_He:_ "But I"ve known cases of love in a four-room flat, with steam-heat and all improvements."
SYMPATHY
_The Tabby-Cat:_ "I am just heart-broken! I had six of the loveliest kittens, and they went and gave one away!"
_The Parrot:_ "Wasn"t it too bad of them--to go and break the set?"
POPULAR OPINION
_First Burglar:_ "Say, Bill, de doctor what fixed de leg I broke doin"
dat second-story job didn"t do a t"ing but soak me fifty plunks!"
_Second Burglar:_ "Oh, say, wasn"t that robbery?"
MORE OPPORTUNITY
_The Wife:_ "Really, my dear, you are awfully extravagant. Our neighbor, Mr. Flint, is just twice as self-denying as you are."
_The Husband:_ "But he has just twice as much money to be self-denying with."
"Jacky, dear, your hands are frightfully dirty."
"Not "frightfully," mummy. A lot of that"s shading."
_The Ant:_ "Well, we"ve struck!"
_The Gnat:_ "What for?"
_The Ant:_ "Longer hours."
_Effie:_ "George and I have been down-stairs in the dining-room, Mr.
Mitcham. We"ve been playing Husband and Wife!"
_Mr. Mitcham:_ "How did you do that, my dear?"
_Effie:_ "Why, Georgy sat at one end of the table, and I sat at the other; and Georgy said, "This food isn"t fit to eat!" and I said, "It"s all you"ll get!" and Georgy said, "d.a.m.n!" and I got up and left the room!"
NOT WHAT SHE MEANT
_She:_ "I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance of their becoming reconciled?"
_He:_ "Oh, they seem to be _quite_ reconciled."
_He:_ "By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion when I made such an awful a.s.s of myself?"
_She:_ "Which?"
_Jones_ (_who is of an inquiring mind_): "Ain"t you getting _tired_ of hearing people say, "That is the beautiful Miss Belsize!"?"
_Miss Belsize_ (_a professional beauty_): "Oh, no. I"m getting tired of hearing people say, "Is _that_ the beautiful Miss Belsize?""
_Mrs. Montague Smart_ (_suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened his lips since he was introduced to her a quarter of an hour ago_): "And now let us talk of something else!"
_Mamma:_ "It"s very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to supper?"
_Fair Debutante_ (_who has a fine healthy appet.i.te_): "Oh, yes, Mamma--several people!"
_Guest:_ "Well, good-bye, Old Man!--and you"ve really got a very nice little place here!"
_Host:_ "Yes; but it"s rather bare, just now. I hope the trees will have grown a good bit before you"re back, Old Man!"
_She:_ "No! I can"t give you another dance. But I"ll introduce you to the prettiest girl in the room!"
_He:_ "But I don"t _want_ to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.
I want to dance with _you_!"
"I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One word more and I--I withdraw my overdraft."