"I walk out and see you fighting with Nix, bloodied nose and you tell me I shouldn"t be worried."
"It was nothing, darlin"."
"So you weren"t fighting over me?"
"No. Nix was being an a.s.s." Her brows rise calling bulls.h.i.t.
"I told you it was a bad idea to not go in. The clubhouse was trashed. They needed us." I know what she told me, but it didn"t matter. We both needed the last few days.
"Best three days of my life." I step up to her, and lightly push her shoulder.
"Yeah?" She falls back and smirks up at me, and I let it settle over me. This is what I need. Her playful, carefree, not worrying about club s.h.i.t.
"Especially when I made you come with my mouth." I lean over her, trailing kisses down her neck before settling my weight above her.
"Haven"t you had enough?" Her breath hitches as she tilts her head back allowing me more access.
"I don"t think I"ll ever have enough of you, darlin"," I admit, letting the truth fall between us. We haven"t said where this is going between us, but anyone can see this is moving hard and fast.
"You say that now, Beau." Sadness flicks in her eyes before disappearing just as fast. It"s not the first time it"s happened. At first I thought it was about Chad. But sometimes it"s like it"s bigger than that. Over the last few days, I"ve seen it more than I care to admit. I"ve asked her about it, but she just shuts right down.
"I"ll say it then too," I promise her, knowing more than anything it"s the truth. Yeah, it"s barely been a week of having her in my bed, but this here, whatever the f.u.c.k it is, is more. More than s.e.x. More than helping her with her ex. It is more than both of us. Sy was right that night at the hospital. She is dangerous. She has gotten under my skin and buried herself deep.
And I"m not sure I want her out.
No, I know I don"t want her out.
"So what do you think?" I ask Mackenzie a week later as she takes in our new venture. We"re in town at Missy"s Place, and I just revealed to her everything we have planned here.
"It"s amazing, Beau. I can"t believe you"re doing this." She spins, turning back to me. I don"t know why it bothers me to know what she thinks, but it does. As much as I"m doing this for Missy, I"m doing it for her too. For all the women like her.
"It"s something I"ve wanted to do for a long time." I shrug, as she steps into my s.p.a.ce.
"You"re incredible." She reaches up, places her hands around my neck, and pulls me down to her lips.
"One day you"re going to have to tell me Missy"s story," she whispers over my mouth and I can"t stop the tension tightening my stance.
"Not much to tell, darlin"." I press forward and deepen the kiss, stopping all talk of Missy. She knows my sister died. Knows her name is Missy. She just doesn"t know the story.
"You"re opening this place because of her, Beau. She"s your someone special." She reminds me of our past, and I"d be lying if I said the walls around my heart didn"t shatter just a bit at the mention of the conversation back in the hospital all those months ago. I remember the night. She asked me why I did this. Why I risked everything to save women. I wasn"t going to answer. I didn"t want to. But she was lying in that hospital bed. She had no one and I wanted her to know why, understand why she was important. The words fell out before I could put them back in. And then she gave me something no one has ever given me before.
Grace.
f.u.c.king grace.
This woman who I knew nothing about me, gave it to me, and f.u.c.k if I didn"t want to lie down in the bed with her and beg for more.
"No secret as to why I do any of this. Her a.s.shole husband killed her." I shake my head from all those thoughts, reach up, unclasp her hands from my neck then take a step back.
"It"s okay, Beau. I"m sure there"s more to her story, but you don"t have to talk about it with me." She"s not offended by my retreat. If anything, she"s composed, rea.s.suring.
"I"m not trying to hide it from you, darlin". Just don"t like to talk about it."
"Okay, honey," she whispers, and then diverts her gaze back to the main room. I"m a f.u.c.king a.s.shole, especially when she"s so f.u.c.king understanding, but I"m not getting into it with her today or here.
"Come on, I"ll show you the rooms." I take her hand and show her through to the rest of the house.
The shelter is big enough to accommodate ten residents with full staff at any one time. With twelve private bedrooms, large enough for mothers with children, two large communal dining rooms, and an industrial-size kitchen, they will have the privacy to come and go as they please, with the option to interact with anyone else in the house in the communal areas.
"You know, I wish I had this as an option." Mackenzie steps into one of the bedrooms and walks around.
"Wish you did too, darlin"." I watch her face as she takes in the room, running her hand along the freshly painted wall.
"I was lucky I had Heidi, and you." She looks up, and I take a moment to see how far she"s come. She"s no longer this jumpy, scared woman in fear of her life. She doesn"t let the past hold her back. She"s stronger, braver.
"You did good, Kenz. Even without all this." She shrugs, like the statement is questionable. But it"s not. She"s come so f.u.c.king far.
"Maybe, but I still wish I did some things differently. Wish I never went to her that night." She"s talking about Heidi.
"And who knows what would have happened to you then, darlin", if you didn"t get away."
"At least Heidi wouldn"t be missing, G.o.d knows where she is because of me, Beau." It"s the first time she has spoken about Heidi in a while. I don"t want to upset her, but maybe she"s willing to open up about it. She"s been so shut down, I don"t know where her head is at.
"We"ll find her, darlin"."
"I doubt it." She worries at her lip, and I wonder what the h.e.l.l that"s supposed to mean.
"I understand your doubt in the sheriff"s department, but I"ve told you before, Jackson is on our side."
"You"re right. I"m just over reacting. Heidi probably ran off and got married." She steps up to me, and wraps her arms around my middle. My arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her closer into me.
Her apprehension rings out loud and clear, and I understand it. After all, the last conversation she had with her friend wasn"t very comforting for her. I wish I could take it away. I wish I had more information to tell her, to ease the worry in her heart.
The truth is the chances of finding Heidi are slim. But I"m not telling Mackenzie that. She"s been through so much, has lost so much. If we discover she lost her friend, too, I don"t know if she will ever recover.
Not wanting to keep us in this moment, I don"t push the conversation anymore. "Come on, you"ve seen around. Let"s go." I take her hand in mine as we move back through the shelter to start locking up.
"We"re going home?" She reaches for her bag.
"No, we gotta head to the clubhouse. Our presence is needed."
"Great." She sighs but grins when I turn to look at her reaction. She acts like she"s uncomfortable around them, but we both know that"s not the case. She"s starting to become part of the family. The girls have accepted her into their fold, and once the guys find out I"ve claimed her as mine, it won"t be long till they"re giving her s.h.i.t over me.
"Don"t worry. It"s just a family BBQ," I tell her as I lead her out the same way we came in. I didn"t take her to last week"s one, after Nix specifically told me to; instead, I opted to keep her in my bed, nowhere near ready to share her.
"Maybe I should just hang back at home then." She tries to get out of it, but if I"m going, she"s coming. She"s family.
"Come on. The quicker we do this, the quicker I can have you back in my bed." Once out, I follow behind her pulling the door closed with me before grabbing the keys out of my pocket and locking up.
"I"m serious, Beau." I drape my arm around her shoulders and steer us back to my bike.
"And this is me showing you I haven"t had enough, darlin"." I won"t let her try to weasel her way out of it. Before she tries to fight it more, I take her bag and stash it in my saddlebag, plant her a.s.s on my bike, take my seat in front of her, and start it up. She stops her arguing, wraps her arms around my waist and molds her front to my back.
Just like that, she submits.
f.u.c.k me, could she be any more perfect?
Twenty-Three.
Mackenzie "Don"t accept a drink from anyone unless it"s from Jesse or any of his staff. And don"t leave the club," Beau reminds me of his rules while I get ready for my night out with the girls a couple of weeks later. I know he"s only looking out for me, and I appreciate it, but he needs to take a breather.
"Yes, Beau." I hold back my eye roll and step into one of my new dresses Kelly helped me pick out yesterday. It"s not my first rodeo with these ladies, but it is the first time without a tail.
"I"m not f.u.c.king messing around, darlin"."
"Beau, I"m not some eighteen-year-old girl who doesn"t know her surroundings. Do you think I"m naive? Zip me up?" I step up to my bed and turn my back for him to complete my request.
"Darlin", your crazy a.s.shole ex is still out there. You"re lucky I"m even letting you out of my sight." His fingers find the zipper and he pulls it up in a slow and deliberate pace that ends in a kiss on my exposed shoulder.
"He obviously isn"t coming back. It"s been over three months, or he would have by now. I"m sure we can relax a little more," I reply to his overprotectiveness. I hate that he"s still so wired when I"ve become complacent. Guilt continues to pester me. I have made him this way, asked him to be this person. And even though it hurts me now, there is no way I can undo it. Not now. Maybe with time, he too will let it go.
Then again, maybe not.
"Don"t f.u.c.k around with me on this, Mackenzie." He spins me back to face him. "I"m not relaxing until he"s found." His eyes hold on to mine and a wave of anxiety washes over me.
I wish it didn"t have to be like this.
"And if you never find him, Beau?" I croak, quickly clearing my throat.
"Then you"re stuck with me." His gaze leaves mine and travels down my body, and I"m thankful. I don"t know if I can hide my uneasiness any longer.
"f.u.c.k, this dress isn"t good, darlin"." I look down at my black figure-hugging, one-shoulder dress. I wasn"t too sure when Kelly showed me it on the hanger, but as soon as I stepped into it, I knew it was perfect.
"What"s wrong with it?"
"I"m f.u.c.king hard just with one look." He stands and steps in close to me so his erection sits against my stomach.
"I"m not changing." I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
"Didn"t ask you to." He trails his finger along the low dip of my cleavage. He"s right. He didn"t say anything about changing.
"But you want me to, right?" I remember all the times Chad asked me to change and dictated what I wore.
"I do, for my own selfish reasons. But I"m not gonna tell you to change." He steps out of my s.p.a.ce and sits back on the bed.
"Is this like some reverse psychology?" I question, not sure what he"s playing at.
"No darlin". I might not like the thought of some sleazy f.u.c.ker checking you out, but I"m not gonna tell you to change outfits to meet my wants or needs." He rests back against my headboard and crosses his feet at the ankles.
"You"re not?" I ask, watching him carefully.
"Not him, darlin". I might like to control you when I"m f.u.c.king you, but you"re your own woman. You wear what the f.u.c.k you want to wear. I"ll deal." I don"t say anything for a second, unsure how to respond. He"s right. He"s nothing like Chad. My mouth wants to blurt I love you, but my head forces it to shut up. Instead of talking, I spin and move to my dresser to finish my makeup.
The room stays quiet for a few minutes, the soft sounds of me searching around my makeup bag the only thing between us until Beau speaks again.
"So, who is going to this girls" night?" He changes the subject and I take a breath.
"Just Kadence, Holly, Kelly, Bell, oh and, Lissy." I lean close to the mirror and brush my eyelashes with mascara, trying to play it cool, but know I fail when his eyes catch my awkwardness.
"There a reason you just cringed saying her name?" My eyes find his again and I watch him raise a brow.
"Well, you know, because of your past together." I drop my mascara into my makeup bag and keep my gaze on myself. I"m not sure what I should tell him. Am I threatened by Lissy because she had s.e.x with Beau? Yes and no. The woman is stunning, at least ten years younger than me, and she"s seen Beau"s c.o.c.k.
Okay, who am I kidding? Yeah, I"m threatened by her.
"Come here, Mackenzie." His request is firm and leaves no room for me to argue. Placing my makeup brush down, I turn back and walk to him.
"You worried about Lissy?" He sits up and shifts to the side of the bed, pulling me to stand in front of him. I shrug my answer, not really sure if I do have a problem with Lissy personally or if it"s solely on what she represents.
"That"s not an answer, darlin"."
"Fine, I"ll be honest. I"m not comfortable knowing you"ve been with her. I"d prefer I didn"t have those images in my head," I concede, giving him the truth. I know he can"t help it. We both have our own pasts, mine colorful to say the least, but he doesn"t have to go out and pretend like it doesn"t bother him.
"Can"t change my past, Kenz. Been with a lot of women. Not gonna lie. But there"s only one of you."
"You tell those lines to all the girls, Beau?" I force myself not to roll my eyes at his smooth line or the b.u.t.terflies taking flight in my stomach.
"Never told a woman that line before, darlin"." I still and drop my smile. Something pa.s.ses between us before I realize he"s serious. "This isn"t just some f.u.c.k for me. I think I made it clear the first night I had you in my bed, darlin"." He did. I remember. But it still doesn"t stop the insecurity. What if it doesn"t work out? What if I can"t be who he needs me to be?
"And if I can"t be who you want me to be? I can"t give you everything you crave? Will I be enough then?" I lay it out quickly, needing to know.
"You think it"s a deal breaker?" His hands come to my waist and hold me in place.