Taylor and I were cleaning our dishes from our late lunch the next day when the back door of the beach house opened and the boys" voices filled the house.
"Dec?" I called out, and waited until he came into view of the kitchen.
He was shirtless from his and Jentry"s run on the beach, and instead of appreciating the view in front of me, I tensed in preparation of seeing Jentry the same.
Declan"s green eyes brightened when he saw me, then searched the kitchen quickly. "What are you doing?"
My brow pinched. "Doing dishes . . ." I said, letting it sound like a question since it was obvious and he seemed confused by it.
"Did you eat?"
Taylor suddenly stopped cleaning the plate she was holding, and set it in the sink as she waited for me to answer. Her eyes bounced between Dec and me, then dropped to the floor. "So I"m pretty sure I have somewhere to be."
"No, you don"t," I argued.
"You ate? I thought we were going out to dinner." Jentry"s voice met us before he entered the kitchen, and my relief was minimal seeing him shrug into a shirt. Having him near at all was too much for me to handle.
"Didn"t your mom say anything when you pa.s.sed her on the back porch?" I laughed awkwardly when their silence gave me my answer, and hissed a curse at Taylor as she backed out of the kitchen with an apologetic expression. "Uh, it was kind of suggested that she wanted this to be a family weekend. A few times. Maybe more than that." I turned to set my drying towel down, and kept my eyes from Declan"s when I said, "Family dinner was emphasized enough times for us to understand that your mom didn"t want us to go. Not a big deal."
Declan"s face had fallen by the time I turned back around. When he finally spoke, his voice was a hard mixture of irritation and disbelief. "Are you f.u.c.king kidding me?"
His frustration surprised me, causing me to jerk back subtly. "Dec . . ."
"Did you remind her that you"re my girlfriend, and that this had originally been our weekend, not a family weekend?"
"It"s not a big deal. They want to have dinner with the two of you. Taylor and I will be fine."
He ran a hand through his hair, his movements jerky from his agitation. "You should have told her to get over it."
I blinked slowly as I tried to understand where this was all coming from, and reminded him, "Declan, she"s your mom!"
"Yeah, and I don"t know why you try so d.a.m.n hard to make her comfortable. The decorating, the cleaning . . . this. She"ll be fine if something isn"t exactly how she wants it just once, Rorie. She acts like this because you let her and never try to give her any resistance. Lately she acts like you aren"t f.u.c.king there because you"re always so embarra.s.sed around her now. She"d get over what happened if you"d just act normal around her."
"Dec."
My shocked gaze darted to Jentry at his small warning in time to see him shake his head once at Declan.
Declan looked like he was going to argue his point again, but closed his mouth tightly and turned to leave. "I"m going to take a shower."
I didn"t try to stop him. I was too embarra.s.sed and stunned to. We"d hadn"t brought up the way Linda hardly acknowledged my presence ever since that day she"d walked in and heard me moaning and screaming Declan"s name. I"d figured it was because her reaction was understandable, all things considering. I hadn"t known that Declan thought I was causing it. And he"d never mentioned the cleaning or the decorating. He"d never even shown a hint of annoyance over it until then.
My body sagged when I heard the bedroom door slam shut.
"Want to clue me in?" Jentry asked.
I glanced at him but didn"t respond as I turned to walk back to the sink.
It was the first time he"d spoken directly to me since our run-in late last night, and no matter how much my body ached in protest that I was walking the wrong way-that I needed to go toward him-I didn"t want to face him.
Not after the things he"d said to me the night before. Not after being humiliated in front of him by Declan. Besides, I didn"t even know the answer to his question.
I"d just reached for the plate Taylor had put in the sink when I heard the same bedroom door fling open, and seconds later Declan came storming through the house and out onto the back porch.
Where his parents still were.
"Oh no," I breathed. My stomach fell and I rushed through the kitchen to stop him, but Jentry wrapped his arms around me to stop me. "No, let go!"
Jentry"s voice was calm and sure. "Let him do this."
"But it"s nothing. It"s just dinner!"
"Declan doesn"t get mad. I don"t know what"s been going on between you and Mom, but if it"s gotten to this point, then he needs to do this."
"Nothing. There"s nothing going on." I pushed against Jentry"s chest but quickly gave up as the short burst of adrenaline left me. "I don"t want this," I said softly.
"What?"
I looked into Jentry"s dark eyes, and for a second I was in a dark room again. I wanted it-I wanted that room, I wanted that night. The way my breaths deepened and my fingers curled against his chest in that one second proved that I would never be able to get away from that night or this wanting.
Declan. My hands flattened against his chest, and I shoved. "What do you mean, what?"
"You said you don"t want this," he reminded me, but his dark eyes were still piercing mine, and though I was shouting Declan"s name in my head, the small s.p.a.ce between Jentry and me came alive, and slowly got smaller.
"I don"t," I agreed, the words sounding like a lie.
Jentry"s brows pinched together for a few moments before relaxing as his eyes dipped to my mouth. "What are we talking about, Aurora?"
I wasn"t sure anymore. All I knew was this, this energy that flowed between us, and the memories of us together-the ones that begged to be repeated-that couldn"t. I shook my head slowly. "I can"t do this. I can"t be near you. I"m with him, Jentry."
One arm released me, only for his fingers to trail from my jaw to my throat in a slow, torturous dance across my skin.
I trembled beneath his touch and exhaled breathily, a plea for more from him-anything-on my lips. One touch and I was already quickly losing all control to him, and G.o.d I wanted to.
"You were mine first," he murmured gravelly. His head dropped toward mine as he tilted mine back with his hand twisted in my hair almost painfully.
Hard and soft, everything I"d been cravi-Declan, Declan, Declan! "I was never yours," I whispered just before his lips could touch mine.
Jentry"s features hardened, and this time when I pushed, he didn"t try to keep me there. He ran his hands over his face and took a few steps away from me until he b.u.mped into a wall. When he dropped his hands and opened his eyes, the indecision I felt coursing through my own body was playing out on his face.
Guilt for what we"d done and what I still felt. Love for the man outside. And a soul-deep longing for the one in front of me.
"A night?" I asked, bringing up our conversation from last night.
His dark eyes flashed. "You and I both know it wasn"t just a night, Aurora. We knew it then, too. And that one night with you will never be enough."
Never . . . "But it has to be," I whispered, and turned to escape his stare though my soul screamed for more of his touch.
I jerked farther away from Jentry when the back door opened, and looked up to watch Declan walk in. I focused on him and the way my heart fell into a familiar flutter when I looked at him, and tried to rein in everything that was pouring from me, and everything that I knew I couldn"t feel anymore.
Shouldn"t.
Because it wasn"t for the man I was staring at, and although I shied from the realization, I knew I was incapable of ever feeling something as strong as this for anyone else. And no matter how hard I"d tried, the emotions that were spiraling through me could never be forced to fit my relationship with Declan. Not when they"d been created from another man"s touch.
"What exactly did Mom say?" Declan asked as he closed the distance between us. He stopped on the other side of the counter and folded his arms over his chest, exhaustion etched in the set of his face and his stance.
My shoulders sank. "I don"t want to go over-"
His eyes slid shut and he mumbled, "Please, Rorie, don"t do this right now. I need to know exactly how she said it in that conversation."
I was shaking my head and kicking myself for ever saying anything in the first place. "Decl-"
"Rorie," he pleaded again.
I chewed on my bottom lip, and finally told him: "She just kept saying that family time was so important, and that some people should understand that. That it was for family, and family dinners, and that some people should consider that some families have been separated for a while and haven"t been able to have family dinners. It wasn"t one conversation; she just kept dropping hints."
"Mom said-" Declan began, then stopped and shook his head, like he wasn"t sure if he should continue or not. "Mom admitted to saying something close to that, and said that it was in response to you saying you didn"t think Jentry should go to the family dinner tonight."
"What? No!" I dared a glance to Jentry"s unreadable expression before looking back at Declan. "I wouldn"t . . . why would I even say something like that? I didn"t even think of it as a family dinner until your mom kept saying it! And why would I think Taylor and I would be allowed to one, but not your brother?"
"I don"t know, Rorie. Did you ever say anything about Jentry when you were talking to her?"
I thought for a few seconds as my head shook. "No!"
Jentry folded his arms over his chest as he watched Declan for more to his explanation, but Declan just sighed. His body looked weighed down.
After a few moments, Declan asked, "Is it possible that you both thought the other was talking about something else?"
My heart sank when I realized that he didn"t believe me. The small distance he"d put between us in this conversation suddenly felt immense and significant. As much as I wanted to defend myself, I didn"t know how to anymore. I"d felt humiliated before, but this was worse.
"Yeah," I said quietly. "Of course. I was, um, I was also talking to Taylor, so I was distracted. I probably just heard her wrong."
Declan only nodded in acknowledgment as I took a step. And another. And then another. Each step steadier than the last until I was walking from the kitchen toward the room Taylor was staying in. But when I heard her talking behind the closed door of her room, I turned back around and walked to the front door, and slipped out of the house.
Jentry
"s.h.i.t." Declan groaned and dragged his hands through his hair when the front door shut.
"Wow," I said with a huff.
"Don"t," he warned as he dropped his face into his hand. "Rorie will do anything as long as it makes Mom happy, and one of these days it"s gonna make me lose my d.a.m.n mind. And then Mom walked in on us the day we moved in together, and now half the time she pretends Rorie isn"t even there."
I kept my face blank though jealousy and my irritation with him were making it hard to remain calm. "Do you believe Mom?"
He exhaled heavily and let the hand covering his face drop. "I don"t know, man. Mom seemed really surprised and upset when I confronted her."
I nodded in understanding. Mom was a horrible liar. But what Mom had said didn"t make sense, and there was no mistaking the shock or hurt that radiated from Aurora when she realized that Declan didn"t believe her. My tone dropped dangerously low when I said, "So you think Rorie would say that s.h.i.t about me."
"No, did you not hear me? If she tries so d.a.m.n hard to get Mom"s approval, she wouldn"t do anything to p.i.s.s her off. Besides, she"s too nice to say something like that."
I gave him a few seconds to see if he would continue. When he didn"t, I asked, "I heard you, but did you hear you? You more or less told your girl that whatever is going on between her and Mom is her fault." My girl. My girl.
He tensed, and for a second I wondered if I"d said that out loud until Declan shook his head. "No, I didn"t."
"And f.u.c.k whatever"s happening between her and Mom," I continued. "You were rude as s.h.i.t to Rorie, and that was long before you let her know that you were taking Mom"s word over hers."
He threw his arms out to the side and yelled, "What the h.e.l.l are you talking about? I never said anything about believing Mom over her!"
My chest moved with a silent laugh, and my eyebrows rose. "You implied it. The entire time you sounded like you were accusing Rorie of something, and then came up with the bulls.h.i.t of their miscommunicating. And you and I both know what Mom"s saying happened doesn"t make sense." I pushed away from the wall I was up against and paused after taking a step away. "You can"t stop talking about how much you love her, but you sure as s.h.i.t don"t treat her like it." My hands clenched into fists, but I forced myself to walk away. I knew if I stayed I would let him know exactly why he didn"t deserve her.
Aurora
"Rorie . . ."
My heart took off in a familiar fluttering pattern at the sound of my name, but my hurt and embarra.s.sment kept me from turning to look at him, and kept me on my path. I didn"t know where I was going. I just needed to walk.
"Rorie, wait," Declan begged, his voice closer now. After another second, his hand clasped around my arm and pulled me around so I was facing him.
"What, Declan?" I tried to snap at him, but my voice came out as a plea. "What else do you want to tell me that you"ve been keeping from me?"
His face flashed with regret. "Rorie . . ."
"I don"t want to do this," I said immediately.
He hesitated, and a harsh breath left him as his expression drained.
"I don"t want to be constantly trying to get your mom to notice me or approve of the way our apartment looks or the way we live. And now to know how you feel about it, and to find out like that!" I cried, and gestured toward the beach house.
"What I said came out wrong," he said. "Came out so wrong. I"m still a little p.i.s.sed over what I found out last night, and I"m frustrated with my mom and was trying to figure out what actually happened, and I let it all get to me. I"m sorry I hurt you, I"m sorry I yelled at you, and I"m sorry if it seemed like I was siding with my mom over you. Rorie, you have to know that I would choose you every time."
"But I don"t want that," I nearly yelled. "I would never want you to have to choose one of us over the other! I don"t want you to ever fight with your family because of me."