INSPIRATIONAL MUSINGS

— Erma Bombeck

G.o.d ordained marriage for a purpose. A lot of people erroneously a.s.sume marriage is a creation of the society and it should be a contract instead of a covenant, well

that"s a big mistake in my opinion. Don"t worry I don"t wish to take you on a trip to Sunday school or a marriage counselling cla.s.s. Not atall.

We are going to be completely practical about this as much as we can. I am convinced that everyone should get married at some point if possible, I am using the word possible because a lot of people have ended up in violent relationships or traumatic ones because they wanted companionship at all cost, please I am not an advocate of marriage at all cost, I believe prayer solves all problems and so you should prayerfully get a partner, it"s a long journey that has to be embarked upon with caution and a large dose of wisdom. For your information, I will be spiritual on this particular topic more than others because I believe this journey is 75 percent spiritual and the remaining 25 percent is emotional, physical and intellectual shared in a flexible ratio depending on the nature of people involved.

That"s why I insist G.o.d is the Architect of the inst.i.tution, and if you don"t get the right design from Him from the first day, then you will get it all wrong altogether.
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Having said this, we have to go back to the essence of companionship. Loneliness is not a pleasant thing, the full effect of it might not be felt until you have moved down the ladder like four times and you no longer have who to relate with during those lonely moments except yourself. Let me explain that, life is designed in such a way that there"s a time for everything, a child must begin to crawl at some point except there"s a problem, after that the child will begin to walk, then run, after that the child will begin to talk, then go to school all the way to the university, work beckons just after, then this is the crucial point, this is the point at which we peep deeper into the topic of the day, you see there might be a few years between the start of work and marriage, some don"t even get to work before they go into marriage.

This period is very crucial for two reasons: Firstly, this period is the time of freedom for both s.e.xes. These days, unlike before that women used to stay with their parents till they get married, women now tend to live alone in a city different from where they grew up, particularly in Nigeria because of the National Youth Service Corps where they probably had been posted to another state to serve their motherland, several stay back in those places especially the urban areas to get a job and start a new life. So they end up staying with friends, or alone, or with a cousin or a work mate. Whatever it is, there is some measure of freedom for a working cla.s.s lady before asuitor comes calling nowadays.

The same for the men, the parents don"t need to worry about how long he"s going to be staying at home after school because it"s even important he quickly gets out of the house after university so he can get a job and begin to take care of his parents and younger ones, although that"s not the case for some who have comfortable parents, but they just need to get out of the house because its no longer fashionable to stay under the same roof with your parents after graduation from the university these days.

Secondly, it plays in a way that a well-paying job offer gets on the table immediately for either of the s.e.xes or it might take a longer period, this affects the women more because most men marry eventually whether they do so quickly or much later, money most times is the hindrance for men to get married when they ought to. For them money determines most things. The sooner they get it the quicker they settle down because men in their mid and late twenties seem to always be in one relationship or the other, it"s the same relationship they nurture all the way to marriage in many cases. For the women who get a good job almost immediately, they first do everything to keep the job, they stay focussed on the job, some find love on the job, some were already in a relationship with a guy with humble means, the lure of men synonymous with their new found status break those relationships more often than not. For the ones who weren"t lucky to get a job quickly, temptations of different types abound. In it all, a woman needs a lot of focus at this time to get involved in a steady relationship that will end up in marriage, failure to manage this crucial period well results to many heartbreaks and setbacks which could lead to loneliness for a long period.

I wrote about the ladder theory the other time, that is how someone without a companion slips into loneliness unknowingly.

At this crucial period if one has no partner or suitor, after a while you will notice that the people of your age start getting married, I am talking about women now, after the first set, the next set who probably are younger with a 1-5 year margin follow suit, the third set of 5-10 year margin are next, what begins to happen is that most of the people you normally relate with are all married, and because married people prefer to relate with married ones, it"s a natural law for birds of the same feather to flock since their challenges are similar, you will lose your friends faster than you envisaged. Because of this, most people withdraw into their sh.e.l.l because they woke up one morning and found out all their friends are gone and they can"t keep descending the ladder to look for new and younger friends.

To end this, I implore everyone out there especially the ones currently within the age bracket I described here to not set their target too high as regards a future partner, marriage is mostly about friendship, understanding and honesty. If you marry your friend you will be happy forever. This should guide you in your choice of partner. You also must have a realistic and clear picture of who you want to marry in mind, understanding that no one is perfect. For the ones who feel they have stayed without a partner for too long, I believe everything is possible if you don"t give up, if you really desire a partner you will get one through prayers and open mindedness. It is not good to be lonely, and the worst thing about it is how it isolates one. I wish that you ignore the voices that are saying its cool to be by yourself, when the pain of loneliness sets in they won"t be there to ease the pain.

Also, for the ones in marriage already struggling to find happiness I hope you put in everything to make your marriage work, a broken home breaks the child, there"s a role for every parent to play in the development of a child, your children shouldn"t be denied that opportunity. Companionship will always be better than loneliness, fight for it, stay in it, every good thing requires a measure of fight to hold on to or to get. Never be deceived.