Ah....I died.I don"t know how I know this, but I"m dead.
I"m in a dark s.p.a.ce that"s warm and comfortable unlike a bed. It makes no sense, I can only be dead.
How did I even die?
I can"t remember but that"s probably for the best. Maybe that"s what happens when you die, it gets blurred out. Because otherwise it would be too much, it would hurt too much.
It already hurts, it hurts so much. I don"t know what hurts more dying or being dead.Why did I say such things back then.?
d.a.m.n it why did I say all those things. "I want to die" I"m better off dead" "I should just-" d.a.m.n it d.a.m.n it d.a.m.n it!
It hurts. Now that I"m really dead, it really hurts so much.
In the end I wanted to live. I had a lot of problems, my life wasn"t easy....but still I wanted to live.
Mom, Dad, everyone....I"m sorry.
I am so sorry.
I don"t want to leave you all. I want to stay longer, do more, be more. I wanted to make more memories . I wanted to make you all happy...I wanted to live happily.
But I can"t anymore.
It"s all my fault. I don"t do it myself but I still died. I"m sorry, I"m so sorry.
There"s nothing I can do in this s.p.a.ce but cry, so that"s what I"m doing. Cry and scream and cry some more. In this dark safe s.p.a.ce I"ll cry out my regrets and then some, because it"s too late for regrets but I"m endlessly filled with them.
I cried and cried into the darkness yet nothing happened. I didn"t feel much better as I cry, it was just too much to hold in.
So this is what it"s like to die too soon, to die like I did. Full of regrets.
I cried even as I saw a light s.h.i.+ning in the distance. I cried as it got closer and closer, not because of fear but because I was just so d.a.m.ned sad.
So this is it?
No! I won"t accept it! I want to live! DO you hear me? I want to live!
A flash....and I"m gone...
...or am I?
It"s too bright, everything is too bright and too loud. It"s the complete opposite of the quite darkness I was in before. I can hear my own crying voice but amplified.
Everything is strange, scary and all too much. It"s awful.
"It"s a girl! A healthy girl!"
I hear shouting in an unfamiliar yet still understandable language.
"Deep breathes, you must keep going M" Lady!"
"She"s weak!"
"Prepare more hot water stat! We must prepare for the next one."
I hear a woman scream in excruciating pain and the rush of panic around me. I hear as those sounds m.u.f.fle as I get further and further away from the awful noise.
In a way I understand. Just like how I knew I was dead, I understand that I"ve been born again. I"m alive!
But I can"t stop crying, it hurts. Not so much physically, though all my senses do tingle uncomfortably. The pain I"m feeling is more mental, the regrets of all my life culminated.
I only stop and calm when grabbed by large steady hands. They"re rough, not exactly gentle but the stablest I"ve ever felt.
I can"t see clearly, everything is a blur. But it"s a man, that much I can tell from how he holds me and his general shape. He holds me calmly and for the moment I can stop the painful sobbing.
"Hmm"
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"Congratulations Master, your first grandchild."
"...I see."
"What is it?"
"You too huh...I thought I was the only one."
"Pardon me Great Lord, whatever do you mean?"
"It"s nothing, just..."
"Just?"
"She"s done this before. And she"s not happy about it."
"Pardon? What?"
"Haha very well then, I"ll allow it. While you are under my line your name shall be Rosalia."
"A name directly from you sir? My what a blessing!"
"A blessing? Ha, that"s will be up to you little one. Do your best then. It will be interesting if anything."
Those hands wrap me in something warm. It can"t compare to the dark but it was still good, comforting. Despite the sounds of screaming and rus.h.i.+ng people a sense of lulling peace compels me. As if something heavy has been crowned upon my head and eyes.
I may be imagining it as I fall asleep but it feels like gentle rocking, strong and steady.
I"m too tired from crying to consider the stranger"s words any further.
I just take them as truth, I am now Rosalia