Chapter 8 - Light
Their practice task on the day following the compet.i.tion was the dolphin kick.
“Everyone, do you understand what the role of the dolphin kick is? You don’t, do you. It’s poor. Too poor.”
When they climbed out of the pool after the five minutes of free practice ended, Nao abruptly told them that.
“Makoto. You’re not an orca, so what’re you doing, making such big swings. Asahi, you use your knees too much. By trying to kick strongly, it breaks your balance. Ikuya, your upkick is weak. The propulsion force is used during the upkick, too. Haruka, you swim too gracefully. Work the pace for the dolphin.”
He’s impressed by how closely he looks at their individual details.
“Everyone, do you know what ‘wave-making resistance’ is? The thing where the resistance increases when you make waves on the water’s surface.”
When they take a breather, it’s due to that that they perform it in as small movements as possible. He knows that much.
“Where’s the place that receives that wave-making resistance the least? Haruka.”
“Sky.”
“Right. It means it’s at the moment of the dive that you accelerate the most. But, humans can’t fly, so you land in the water at some point. What do you do then? Asahi.”
“Uissu. Swim.”*
“The problem’s where you swim. But wave-making resistance is born on the water’s surface. What do you do in that case? Ikuya.”
“You submerge. Can’t breathe, though.”
He answers in a displeased manner. He’s been like that all day today. Could he still be dwelling on the compet.i.tion?
“That’s how it is. Like I had said just now, since you accelerate the most at the moment of the dive, you have no choice but to decelerate afterwards. Suppressing that deceleration as much as possible, it’s the dolphin’s or the Va.s.sallo’s role to maintain the initial velocity’s momentum. Then, when should you surface? Makoto.”
“Eh, that’s a hard one. There are three answers.”
“That’s fine, say them all.”
“Well, first, when it became faster to swim normally after the momentum from the dive is used up.”
“That’s right. Not limited to the dive, it’s the same for the turn, too.”
“Also, when you’ve gotten to 15m.”
“Because there’s the rule that you can only do the dolphin or the Va.s.sallo for 15m.”
“And when you can’t breathe anymore.”
“In short, consulting your lungs. It’ll change depending on whether it’s the short or the long.”
Makoto lays his hands on his chest and nods. Could he be consulting his lungs without delay or something?
“Also, as for the breast’s dolphin, you should think of it as support for the sake of changing over to the stroke. Because if you unskillfully try to gain propulsive force, on the contrary, your balance breaks and the resistance will end up getting bigger.”
In the b.r.e.a.s.t.stroke, just one dolphin kick is allowed after the start and the turn. Indeed, you can’t expect propulsive force from just a single kick, and in the b.r.e.a.s.t.stroke’s case, it’s easier to gain propulsive force by doing the kicks normally.
“So, how do you kick for the dolphin? Asahi.”
“Uissu. Like this, bata-bata-bata.”*
“You understand…… the feel of it. Small and swift, huh.”
“Uissu!”
“Then, keeping all this in mind, fifty dive practices!”
“Ui…..?”
It’s not only Asahi who’s at a loss for a reply. Fifty isn’t usual. If the four of them were to do two hundred dives, today’s practice will end with just that. They look at Nao’s face. He was smiling brightly.
After that, they resolvedly repeated the dive over and over again, but given that the neighboring lane became empty, they were told to suspend their practicing.
“Shall we hold a race? 50 free. Without forgetting that the dolphin’s the task. Also, Haruka does biaxial, okay?”
“Yes.”
Among them replying in harmony, Asahi cast his eyes down to the pool with a serious expression. Nao is concerned about Asahi.
“Asahi, you can do the fly.”
Lifting his face, Asahi sucks in a breath and equips his goggles.
“I will go with the free!”
Asahi stood on the starting block and Makoto climbed up onto the one beside him. Then, on Nao’s whistle, they cut into the start. Their reaction time is roughly the same. Landing on the water, they start up the dolphin kick from the push off. Makoto rises to the surface and begins doing powerful strokes. Late, Asahi surfaces, too, and starts the stroke. Big splashes go up. Same as before, he halts after swimming a little. When the splashes settle, Asahi was standing there. Swallowing a rough breath, he cuts into the restart right away.
Asahi is trying to move forward. Asahi is trying to face the free. He had resolved himself to face it, he thought as he looked at that swimming. Little by little, he gets the feeling that the distance is growing. Little by little, he’s moving forward. Little by little, Asahi was reaching forward.
When Makoto starts the dolphin kick after the quick turn, Nao nodded a little. Is it for Makoto’s kick, or is it for Asahi’s resolve……?
After Asahi reached the goal while intensely breathing heavily, Haruka and Ikuya cut into the start. Even though he didn’t do the ‘karuta grabbing’, Ikuya’s reaction lines up with Haruka’s. There’s no excess in his push off after landing in the water. Staying lined up, they start the dolphin kick.
Creating an opening in the water, Haruka slipped his body into it. It’s going nicely, he thinks. He was able to accept the water nicely. He shifts to the biaxial crawl like that. Then, with a smooth movement, he carves into the water while switching over the axis.
If it were as usual, it would be around here that he no longer feels the water, but today he was capable of sustaining it. Could it be because the dolphin kick’s precision had increased? He feels like the start’s momentum is still left over in some place.
Quick turn at 25m. While feeling the counteraction on the sole of his feet, he and Ikuya pa.s.s by each other. He feels Ikuya. Could Ikuya be feeling Haruka, too? When he casually reached out his sensory feelers, he suddenly felt a strong energy and his chest became agitated. Experiencing an unprecedented feeling of wrongness, uneasiness crosses through him. Noticing that that energy is ‘darkness’, cold shudders ran down his back.
–– It’s the ‘darkness’ from that time.
Rejecting the water, trying to deny his weak self, the depths of darkness he wandered in. That ‘darkness’ is being conveyed to him through the water. Not feeling it, but forcibly being made to feel it. Trying to attack him, it’s attempting to capture Haruka.
Unable to withstand that bizarre sensation, Haruka stopped swimming. Then, coming to a stop, he slowly turns around. Ikuya was standing. While standing at the edge of the lane, he was glaring at Haruka. With darkly shining eyes……
––Why.
Why, with this timing, he wonders. Did Haruka do something? Did he make him feel something?
“It’s your fault.”
A low voice escapes from Ikuya’s mouth, like a spell.
“It’s your fault that I can’t be in a match.”
–– Wrong.
He’d be fine without being in matches. It’s not like he’s swimming for the sake of such a thing. It’s not like he’s fixated on such a thing. If it’s causing an argument, he’ll give as much to him as he likes. He doesn’t want to fight over something like that.
“Just because you’re a little fast––”
“Ikuya!”
Natsuya’s angry voice echoing over the pool, the other sounds disappeared. The sound of diving in with a splash, the sound of kicking up water, the sound of someone talking, even the sound of the wind disappeared and silence came.
Keeping his eyes glued to Haruka, Ikuya grits his teeth once with a lot of force.
“……Ikuya.”
The instant Haruka uttered his name, the ‘darkness’ from Ikuya’s eyes disappeared all of a sudden. Then, a feeble Ikuya appeared instead. Frightened of something, he was shaking in the depths of his eyes, as if he were seeking help. In the depths of his eyes, Ikuya was frightened.
Ikuya tries to climb out onto the poolside. While looking at Haruka with frightened eyes, he tries to distance himself.
“Ikuya-kun!”
Satomi runs up to him. Ikuya starts running to try and shake her off.
“Wait, Ikuya-kun!”
Satomi chases after him and Makoto starts running, too, while apologizing to Haruka.
“Sorry, Haru. I forgot to tell Ikuya-kun.”
He means the ‘condition’. He talked to Makoto about it this morning. Told him to tell Ikuya……
Could that be it, he wonders. Could such a thing have awakened a ‘darkness’ within Ikuya?
–– Wrong.
Something lurking inside Haruka made it do so. Is it that something is lurking inside him? Had something of Haruka’s made it so? Arrogance, conceitedness, pride, or –– ‘darkness’.
His heartbeat leaps greatly.
He wonders if such a thing was within him again. That time, when he realized that abhorring the water and rejecting it was the same as depending on it and taking refuge in it, accepting himself as he was, he was supposed to have decided to acknowledge each other. That was his intention, but could it be that he was harboring it again? To think that that ‘darkness’ had responded to Ikuya’s ‘darkness’……
It’s not like he can say that’s it for sure. But he couldn’t deny that it isn’t so, either. He can’t deny it. It’s impossible to deny the ‘darkness’ inside of him. He gets the feeling that if it were given some sort of motive, it’s going to come to life right away. It was impossible to deny the existence of such ‘darkness’.
That ‘darkness’ had awakened Ikuya’s ‘darkness’. Haruka…… made it do so.
“Later, Haru. I’m gonna stop by the book store.”
On the way home from school, Makoto waves his hand and turns to the right. Tests are coming up soon, so he’s going to buy reference books. He didn’t have the spare time to tag along, nor was it a distance that was ‘right nearby’, either. Haruka thinks it would be faster to go home first and go by bicycle, but Makoto said “I’m there in no time if I run”. He’s going through a lot of trouble.
After that incident, Ikuya came back, accompanied by Satomi and Makoto. Perhaps because he had cried a little, he apologized to Nao with his eyes reddened. When he pa.s.sed by in front of Haruka, he just said “sorry” in a small voice without even trying to look him in the eye. They had a misunderstanding, and now it was solved. He decided to think of it as such. Haruka, and probably Ikuya, too……
Turning left after he’s gone ahead a little, he comes out on the road where a lot of cars pa.s.s. Going in to the supermarket beside that road, he comes out carrying a shopping bag in hand that has croquettes in it. Then, he returns to the usual road again.
Walking until the spot where he can see Misagozaki Shrine, he suddenly stopped. Someone lanky was sitting down at the very bottom of the stone steps. Sitting while looking like he doesn’t know what to do with his long limbs, he’s looking at Haruka.
“Hey.”
A keychain was dangling from his raised right hand. A familiar, flat dolphin plate is swaying. It’s the one he bought on the school trip to the aquarium. It was supposed to be attached to his house key……
When he looks at it suspiciously, Sousuke slowly stood up and threw the keychain back to Haruka.
“Dropped it in the changing room yesterday.”
Reiceiving it, he turns over the dolphin. Haruka’s name and address were written on it.
“Did you go out of your way to bring it to me?”
“On the same occasion as paying a sympathy visit. I thought Nanase might still be conked out.”
His exhaustion disappeared during club activities.
“Come up.”
“It’s fine, I’m going home right away.”
Haruka holds up the bag to show him.
“Come and eat croquettes. Let me at least thank you.”
“…..I see. Then, I’ll take you up on that.”
Ascending the stone steps, turning left at the first torii, they slip past beside thechouzuya.
“But, having your address written on the keychain is kinda like saying ‘please come in’ to burglars.”
Makkou comes out from the doghouse and stands on guard against the lanky Sousuke. When Haruka rubs its head, perhaps because that had finally calmed it down, it seems that it was able to understand that he was a human, even if he was lanky.
“It’s not locked.”
He opens the front door and goes in the house. Too bad for Sousuke, but he has never used his house key before. That’s why he didn’t notice that he lost it, and he didn’t really mind that he didn’t have it.
“Aren’t there people home?”
“My father’s living away for work. My mother’s a part-timer at the supermarket.”
He hated being alone in the house since he was an elementary schooler, so after coming home from school, he went to the Swimming Club right away. After becoming a middle schooler, or more precisely after Makkou came, he didn’t do that anymore.
Seating Sousuke down in front of the tea table, he takes out a plate and sets down two croquettes and chopsticks. He remembered that he has to feed Makkou, too.
“Is it safe from burglars?”
He’s still bothered by it. In contrast to his appearance, he’s faint-hearted.
“My mother made them. Do you prefer sauce? Soy sauce? Or perhaps ketchup?”
“Oh. Uhm, tonkatsu sauce if you have any.”
While thinking that soy sauce is tastier, Haruka stretched his hand into the depths of the tea cupboard. While thinking that it hasn’t been used in a while but it’s hopefully still okay, he takes it out and hands it to Sousuke.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks.”
Noticing that he hasn’t brought out tea, he opens the refrigerator.
“Oh, this is delicious. Still warm, too.”
Haruka accepts his praise with his back turned.
“Uh huh.”
When he takes out the barley tea while thinking that it goes without saying, his eyes fell on the tupperware. Inside it, there are bamboo shoots and boiled b.u.t.terburs. While he’s at it, he took that out, too, and carried it to the tea table. After pouring barley tea into the cup, he opens the tupperware and puts it down.
“I made it yesterday.”
Sousuke’s chopsticks stop, he looks up fixedly at Haruka’s face.
“……Nanase made it?”
“That’s right.”
“This?”
“Uh huh.”
After becoming a middle schooler, on the days his mother came home late, it was up to Haruka to cook. The recipe stuck onto the refrigerator, detailed notes were written on it, supposing that Haruka will make it. He was taught the basics of cuisine during spring break for the most part, so even when he made it alone, he had hardly ever messed up. The important thing is to concentrate on cooking. To feel it with your eyes, your ears, your nose and your tongue. To have no doubts about what you felt.
Sousuke was staring intently at the inside of the tupperware. Then, he took his eyes off of it in a huff and sunk his teeth into the croquette again.
“I hate bamboo shoots and b.u.t.terburs.”
He says it bluntly. Haruka pulls back the tupperware, and after turning his back to Sousuke, he picked up a bamboo shoot between his fingers and put it in his mouth. The dashi [soup stock made from fish and kelp] and soy sauce nicely dying it, they’re drawing out the sweetness of the bamboo shoot.
After Haruka had put the tupperware into the refrigerator, not feeling like looking at Sousuke’s face, he gazed at the recipe. Looks like it’ll be sweet-and-sour pork tonight.
“That letter––”
Sousuke says it. When Haruka turns around, Sousuke was putting sauce on the second croquette.
“The truth is, it was addressed to Nanase.”
It’s about Rin’s letter.
–– Like him, I wanna swim fast like Haru!”
That one sentence doesn’t leave his head.
“After reading it, I did think it was kinda weird, it’s too one-sided for it to be addressed to me. It’s written as if he’s not expecting a reply. Knowing my loyalty, that can’t be.”
Since he went out of his way to deliver the keychain, he may indeed be loyal, but if that’s the case, he should’ve taken a bite at least, he thinks.
“He wrote ‘him’, right? There, if you look closely, it was erased and rewritten, it’s faint but you can read ‘you’.”
Sousuke sinks his teeth into the croquette. Haruka was no longer able to take his eyes off of Sousuke.
“He tried sending it to Nanase, but he got embarra.s.sed. But, since he took the trouble to write it, he sent it to me, I’m sure of it. ––No, it’s Rin. He might’ve gone as far as a.s.suming that I’d show the letter to Nanase. Haha, that’s just like him.”
While saying that like he’s amused, he takes another bite from the croquette.
Could he be telling him to swim? For as much as he’s suffering, could he be requesting for Haruka to swim, too? Could he be telling him to keep swimming in front of Rin? As always, he’s a self-indulgent guy, he thinks.
“See, it was in the third year of elementary school that I joined Sano SC, and he was already swimming fly. I was forcibly invited by Rin. So then, since he forcibly tried to teach me, in the end I always said ‘shut up’. But even so, he really was faster, and since what he’s saying isn’t wrong, I had him teach me again for the time being, but he was kinda irritating, so I said ‘shut up’ again. After repeating that for about a year, I could put up a good fight. In the end, basically he’s the one I learned how to swim from. Thanks to that, stuff like my timing for the breathing and the way I swing my arms is exactly like his, it ended up becoming a habit I can’t shake off.”
Putting the last piece in his mouth, Sousuke washes it down with barley tea.
“Aah, that was delicious. Thanks for the meal. Oh right, Nanase was doing biaxial, huh?”
“Only for about a week so far, though.”
“Wow, getting that far in a week, that’s very good.”
“Don’t really get it, though.”
“So, that start, what is it?”
He means ‘Nao’s start’. Since it’s bothersome to explain, he took a plastic bottle cap into his hand and he loosened the faucet’s handle a little. Then, he sets the cap down in the middle of the room and sits down with his legs bent beneath him in front of it.
“It’s ‘karuta grabbing’.”
Urging Sousuke to sit down as well, he sat face to face with Haruka.
“Is it alright like this?”
“Pushing down both hands, you lightly raise your waist.”
“Like this?”
“The faucet’s loosened, so one drop of water falls from it in about ten seconds. That’s the signal.”
“Uh, uh huh.”
They get ready. The water drop falls. Haruka brushes away the cap. Sousuke looks at Haruka with a dumbfounded expression.
“It disappeared……”
While hearing Sousuke’s murmur, Haruka picked up the cap.
“We did this all throughout Golden Week.”
“Again, do it again!”
“Don’t be so hasty. I’ll teach it to you now.”
After Haruka briefly explained ‘Nao’s start’, he showed it by putting it into practice several times. No matter how many times they did it, Sousuke couldn’t move in the slightest, both his hands staying pushed down.
“The rest is learning by repet.i.tion.”
Picking up the cap, he brings the ‘karuta grabbing’ to an end.
“Oh, oh. Awesome. The coach at Nanase’s place is awesome!”
“He’s manager and trainer.”
“Sorry!”
Keeping the ‘karuta grabbing’ posture, Sousuke lowered his head. Before, he had looked down on Nao. He’s probably apologizing for that, but he didn’t need to go as far as kneeling down.
“I’ll tell you in exchange––”
Sousuke raises his head.
“I’m practicing the biaxial now, too, give the ‘2LR stroke’ a try. It’s a practice where you do the stroke twice left and twice right at a time. You can’t do it unless you put your weight on the axis, so it’s perfect to capture the feel of it.”
Haruka raises the corner of his mouth a little.
“Sure you should be telling me that? Don’t blame me if you lose.”
Standing up while he keeps his eyes glued to Haruka, Sousuke raises the corner of his mouth, too.
“Who’s gonna lose? Come at me with all you’ve got next time.”
The right hand he holds out is huge, he thinks. He didn’t want to have a heated handshake with such a hand, but he had no reason to decline, either. When he grabs his hand, Haruka’s energy and Sousuke’s energy flows into each other’s body and he heats up, all the way to his chest. They were able to recognize each other as opponents they can’t lose to. That’s why he didn’t want to shake hands.
Seeing off Sousuke until the front entrance, they part with a ‘see you later’. The setting sun was about to sink into the horizon. He remembers that he has to feed Makkou and goes outside. From between the dogwood and longstalk hollies, he could see Sousuke running through the port. His long and lanky shadow grew even longer and swayed.
––Next was….. the ‘Time Trial By School Year’, huh.
As he absent-mindedly thinks about such a thing, Makkou gave a bark and reminded him of its food.
Since the first exam period after starting middle school was upon them in a week, club activities were on a break. It’s been a while since they went home when the sun is still high.
“Let’s go to the Swimming Club.”
Haruka said it while squinting his eyes from the sun high up.
“Eh, aren’t you going to study?”
“For what?”
“’For what’, for the test.”
“The test is about what we learned in cla.s.s, right? We already did at school, didn’t we?”
“We did. We did, but you have to at home or––”
“Why are club activities on break?”
“So that every can study for tests––”
“You’re coming, to the Swimming Club, right?”
“…… I’ll come. I’ll come, but…… I think that Haru should stop thinking about everything according to his standards.”
He doesn’t get what he’s talking about, but at any rate, they’re going to the Swimming Club for the first time in a while. It hasn’t been long enough to say that it’s nostalgic, but thinking of being able to swim at his own pace, he did look forward to it.
Once he gets home, he changes clothes quickly, stuffs the necessary things into his bag and leaves through the front door. Unfastening Makkou’s leash, he stuffed that into the bag, too.
“Let’s go, Makkou.”
Running ahead after giving a bark, it goes down the stone steps. When Haruka goes out onto the stone steps after it, Makoto was fooling around with Makkou.
“Haru, are you going to run at high speed today, too?”
“Obviously. Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
The early summer shines down on them running through the port. When they come out onto the road alongside the coast while stepping on their short shadows, the strong wind blowing from the sea struck Haruka’s cheeks. Dashing through that wind, they became a new wind and ran through to the other side of their limits.
After tying Makkou to the leash in front of the Swimming Club, Haruka and Makoto went in to the entrance hall. They get changed in the changing room and come out onto the poolside as usual. Getting a feeling that something is missing, wondering what it could be, he knew right away once he tried thinking about it. It’s the smell. It hadn’t even caught his attention until now, but the Swimming Club’s water was so clean that chlorine wasn’t necessary. That’s why there aren’t any euglenas, nor does any algae grow. Not to mention, there wasn’t a single dragonfly larva and such.
As he gives his grat.i.tude for the blessed environment, Nagisa showed up.
“Yahho! Haru-chan, Mako-chan. It’s been a while. You know, I’m swimming in a medley relay again.”
Nagisa has completely returned to his former self. At the same time as he’s relieved, he also became a little worried whether he’s matured a little.
“Wow. That’s great, Nagisa. But what’ll you do about the konme?”
The one who ventured to ask what shouldn’t be asked was Makoto.
“You see, I’m taking a little break from the konme.”
“Even though you were expressly practicing the fly?”
“You see, for the fly, well, I decided to get Rin-chan to teach me. After all, I’d be better at it that way. You know, when I do the fly with Rin-chan, after practice, he always praised me, saying ‘you got better at it’.”
It seems that Nagisa has no intention of swimming the b.u.t.terfly his whole life. Also, it doesn’t look like he has any intention of maturing, either.
“You….. don’t know when Rin’s coming home.”
Makoto answers seriously.
“He said he comes home a few times a year.”
“Who did you hear that from?”
“Well, I sent a letter.”
“Eh!”
“Eh!”
Lured by Makoto, his voice came out by accident.
“You sent a letter to Rin? What about the address?”
“It was written on the register of names.”
“That’s……”
That’s his address in j.a.pan. If he were to guess, the situation is that Nagisa’s letter was forwarded to Australia by Rin’s family.
“And then, a reply came.”
“Eh!”
“Eh!”
He was lured by Makoto again.
“What did he write?”
“First of all, to go to a field, catch one, put it in an insect cage and observe it carefully. And also to not forget the leaves for food, either.”
Ridiculous. Haruka turned his back and started walking.
“Nagisa, in the letter, what did you––”
Putting on his goggles, he stands on the starting block.
“You know, I wanted to get better at the fly––”
After landing on the water, he raised small splashes. It’s going nicely, he thinks. He nicely slipped into the opening from his fingertips. He firmly and strongly feels the water. It’s trying to accept Haruka to the point of being impatient. Then Haruka accepts the water as well. They strongly feel each other’s existence. They’re not becoming one body. They’re not understanding each other. While being of a different nature, they mutually acknowledge that existence.
After swimming 2000m, when he lifts his face, Makoto held out his hand to him. He grasps it while thinking that it’s a huge hand. Though it’s also a huge hand, unlike Sousuke’s rugged one, it felt like it was gently wrapping around him.
“Thanks.”
“Not biaxial today, huh. It sure has been a while, seeing Haru’s graceful swimming.”
“Nao-senpai’s not here anyways.”
Once in a while, he wants to feel the water with all his heart.
“That ‘While the demon is out’ thing?”
–– Demon, huh……
That may be so, he thinks. If it’s Nao, he gets the feeling that it’s likely for it to be the case. If it was revealed that he’s really a demon, it oddly seems like he could be satisfied with it.
“Makoto, won’t you swim?”
“I did swim. 2000m, just now.”
“Not like that, won’t you have a contest against me?”
“Ohh…..”
Makoto looks at Haruka like he’s a rare animal.
“I’ll swim biaxial.”
“I guess we can. So Haru says that kind of thing, too.”
“What?”
“Winning and losing, stuff like that.”
“I mean swim for real. Let’s go.”
As Haruka stands on the starting block, Makoto stood in the neighboring lane as well.
Breathing in deeply once, he concentrates his mind on his center of gravity while breathing it out.
Haruka’s thinly regulated breathing overlaps with Makoto’s breathing and they quickly synchronize.
Firmly pushing down the center of gravity he had concentrated his mind onto, he senses his weight on the entirety of the sole of his feet.
Keeping up his waist high, he pulls his foot that’s in the back.
He calmly counts the breaths.
Once.
The synchronized breaths turning into energy, it begins to circulate his body.
Twice.
The energy that filled his body burns.
Three times––.
Haruka and Makoto kicked off from the starting block at the same time.
They leap out with a low posture like a carnivore.
Landing on the water––.
Once he enters the water, he could feel Makoto even more strongly.
Adjusting his posture, he creates the streamline.
Now that they’re swimming side by side, he understood Makoto’s thoughts perfectly.
–– Haru is feeling for me.
He could strongly feel him, more than through any words, more than through any gaze, more than through any contact.
He kicks the dolphin kick bit by bit.
So that he won’t receive the wave-making resistance, he glides on the very border of the water’s surface.
Near 15m, he switches over to the flutter kick and starts the stroke.
Stretching his arms out along the axis, he directs his consciousness forward, forward.
The water’s flow suddenly changing, he felt Makoto quickly fading away.
Just as he thought, it wasn’t enough yet. It’s still not sufficient. He hasn’t been able to make it his yet.
He thought that if he swims for real against Makoto, he could recall that relay in even just a glimpse, but even that was beyond his power. It’s not like he forgot. It’s just that it’s not being revived as a sensation. He can’t see the sight he saw at that time. Could it be that it’s still hopeless with Haruka’s biaxial crawl? It’s still, not sufficient. It’s not enough. It doesn’t reach. Is it technique? Is it sensation? Or is it the heartbeat that throbs heatedly……?
For now, just barely feeling Makoto was the most he could do.
“Haa, haa. Then, I’m going home, okay?”
Makoto says it at the bottom of the stone steps.
“Eeh, haa, Mako-chan, you come, too. Haahaa.”
Nagisa said that he wanted to come over to his house, so he came home with them.
“Now, really, haa, let me study. Haahaa. Later, Haru.”
“Uh huh.”
Haruka replied with his back turned while ascending the stone steps. As he ties the leash to the doghouse, Makkou comes and sits still. Rubbing its head, he ties the leash to its collar, too.
“Come up.”
“Okay.”
Nagisa only replied and began to fool around with Makkou. Even if Nagisa hugs it or rubs their cheeks together, Makkou sat without looking displeased. It’s a well-trained dog.
Leaving Nagisa and going into the house, when he comes out after quickly washing off the sweat with a shower, Nagisa was making himself at home in the middle of the living room.
“Nagisa, you taking a shower, too?”
“Nah, I’m good. Hey, when are you guys having your next tournament?”
Haruka opened the refrigerator.
“Who knows, I wonder when. I think it’s after the tests.”
“Can I go cheer?”
Taking out the barley tea, he pours it into two cups.
“I think it’s okay, but why?”
“As thanks, for coming to cheer for me.”
He just went to see him and didn’t cheer. And it didn’t have the kind of results that would need thanking.
“I’ll let Makoto contact you later.”
Handing one of the cups to Nagisa, he drinks down the other cup of barley tea in a single gulp.
“Thanks.”
During the time Nagisa’s drinking it while making a sound in his throat, Haruka opened the refrigerator again, he takes out a pan and puts it on the fire. It’s the ‘squid and pumpkin stew’ he made yesterday.
“Aah, that was delicious. I’ll leave the cup here, okay?”
“Okay.”
Nagisa leaves the cup on top of the tea table. While hearing that sound behind his back, Haruka began stirring the pan’s contents with the long chopsticks.
“You know, they say that when I swim, my arms stretch. Riku-kun said so. Rin-chan told me the same thing, but they sure say weird stuff, right? Even though that can’t be true.”
Since he made the fire stronger, he can’t take his eyes off of it. It’ll end up boiling if he’s careless.
“Riku-kun’s enthusiastic about practice. He swims the whole time without breaks.”
The squid will get hard if it overboils, so it needs special attention.
“When Wataru-kun does the fly, he doesn’t really take a breather much. Said it’s faster that way.”
Small bubbles formed.
“Even though you get tired just by swimming the fly regularly, it’s pretty impressive that he swims without breathing, isn’t it?”
Stopping the fire when the air bubbles became big, he serves the squid and pumpkin on a small plate.
“Kakeru-kun can swim 25m with the Va.s.sallo, you know.”
“Wanna eat?”
He puts it on top of the tea table.
“Yeah, thanks. Hey, 25m with the Va.s.sallo.”
His mother had told him it was too sweet, but it should be just right for Nagisa.
“I wonder how he breathes? Though he’s in the water.”
Taking up the chopsticks, Nagisa eats a bite of the squid.
“Do you know what an upkick is?”
Putting down his chopsticks after eating a bite, he slowly stands up.
“It’s where you lift your foot for the dolphin.”
Looking at him while wondering where he’s going, he opened the refrigerator’s door.
“Sometimes, I do it during the breast, they say.”
Rummaging with a rustling sound, he takes out the mayonnaise.
“Riku-kun’s telling me to do the upkick from the beginning.”
He pours that mayonnaise over the ‘squid and pumpkin stew’.
“I’m doing it unconsciously, so I don’t get it.”
He pours mayonnaise.
“So then, Riku-kun told me to practice the dolphin, so that’s what I’m doing now.”
He eats the squid.
“Even though it’s not the fly. ––Ah, it’s delicious. You really can’t have squid without mayonnaise!”
Averting his gaze from the spectacle that’s hard to endure looking at straight, Haruka started washing the cup.
Since the exam period is starting tomorrow, cla.s.ses ended with just the morning ones. Using Makoto being at home as a good opportunity, his little brother and sister, who had come home from kindergarten, said that they want to ride in the rubber boat, and the boys had set them sail from the sh.o.r.e just now.
Just one part of the boat’s bottom was transparent, so they can see into the sea like they’re looking through swimming googles. It’s fine that they bought it in advance for summer, but it seems that the twins can’t wait and they’ve been wanting to ride in it for a long time now. But––.
“Why do I have to come along, too?”
“Because it’s too much trouble to blow it up alone.”
“Why does it have to be today?”
“Because it’s not often that it’s such a windless day.”
Indeed, it’s rarely this calm. You could maybe even say that it’s perfect rubber boat weather. But for someone who rejected his invitation to the Swimming Club because he’s studying, he can’t understand Makoto’s nerve for making him help without batting an eyelid. Makoto’s soft when it comes to his siblings. It’s not something that began now, but he really couldn’t help but think of it as unreasonable.
“Don’t go too far––”
They reply to Makoto’s voice with a ‘yeees’. There are oars attached to the boat, they’re rowing by both of them holding one each. Just in case, they’re wearing floats so it’d be fine if they drop it, but today there seems to be no worry about big waves rocking them, either.
“Haru. We haven’t swum in the sea for a long while now, right?”
Suddenly, Makoto says it, his gaze directed towards the sea. Haruka stopped himself before saying that it’s because Makoto doesn’t swim in it.
“You know, during that tournament, I was swimming in the sea. Even though it was a pool, all around me was the sea. I thought that swimming in the sea felt good. In the big sea, I became a sea creature and swam.
–– A sea creature……huh.
If it’s Makoto, such a thing might be possible, too, he thinks. Even if he was told that he’s borrowing the form of a human, he probably wouldn’t be surprised.
“What sort of sight did Haru see?”
He doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. He doesn’t know how he should express it. Without answering anything, he just stared at the yellow boat.
“Haru swims like a dolphin, no? Like a dolphin, like you’re feeling good. When you’re swimming, haven’t you thought before that you might be a dolphin?”
No. He hasn’t once likened himself to another creature before.
“I wonder if I can see it again. That sight.”
Makoto is staring much farther than the boat. To the even farther side of the horizon……
The oars start dropping from the boat. His siblings are engrossed with looking at the inside of the sea and it seems that they haven’t noticed.
“Makoto, the oars are falling.”
“Ah, they are. ––Oooi, don’t drop the oars–”
In the instant his little brother turned around to reply, the oar ended up falling. He tries picking it up but his hand doesn’t reach, so he tries pulling it up with the other oar, but that ends up falling, too. Even without oars, they should’ve rowed with their hands, but they both panicked and ended up bursting into tears at last.
“I’ll go tell someone and have them bring out a boat.”
Haruka stops Makoto, who was about to start running.
“It’s fine. It’d be troublesome if it becomes serious. Let’s swim.”
After easily taking off his shirt, when Haruka looks at Makoto, he had his eyes fixedly cast down on the sea, keeping a stiff expression. ‘Let’s go’ on the tip of his tongue, he swallows his words.
––Still……huh?
Averting his eyes from Makoto, Haruka threw himself into the sea. It wasn’t a big enough distance to call it swimming, he reached them right away and returned to the sh.o.r.e with the boat after retrieving the fallen oars. –– He looks at Makoto. He was standing still, his eyes still cast down on the sea.
“……Sorry. Haru.”
–– Don’t worry about it.
Maybe he should’ve said that. Averting his eyes from Makoto, who drew his up-slanting eyebrows together like he could burst into tears at any moment and was lightly trembling, Haruka picked up the shirt he had cast off.
The first day of tests ended noisily. Checking their answers if they got it right or wrong, they’re swinging from joy to sorrow. Even though they’ll know if they get back the exam papers, he thinks it strange as to why they’re fretting about it. When Haruka comes out of the cla.s.sroom, Makoto and Aki were just coming out of their cla.s.sroom, too. On their way home with the three of them, the topic was nothing but the test, too, and he was put off by it. Not feeling like joining the conversation, Haruka walked after them while absent-mindedly gazing at Minogaseyama that was in the process of thickening its greenness.
“See you later.”
When they part with Aki and he loses his conversation partner, the smile disappeared from Makoto’s face. He continues walking silently, with slightly downcast eyes. He was like that this morning, too, Makoto’s trying not to look at Haruka. There was no need to ask why. It’s no use asking. Because Haruka can’t do anything about it.
Without conversation, by the time he’s lost count of how many early-summer breezes have blown through, words spilled from Makoto’s mouth in a whisper.
“……Because Haru’s here, I’m being spoiled.”
“Is it about yesterday?”
It can’t be anything else. He asked, knowing it.
“I’m frightened, of something that doesn’t even exist. I’m…… a coward, for being frightened of something like that. I took it into my head on my own, I dreamed it up on my own, I’m frightened of it on my own. I’m a hopeless coward……”
“Don’t worry about it anymore.”
Makoto stops and looks at Haruka. Drawing his up-slanting eyebrows together, he quivered his lips slightly.
“Haru’s strong, so you might not understand. …… You wouldn’t understand the feelings of a no-good elder brother––”
Haruka stops as well and looks at Makoto.
“Makoto.”
Makoto’s eyes were peering into Haruka’s eyes. Knowing that his eyes are being peered into, he shows him to the depths of his eyes.
“Don’t say that anymore.”
Makoto nods slightly to Haruka’s quiet voice.
“Sorry. …..Looks like I said something kinda weird.”
Makoto took his eyes off of Haruka and started walking quietly again.
What in the world could Makoto be fighting against? What could he have dreamed up, in the water, in his heart? What should he do to release Makoto from that suffering? Would Haruka…… have the strength for that? Would he be capable of it? Though he doesn’t even understand anything about himself……
A lukewarm wind blowing, it pa.s.sed by while making waves in Haruka’s heart that were poised between sorrow and unease.
Not even feeling like inviting Makoto, he went to the Swimming Club alone that day. He thought he’d try out Sousuke’s ‘2LR stroke’.
Diving into the pool, he lightly tries doing the stroke. Oh, he gets it now, it certainly is as Sousuke said. Unless his weight is on the axis, he can’t keep balance well. If he strays even a little from the two rails, it feels like his balance would immediately be about to break.
Just normally swimming the biaxial crawl, he had rarely ever felt his balance break. Even if his rhythm is briefly disturbed, he can correct it right away. Whereas for the 2LR stroke, if his first stroke is instable, it results in greatly upsetting his rhythm on the second stroke and he has to redo it from the streamline. In that sense, he thought that it becomes just the right practice for checking the biaxial swimming’s form.
However, it didn’t require much time for him to become able to swim with a smooth form. By the time he had finished practicing for the day, he had completely grasped the sensation and such things as breaking his balance didn’t happen anymore.
Short of breath, he goes home with Makkou. When he does, as if he had been seen, the telephone rang. It’s from Makoto’s mother. She says that Makoto had gone out and hasn’t come home yet. After informing her that he didn’t come to the Swimming Club, he put down the receiver.
The scarlet of the setting sun shining in through the window quietly stretches into the house. Feeling something like a strange trepidation from that red color, Haruka rushed outside like he was being hurried.
Coming out the first torii, he looks down. Makoto’s bicycle is left at the bottom of the stone steps. He hasn’t gone far. Haruka climbed up to the second torii that’s at the very top of the stone steps and went out into the shrine. Misagozaki Shrine’s grounds weren’t wide enough to survey, just a small shrine stood there, while seeming like it’s about to reach the end of its days.
Going round the back just to be sure, he looks down at the sea from the gap between the j.a.panese zelkova and the maple. There was nothing other than the waves. .h.i.tting the rocks and breaking with a flash of white.
The sun sinking in the west, it was already trying to fall into the horizon. He got the feeling that if it gets dark, it’ll turn into trouble. The dusk makes people uneasy. Thinking that he has to look for him before it becomes serious, Haruka ran down the stone steps.
When he went into the port, there were several white masts, each casting long shadows while quietly swaying. He runs while making sure to peer into every single boat, every so often there were just seabirds resting their wings, but there wasn’t a single human figure.
Like that, he runs out of the port chasing his own shadow and goes out to the breakwater. The complicatedly tangled tetrapod was being washed by the waves while half sinking itself into the sea. Once in a while, the anglers take a seat on it, but no one’s there today. Going until the edge of the levee, after going in a circle around the small lighthouse that will cast light before long, he retraced his steps to the concrete straight road.
Crossing the pier, by the time he came out onto the road alongside the coast, the streetlights were starting to light up one by one. It’s a small port town, but if one person felt like hiding, it makes them realize that anything can happen. Or, did he leave town already……
As he’s running on the road alongside the coast, he could see a silhouette at the very edge of the beach where the streetlights didn’t reach. The lighthouse’s light illuminates that silhouette for just an instant.
“Makoto––”
Going down to the beach right after shouting, Haruka ran with full strength. It’s the beach he always runs on with Makkou. He’s supposed to have gotten used to running on it, but he’s tripped up. His balance breaks. He can’t run as fast as he wants. It’s frustrating. It’s irritating. Only his feelings become rash.
The second flash of light illuminates Makoto again. He stood still, facing the sea. The rising tide was already trying to reach his feet.
“Makoto!”
He shouts once more. He runs while shouting. Makoto reacted at last. He turns just his neck towards Haruka.
“……Haru.”
It was a dull voice. Haruka reaches him at last, breathing roughly.
“Haahaa, I looked for you.”
His eyes remaining hollow, Makoto shows a smile.
“You found me unexpectedly fast.”
Could he have been intending to play hide-and-seek or something? He wants that to be it, he thinks. He wants something ridiculous like that to be it, he thinks.
“Haahaa, what were you doing. With something like this.”
“……I thought of going to a place where Haru isn’t.”
Haruka’s heart leapt. Where was he trying to go. What was he trying to do. What would’ve happened if he were a little slower.
“……Why?”
Asking that was the most he could do.
“Will I be alright even if Haru isn’t here? …..I wanted to make sure of that.”
Raising his eyebrows, he shows a lonely smile. Makoto was fighting all along. He was suffering, all along. In a place where Haruka’s thoughts couldn’t possibly reach……
“Would Haru be alright even if I weren’t here?”
He can’t lie to him anymore. He can’t deceive him. He can’t trick him. Neither Makoto, nor Haruka himself.
“–– I wouldn’t have looked for you if I were.”
“Right.”
Makoto laughs. He was the usual Makoto. The amiable smile with up-slanting eyebrows. He came back to being the usual Makoto. To Haruka’s side––, he came back for him.
“Don’t worry me so much.”
For now, just that is enough, he thought. If Makoto’s here, just that is enough.
“Yeah, sorry. Haru.”
Quickly getting away from the surging waves, Makoto starts walking. Haruka walks side by side with Makoto. For just a moment, the lighthouse’s light illuminated the two footprints remaining on the dusk coast.
[Note: I made a post concerning Makoto’s lines at the end of chapter]