a.s.shole.Traitor.
Liar.
Cheater.
Sociopath.
Sc.u.mbag.
All words that I"ve become familiar with over the years. Words I"ve come to accept without any sort of reluctance or disdain. In fact, I considered them badges of honor; t.i.tles I"ve been granted for the poor conduct I"ve demonstrated throughout my lifetime. With each new name I received, I wore it with pride like armor, and treated them as if I"d been named the King of my trade.
What trade you might ask?
Well…a.s.shole-ery.
Not a real word, but I like the way it sounds.
It"s probably obvious, but I don"t exactly think like the average person. Something I"ve been called out on in the past, and something I never sought to correct. I never saw the need to, and never truly desired for it.
I mean, why would anyone stop doing what they love?
*SMACK*
"The f.u.c.k is wrong with you?"
A lot of things were wrong with me; there still are. In fact, I"ve only grown worse if I were forced to admit.
But, I digress.
"What kind of friend are you? Who does this s.h.i.t?!"
To answer simply: A bad one
If I were any average person, I"d feel pretty guilty right now. Standing before me was a friend whom I"ve known since I could even wrap my head around my surroundings. Someone who"s been with me through thick and thin.
Someone who"s had my back no matter what happened; whether it was my fault or not. Someone who could still call me a friend despite all my shortcomings. Which was a LOT, by the way. I"ve probably broken every one of the 10 commandments except the fifth; I never killed anyone.
Not physically, at least.
Not yet.
*Shove*
"f.u.c.kin" answer me!"
I probably should"ve. Maybe I could"ve avoided what was to come. Unfortunately, I felt no remorse or regret.
In fact…
I smiled.
"…"
He hated that; understandably so.
His furrowed brows and visible vein on his forehead told a tale that didn"t need words to describe.
But to sum it up: He was furious.
"…nothing? You"ve got nothing to say to me?"
His fists clenched with palpable rage. The tension in his words were wrought with unreleased anger, ready to unleash a verbal h.e.l.l should I try to explain myself.
I opted silence.
"You knew," he continued. " You knew I loved her."
He was silent for a moment. His look of rage began to recede into one of distraught pain.
"…just…how could you? I shared EVERYTHING with you, Julius! I told you how happy she made me…The things I would do to even get the chance to be with her. How excited I was to finally marry her."
"Her eyes. Her laugh. Her Smile," he paused, before smiling. "…G.o.d, her smile"
I imagine he began to recall a mental image of his love with every word he used to describe her. I could tell, because it was the first time he smiled since he began his tirade.
But that happiness was short lived, and was soon replaced with a mixed look of anger and despair. I also sensed something else in his eyes…a hint of madness.
I wish it was just my imagination.
"If I never saw that smile back then, I would"ve…would"ve…"
Died.
A sentence he left unfinished, because he"d told me before. He went through a lot of s.h.i.t in his life.
Parents divorced, abusive step-dad, mom pa.s.sing away; the works, and more. His story could be a drama novel by itself.
A living tragedy you could even call him.
His only beacon of light being myself and the love of his life. If it weren"t for our tag teamed efforts, he really would"ve killed himself. Many times over.
"…I should"ve known," he began. "I shouldn"t be surprised. You"ve always been pretty f.u.c.ked up, but you never showed that side to me."
"I covered your a.s.s so many times, even when I knew you were wrong. I did it because you saved my life…was it all a lie?"
No, it wasn"t.
Even now, I still view him as my best friend. But like he said, I was "f.u.c.ked up". It"s not something that can be put into words.
I"d been having an internal conflict with myself for a while. Do I choose my best friend whom I"ve known all my life? Or do I follow my desires and accept the inner sc.u.mbag I know I truly am?
It was obvious which side had won.
Any regrets?
…
None.
"…say something. Why did you do it? Why did you take her away from me? How could you f.u.c.k her in my own G.o.d d.a.m.n bed?!"
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I sighed.
"Nothing I say will be what you want to hear, Rich. If you really want to know, then I"ll be blunt."
I stood straight before him, with no hint of regret in my expression. Hesitance was for the weak.
"She doesn"t love you. She never did, Rich."
His expression began to twist again. I should"ve been bothered by this point, but I wasn"t.
I enjoyed it.
"It was pity. She knew you loved her and that we were your saving grace. She felt," I paused, trying to find the right words.
The right words that can make him understand.
The right words that can make him feel…
Broken.
"…hopeless," I continued. "Be honest, what would"ve happened if she said no? Was it even an option?"
He seemed like he was about to retort angrily, until his words seemed to stumble over themselves. It came out as nothing more than mumbo jumbo, until he just halted.
He couldn"t find the words to explain himself, because he knew he would"ve been so devastated by the rejection, he"d no longer be alive. His depression was at an all time high at that point, and his sudden confession to her came out of desperation.
An attempt to find some purpose in his life.
But in finding that purpose, another person had to suffer; his wife.
The realization must"ve hit him hard as the heat in his eyes began to shift to a simmer.
"It was always me, but you knew that. We all did, but we pretended to be blind…for your sake."
The rage returned quicker than a flicked switch. I could easily pick up that something is wrong with him.
The fluctuating emotions.
His abnormal twitching motions of his head and shoulders.
A dash of lunacy that seemed to dance in his eyes.
He spat, "Yea…its always been that way. No matter how s.h.i.tty your personality was, she still loved you."
His fists clenched, and his jaw tightened.
"You played with other people"s hearts, emotions, livelihoods…sanity."
His teeth began to grind.
"For what…I never truly understood. I never got why you did the things you did, nor did I get why you were still popular with guys and girls alike."
Blood dripped from his lip as one of his canines seemed to slip while grinding his teeth. The light injury was ignored, however, as he continued his speech.
"But I did see how you always smiled. You enjoyed it. The process, the result, all of it was a game to you, wasn"t it?"
…
"Was she a part of it? Do you-" he stopped. A look of horror began to dawn on his face.
"-wait. No- it can"t-"
His words stumbled again.
"You can"t be serious. Do you even love her? Did you ever?!"
That was easy to answer.
"No-"
A fist found its way smashing into my jaw, drawing blood and a couple of chipped teeth. The nerves in my mouth were screaming for help, but my mind was in euphoria.
I"ve never been a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. In fact, I"m the complete opposite. I would never usually let someone put their hands on me like that; they would sooner find their way into the hospital.
But this was the moment I lived for.
The moment a man becomes fractured beyond repair.
From the flesh of their body.
Down to the marrow of their bones.
Into their soul and very being of existence.
I wanted their all to experience the dark side of life. I wanted to be the herald of their demise. It granted me a sense of control and power that meager beatings and physical violence could never match. That was child"s play that could only serve as a snack, but never satiate my appet.i.te.
And this moment right here was the delicacy I"ll never be able to experience again. A once in a lifetime flavor of o.r.g.a.s.mic proportions where I betray my best friend from childhood.
I knew what I feel and do is wrong, but like an addiction, it got a hold of me. I did my best to resist the temptation to corrupt him over the years by finding other victims for my insanity. I knew a friend who was practically a brother to you should never have these thoughts. These societal norms were ingrained into my mind, yet my heart never cared.
But when the opportunity presents itself to you like a worm on a hook? I just bit into it by instinct like any unknowing fish. I understood the repercussions, but rather than feel guilt, I was relieved.
A betrayal beyond the scope of anything I"d done before, and likely wouldn"t be able to experience again.
I was elated.
"…you must think it"s funny; toying around with people without a care."
He spat on my face.
I just wiped my cheek while still giving him my full attention.
"You make me sick. What made you like this? How could you be so f.u.c.ked in the head?"
"I"ve always been this way," I said. "There"s never been a reason, Rich. There never will be a reason for what I do. I just do things."
He seemed at a loss for words; his sanity slowly dipping into the red.
"Do you enjoy it? Hurting people like this…betraying my trust, and using my wife."
His tone became darker.
"My Katherine."
The words were dipped with a poisonous edge with every syllable he sounded out.
"My Kitty. Our bestfriend…did you do all this for some sick satisfaction? Just to get a chubby?"
I paused.
I never did it to get a "chubby" per se, but I can"t deny that it does sometimes pop up as an added side effect.
Not that I ever complained.
Nor did Kitty.
"Yes."
There was silence.
"…I see."
…
He"s gone.
The friend I once knew was erased and I only felt proud that I was the one able to do it.
"…Julius. Close your eyes and clench your jaw."
I knew what was to come.
"If you were ever my friend, you"d stand there and let me blast you."
He was, and always will be.
I would not have held back for so long if he wasn"t.
But I was only human and had my limits. When your friend"s wife comes to you in tears, finally tired of lying to themselves about being happy. Well…
You just can"t refuse. At least, I didn"t.
For my own s.a.d.i.s.tic tendencies, of course, but her G.o.ddess-like body certainly made my decision even easier.
"…"
I complied with his demands. It was the least I could do. I knew what he wanted to do, and I"d come to terms with the consequences.
"…"
I waited for a few moments, before hearing a light clicking sound. It was only a second before-
"Guh!"
-I felt something sharp get lodged into my chest. Blood and bile spewed from my mouth as I opened my eyes to see Richard stabbing me with a switchblade with one hand while the other wrapped itself around me into a hug.
"…I"m sorry," he spoke; the tremor in his voice showed there was an internal battle between his anger and insanity, against his crippling guilt for stabbing me.
He really was kind.
"I can"t forgive you Julius. I feel…empty. I need help. Julius…why"d you do it, man? I needed you. I need Kitty."
His mad ramblings continued and slowly became lighter as I could feel an ever-present darkness begin to swallow my vision.
"Julius…Kitty…Please…someone help me…mom."
I should"ve been the one crying, but I didn"t. I smiled, because I knew he wouldn"t be the same after this.
"He might go on a killing spree after this."
"Maybe his first victim will be the one he loved."
These twisted thoughts littered my mind as I faded to black.