Chapter 7 - Limit
Sano Middle School is at the third station away from Iwatobi, by riding the train that only comes twice an hour. Although it’s within the same city, both the scenery and the air were totally different on the mountain side. Leaving the station, a hill road with a steep slope suddenly appeared, konara oaks and maples were growing thickly on both sides, trying to close in. The birds’ chirping is noisy enough to be harsh to the ear. The white-eyes, nightingales and the like were one thing, but besides that, sparrows and difficult to distinguish small birds were restlessly crossing between the trees.
“Hey, Zaki-chan.”
Makoto asked Aki, while climbing the hill road with the sunlight filtering through the trees onto it.
“What happened to Yazaki-senpai today?”
Now that he said it, Haruka noticed, too. Shouta’s figure wasn’t among the Iwatobi Middle Swim Club walking on the hill road in a line.
“……Yeah.”
Unusually, Aki hesitates to say.
“He was at practice yesterday, wasn’t he? Is he feeling sick or something?”
The meddlesome Makoto is attempting to poke his nose into something unnecessary again. It’s always Haruka who’s struck by the chance blow.
“Well, Onii-chan got banned from club activities……”
“Eh?”
Surprised, Makoto gasps. Haruka looked at Aki’s face without thinking, too. Could it be the fault of the ‘one-to-one fight’?
“After practice ended yesterday, it seems that Onii-chan swam in the Musogawa.”
The Musogawa is a cla.s.s A river [specified waterways of special importance protected by the government] that flows from Kuragakeyama into the sea. It’s pretty wide and since it’s abundant in water quant.i.ty, it’s also well known as a body of water that forms a diverse ecosystem. However, if there’s even just a small amount of rainfall, that abundant water quant.i.ty proves to be its ruin and the water level rises right away, so swimming in it has been prohibited for quite a while. Since several rivers are confluent with it, it isn’t rare for it to change into a turbid current in the blink of an eye, either.
“And so, it became a big enough commotion for the police to come running, the school summoned our parents, he got banned from club activities for three days and suspended from the next tournament……”
“Why, in a place like that……”
Makoto can’t continue. He realized that it’s a foolish question. There could only be one reason.
“I think he was being impatient. But it’s not Nanase-kun and the others’ fault, you know. Really, don’t worry about it. It’s just that Onii-chan did as he pleased, he was impatient and did something stupid. In the first place, he’s been like that from way back. Always ordering people around, he acts all self-important right away. Just because he can swim fast, even though it’s nothing that great at all……”
Even without hearing it from Aki, they would’ve found out about it eventually. That’s why Aki tried to let them know as softly as possible beforehand. So that Haruka won’t feel responsible. Believing that that’s her duty as his little sister, she just carried it out.
However, no matter how she tries to phrase it, no matter how she tries to patch it up, this fact can’t be changed.
––Haruka had cornered Shouta.
He’s glad that he got to hear it from Aki’s mouth. Glad that he got to hear it not from anyone else, but from Aki. Aki’s feelings, who was thinking of her older brother, got through to him properly from those words. That’s precisely why they have to face each other. As long as that exists as fact, even if he tried to run away, even if he tried to evade it, it would be the same thing. Remaining within Haruka, now that it has taken root, he has no choice anymore but for them to face each other.
He could’ve refused the ‘one-to-one fight’ on many occasions. He should’ve been able to quit club activities, too. And yet, he didn’t do that. He was fixated on it. He was fixated on club activities and the free. That’s why he wound up doing the ‘one-to-one fight’. His own fixation had ended up cornering Shouta. Haruka strongly felt so.
“……Haru.”
While climbing the hill road with the sunlight filtering through the trees onto it, Makoto spoke Haruka’s name just once.
When they arrive at Sano Middle, two club members were awaiting them. Greeting them with a “Good morning” in a loud voice, Iwatobi Middle returns a “good morning”. After delivering the messages filled with nervousness, such as “We’re pleased that you have come today” that sound like they’re at an old hotel, they were lead away with a “please come this way”.
Sano Middle School’s pool was indoors. It was recently rebuilt, so the walls and the floor were still shiny, there wasn’t a single spot that was peeling off or rusting. A training room was added to it as an annex, but it wasn’t exclusive to the swim club, they used it together with the other clubs. It seems that the rugby club is using it today.
Even after stepping inside, it didn’t smell. Since it’s indoors, microorganisms probably don’t really germinate here. Or they could be using ‘good chlorine’.
“Hi there, thanks for coming.”
The captain of Sano Middle’s swim club came out and met them with a smile.
“Looking forward to today.”
Exchanging an enthusiastic handshake with Natsuya, the club members of Sano Middle welcomed them with applause, too. Narukawa Sakuyuki and Yamazaki Sousuke’s figures were among them as well. And, for some reason, Kisumi is showing the whites of his teeth beside Sousuke.
When the applause stopped, they each began to renew their old friendships. As an annual event, the compet.i.tion against Sano Middle is held at the very start of the season. Apparently, its objective is to deepen their friendship with each other and to let the first years gain the experience of a match. Besides that, it had become customary to let the first years swim in their specialty event.
All the matches are held as one-on-on match races. The times are measured, but only the outcome counts as points, the one who has the most total points will be the winner of the year. For about a decade, Iwatobi Middle was far ahead in the lead.
The second and third years meet not only at the compet.i.tion, but several times in matches, too, and it seems that some of them go to the same swimming club, so it’s a pretty amicable atmosphere.
There were a few faces familiar to Haruka, too. Three of them walk up to him.
“Oi, Kisumi. You, why’re you over there? Ahha. Then, you’re a spy for Sano Middle, huh. So it means you were trying to dig for our information. How about that, bull’s-eye, isn’t it!”
Asahi points his finger at Kisumi with a triumphant look. While combing up his silky hair, Kisumi ignored Asahi’s nonsense.
“I didn’t mention it? I’m from Sano Elementary. I moved to Iwatobi when I became a middle schooler. That’s why I have a bunch of friends here. Right, Sousuke?”
Kisumi over-familiarly puts his hand on tall and lanky Sousuke’s shoulder. Sousuke’s gaze was fixed on Haruka for a while now.
“I’m only in the 100 free today. Can’t say’s a surprise, since I just joined.”
It seems that he had joined after that tournament. His motive is clear. Quite the trouble he went through, he thinks.
“I’m in the 100, too.”
When Haruka said that, Sousuke showed a happy smile.
“I see, looking forward to it.”
He holds out his right hand. It’s a huge hand, he thinks. There’s no reason to refuse. He grabs his hand. He felt their energies flowing into each other’s body.
“Nanase’s free, huh. Sounds good. Don’t pee yourself like a certain someone, Sousuke.”
When Sakuyuki said that while looking at Asahi, his spiky hair slightly wavered. Sousuke looks down on Sakuyuki.
“Who would? What about you, are you okay with the 100 fly?”
Asahi’s hair reacts again. Asahi was going to swim in the 100 fly, too.
“If it’s the 100 fly, then you’re together with Asahi, huh.”
Makoto says something unnecessary. Sure enough, the look in Sakuyuki’s eyes changed.
“Asahi.”
“Wh-what is it?”
Having his name called by Sakuyuki, Asahi answers with his gaze still dropped. All this time, he wouldn’t look at Sakuyuki directly for quite a while now.
“Come, to practice. You’d get faster if you wouldn’t skip, ya know.”
“’M not skipping. Just taking a break since I started doing club activities.”
He answers in an uncharacteristically small voice.
“You have good reflexes and stuff, so you can reach a decent level right away, but because you’re always satisfied with that––”
“Shut up! I don’t want someone like Sakuyuki tellin’ me that!”
From Asahi’s angry voice, the once lively poolside fell silent, the gazes gathered on the owner of the voice. Sakuyuki speaks in that stillness.
“Did you learn how to swim? ––The free.”
The stillness freezes. At the very least, the swim club members of Iwatobi Middle all knew the answer to that.
“……Shut up.”
After saying it like he was spitting it out, Asahi averted his eyes and turned his back to Sakuyuki like that, then left.
“Hey, hey, Kisumi. If you were from Sano Elementary, you know Rin, don’t you? Matsuoka Rin.”
In the awkward mood, Makoto said it as cheerfully as he could. The mood turned amicable again from it, the poolside returned to being as lively as it was. As if the thing with Asahi hadn’t happened.
“What do you mean know him, we were in the same cla.s.s. Until partway through sixth grade, though. Right, Sousuke?”
“Uh huh, until he went to your place.”
Oh, he gets it now. It’s that Kisumi knew, too, is it. He knew, and approached Haruka and Makoto. No, it’s precisely because he knew that he approached them.
Showing no signs of having noticed that, Makoto cheerfully speaks.
“Really? What an incredible coincidence, huh. What was Rin like?”
“What was he like……”
Kisumi and Sousuke look at each other.
“In a word, easily gets carried away, I guess?”
When Kisumi says it, Sousuke nods and takes over.
“Yeah. And he was kind of an irritating guy.”
“Right. Kinda irritating, huh? Rin.”
Kisumi agrees. On that matter, Haruka has the same sentiment, too.
“Uhm, what else, I wonder……”
It seems that it wasn’t the answer Makoto was expecting. Kisumi gets a thoughtful look on his face, and with that expression, he speaks in a murmur.
“Self-centered, and hates to lose.”
“That’s for sure. For someone who cries right away, he always spoke his mind.”
Haruka agreed with Sousuke’s supplement, too.
“Ah, and also……?”
Makoto, who’s bad at giving up, asks again. Could he be hoping for a beautiful memory or something? He should just try recalling his own memories. On top of twisting them around his little finger as he liked, he did as he pleased and went off to somewhere. Supposing that there was some kind of good memory, it’s obvious that something like that was washed away long ago.
“That’s right. He was always trying to show off in front of girls, wasn’t he? Sousuke.”
“Aah, that’s right. Also, he got mad when we called him ‘Rin-chan’.”
No objection to that. That’s about it for memories with Rin. These two have truly perceived Rin correctly. Makoto fell silent and didn’t try to ask anything more than that.
In general, after they each renewed their old friendships, there was an explanation about the compet.i.tion’s progression. There are 8 long-course lanes in the pool. Since they’re one-on-one match races, there are four matches held side by side at the same time. In the form of making the start one at a time from the pair that is ready, they’re called up depending on the conditions. Regarding all events, they’re held one match at a time, the plan is to finish all the contests in three hours.
Haruka stands on top of the starting block. Beside him must be a first year. They’re awfully nervous. Beside them is Makoto. It’s the 50m b.r.e.a.s.t.stroke.
The person in charge of the start stood behind Haruka.
“Boys’ 50m free, taking place. On your marks.”
Concentrating his mind on his body’s center of gravity, he firmly pushes it down. While feeling his weight on the entirety of the sole of his feet, he pulls back his foot that’s in the back, and with his fingertips on the starting block, he turns his entire body into his ears and waits.
Whistle––.
He kicks his foot from a low posture. He was able to make a start that he himself feels is good. Then, he lands on the water. The water quickly accepted him. He starts the stroke from the flutter kick. While being conscious of the axis on the left and right, he goes digging through.
Nao had told him to swim the biaxial crawl today. Since he’s swimming in five free events and two relay events, if the burden on his body were to be considered, it was decided that the biaxial crawl which he can swim relatively easier would be good.
All of a sudden, he felt Makoto. Makoto was conveyed through the water. Without a sound, without a ripple. Makoto himself is conveyed to him. It seems that he had made the start this very instant. It’s a good start, he thinks. Not because he saw it. He knows from Makoto’s sensation that’s being conveyed.
Rapidly stretching forward in the end, Haruka reaches the goal. Having waited for his opponent to reach the goal, he climbed out onto the poolside after shaking hands. Iwatobi Middle, which has successfully won its first battle, is getting very excited. As if it’s boisterous merrymaking. Then they got excited again when Makoto reached the goal.
When he holds out his hand to Makoto, he raises his goggles after staring at it, then he happily raised his up-slanting eyebrows after looking up at Haruka’s face.
“Here, grab on.”
“––Okay!”
Grinning from ear to ear, he grabs Haruka’s hand without going easy on him. Pulled by a strength that can’t be imagined from that face that has childishness left in it, he nearly loses his balance, but he somehow manages to keep his footing and pulls him up.
“Thanks, Haru.”
“Did you make sure?”
He means the start.
“It’s amazing, this thing. It’s totally different from before.”
“Alright then.”
Haruka turned his gaze towards Nao in his jersey. He’s cheering with all his might. He wonders why he doesn’t swim. Or, is it that he can’t swim……
Walking along the poolside, Haruka headed towards the 200m’s start.
“Boys’ 200m free, taking place. On your marks.”
Kicking off from the starting block on the whistle, he lands on the water. He starts the biaxial stroke from the flutter kick. He produces most of the propulsive force for the crawl from his arms. He feels a heavy resistance on those arms. It means that he gains as much propulsive force as the amount of resistance.
Extending the axis that he had created from his arm to his waist, he digs through the distant water, the even more distant water with perseverance. While feeling the counteraction on the sole of his feet at the turn, he rapidly stretches forward and at the same time as gaining new momentum, he tightens his body and makes a streamline.
But it’s still somewhat clumsy. Perhaps his balance is bad, or his rhythm is bad, he couldn’t strongly feel the water. They can’t properly acknowledge each other’s existence. It might be because he’s always preoccupied by his form. In any case, it was certain that he’s just not used to swimming with the biaxial crawl yet.
Right after he cut into the remaining 50m after the last turn, his speed dropped with a jerk. It was time to pay the price for swimming by brute force. It’s proof that seemingly easier to swim, it was putting an extra burden on his body. Even so, somehow managing to finish swimming, he was able to wait for his opponent and shake hands.
Climbing up onto the poolside while he was gasping for breath, he takes off his goggles and heads towards another lane. Asahi and Sakuyuki’s b.u.t.terfly was just about to begin.
“Boys’ 100m fly, taking place. On your marks.”
On the whistle, they both kick off from the starting block. Asahi’s leap is good. Asahi’s point of landing on the water is farther, too. When he surfaced, he was in the lead by half a body.
However, Sakuyuki gains on him with the stroke. He gradually draws close, but Asahi pulls ahead again at the turn. But one head’s worth of a lead is the best he can do.
They lined up perfectly the moment they cut into the last 20m. Both of them must be in considerable pain. It becomes a test of endurance from here on out.
“Asahi, go!”
Among the many shouts of encouragement, there was one especially loud voice. ––It’s Kisumi.
“Asahi! Asahi! Asahi!”
With a look that’s unimaginable from his usual composedness, he was repeatedly shouting Asahi’s name. As if he were pushed forward by that voice, Asahi pulls ahead.
“Asahi! Asahi! Asahi!”
Each time Kisumi shouts, Asahi comes up. It’s not just his imagination. Kisumi’s voice was definitely pushing Asahi forward.
“Asahi!”
Rapidly stretching forward in the end, he reaches the goal. Sakuyuki gained up on him well, but Asahi managed to hold on by a narrow margin. When Asahi sprung up and pushed up his fist, Kisumi pushed up his fist the same way.
Roughly breathing while exchanging a handshake, Sakuyuki says something and Asahi retorts with a “shut up”. It’s not like he heard it, but Asahi’s speech patterns aren’t that varied.
But––, he thinks. Even though he couldn’t find any points that would become a problem as long as he’s looking at his b.u.t.terfly, why could it be that he can’t swim just the free? Or perhaps, why did he become unable to swim it?
––It’s your fault!
Perhaps it was caused by something of Haruka’s. Did he say something, did he do something? Though he tries to recall what happened since he started middle school, other than being followed around to the point of being annoying, he couldn’t remember anything like it.
The 400m free went miserably. He intended to swim by taking into account the consumption of his physical strength, but from after pa.s.sing 300m, just swimming became the most he could do, let alone feel the water. It seems that because he hasn’t been able to master the biaxial crawl yet after all, he’s putting in too much strength.
At practice, he swims 2000m and 3000m even, but that doesn’t mean he goes all out. In a match, he consumes two, no, three times as much physical strength than at practice. Not to mention, it’s Haruka’s first time swimming in a long-course for a match. He was forced to keenly realize his inexperience at biaxial swimming and his greater lack of physical strength than imagined.
When he reaches the goal, his third year opponent was waiting for him. After shaking hands, he climbs up onto the poolside. There was no applause directed at Haruka.
With no time to take a break, the 1500m is called up. While receiving the explanation that he’ll be swimming it after the 100m backstroke ended, he was guided to the lane.
Makoto was standing in that lane. Entering the water on the long whistle, he disappears from Haruka’s sight.
“Boys’ 100m back, taking place. On your marks.”
Whistle––.
Makoto started late. Not compared to his opponent. He was late compared to Haruka’s senses. He wasn’t making use of Nao’s start. Could it be out of his element for backstroke? While thinking about such things, he looked at Makoto’s swimming.
Mostly lined up, he makes the 50m turn. Makoto’s kick is good. Unlike at the start, he was able to make good use of the counteraction. Continuing to swim with a slight lead, he rapidly stretched forward at the end and disappeared from sight. Iwatobi Middle burst out in excitement and he saw just the tip of Makoto’s pushed up fist.
The excited Iwatobi Middle. Ikuya was at its very edge. Keeping those darkly shining eyes directed at Haruka, he’s standing still, trying to hold back his anger. Satomi, who’s standing beside him, says something while calming him down, Ikuya bit his lip and looked away from Haruka.
Ikuya isn’t partic.i.p.ating in this compet.i.tion. Part of it is that entries were already decided before Ikuya joined the club, but also Natsuya probably didn’t let him take part.
It’s just that he didn’t understand the reason why he’s glaring at Haruka because of that. This is this and that is that, he’s just faithfully completing his promise with Natsuya. Including the following 1500m, he still has to swim in four more events. That was the ‘condition’ for the sake of only swimming free.
Thinking that far, he suddenly came to realize something. Ikuya may not know about this ‘condition’. Even if he knows that he only swims free, unless he knows that there’s a ‘condition’ for the sake of that, it’s natural that he’s doubtful as to why only Haruka is swimming in multiple events. Maybe he thought that he’s being treated to odd partiality based on his past results from the Swimming Club. It’s a terrible misunderstanding.
Concerning this ‘condition’, there was a possibility that Satomi didn’t know, either. At the time of the pool cleaning, she came later than Haruka. Unless someone had told her, it means that she doesn’t know. Thinking that he has to mention it to Makoto, Haruka climbed onto the starting block.
“Boys’ 1500m free, taking place. On your marks.”
Breathing out, he gathers his consciousness on his center of gravity. His body reacted at the same time as the whistle. Instead of going through his brain from his ear, he mirrored the signal that was transmitted as sound with his body that he had turned into his ‘ears’. There’s no error. After that, he just has to make his body that reacted land in the water.
However, he only kept the lead for a little while after the start, from there, he ended up drastically slowing down. Even he knows that he’s not making a proper streamline. After he lost the lead to his opponent, he was rapidly separated, in the end he’s starting to get a lap behind. There was nothing, neither regret nor humiliation. The leisure to feel things like that were blown away to somewhere. Mustering his physical strength that’s about to disappear, somehow he keeps going forward, forward. That was the only thing he could think of.
His arms are heavy. He can’t capture the water’s resistance. The water escapes. He ends up letting it get away. Even though he understands, he couldn’t do anything about it. No matter what he does, the loss just keeps becoming greater, he can’t catch the water at all.
His chest is in pain. His lungs greedily demand oxygen. It’s not enough, no matter how much he sends in. It doesn’t satisfy them. It can’t catch up to the amount of oxygen his exhausted muscles consume.
It feels like his feet are about to tear off. His muscles scream. His joints creak. The water coils around him like seaweed, it tries to seal his movements. Even if he tries to shake it off, it insistently clings to him and doesn’t let go. He moves his feet by mobilizing everything, his abdominal muscles and dorsal muscles, too. Moving them is the most he can do, it was no longer turning into propulsive force, either. And yet, he keeps moving them. He keeps swimming. By swimming, he managed to stay afloat with difficulty.
Tightening his body, he strains to try and make a streamline, but he can’t cut the water nor slip into it. While just floating like a stick, he could only move his limbs so that he won’t drown. By floating, he was somehow able to preserve his heart. He was just barely able to keep preserving his heart that was on the verge of breaking.
He finally struggles on to the goal. A hand stretching out to him from the poolside, he tries looking up through his goggles. It was the third year from Sano Middle whom he swam together with.
“You tried hard.”
His gaze was kind, just as if he were looking at a child who had just begun swimming.
“Thank you…… for the race.”
When he climbs up onto the poolside, he sank, even his heart being pulled by gravity. He didn’t want to remain as a being whom others were concerned for, he thought. He wanted to keep being his strong self, he thought. His chest is close to tightening from the humiliation. At last, he was trying to recover to the extent that he could feel that.
He remembers that relay. He was swimming while rejecting the water, tormented by resentment that had nowhere to go, unable to spit it out or swallow it, he could only endure the unpleasant feelings towards himself. The emotions from that time are vividly revived.
After bowing to the third year who had pulled him up, he headed to the next lane.
––Next was, the free relay…..I think.
“Nanase!”
Called by Natsuya who had his arms folded, he somehow manages to put up with his feet that seem like they’re about to stagger and walks.
“That’s enough, forget the relay.“
Could he have been concerned about him being tired? Or perhaps, could he be scorning him for making an unfulfillable promise? That guys who can’t even keep their promises shouldn’t have c.o.c.ky obsessions…….
“I will swim. I can still swim.”
Natsuya points to the pool with his eyes.
“It’s already begun.”
Among the big shouts of joy, the second year Miyano was swimming the free. A ‘ku’ sound escapes from the corner of his mouth.
“I will go for the medley relay.”
“What’s a guy who can’t swim saying? That’s rude towards your opponent.”
He sinks in the humiliation. Endlessly, endlessly to the bottom of the chaotic swamp……
He thinks of his lack of physical strength as cowardly. He wonders if becoming fixated on it was ridiculous pride. Haruka unconsciously chewed his lip.
“Swim just the 100 free.”
“Eh?”
“It’s their wish. They want to swim with Nanase no matter what.”
Sousuke was where Natsuya was looking. He’s looking at Haruka with glaring eyes. He wonders if he could swim it. He wonders if he could swim in a way that would satisfy Sousuke. Would he have enough strength left for just that? Staring at his right hand, he tries to clench it.
“……Yes.”
There’s no strength in it.
The only part he could do properly was the start. As for the rest, he barely managed to move his limbs that had gotten as heavy as lead, it’s as if the exhaustion from the 1500m hadn’t left him at all.
The muscles all over his body feel like they’re about to cramp up. His joints creak. A mere 100m distance was far enough to make him feel faint. The water increases in ma.s.s like a swamp and the viscous resistance gets bigger. That becomes heavy shackles and consumes his physical strength. He can’t shake it off nor pull himself free from them. Fighting against it, defying it, struggling, he endures it. They were all actions far off from ‘swimming’.
When Haruka arrives at the goal, he spa.r.s.ely heard an applause that had become cold. Sousuke’s figure wasn’t in the neighboring lane any more. He had climbed out long ago. With this, all the contests for today’s compet.i.tion came to an end. In short, the 100m free was the star contest that crowned it. No wonder that it becoming such a disgraceful match put a damper on it.
“Good job, Haru.”
Unable to bring himself to grab Makoto’s held out hand, he climbs up by himself. Gravity thudding down on him, he somehow withstands being pulled back and managed to climb up onto the poolside.
Walking while making sure not to drag his feet that had gotten heavy, he tears off his cap and goggles. He wanted to hurry up and get away from here. He wanted to hurry up and go where no one’s gaze reached him. He wanted to hurry up and be alone, he thought.
Suddenly, someone stands in Haruka’s way. When he lifts his face that he had cast down, Sousuke’s lanky body was there. Without even a smirk, he holds out his right hand to Haruka. It’s a huge hand.
When Haruka tries to lift his heavy arms, seizing his hand by force, Sousuke jerked him close.
“Come with me for a bit.”
Saying it in a voice low enough so only Haruka could hear, Sousuke started walking towards the changing room.
“Haru, can you walk?”
Having Makoto be concerned for him, he feels irritated. Not towards Makoto. Towards himself. While feeling irritated by his cowardly self, Haruka followed Sousuke’s lead.
There was no one in the changing room. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. The announcement of the results will be held now. Haruka steps into the changing room and Makoto followed after him.
“What’s the meaning of this? Nanase.”
Sousuke said it while taking something out of his locker. He can’t answer. It was impossible to answer.
As he’s staying silent, Sousuke walks up to him and stood in a position to be face to face with Haruka. Then he stretches out the fingertips of his right hand and places it Haruka’s left shoulder. They’re long and thin fingers. Wondering what he’s trying to do, when he tried to brush off that hand, Sousuke’s fingertips tapped Haruka. His balance slightly breaking, he tries to withstand it, but standing firmly on his feet isn’t working, his center of gravity drifts backward. Taking two, three steps backward, the back of his knees. .h.i.t the bench. Dropping his waist and sitting down like that, he almost falls backwards with too much force remaining.
“Haru!”
Supported by Makoto, he somehow managed to avoid falling down, but he ended up making terribly sorry display of himself.
“You sure had the gall to swim against me like that.”
He grits his teeth in humiliation. It’ll only be an excuse, no matter how he tries to patch it up. It’s all caused by Haruka’s trivial fixation. There was nothing for him to do other than grit his teeth.
“’I swim for myself.’ Nanase said it that time, didn’t he? To think of what kind of swimming it is….. If you’re just playing, do it elsewhere. When you’re up against me, come at me with all you’ve got!”
He doesn’t care what he says. He just swims for himself. He can’t stand it when people arbitrarily create illusions and push them on him. Or could he be intending to scorn him? If it’s humiliation, he’s had enough of a taste to the point of hating it.
Borrowing Makoto’s shoulder, Haruka stood up.
“If you’re done, I’m going back. It’s time for meeting.”
“Wait.”
Sousuke calls him to stop.
“’There’s no talent that can surpa.s.s hard work.’ It’s what Rin said before going to Australia.”
While saying that, he held out the envelope he had in his hand. It’s…… air mail. Taking his hand off of Makoto’s shoulder, he looks at the envelope held out to him. The letters ‘Rin’ caught his eyes.
––Rin.
“Read it.”
Accepting it from Sousuke, he takes it out of the envelope and unfolds it. Spanning two pages of writing paper, it was completely filled with characters written in pencil. There were also traces here and there of revisions made with an eraser, it shows that it was written with hard work.
Things about life in Australia, the swimming club and such were written in the letter. That they don’t understand each other, so he made free use of body language. That there were fish he’s never seen before on the dining table. That it’s autumn right now. That kangaroos were common. That one third of Australia is desert and Ayers Rock is in the middle of it. That he was moved when he climbed Ayers Rock. That they’re all fast guys. That he keeps losing every day……
“Every day is a series of frustration. I’m scared of it, that I’ll end up getting used to it before long and the frustrating things won’t be frustrating anymore. But, I absolutely won’t give up. I won’t get discouraged. I cry sometimes, but I’ll absolutely become faster. I’ll become faster than anyone!”
Then, about that relay––.
“I haven’t forgotten not one thing. I remember it all. Him from that time, he’s swimming in front of me now, too. Like him, I wanna swim fast like Haru!”
Haruka couldn’t take his eyes off of that one sentence. Forgetting even to blink, he kept his eyes fixed on it.
Makoto, who was peeking at the letter from beside Haruka, lightly raises his up-slanting eyebrows.
“We can’t let ourselves lose either, huh.”
To those words, Haruka nodded without a sound.
On the hill road continuing from Sano Middle to the station, everyone walked speaking only a few words. The occasionally heard voices having a pleasant chat were more or less reserved. Since it’s just past noon, the sun is still high in the sky. When there’s as much solar radiation as today, it makes them actually feel it on their skin that it’s the start of summer. That sunlight pa.s.sed through the leaves of the konara oaks and maples and drew a speckled pattern on the road.
While descending on the verdant hill road, Haruka recalled the letter’s contents again and again.
–– I wanna swim fast like Haru!
He’s not fast. He’s never once thought of wanting to swim fast. And yet, what is this sense of humiliation? Making a disgrace of himself, having others be concerned for him, feeling resentment, it’s making his chest tighten.
If he could’ve swum fast, could he have been spared from feeling like this? No, it shouldn’t have been necessary to swim fast if he weren’t fixated on it in the first place. Because he was fixated on the free, he wound up making a promise with Natsuya, and he ended up being made to swim a distance that his physical strength fell short of. If he weren’t fixated on the free, Shouta would also––.
Pa.s.sing through the hill road that the sunlight filtering through the trees created patterns onto, they go through station’s ticket barrier and come out onto the platform.
“Over there, we often played basketball.”
Kisumi points his finger. From the platform where they’re waiting for the train, a basketball court next to the railway track was visible. It’s a small court for street ball. The hoop with its net beginning to tear off is placed there.
“If you ask the station employees, they let you use it for free.”
That’s why the torn net is left there.
“On the way home from school, Rin and Sousuke often played, too. Ah, how nostalgic.”
Perhaps because he laid their own figures over the small court, Kisumi gently smiles, looking fondly at it.
“Rin and Sousuke were always on different teams, to show their compet.i.tiveness.”
That’s how it would be, if it’s those two. The way they get fired up right away is very similar, he thinks.
“Rin’s good at dribbling and stuff, he always went for the shot head on, and Sousuke always slapped it down.”
It reminds him of playing basketball with Makoto just a little. He entirely blocked Haruka’s shots, too.
“I suppose that got Rin pretty frustrated. He said he’ll grow taller, he drank a lot of milk and whenever he had time to spare, he was always practicing jumping. He did a training where he went up the stairs by skipping a step, but the teachers scolded him, telling him to stop because it’s dangerous. He often ran on the way to school, too. Even when he was told that he’s bothering everyone, he didn’t care at all.”
He’s shocked by how he hasn’t grown at all since then.
“I joined the basketball club, but––”
Kisumi switches to talking about himself.
“Probably, it was more fun in those days, I think. Rin was there, Sousuke was there…… When Rin transferred, I heard it was because there were some fast guys at Iwatobi. But no matter how much he wanted to be on the same team, you don’t usually go as far as changing schools for that, do you? Right before graduation, at that. I always wondered just what kind of guys they are. But, Rin’s feelings…… I get it now. I’ve thought about what it would be like if Haru and Makoto, and also Asahi were in the basketball club. If we were on the same team. It would’ve been really great, if that were so….. But now……”
When Kisumi dropped his gaze to the tracks, the announcement informing them of the train’s arrival aired. What could Kisumi be wishing for from basketball? Is it winning, is it having fun, or could he be feeling something special from basketball? He might have a fixation, like Haruka. But if you don’t win, there’s no point to fixations. Unless you win, a fixation is no more than just self-indulgence.
Before he knew it, he had replaced Kisumi with himself and while he was about to be shaken by the wind from the arriving train, Haruka stood still on the platform.