She did a little heavy sighing, shoulder lifting thing, but had the good sense to keep her tongue behind her teeth. If she thought for one second I was going to let up on her because we were here now, she was mistaken.
She tiptoed to a door that was slightly ajar and peeked in. I looked over her shoulder into the room and eased it open a little farther.
There on the bed was a little bundle. She looked so small lying there, with a mound of pillows around her and balloons tied to the bed.
The room looked like a different world compared to the rest of the house. I could see that someone had gone to a great deal of trouble to brighten the place up for the sick little girl.
I walked over to the bed slowly, not giving her time to tell me I couldn"t. The old lady was asleep in a chair next to the bed and she stirred when Zania walked over and touched her shoulder.
They whispered a few words to each other, but I didn"t hear and wasn"t interested. I only had eyes for my little Mia.
She was asleep, but even in repose I could tell that the picture didn"t do her justice. She was my carbon copy. I felt the hitch in my heart again as I lowered myself to the edge of her bed.
"Can I wake her?" I kept my voice low and my eyes trained on her as I addressed her mother.
"Yes, it"s okay. I"ll gather her things..." She started to move across the room, but I stopped her with the harsh coldness in my voice.
"No, I"ll get her everything she needs." It burnt a hole in my gut that my child had lived in such misery all this time.
I was feeling mean enough to want to blame her for the illness, but I knew that wasn"t true and wouldn"t be fair, though I could give a free f.u.c.k about being fair.
"There"re some things that she won"t be able to do without, like her baby blanket, and her stuffed bear."
"Bring them by all means, but I"ll be getting her all new clothes. Heaven knows what kind of rags she"s used to wearing."
"I did the best I could." Her grandmother was following this little byplay without a single word. I didn"t care about her either.
"You"d better quit while you"re behind." I turned back to Mia and woke her as gently as I could. I felt her forehead to make sure that the warmth was just from her lying in bed, and was satisfied that she was cool to my touch.
Her little eyes opened on mine and as the sleep cleared I saw the look of surprise on her face. "Daddy?"
My head turned swiftly to her mother. "How..."
"I told her about you, she has a picture." She pointed to the picture of the two of us in happier times that sat on the nightstand. That s.h.i.+t gave me a jolt and confused the f.u.c.k out of me. What the f.u.c.k?
This s.h.i.+t wasn"t making any sense, why would she tell our child about us, but keep her hidden from me?
I wasn"t sure if I should be grateful or not. What did my child think of me leaving her here alone all this time? "What did you tell her?"
The words were gritted out between my teeth. I might not mind putting the fear of thunder in her and her grandmother, but I was not about to hurt Mia.
Before she could answer, my daughter clutched my hand and tried to pull her little body up into a seated position.
I helped her by sitting closer and pulling her up into my arms. She was so tiny I could feel the bones in her back and arms as I wrapped one of mine around her.
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever before her little hand came up to touch my face.
She was so innocent it hurt. The doctor had given me a brief overview of what she was dealing with and as I sat there I wished there was some way that I could take the illness away from her.
She was too young and too pure for something like this. I felt the anger rise up again and tamped it down, but I did send Zania a look that had her taking a step back and clutching at her throat.
That"s right b.i.t.c.h, be very f.u.c.king afraid. I lifted Mia from the bed and laid her head on my shoulder as I wrapped her up in the blanket from the bed.
I left Zania to explain things to her grandmother and left the room without once having acknowledged the old woman.
It was very poorly done of me, but at the moment I wasn"t trying to score points for etiquette, so quite frankly I didn"t give a f.u.c.k.
Mia was back asleep by the time we reached the car and I sat with her on my lap. I was giving her mother exactly five minutes before I tell the driver to move on.
She didn"t know that, but she should. She must"ve gathered as much because she came hustling down the steps two minutes later, still calling goodbye to the old woman who came out long enough to glare towards the car and me I guess.
Mia lifted her head and reached for her mother"s hand when she joined us. "Look mommy it"s daddy."
Her little voice though weak was full of excitement. I squeezed her closer and kissed her little head that smelt of flowers and youth.
They held hands all the way back to the airfield while I pretended that the mother didn"t exist.
"I can take her." She offered when the car came to a stop, just feet from the jet. The look I gave her had her back pedaling fast, but I changed it fast enough so that little Mia didn"t notice it when she looked up at me.
Was she always this trusting? Or was it because she knew that I was her father? I still didn"t know what her lying a.s.s mother had told her about me, but whatever it was, couldn"t have been all that bad, since the child was clinging to me without fear.
I lifted her out of the car and headed up the stairs to the open plane door, leaving her mother to follow as she pleased.
I wasn"t aware before now that it was possible to be immensely happy and overly p.i.s.sed off at the same time, but I now found myself in that position.
Mia"s little eyes were wide with excitement since it was her first time on a plane and she had a million and one questions.
"And daddy what"s this for?" She did that so effortlessly; call me daddy. Like she wasn"t mad at me for being absent from her life all these years.
No, she acted more as if I"d just been gone on a trip or something for a very long time and was just now returning. Her acceptance humbled me, and my heart opened a little bit more to make room for this child of mine.
I don"t think I"ve ever been as aware of my heart as I have been in the last few hours. It"s been through the gamut that"s for sure: from the highs of closing the deal, to the shock of seeing her b.i.t.c.h of a mother, and now this.
Her soft weight against my chest brought tears to my eyes, and I admit for the first time since I can remember, I didn"t know quite what to do with myself.
"How are you feeling Mia, do you hurt anywhere?" She shook her little head no, and laid it back against my chest. She kept my hand clutched tightly in hers as if she was afraid to let go. Daddy"s not going anywhere little baby girl, not ever again.
"Where are we going daddy?" Her voice was small and quiet.
"Home, your new home, where you"re going to live with me from now on." I heard the sharp inhale of breath from the b.i.t.c.h across from us but chose to ignore her a.s.s.
"And mommy too?" My daughter looked up at me hopefully with a light s.h.i.+ning in her eyes. For her I would lie.
She didn"t need to know that I would just as soon chuck her f.u.c.k of a mother out a d.a.m.n window.
Before I could answer her though, Zania opened her mouth and risked f.u.c.king life and limb.
"We can stay at the motel." She started her s.h.i.+t, but if she knew what was good for her, she would shut the f.u.c.k up.
"Are you referring to that delightful place I took you from? You must be mistaken. Are you implying that I would allow you to take my child to such a place?"
I tried to keep the venom out of my voice and temper my words for the child"s sake, but she was too f.u.c.king much.
"You"re free to stay wherever you choose of course, but Mia stays with me in my home." The look I gave her warned her to keep her f.u.c.king mouth shut and she had the good sense to comply.
"Yes Mia, mommy will be staying with us as well." I worded it that way purposely so she"d know what she had to look forward to.
From now on I will be the one in charge where our daughter was concerned. She was just along at my sufferance, which was going to be very short lived if she didn"t stop getting on my f.u.c.king nerves with her opinions.
I held and whispered to my daughter until she drifted off again. I could"ve put her in the bedroom on the jet, but I wasn"t quite ready to part with her yet.
I liked the weight of her warm little body cuddled on my lap. I looked down at her little head and that face so like mine.
I wasn"t a father twenty-four hours yet, and already I was consumed with love for her. Where I"d once come to believe that I would never own that emotion again, I was suddenly overwhelmed by it.
I had the wayward thought that this was an entirely different kind of love to the one I"d once borne her mother, but I brushed that aside. I had no interest in revisiting the scene of my perfidy.
I made sure that she was really asleep before addressing her mother. My emotions were all over the place and I felt like my head would explode.
I needed to lash out at someone or something, and since she was the one responsible, I think it only fair that she bear the brunt of that s.h.i.+t.
"I think it only fair to warn you, as soon as I"ve had the test done and all that I need to do for her out of the way, I"m contacting a lawyer. I"m going to take my child away from you."
Fair my a.s.s. I was out to crush her in anyway possible, starting now. Hateful and petty yes, but she had to know out the gate that she was not going to get over on me again.
"You"re not taking her back to that hovel. You might have spurned me, and what I had to offer, but she is mine, she stays."
I could tell that my words had thrown her, but what the f.u.c.k did she expect? Had she really believed it would be that easy? f.u.c.k that.
"You can"t do that, I didn"t come looking for you so you could steal my child."
"Keep your f.u.c.king voice down. And yes I can and I will. And think about this, no judge in their right mind will give a child in her condition to an obviously unfit mother."
I had no way of knowing if she were unfit or not, other than the fact that she would rather raise my kid in poverty than allow me to provide for her.
The thought of how much she must actually hate me to have done such a thing made me see red. "Have you any idea how much I despise you?" f.u.c.k I"m repeating myself, this b.i.t.c.h was in more danger than even I had expected.
She sat back in her seat and feigned an interest in the view outside the window, while new rage burned just beneath the surface of my skin, and threatened to overflow.
I satisfied myself with the knowledge that my daughter was here now, and that I had the means to take care of her.
My heart grew heavy at the thought of all she would endure. From what little the doctor had had time to tell me, it was going to be a grueling few weeks ahead, but at least there was hope.
I didn"t dwell too long on the fact that the only reason I was even holding my little girl right now is because she might need a part of me to survive, that her mother most likely had never had any plans on contacting me ever with the news of my fatherhood.
"Tomorrow, I go for my tests. If they don"t have to keep Mia overnight, you two will stay home until I return. You are not allowed to take her anywhere without me. I will hire someone to make sure of that."
I smirked at her as she fidgeted in her seat. There was some of that old fire in her eyes from before, that fiery pa.s.sion that she"d always tried to hide from the world, that I was always able to draw out of her once I had her beneath me.
My c.o.c.k throbbed and I hated her for it. How could she still have any kind of a hold on me after all this? I looked away from her and held my daughter closer.
She was all that was important now, nothing else mattered but getting her well and then making sure she had the best life I could provide. Hopefully it will erase the horror of her first five years of life.
I begrudgingly admitted to myself however that she didn"t seem any worst for wear having been raised as she had been. She seemed a happy enough kid, even with a debilitating illness eating away at her.
I kissed her soft little head as I made a promise in my head and heart. "Daddy will always take care of you little one, always."
I didn"t let myself think about what could go wrong, didn"t dwell on the negative. In a year or so I will look back on the situation and sweat, but right now there was no time for that.
Zania"s stomach growled, drawing my attention to her and of course she was embarra.s.sed.
"When is the last time you"ve eaten?" She looked beaten down and worn as she sat huddled in the seat across from me. The old coat she wore looked like it was a couple sizes too big and should"ve been tossed a couple decades ago.
"Yesterday sometime I think." Why that should p.i.s.s me off I don"t know, but it did. "How can you take care of her if you"re not well?" The words came out harsh and accusatory and she flinched.
"There wasn"t much time. After they told me that I wasn"t a match I...I could only focus on getting here and finding you. There was no time to spare."
"Bulls.h.i.+t, you could"ve grabbed a sandwich or something. If you get ill, faint, or any of that other s.h.i.+t that females do, I will step right over you. My only interest is in her, so I would look after myself while you"re here if I were you."
She bit her lip and looked close to tears again. I wish I could ease up, but the anger was too fresh, too new and there was a f.u.c.k load of it.
Her face was still a little red where I"d hit her before and I felt a little sick to my stomach that I had done that, but I soon brushed that aside as well. She deserved worst for what the f.u.c.k she had done.
"I hope you made arrangements to be here for the long haul because she"s going to need you..."
"I might have to go back and forth, my job."
"Quit." She looked at me open mouthed.
"I can"t just quit, I need that job, we need that money and the insurance and...."
"Right now she needs you, nothing else matters. You will be here every second until she"s well again. After that you can join a caravan for all I give a f.u.c.k, but until she"s out of the woods, your place is here.
Trust me, I wish it could be different, but this isn"t about what you or I want, it"s about her."
Yes, that fire was still there no matter how much she tried to control herself. If she could, she would spit in my eye for sure, but too bad for her I had the upper hand this time and I planned to keep it.
I didn"t miss the folded fists and the set to her mouth, neither of which fazed me one f.u.c.king bit. She must be mad to think that she still had any say.
"Look, if we"re going to do this we have to be at least civil to each other for her sake. This fighting and animosity isn"t good for her and...."
"Shut...the f.u.c.k...up." Was she really about to give me advice? I think she"d fallen and hit her head sometime in the last six years that she"d been away from me.
She knew very well how I dealt with my enemies. She"d seen me in action more than once during our ill-fated union.
She couldn"t possibly see herself as anything but my enemy now; so she should know not to expect any quarter from me. Nothing but her blood in my teeth will do to satisfy me.
"You seem to be operating under the delusion that I give a f.u.c.k what you think so let me disannul you of that notion once and for all so there are no more mix-ups in the future.