Seeing her here, now, in this condition, brought it home that she"d just wanted out. She"d rejected me completely, and the renewed certainty of that betrayal burned like acid in my gut.
Fine, she could have all the freedom she needed. As soon as my kid was safe I would cut her a.s.s loose.
Vengeance burned bright in my heart in that moment. For years I dreamt of a chance like this. In that first year it was all that got me through the day, and don"t let"s talk about the nights, they were torture.
My bed became my gateway to h.e.l.l. I remembered now the sleepless nights with a pain so sharp in my heart and gut I was in fear of heart failure.
It took me weeks of fighting my inner demons, and at the end, the only way I could find nay peace and solace, was to hate her.
I fed that hate to the point that I would"ve killed her had I seen her at any point back then.
The murderous rage has since been tamed somewhat, but now that I had her in my clutches again, there were some things that I needed to teach the young lady.
For now though I needed to concentrate on my daughter. d.a.m.n I haven"t even met her as yet and already I want her. Nothing else mattered right now. Not even my thirst for vengeance.
I"d never given kids much thought before. I was still young enough after all at twenty-nine to believe I had time enough for that in the future.
Now that it was a fait accompli, I couldn"t wait to jump right in. Then I thought of her being sick and scared and me not being there to comfort her as a father should, and my rage was back full force.
I spared my pa.s.senger one scathing glare while I turned the key in the ignition, but she kept her head straight. I could smell the fear coming off of her and it made me smile just a little.
I pulled out of that parking lot with one thing going through my head. I"m going to make this b.i.t.c.h suffer like nothing she"s ever imagined.
Chapter 3.
We didn"t say anything to each other on the way to the airfield or as we boarded the plane. I had a million and one questions, but I needed to calm the f.u.c.k down so I could speak to her without wanting to cut her f.u.c.king throat first.
"Do you have any other pictures of Mia?" I took the seat across from her and got my phone out to call mom.
Ever since dad"s illness she"s been a little more needy than usual and an unplanned trip out of town without explanation, would send her off on one of her spells.
I didn"t mind the new restraint too much, as her only son I expected to help carry her at a time like this. But now it was looking like I was going to be needed elsewhere even more.
Dad was out of the woods, had been for a while, even though he was still having a little trouble with mobility and would have to use a wheelchair intermittently until he regained full control.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a phone, it looked like the same one she"d had when we were together all those years ago, which made no sense.
The more I saw, the more confused I became. I would think that she had thrown me over for something better, like either another man or that career of hers that was ever so important.
She had had her sights set on a job at the UN as an interpreter. With her knowledge of the seven leading languages, she would"ve been a-shoo in.
The woman sitting across from me did not look like she was living life in the fast lane, or like she"d made the kind of money a job like that would"ve accorded her.
I took the phone from her less than steady hand and scrolled through the alb.u.m she"d pulled up.
I watched my child"s face in different stages of growth and felt my heart and my anger beat faster in my chest.
"It must"ve f.u.c.ked with your head every time you looked at her. She"s all of me." And she was, from my raven black hair, to my sky blue eyes.
She even had the little dent in her chin like I"d inherited from my dad. Mine, she was all f.u.c.king mine and this f.u.c.k had taken her away from me.
The later pictures showed the deterioration, and I felt a tear in my heart. I haven"t even held her yet and I was ready and willing to lay down my life for her. I didn"t have time to dwell on the strength of that love for someone I didn"t even know existed just a few short hours ago.
"I could kill you for this." My voice was so low, so calm, it scared even me there for a minute.
"If anything happens to her I will make you suffer in ways you can"t even begin to contemplate."
The words though softly spoken held a f.u.c.k load of venom. Maybe that"s why they carried more punch, and why she lost all the color in her face, but said not a word.
I called my mother and gave her a quick rundown of what was going on.
I didn"t quite understand her reaction or why she kept asking me where Zania was. Nonetheless I had just told her that she had a grandchild and maybe that had thrown her for a loop.
"What about Camille, have you spoken to her about this?"
"Mom, I don"t see why I should, you"re the only one who seems to think that I owe her any kind of explanation for my life.
I just told you-you have a granddaughter who is seriously ill and this is what you want to talk about?"
"Well son, you know how I feel about things like this. I guess we"ll have to get the solicitors on the ball to have the blood tests done, discretely of course."
"What are you talking about? Mia is mine there is no doubt. I was just calling you so that you won"t worry when I don"t show up for dinner later. Now I have to go." I didn"t wait for her response, just hung up the phone in time to see the look of pain or fear on this one"s face.
"What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you now, a guilty conscience? Are you just now realizing what you"ve done? How you"ve robbed my parents of their only grandchild for five years, and now she"s sick?"
That infuriating silence of hers was going to get her a.s.s slapped again. Where the f.u.c.k did she get off anyway?
"When I ask you a question, I expect an answer. The person you once knew is no more. What you see in front of you, I guess you can say is a creation of your own making. Now what the h.e.l.l was that look about?"
She bit her lip and looked for an escape, but there was none. I"d overlooked the fact that we would be enclosed together, thousands of miles in the air, for the next three and a half hours. What was to stop me from strangling her a.s.s and dumping her somewhere?
Not even when she first left me did I harbor such vicious thoughts. No, like the dupe she"d made me for, I"d believed something had happened to her.
I"d spent months searching with what little information I had to find her, believing the worse, until others had to rip the veil from my eyes and show me the truth.
That the girl I thought existed was just an enigma. It was only then I"d learned of her true nature. Of the conniving, little money grubbing b.i.t.c.h, that I"d let into my bed and my heart.
I glared across at her now, even as she did everything to avoid my eyes. "Maybe you"re right, maybe it"s best that we don"t have too much to say to each other, or I might be tempted to cut the lies from your throat."
I saw just a little spark of something in her then at my threat, but it was gone before it had a chance to ignite.
I turned my attention back to the pictures as the attendant announced the taxiing of the jet. "Buckle up." Her hands were still shaking when she reached for the seatbelt.
I took the time to really study her now and as much as it pained me to admit, I didn"t like the way she looked, sick and worn.
Her beauty was still there, no question. My Zania has the kind of beauty that transcends time.
Her smooth baby soft skin is without the slightest blemish. Cupid bow lips, with the softest hint of raspberry pink that tinges them naturally.
And an abundance of red hair that always makes me think of her riding me, while that wild mane of hers covers me.
But beneath the beauty she looked drawn as if she too has been ill. My Zania, am I really still such a sap? Perish the f.u.c.king thought.
"Are you sick?" She shook her head at me but kept her head down.
"Look at me when I"m talking to you, and cut out the shy little girl act, I"ve already seen the play remember?"
"Cord, I know you"re angry and you have every right to be, but can I ask, no beg, that you take it easy. It"s only that, I"ve had a hard few weeks here lately, and I don"t think I can take anymore."
"And whose fault is that? It was your idea wasn"t it, to run off with my kid inside you, like a f.u.c.king thief?
What I wonder, would"ve happened had Mia not become ill, would I ever have heard of the child? Were you ever planning on introducing us? Or were you going to use her as a p.a.w.n in your get rich fast scheme?"
"I"m not what you..."
"Save it, you"re exactly what I think you are. And in case you"ve missed it, I hate you. The only reason you"re still breathing is because I want to make sure there"s nothing that you can do for my child.
If there"s anyway on earth that they can use part of you to save her I don"t want to risk murdering you before then. But make no mistake I am going to make your life a living h.e.l.l.
So pray, save your lies and half truths for someone else, but pray that my kid doesn"t suffer anymore or your days are f.u.c.king numbered."
I saw the tears gather in her eyes, but didn"t watch long enough to see them fall. I could give a f.u.c.k about her fake tears or anything else about her at this point.
She actually fell asleep halfway through the flight, guilty b.i.t.c.h. Still, with all the anger and hatred running around inside me for her, now that all was quiet and my rage was somewhat contained, I felt my body"s reaction to her nearness.
It had been there the whole time I was threatening her, in fact I"ve been hard since she came to my f.u.c.king office. It"s the weirdest f.u.c.king thing, but she"s always had that affect on me.
I use to think it was because she was the one woman that was made for me. No other woman has ever affected me this way before or since. None ever even came close, or ever would I"m afraid.
That thought brought me back to Camille. I guess this seals the deal so to speak. I might"ve been la.s.soed into marriage before, at her and my mother"s bequest, because I didn"t really give a f.u.c.k one way or another at this point.
But Camille is the most selfish person I know. I won"t have her anywhere near my daughter, so there goes that.
It was easy to make that decision, because in the last couple of hours, my life has been taken over by this one little being that I had yet to meet.
First I have to help her kick this illness, which I refused to let myself think of any other outcome, and then it was going to be her and me.
I found myself feeling the way I did as a kid on Xmas or my birthday. When I knew there was going to be something extremely good waiting for me under the tree, or on my bed when I get home from school.
With my thoughts flitting around like a moth around a flame, I too rested my head back and closed my eyes for a brief reprieve.
I was wound too tight to actually fall asleep, but at least I could give my brain a rest. It has been going like a hamster on a wheel since she"d dropped her little bombsh.e.l.l.
I had to shake her shoulder when we landed because she was really out of it. I hated that she awakened the way she always did. Soft and cuddly; like the most innocent of beings. b.i.t.c.h.
"We"re here; let"s go." I didn"t give her time to wipe the sleep from her eyes before I was dragging her out of the seat.
Now that we were here I was in an all fired hurry to go. Mia was at home with her grandmother, which meant she wasn"t too ill to travel. The doctor had explained that the little girl had good days and bad.
On a good day she was a little weak and needed to stay close to home, on a bad day she needed the hospital.
Broke my f.u.c.king heart, but there"ll be time enough to deal with that s.h.i.+t later, right now I wanted her in my arms, needed to see and feel her to rea.s.sure myself that she was still here; that I hadn"t lost her before I"d gotten a chance to know her.
I had a car waiting for us as soon as we got off the plane. Leaving her to make her own way again I got in and slammed the door. "Where to?"
She leaned forward and gave the driver the address through the open window, before sitting back in her seat.
"I know that you hate me, but I would appreciate it if you didn"t say anything negative in front of my grandmother or Mia."
"f.u.c.k you." I didn"t even look at her when I said it, how dare she? Did she really think I gave a blue f.u.c.k what she wanted or didn"t want? Could she really imagine that I cared about her one way or another? If she did, then she is more f.u.c.ked in the head than I am.
"Are you sure this is the right place sir?" The driver"s voice came through the speaker since I"d already closed the part.i.tion window.
One look out the window showed me why he was asking. The neighborhood didn"t exactly look like the kind of place a man of my wealth would frequent, unless he was looking for some illegal action.
"If you tell me this is where you"ve been raising my child I think I really will strangle your a.s.s."
"It"s a few blocks over, it"s not that bad. Gran lived here for almost thirty years and...."
"Save the family history, I"m not interested." I was back to being fully steamed. There were boarded up houses and lots with trash blowing about in the wind.
People stood around on the corner looking shady, and it didn"t take a genius to figure out their trade. The more I saw, the angrier I became.
We pulled up in front of a two story wooden house painted bright yellow. Granted it wasn"t in as bad a shape as some of its neighbors, but it was nowhere near the caliber suitable for a Helmsworth.
"You just earned yourself ten more strikes." She had no idea what I was talking about of course, but from the wary look she threw me, I knew she got the idea.
I was a nervous wreck while I stood there as she fished the keys out of her bag. Now that I was here I felt out of my depth, never a good thing for me.
How would Mia react to having a father? Will she be happy to see me? Will she be happy about coming home with her daddy? Or would she call me something else?"
The house seemed well kept if a little worn on the inside. There were flower patterns on the walls, in the curtains, even on the rug on the floor.
The place had a scent to it as well, not musty but...sick. It had the smell of illness about it and I felt my heart squeeze. She wasn"t staying here a minute longer.
Thank heavens I"d told Geoffrey to be ready to take us back in an hour. The faster I got her back, the sooner we can get started on getting her better.
Zania led me down the hallway calling for her grandmother as we went. "Can you have your little family reunion later? I want to see my daughter."