"_March 22...._ As I left church, Mrs. James Freeman Clarke stopped me, took both of my hands in hers and said she was sure that the world was better for my having been in it. This from so undemonstrative a person moved me a good deal and consoled me somewhat for my poor deserts and performances in the past--a burden which often weighs heavily upon me...."
"_April 2._ Conservatory of Music, 3 P.M. I went in fear and trembling with a violent bronchial cold and cough, in a miserable storm. I prayed all the way there that I might be pleasant in my demeanor, and I think that I was, for my trouble at having to run such a risk soon went out of my mind, and I enjoyed the occasion very much; especially meeting pupils from so many distant States, and one or two from Canada."
"_April 8...._ I asked in my prayer this morning, feeling miserably dull and weak, that some deed of help and love might be given me to accomplish to-day. At noon came three gentlemen, Hagop Bogigian, Mr.
Blanchard, and Mr. Breed, of Lynn, praying me to make an appeal to the women of America for their Armenian sisters, who are destroying themselves in many instances to avoid Turkish outrage. The funds subscribed for relief are exhausted and some new stimulus to rouse the public is much needed.... I felt that I had had an answer to my prayer...."
_To Maud_
241 BEACON STREET, April 18, 1896.
... Let me tell you now, lest you should hear of it in some other way, that I was urged to go to England this summer to intercede with Queen Victoria for the Armenians. I thought of it, but the plan seemed to me chimerical and futile. I still have them and the Cretans greatly at heart, but I don"t think I could do any good in the way just mentioned.
I should have been glad to make a great sacrifice for these persecuted people, but common sense must be adhered to, in all circ.u.mstances....
_To the same_
241 BEACON STREET, April 18, 1896.
... If you go to Russia, be careful to go as Mrs. John Elliott, not as Maud Howe Elliott. Your name is probably known there as one of the friends of "Free Russia," and you might be subjected to some annoyance in consequence. You had better make acquaintance with our minister, whoever he may be. The Russians seem now to have joined hands with the Turks. If the American missionaries can only be got rid of, Russia, it is said, will take Armenia under her so-called protection, and will compel all Christians to join the Greek Church. There is so much spying in Russia that you will have to be very careful what you talk about. I rather hope you will not go, for a dynamite country is especially dangerous in times of great public excitement, which the time of the coronation cannot fail to be....
"_April 20._ F. J. Garrison called and made me an offer, on the part of Houghton, Mifflin & Company, that they should publish my "Reminiscences."... I accepted, but named a year as the shortest time possible for me to get such a book ready...."
As a matter of fact, it took three years for her to complete the "Reminiscences." During these years, while she made it her princ.i.p.al literary work, it still had to take its chance with the rest, to be laid down at the call of the hour and taken up again when the insistence of "screed" or poem was removed: this while in Boston or Newport. During the Roman winter, soon to be described, she wrote steadily day by day; but here she must still work at disadvantage, having no access to journals or papers, depending on memory alone.
"_May 7._ Question: Cannot we follow up the Parliament of Religions by a Pan-Christian a.s.sociation? I will try to write about this."
"_May 19._ Had sought much for light, or a leading thought about what I ought to do for Armenia.... Wrote fully to Senator h.o.a.r, asking his opinion about my going abroad and whether I could have any official support."
"_May 28._ Moral Education a.s.sociation, 10 A.M., Tremont Temple.
"I wish to record this thought which came to me on my birthday: As for individuals, no bettering of fortunes compares in importance with the bettering of character; so among nations, no extension of territory or aggregation of wealth equals in importance the fact of moral growth. So no national loss is to be deplored in comparison with loss of moral earnestness."
"_Oak Glen, June 30...._ Finished this afternoon my perusal of the "Memoir" of Mr. John Pickering. Felt myself really uplifted by it into an atmosphere of culture and scholarship, rarely attained even by the intelligent people whom we all know...."
"_July 12...._ I pray this morning for courage to undertake and fervor to accomplish something in behalf of Christian civilization against the tide of barbarism, which threatens to over-sweep it. This may be a magazine article; something, at any rate, which I shall try to write.
"1 P.M. Have made a pretty good beginning in this task, having writ nine pages of a screed under the heading: "Shall the frontier of Christendom be maintained and its domain extended?""
_To Maud_
OAK GLEN, July 18, 1896.
MY DARLING WANDERER,--
Here I am comfortably settled for the summer, bathed in greenery and good air. I had barely unpacked my books and papers when Daisy came out on horseback to insist upon my paying her a visit. I did this, and went to her on Wednesday, returning home on the following Monday. On the 4th of July I attended, by invitation, the meeting of the Cincinnati in the Old State House here. Cousin Nathanael Greene presided. Charles Howland Russell read aloud the Declaration of Independence. Governor Lippitt made an address in which he mentioned Governor Samuel Ward, my great-grandfather.... I have a good piano this year. We went on Monday last to see the furniture at Malbone, all of which has just been sold at auction. A good deal of it was very costly and some of it very handsome.... Apropos of worldly goods, Cornelius Vanderbilt has had a stroke.
_To Laura_
OAK GLEN, July 25, 1896.
Oh, yes! you now and then do lend me a daughter, and so you"d ought to.
Which, didn"t I profit by Alice"s visit? My good woman (as poor, dear ----used to say when she was in wrath), I should think so. Clear comfort the wretch was to me, wretch because she had such an old miserable to look after. I sometimes catch myself thinking that, however it may be with other families, your family, madam, came into this world for my especial pleasure and comfort. What do you think of this view? No matter what you think, dear, it won"t make any difference as to facts.... I miss even the youth in Alice"s voice. I would like, mum, if you please, mum, to enjoy about sixty years more of grandmotherhood, with fresh crops of grandchildren coming up at reasonable intervals. Our life here, this summer, is even unusually quiet. We have few visitors.... I am, as usual, well content with my books, and busy with my papers. Flossy reads aloud Green"s "History of the English People" about half an hour daily, after breakfast. The boys reluctantly submit to listen, fidgeting a good deal. It is less readable for youth than I supposed it to be. We play whist in the evening, and had a wood fire last evening, the weather being suddenly cold. I learned yesterday, from the ""Tiser," the death of Adolphe Mailliard [her brother-in-law] which has brought me many sober thoughts, despite the trifling tone of this letter. I had waked the day before, thinking that some one said to me "Mailliard is dying."
I recorded it in my Diary, but had no idea that I should so soon hear of it as a reality. What a chapter ends with him!
"_August 15._ To-day is mercifully cool. I have about finished my A.A.W.
screed, _D.G._ The great heats have affected me very much; my brain has been full of fever fancies and of nonsense. I prayed earnestly this morning that I might not survive my wits. I have great hope that I shall not...."
"_August 17._ Have read in Minot J. Savage"s "Four Great Questions," and in the long biography of my uncle, Rev. B. C. Cutler. His piety and faithfulness appear to me most edifying. His theology at the present time seems impossible. I am sorry that I saw so very little of him after my marriage, but he was disposed to consider me as one of the lost, and I could not have met him on any religious ground. I could do this better now, having learned something of the value which very erroneous opinions may have, when they serve, as in his case, to stimulate right effort and true feeling."
_To Laura_
OAK GLEN, August 21, 1896.
Being in a spleeny and uncomfortable mood to-day, what resource so legitimate as to betake myself to my own family? No particular reason for growling, growly so much the more. If I only had a good grievance now, how I would improve it! Well, you see, trouble is some of us have not any money to speak of, and in consequence we ain"t n.o.body, and so on. There I hear the voice of my little mother Laura, saying: "Well, well!" in her soothing way. The truth is, darling, that first I was roasted out, and then it "friz horrid," and my poor old "conshushion"
couldn"t quite stand it.... D" ye see? "Well, no," says Laura: "I don"t exactly see." Well, s"pose you don"t--what then? You sweetheart, this is just the way this old, unthankful sinner was taken, just now. But I"ve got bravely over it, and I submit to health, comfort, delightful books, young company and good friends. Edifying, ain"t it? ...
"_September 15._ In the cars, reading the Duke of Argyll"s fine opuscule, "Our [England"s] Responsibilities for Turkey," my heart was lifted up in agonized prayer. I said, "O G.o.d! give me a handwriting on the wall, that I may truly know what I can do for these people." And I resolved not to go back from the purpose which prompted this prayer.
"Arrived at St. John [New Brunswick] and was made very welcome.
Reception in the evening by the ladies of the Council. Speeches: Rev.
Mr. De Wars, Anglican minister, spoke of our taking A.A.W. to England. I wondered if this was my handwriting on the wall."
"_October 10._ Wheaton Seminary Club, Vendome. Reminiscences of Longfellow and Emerson.... As I was leaving one lady said to me, "Mrs.
Howe, you have shocked me very much, and I think that when you go to the other world, you will be sorry that you did not stay as you were,"
_i.e._, Orthodox instead of Unitarian. Miss Emerson apologized to me for this rather uncivil greeting. I feel sure that the lady misunderstood something in my lecture. What, I could not tell."
"_November 1._ The Communion service was very delightful. I prayed quite earnestly this morning that the dimness of sight, which has lately troubled me, might disappear. My eyes are really better to-day. I seemed at one moment during the service to see myself as a little child in the Heavenly Father"s Nursery, having played my naughty pranks (alas!) and left my tasks unperformed, but coming, as bedtime draws near, to kiss and be forgiven."
_To Maud_
ROKEBY, BARRYTOWN, N.Y., December 25, 1896.
MY OWN DEAREST,--
I am here according to promise to spend Christmas with Daisy.[119] I occupy Elizabeth Chanler"s room, beautifully adorned with hangings of poppy-colored silk.
[119] Mrs. Winthrop Chanler.
... All of us helped to dress the tree, which was really beautiful. The farm people came in at about six o"clock, also the old tutor, Bostwick, and the Armstrong cousins. After dinner, we had a fiddler in the hall.