CELIA. (_To_ SMITH) I"m quite sure that Mr. Steele and Mr. Raleigh will be happy to drop you at the station on their way home.
STEELE. Delighted!
CELIA. (_To_ RALEIGH, _shaking hands_) So sorry to hurry you away.
RALEIGH. Oh, I shall see you to-morrow, Miss Faraday.
CELIA. Yes, do. (_Nods good-night to_ STEELE.)
AUNT IDA. (_Who is still at desk, her head resting wearily on her hands. Sleepily_) Everybody going?
CELIA. (_Crosses_ L.) Yes, dear, Colonel _Vavasour_ is. (_Crosses to_ AUNT IDA.)
SMITH. Is there nothing left unsaid? Is there nothing left for me to say but good-bye?
CELIA. (_Over her shoulder_) Nothing.
SMITH. (_Bows. Speaks in a brisk, matter-of-fact way, as he crosses_ C.D.) Well, since you two fellows are kind enough to offer me a lift.
(_Exits, followed by_ RALEIGH _and_ STEELE, _who go off, chatting ad lib. and closing door_.)
(_WARN Electrician for lights out_.)
CELIA. (_Tearing off her black shawl, waving it in the air, and throwing herself in the chair_ L. _of table, her back to the audience, disclosing her gay and decollete bodice_) Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!
Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!
AUNT IDA. (_Going to_ CELIA) Celia, what have you been up to now?
CELIA. Oh, when I think of it, Aunt Ida! "The Arab dhows riding at their anchors," and how I told him---- Oh, Heavens--how I told him he ought to marry. Oh--h-h-h-h! Oh--h-h-h-h!
AUNT IDA. Celia Faraday! (_Goes up to her and catches her by both shoulders_) Are you mad? I vow I"ve a great mind to shake you.
CELIA. I wish you would, Aunt Ida. I wish you would. (_Looking toward door_ R.) I don"t believe it. I don"t believe it. I don"t believe what I do believe. For Heaven"s sake, dear, go and fetch me the army list, so that I may make sure of what an awful fool I"ve been, and if what I believe is true, let me sit like this in the dark. (_Goes up and presses switch and sits in chair_ L. _of door. Lights out_.) --All the rest of my life and blush and blush and blush until my cheeks drop off from blushing.
(AUNT IDA _comes_ L. _of_ CELIA"S _chair. There is only the moonlight now in the morning room, with a shaft of moonlight shining through window_ R. _on_ CELIA. _The library, seen through the wide open doors, is lit up by the glow from the fire_.)
AUNT IDA. Are you mad? (_Starts to exit to get army list. Sees_ SMITH _and draws away_ R.) Hush--sh-sh-sh!
(SMITH _in an ulster is seen to cross cautiously at back to table. He lights two or three matches at once and looks through book-slide for army list. Finding this, he takes it and smiles in a satisfied manner, and holding the match to the list, moves off stage_ R. CELIA _and_ AUNT IDA _peer after him. A flicker is seen on the walls and furniture of the room off stage, as of the book burning. After a pause_, CELIA _rises and stands_ C. _in doorway, facing audience_.)
CELIA. The army list!
AUNT IDA. Now _he"s_ thrown the army list into the fire. (_Ready motor horn_.) Celia--has Colonel Vavasour gone mad too?
CELIA. So! He thinks he can prevent my finding out, does he? That I can"t be absolutely sure until to-morrow? Well (_Rushes off_ R.)
AUNT IDA. Perhaps we are all mad--mad as hatters. (_Goes_ R. _and presses light switch_.)
(_LIGHTS Up_.)
CELIA. (_Off stage_) Army lists don"t burn as suddenly as that, I know. (_At door_) I have burned too many of them. (_Reappears, carrying the partly burned army list in tongs. She comes in blowing at the burning book_) Blow, Aunt Ida, blow! (AUNT IDA _joins her. They both blow to put out the sparks_.) Only the A"s are burnt, Aunt Ida, only the A"s. (_Goes down_ L. _of table, drops book on table, and hands the tongs to_ AUNT IDA.)
AUNT IDA. (_Waving the tongs_) Only the A"s! Ha! Ha! Only the A"s!
(_Motor horn is heard off_ R.3.)
CELIA. What"s that, Aunt Ida, what"s that?
AUNT IDA. It"s Mr. Raleigh"s motor.
CELIA. (_With an outburst of relief_) Well, then, he"s gone, isn"t he, he"s gone.
AUNT IDA. Yes, he"s gone, he"s gone!
CELIA. (_Picks up book and runs through it_) V-V-V-V-V-- Vallance--Valpey--Vanderfeldt--Varley--not a Vavasour.
AUNT IDA. Celia!
CELIA. (_Throwing down book_) Not one in the whole army list. No? Not the tiniest little bit of a one.
AUNT IDA. (_Flourishing tongs more wildly_) Then who is he? What did he come here for?
CELIA. I don"t know, but he"s gone now, isn"t he? _He"s gone!_
AUNT IDA. I know he"s gone, but what did he come here for? (CELIA _looks at her. A light breaks over her_.) Celia Faraday! That man--had your letter--in his pocket. He told Phyllis he had your letter! I thought it strange! Then Colonel Vavasour isn"t Colonel Vavasour.
(_Sits_ R. _of_ C. _table_.)
CELIA. No!
AUNT IDA. _He"s Colonel Smith_.
CELIA. Yes.
AUNT IDA. He"s----
CELIA. (_In the smallest possible voice_) --Mr. Wobbles! (_Enter_ FARADAY R.IE.) Father, dear, has Colonel Vavasour gone?
FARADAY. No, my dear.
CELIA. What!!!!
FARADAY. I was fortunate enough to catch him at the door.