. She smiled at us one more time and shook her head as she headed back into the house. As soon as the front door closed, I turned on Beth, my fury burning in my cheeks.
"How dare you!" I growled. She smiled down at me, p.i.s.sing me off that much more.
"What? Come on, Em. Have a sense of humor."
"I have a sense of humor, Beth, but not when you have some Mae West made of snow on my front lawn!" my voice echoed throughout the neighborhood. I looked around to make sure no one had heard me.
"Hey, if G.o.d can put b.a.l.l.s on man, I sure as h.e.l.l can put t.i.ts on a snowwoman." I just glared up at her.
"That"s not funny, Beth." I turned to the creation, and threw the scarf off, to the ground, trying to pat down the icy mounds.
"My, Em!" Beth said. I could hear the anger in her voice. "You are so f.u.c.king worried what other people might think. Try and just be you for once!" she turned and walked away, toward her house. I stared after her, my fury rushing through my veins with every beat of my heart. Was she right? I turned back to the snowwoman. No. I was. This was all in fun, sure, but what if someone walked by, and saw this thing? They would think that I had done this! Why the h.e.l.l couldn"t she do this kind of c.r.a.p in her own yard?
I turned around in a slow circle as I took in my room, smiling slightly at all the old posters that still hung on the walls. How outdated the stars were. I walked over to my dresser, and ran my fingers over its smooth surface, ending at my unicorn collection. I picked one of the porcelain figures up, and turned it over in my hands, running my fingers over its mane, forever blowing in an unseen wind. With a deep sigh, I turned to the window, small unicorn still in my hands. I looked out at the street, a red Mazda pa.s.sing as I watched. Everything looked so much the same, yet so very different. I tried to see the street through young eyes, and bring back another time when I was another person. It was not so hard to imagine.
I laid back against my pillows, my legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded over my trusty teddy Ruffles, who lay on my chest. I stared out through the curtains as night began to fall, the sky slightly orange tinted from the light reflection off the snow. I was still angry, and hurt at Beth. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. True, she had just been having fun with the snowman, but all the same, she knew how I would feel about that; how uncomfortable it made me. It was total lack of consideration for me. She had been doing that a lot lately. I sighed as I thought of how worried I had been about her.
After the incident in the Looms, I had seen her coming home drunk so many times. She was rarely going to school, unless it was for Drama practice. I was surprised that Ms. White was allowing her to do Drama at all considering her grades. It wasn"t my place to say anything, so I didn"t.
I glanced over into the corner of the room, seeing our bags laying on the floor. This was where Rebecca and I were to stay while we were here. I sat down at the end of the bed, ran one of my hands over the blue and white bedspread. The only other person who had slept in that bed with me had been Beth.
I flopped back onto the soft mattress, stared up at the ceiling. How was I going to get through this? I could feel a lump beginning to form in my throat, and the familiar stinging behind my eyes. I squeezed them shut as I felt a tear slid out from under my lids. I held my breath as I tried to get them to stop as another followed the path of the first.
Aunt Kitty had fallen asleep finally after hours of my mother trying to soothe her raging headache. They had gotten worse. The doctor had said they would. I glanced across the dinner table at my mother. She looked so haggard and tired. She had been taking care of her baby sister for two weeks, and it was beginning to weigh on her. I knew she did not mind helping out my aunt, but the emotional toll on her was awful.
My father glanced up at her from under heavy brows, and shook his head. He had never been good at saying how and what he really felt. He was worried about both his wife and his sister-in-law, but just didn"t have the vocabulary. I felt so sad. I was tired of feeling sad.
"Can I be excused?" I asked quietly. The house had been so hushed in those days. My mother had said that Aunt Kitty was staying with us while Ron was away, and until she got better. But we were all privately coming to terms with the fact that we were taking care of Aunt Kitty while Ron was away until she died.
"Go ahead, sweetie." My mother said absently, picking at her chicken. I stood, and headed outside to sit on the front porch, stared out into the star-filled sky. Aunt Kitty"s dementia was getting worse. She sometimes had no idea where she was, or who she was with. The voices she heard were getting worse, too. I loved my aunt so much, and it was so hard for me to see her that way. I sighed and looked down at my tennis shoes when I heard some yelling. My head snapped to the right to Beth"s house. Something crashed, followed by more yelling.
"You f.u.c.kin" stupid woman!" Beth bellowed followed by another crash. "Where is it? You took it from me, didn"t you? Didn"t you?"
"Get off me you G.o.dd.a.m.n kid! I don"t know where the f.u.c.k your pot is! Let go, let go!" the front door slammed open, and Nora Sayers stumbled down the driveway to her car. She slammed the door shut, and a moment later the old Pinto sputtered to life, and she was gone. I watched on, my eyes bulging in shock. Finally snapping out of it, I stood and ran over to the well-lit house. The door was open, leaving me to stare at a house in shambles through the screen door. I could hear more crashing further into the house. Slowly I opened the door, and stepped into the hot, muggy place.
The place looked like it had been ransacked. Lamps were on the floor, cushions from the couch and chairs were laying on the floor with books and bits of paper.
"Beth?" I asked, carefully making my way through the house, not wanting to step on anything. "Beth?" I called again.
"Get the f.u.c.k out!" she yelled from deeper in. I headed toward the voice in Beth"s room. I stood in the doorway, my mouth hanging open. Beth was in a rage, tearing posters off the walls, punching at the s.p.a.ce behind them, her fist going through the drywall. "f.u.c.king b.i.t.c.h!" she yelled as she tripped her way over to the dresser, grabbing an eight by ten framed picture of her father, and throwing it to the other side of the small room where it crashed into a hundred pieces. I looked at the ruined picture to see that it was of her father and her the summer she had gone to the summer camp. I swallowed, frightened by her temper.
"Beth?" I said quietly, taking a step inside the room.
"I said get the f.u.c.k out!" she screamed at me. My heart stopped. Beth"s face was beat red from crying and being so upset, her eyes even more bright and vibrant than usual from all the tears, and one was quickly darkening into a deep shiner. Blood was smeared on her face, coming from her nose. Her hair was wild. She looked like some crazy Amazon of a woman, and her fury was quickly being directed toward me. "Get out!" she walked over to me, and pushed me. I lost my breath as I nearly lost my footing, holding onto the doorframe to keep my balance.
"No." I said defiantly. "What"s going on, Beth?" I asked, stepping back into the room. She stared at me for a moment, then rushed back into the mess that was her room, throwing things, and tearing other things. I had never seen her like this. My G.o.d. Then my heart stopped all together as she went back to her dresser, and grabbed one of her acting trophies that she had gotten at camp. Without a word, she chucked it at the far wall, the silver cup bouncing, knocked off the base. She grabbed another, and did the same. "Beth!" I cried. Those trophies meant everything to her. "Please don"t." my voice was thick, my vision blurry as I began to cry.
"What the f.u.c.k does it matter?" she roared, then she swept her hands across the dresser surface, sending all her prized awards, trophies and ribbons clattering to the floor as I sobbed.
"Oh, Beth." I whispered, my tears not allowing me to speak. Beth seemed to sober for just a moment, realizing what she had done, and her legs sagged out from underneath her. She leaned back against the wall, her head back, eyes shut tight as she cried. Not sure what to do, but knowing that I needed to get to her, I swiped a hand at my eyes, and hurried over to her, sinking down next to her. She kept crying as if I were not even there. "Beth?" I asked quietly. No answer. "Beth? Talk to me. What happened?"
"What do you care?" she asked bitterly, her eyes still closed. I reached for her arm, but she pulled it away. "Don"t touch me." She breathed. I was stunned.
"I do care, Beth. Please talk to me." Finally she opened her eyes, and looked over at me. What I saw there scared me. There was no there there. Only empty s.p.a.ce.
"Careful, Em. People might think you have a weird friend or something. Can"t have that." I jumped back, feeling like I"d been slapped. All I could do was stare. She smirked. "Wow. Emily Thomas speechless. Should write this one down."
"Why are you saying these things?" I asked, my throat tight.
"It doesn"t matter anymore, Em. It just doesn"t." she was quiet for a moment, the anger seeming to drain from her like water out of a hose. She took a deep breath, and leaned her head back against the wall again, staring up at the ceiling. "They"re dropping the Drama department." She said, her voice dull and lifeless. I glanced over at her, shocked.
"What?"
"You heard me." She looked over at me. "That"s it. Andy was fired this week."
"Why?" I was stunned. Drama was everything to Beth. It was her life.
"Don"t need it. Football is so important, you know. Gotta have that football." She chuckled ruefully. "b.a.s.t.a.r.ds."
"Are you okay, Beth?" I asked, reaching a tentative hand out to touch her arm. She did not move it away.
"Do I look okay, Em?" she met my gaze, and my heart broke all over again. She was struggling. I could see it in her eyes. She was dying inside. "That"s all I ever wanted to do. The only thing that kept me in that f.u.c.king place." Her eyes began to well up. I wanted so badly to pull her to me, but didn"t dare. There was still that dangerous look that lurked just beneath the surface. A look that I had never seen before, and definitely had never seen aimed at me. She spoke again, pulling me from my reverie. "What am I going to do now? I give a s.h.i.t about school, and homework, and all that." She looked at me again. "I"m not smart like you, Em. Brains are your thing. This is mine. This is my craft, the one thing that I have that only I can touch. Only I can feel." Her eyes began to fill in earnest then. "The only time people look at me as if I am something. Some body." Her face crumbled before my eyes, and she was in my arms in a heartbeat. I held her as she clung to me, her sobs wracking her body. Her heart was broken. "That"s all I have, Em. How can they take it away from me?"
"I don"t know, honey. I just don"t know." I whispered into her hair as I rocked her gently back and forth. I knew that Beth needed the theater like most people needed food. She would be lost without it. I closed my eyes as I listened to the labored sounds of her breathing against the backdrop of her tears. I remained quiet, knowing there was not one thing I could say that would ease her pain. Finally I felt her pulling away from me. I let go, and looked over at her. She ran her fingers over her eyes and then wiped her nose.
"Please go, Em." She whispered, turning away from me.
"What? Beth-"
"Please?" she turned pleading eyes on me, and I stared long and deep into those two pools of ocean. Finally I nodded. I stood, and headed to the door, but turned back to her, my hand on the frame. She had not moved from the floor.
"Beth?" I said quietly. She did not answer, but I knew she was listening. "And you"re wrong. You don"t need that stage to be somebody. You"re always a somebody to me."
I walked through the living room, staring at the mess. With a sigh I began to pick up the downed chair, and put its cushions back in place. As I stood, and noticed something slip out from underneath. A clear plastic bag. The kind used for sandwiches. I picked it up, my brows drawn. I glanced back over my shoulder to see Beth"s door still firmly closed. Turning back to the bag, I saw the brown flakes all mixed together, along with two tightly rolled, small cigarettes. Instinctively I knew that this is what Beth had been looking for when she started fighting with Nora. I was torn. Not sure what to do. I held the bag to me for a moment, then began to put it in my Jean"s pocket, determined to get rid of it. I hated the idea that Beth was doing it.
I headed toward the front door, but then stopped, taking the bag out of my pocket again. I turned back toward Beth"s door, stopping in the dark hall just outside her room. I raised my fist, ready to knock on the door when I heard the melancholy sounds of La Traviata easing out from under it. I stared at the closed door for a moment, trying to decide what to do. With a small sigh, I lowered my hand, and turned to see a hamper next to the wall by her door. I laid the plastic bag down on its top, and headed out of the Sayers" house.
I stared up at the dark ceiling, my hands behind my head, Rebecca breathing softly beside me. It had been a long day, filled with rediscovery, but all the same I could not sleep. I glanced across the room to the dresser to see that it was almost midnight. My head snapped to the bedroom door as a quiet knock sounded on it.
"Emmy?" I heard whispered on the other side. My mother.
"Yeah?" I whispered back. The door slowly opened, the hall light spilling into the room a bit. She peeked her head in.
"Midnight tea?" she asked, a slight grin on her face. I grinned back, and quietly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake up my lover. We made our way downstairs to the kitchen, and I grabbed the tea bags as my mother filled the kettle, and put it on the stove.
"I"d forgotten about this." I smiled over my shoulder at her. She nodded, her back to me as she turned on the stove.
"It"s been awhile." She turned to me, a package in each hand. "Oreo"s or chocolate chunk?" I pointed to the blue package of Oreo"s, and met her at the table with two paper towels. We sat across from each other, and began to dig in. I closed my eyes as my tongue swept up the creamy filling. It had been so long.
"Mmmm." I moaned as I bit into the dark cookie. She smiled as she bit into her own cookie.