[Ill.u.s.tration: In Dixie-Land.
"Well, Friday--"ow"s Crusoe?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
Fricourt--July, 1916.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Those Signals.
THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and one red one mean?"
REc.u.mBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two cremes de menthe and a cherry brandy!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: His Christmas Goose.
"You wait till I comes off dooty!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Urgent.
"Quick, afore this comes down!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: That tin hat feels something like this on the way to the Offensive
And about like this when you get there
My Hat!
Helmets, Shrapnel, One.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Candid Friend.
"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Long and the Short of It.
UP LAST DRAFT: "I suppose you "as to be careful "ow you looks over the parapet about "ere."
OUT SINCE MONS: "You needn"t worry, me lad; the rats are going to be your only trouble."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Old Moore" at the Front.
"As far as I can make out from this "ere prophecy-book, Bill, the seventh year is going to be the worst, and after that every fourteenth!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Supra-Normal.
Captain Mills-Bomme"s temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to report."
(_He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German trenches, and held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight hours._)]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "old these ---- biscuits a minute while I "as a go at this ---- stuff
"Where the ---- "ell are ye comin to!"
"---- your ---- eyes you can ---- well carry these ---- things yerself"
"yer ---- well wants elephants for this job"
Tactical Developments.
Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply hates his evening for working it.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Bang Bang
Crash
Bang
Crash
That "Out Wiring" Sensation.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Natural History of the War
The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).
"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the Winter of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Things that Irritate.
Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of "Don"t go down the mine, Daddy."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Still Keeping His Hand In.
Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the protective value of his section"s shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated plate and basin spinning act.]